Tragic Consequences
by Hannahfour
Summary: A day of fun at the lake goes horribly wrong. (This story takes place right after the story 'New Friends'.)
1. Chapter 1

It's cloudy out. Daytime, but it feels like night. It's dark everywhere I look, black dresses, black shoes, black hats. People are standing around with tears falling down. Holding the people next to them, leaning on shoulders, holding hands. Guthrie is next to me and I look closely at his face, wondering what he's thinking. He's staring straight ahead looking where everyone else is looking, listening to what everyone else is listening to. The voice.

I can't see the man speaking, but I can hear him. I try to find him, but people block my view. I can only hear him, him and the people crying softly around me.

I look at the coffin now, sitting there next to the hole in the ground, with flowers all around. I look at Guthrie again and he looks at me. The tears in his eyes make tears come to mine.

"I can't believe he's in there." He whispers.

I whisper back, "I want him to come back." I look back at the box, the big brown box. They're going to put him the ground, in that deep black hole. "Wake up," I whisper, "please just wake up."

Guthrie cries then, loud, and he can't stop. Brian is next to him and he kneels down and hugs Guthrie. He lets him cry on his shoulder. I turn to my other side where Crane is standing, and hug his leg. I cry like Guthrie is crying, I can't stop either. Crane picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck so I can cry on his shoulder.

I don't understand this. I don't understand any of this. How could this happen?

* * *

Days earlier...

Adam is driving us to school today. Not because he wants to, but because he has to. He has a meeting with the principal, Mr. Brick.

When we pull into the parking lot he finds a parking spot and parks. Guthrie climbs out first and yells bye before he runs off to the playground. Adam looks at me before we get out and asks me if I'm ready.

I stare at him because I'm not sure how to answer. My stomach hurts a little because I'm nervous. I'm not sure how mad Mr. Brick is going to be at me. "Adam? Do you think I'll get suspended?"

"I don't know. I hope not, but that's for him to decide. Do you remember what you're going to do?"

"Yes. Apologize."

"Without...?"

"Without complaining," I tell him.

"Right. If he yells at you...,"

"I know, _don't_ yell back."

"Right. And don't forget to listen. Don't start thinking about other stuff while he's talking to you."

"Ok."

"Ok, let's go."

"Ok, bye!" I scoot across the seat and get out on the passenger's side.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

I stop before I shut the door. "Out to the playground."

"No, you're coming with me to the office."

"Why? Your appointment isn't until _after_ the bell rings. Mr. Brick is _never_ in the office before the bell rings. He's always outside somewhere."

"You're coming with me."

"Please, can't I just play and come to the office when the bell rings? I want to find Denise." Denise is my best friend. We just became best friends again yesterday. We had a misunderstanding, and fixed it over the phone, so I really want to go see her now. We have a lot to talk about. "Please?" I ask again.

"No. You're coming with me to the office. Come on."

I sigh and shut the door to the truck, and run over to Adam to walk with him to the office. When we get across the parking lot Adam sees Mr. Miller and stops to talk to him.

"Adam, can I go play now?" I ask.

"No."

I stand next to Adam and look over at the playground. Everyone looks like they're having fun and I really, really want to go over there. I tap Adam on his arm and wait for him to look down at me. When he does I ask as nice as I can. "Adam, can I _please_ go play?"

"No. Go wait for me in the office." I start to open my mouth to complain, but Adam says, "go."

"Okay." I don't want to, but I will. I say goodbye to Mr. Miller and walk towards the office. Maybe Ms. Trent, the secretary, won't be busy and I can talk to her.

* * *

When I walk into the office Ms. Trent is standing at the counter talking to a parent.

Ms. Trent is Crane's girlfriend. Her name is Isabella, and I think she's beautiful. She looks like Cinderella to me and she's really nice. She's always smiling and happy. I wish Mr. Brick could be more like her. When Ms. Trent is finished talking to the parent she looks at me and smiles.

"Good morning Heidi."

"Hi."

"Are you here to talk to Mr. Brick about what happened yesterday?"

"Yes. Adam's here too, but he's outside talking to Mr. Miller right now. He said I couldn't go play and I had to wait in here for him. Do you want me to sit on the bench?" I hope she says no. It's just a bench in the office outside Mr. Brick's door, but it's a hard, wooden, bench that's really uncomfortable. Especially if you have to sit on it for a long time.

"No, you can stay right here and talk to me."

I smile at her. "Thanks." She's nice. Mr. Brick would've made me sit on the bench. "Isabella?" That's what kids call her when Mr. Brick isn't around, but I get to call her that when she's with Crane too. "I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday in the office."

"You were very angry yesterday. Crane told me what happened with Denise. Did you get to talk to her?"

"Yes, we talked on the phone yesterday and we're best friends again."

"Good."

The bell rings and Ms. Trent looks at the clock.

"Do you want me to sit on the bench now?" I ask her. "You probably have a lot of work to do."

"Why don't you help me. Mr. Brick won't be in for a few minutes."

"Okay!" I walk around the counter and follow her to her desk.

"I need to sort these." She picks up a stack of papers. "The pink ones go in this box, the blue in this box, and the yellow ones in this box." She points to three boxes sitting on the floor by her desk.

I take the stack of papers and start sorting. This is fun. I've never gotten to _help_ in the office before.

"Ms. Trent?"

"You can call me Isabella, Heidi."

"Isabella, how old are you?"

"Twenty-three."

"That's how old Crane is!"

"I know."

"Crane went to college. Did you go to college?"

"I went to a business college." I don't know what that means. She must know that because she says, "that's a special college that teaches people how to become a secretary or do other business jobs. I wanted to be a secretary, so I went there."

"Oh." I sort a few more papers. "Isabella? I'm glad you came to work at our school." She's new this year. "Our old secretary was kind of crabby sometimes and she never smiled. She wore these glasses that were on a chain around her neck, and she wore them right here on the tip of her nose, and they always slipped off so she had to keep putting them back on. _All_ the time! One day I asked her why she didn't just wear her glasses in front of her eyes like everybody else does."

"What did she say?"

"She told me to mind my own business."

Ms. Trent laughs.

"She said that to me a lot. She also said I ask too many questions. I'm glad she retired. I think if you're crabby at your job, and you're really, really old, you should retire."

"Well, I'm glad she retired too."

"You are? Why?"

"If she didn't retire, I wouldn't have this job, and I never would've met you," she says and she smiles her pretty smile.

"Or Craaaaaane," I say smiling back, and her cheeks turn pink. I look at the clock. "What's taking them so long? Shouldn't Mr. Brick be here by now?"

"Sometimes things come up unexpectedly that he has to take care of."

I sort more papers. "Where did you live before Murphys?" I know she's from somewhere around here because she went on a date with Brian once. They didn't go out again because he said she wasn't his type.

"I grew up in Oakdale, but my Grandma and Grandpa live in Sonora, so my Mom grew up there. We'd visit my grandparents a lot while I was growing up, so it was almost like Sonora was my second home. My Aunt and Uncle live here in Murphys and I live with them."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have two older sisters and both live in Sonora."

"Are they married?"

"Yes, and they have kids."

"Do you...," I stop talking because the office door opens and Adam and Mr. Brick walk in. Something tells me I should hand the stack of papers back to Ms. Trent and go sit on the bench.

I hand her the papers and Mr. Brick tells me and Adam to come into his office.

* * *

Mr. Brick's office is inside the main office. The walls are made up of big glass windows so you can always see inside. It has a regular door though. I wonder why it doesn't have a glass door, or why it even has a door if you can see through the walls. I follow Adam inside and Mr. Brick shuts the door.

Adam sits in one of the two chairs in front of Mr. Brick's desk and I sit in the other one that's closest to the door. When Mr. Brick sits down in his chair he looks at me and then at Adam.

Adam says, "before we start talking, Heidi has something she'd like to say."

I clear my throat and Mr. Brick looks at me. "I'm sorry I kicked you yesterday. I didn't mean to do that. My foot just sort of did it." He stares at me and I can't tell if he's mad. "I'm sorry I called you a bad word too. I meant to do that." I hear Adam clear his throat a little and Mr. Brick's face is starting to look mad. "Calling you a jerk wasn't working so I had to call you an a...," I look at Adam because I'm not sure if I should say the word.

He shakes his head no and says, "I think he remembers what the word is."

I look at Mr. Brick and say, "I'm sorry."

Now Mr. Brick starts to talk. "You know we don't tolerate swearing at this school. I think..,"

I'm trying my hardest to listen but I'm wondering who he means when he says, _we_? He's the boss, so isn't it just _him_ that doesn't tolerate it? What does tolerate mean? Tolerate. It must mean allow, and when he says _this school_, does he mean there are schools where swearing _is_ tolerated? Maybe I should ask. I look at him and he's still looking at me and talking, so I raise my hand.

Adam sighs and asks, "why are you raising your hand?"

"I have a question."

"Mr. Brick is talking now and you're supposed to be listening," he says and his eyes are glaring at me a little bit.

"But it's important. It's about what he's saying."

Mr. Brick sighs and says, "what?"

"Are there schools you can swear at?"

"What?" He asks.

Adam says, "Heidi! That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about right now!"

"Yes it does! Mr. Brick said..,"

"I know what Mr. Brick said. Why don't _you_ tell me what Mr. Brick said."

That's gonna be hard to do since I wasn't listening. "He said something about swearing." I stare at Mr. Brick.

"_What_ did I say about swearing?" He asks.

"Not to?" I hope that's a good answer, but I don't think it is because Mr. Brick's face is getting red, and that happens when he gets mad.

Adam says, "Heidi, you're supposed to be listening."

"I am. It's just hard to listen to _everything_. He just keeps talking and talking and talk...," I stop talking because Adam looks really mad right now. I put my head down and say quietly, "ok, I'll listen better."

Mr. Brick starts talking again and Adam says, "Heidi, you need to look at Mr. Brick when he's talking to you."

I look at Mr. Brick and he says something about what I did being really serious and then he says, "you have lost your recesses for the rest of this week, and all of next week. You will need to come to the office for every recess."

"_All_ of them?" I ask. Tears start forming in my eyes.

"Remember what we talked about Heidi?" Adam asks.

I look at Adam and nod my head. "But why _all_ of them? Why not just all my lunch recesses?"

Adam says, "because you did something wrong, and what you did was something very serious. This is worse than just talking back to your teacher."

"Can I _please_ have just _one_ recess a day?"

"No, you can't," Adam says.

"Why are you taking _his_ side?! What if Mr. Brick says I can?"

Adam starts to glare at me now. "Do you remember what we talked about?"

"No!"

"We said _no complaining_," he reminds me and he looks really serious.

"I'm not complaining! I'm just asking!" I start to cry.

"You're complaining."

I look down at the floor and wipe my eyes. "Can't I just be suspended instead?"

"No!" Both Adam and Mr. Brick say at the same time.

"But that's," I count on my fingers, "that's..., seven whole days!"

"That's how serious this is Heidi," Adam says. Mr. Brick starts talking again, but this time he's talking to Adam, so I don't have to listen.

_All_ my recesses? That's a lot! That means I won't get to play for a long time! I wish I never swore at Mr. Brick or kicked him. I wonder if it hurt when I kicked him.

"Do you have a bruise Mr. Brick?" I ask.

"What?" He asks me and he looks and sounds annoyed.

"Where I kicked you. Do you have a bruise?"

Adam glares me and they both ignore my question. I watch Mr. Brick listen to Adam now. Adam is telling Mr. Brick about what happened with that mean bully Gary. On Friday, Gary broke my Mother's Day present for Hannah. It was a flower pot I decorated and it had a pretty pink flower planted in it. My card for Hannah got ruined too. It looks like Mr. Brick is getting mad now because his face is turning redder as he hears about the little fight me, Gary and Guthrie had after Gary broke my flowerpot.

I'm bored now so I look around his desk and see a new picture frame on it. I scoot forward on my chair so I'm right at the edge of it to get a closer look at the picture. It's a picture of a baby. I wonder who the baby is. I turn the frame so I can see the picture all the way.

"What are you doing Heidi?" Adam asks. "Put that back."

"Who is this?" I ask Mr. Brick. He glares at me and Adam says, "that's none of your business. Put the picture back."

I do that while I ask, "is this your baby?"

"No," Mr. Brick says and then he starts talking to Adam again.

I didn't think it was his baby. Mr. Brick looks too old to have a baby. I think for a minute. Who could it be? Maybe it's his grandson. Maybe Mr. Brick is a grandpa. I wonder how old Mr. Brick is. I guess I'll just have to ask. "Mr. Brick?" I wait until he stops talking and looks at me. "How old are you?"

Mr. Brick looks mad and Adam takes one of my hands and holds it. He gives it a little squeeze and I look at him. Adam looks mad when he says, "that's none of your business. Stop interrupting."

When he doesn't let go of my hand, I try to take it away, but he won't let go. He just squeezes my hand tighter. It doesn't hurt, this is just something he does when he wants me to be quiet. I sigh and look at Mr. Brick's red face again. He doesn't look happy, he looks really mad and his voice is loud. He looks crabby. Hey, I know!

"Mr. Brick?" Adam squeezes my hand harder, but I ignore it. I look at Adam and say, "this is really important." Then I ask Mr. Brick, "are you going to retire?" Then I yell ow because Adam squeezes my hand really hard. I look at Adam and say, "I was talking to Ms. Trent and we both agreed, if you're crabby at your job, and you're old, you should retire." Then I look at Mr. Brick and say, "you're kind of crabby today, and I'm pretty sure you're old, so are you? Are you going to retire?"

Mr. Brick looks _really_ mad now and he yells, "no I'm not going to retire anytime soon!" I sigh and lean back in my chair all the way. Darn! Then he yells, "go wait outside on the bench!"

Adam looks super mad too. He lets go of my hand so I can get up and I leave the office. I close the door behind me and sit down on the bench. I sigh and look over at Ms. Trent. She looks at me and smiles.

"Guess what," I say sadly.

"What?"

"Mr. Brick isn't going to retire anytime soon."

"Oh."

"And guess what else."

"What?"

"I'm going to be spending all my recesses in here for the next seven days. _All_ of them! For the rest of this week and all of next week."

"Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, there's no school on Monday so it's only for six days." I wonder why there's no school on Monday. "Teacher work day," she says because I think she knows I don't remember.

Well, that's a little bit of good news. I like having a three-day weekend.

Mr. Brick's door opens and he walks out with Adam. Mr. Brick tells me to go to class and to come back to the office next recess. I put my head down and follow Adam outside.

Once the door is closed I start to cry. Adam crouches down in front of me and says, "what?"

"He took away _all_ my recesses."

"I know, and you deserve that. I'm glad you don't like it. Maybe you'll remember this the next time you think about swearing at Mr. Brick or kicking him."

"I will," I cry. "I'm sorry."

"Good." He hugs me until I finish crying and says, "go to class now. And Heidi?" I look at him and he says, "don't get in trouble today. Obey all the rules, because if you don't, there's really nothing else he can take away. That means he'll have to suspend you."

"And then you'll be even more disappointed in me," I say quietly. "Adam? That's a long time to stay out of trouble."

"I know, but you can do it." He stands up and gives me a quick hug. "Go to class now. I'll see you this afternoon." I walk to my class and he walks out to the parking lot.

* * *

It's not that hard to keep out of trouble today. Maybe that's because my teacher, Ms. Wilson, has been keeping me busy with make-up work. She let Denise help me too, so we get to talk. It's hard not being able to go play at recess though. Recess is my favorite part of school. At lunch recess I carry my lunch to the office.

Mr. Brick is always in the cafeteria at lunchtime, or out on the playground, so he won't be in here. Ms. Trent is sitting at her desk eating her lunch.

"Do you ever get I break?" I ask her as I sit down at the little table by the door. The little table is where kids have to sit if the have to eat lunch in the office, or if they get sent to do their work in the office. It's a small table with two chairs at it. That's all that will fit. I wonder what happens if three kids have to eat lunch in the office.

"Yes, I get a lunch break. Sometimes Mrs. Smith comes in so I can go to the teacher' room, but lots of times I like to work through lunch so I can leave earlier."

"Oh. Mr. Brick lets you leave early?"

"He lets me leave early on the days I work during lunch."

"He doesn't get mad at you?"

"What for? He says he knows I work hard, and as long as I get my work finished, I can leave early. It's not much earlier. I get to leave at three-thirty, instead of four. Mr. Brick is nice sometimes Heidi. Usually you don't get to see him that way because you only see him when you're in trouble."

"I don't know about that." I have a hard time picturing Mr. Brick as being nice. Oh well, I start to eat my lunch and realize I don't have any work to do when I'm finished. "Isabella? My teacher didn't give me any work to do."

"I'm sure I can find something for you to do," she says. She's always smiling. I like that.

I eat my lunch quietly because that's what you're supposed to do when you get sent to the office. Be quiet. But when I'm done eating I don't know what to do. Isabella is talking on the phone right now so I think about what I can do. I know! I could make Hannah a card! I wait for Ms. Trent to get off the phone.

"Isabella? Can I make a Mother's Day card for Hannah? You know, to replace the one that got ruined?"

"I think that would be a great idea! Let me get you some paper and markers."

She gets up from her desk and walks over to a small closet by the door. I look inside when she opens it. Wow! I've never seen so many pens, and pencils, and paper, and staplers, and scissors, and, there's so many things in there! "What's all that?!" I ask her.

"This?" She asks pointing inside the closet. "This is the supply closet. This is where teachers get office supplies from for their classrooms when they run out. It's even got markers," she holds a marker box up, "and construction paper." She holds a small stack of all different colors of construction paper.

"Wow!"

She brings the markers and paper over to me and says, "pick what color paper you want." I choose pink and she puts the rest back. Then she walks back to her desk because the phone is ringing.

I fold the paper in half and stare at it. Should I write Happy Mother's Day on it since it's not Mother's Day anymore? Or should I write something else? Maybe I should just draw a picture instead. No I'll write Happy Mother's Day. I do that with a red marker and then stare at it. Maybe I should write _late_ in between Happy and Mother's. I've seen birthday cards like that, when someone forgets somebody's birthday they write happy _late_ birthday. I write the word late. There. Now I can draw a picture inside and write something.

I decide to draw a picture of the flowerpot I made for her that Gary broke. I work really hard on that so it looks just like the pot I decorated. Then I draw a pretty pink flower in it. There. Now what should I write? I know, I'll write what I wrote in the card that got ruined. I pick up the red marker and write, "dear Hannah, thank you for taking care of me. I love you. Love, Heidi." I get up and take it to Ms. Trent.

"What do you think?" I ask her as I hold out the card for her to take.

She takes it and reads the cover and opens the card. Her smile gets real big when she sees what's inside. "I think," she says looking down at me and smiling, "Hannah's going to love it!"

"Yeah!" I hug her and she laughs and hands it back to me.

The bell rings so I say goodbye and hug the card to my chest. Hannah's gonna love it, and this time it's not gonna get ruined! I skip back to my class and pass by Mr. Brick. "Hi! See what I made for Hannah?" I hold the card up for a second and smile before I skip away. He looks at me a little funny. He doesn't look mad, but he's still not smiling. Oh well, I'm happy and that's all that matters!

* * *

At the last recess Ms. Trent lets me help her put letters into envelopes. She shows me how to fold them the right way and then how to lick the envelopes so you don't cut your tongue. She must of learned that at her business college. She says when you have a lot of envelopes to lick, sometimes you can cut your tongue because you're trying to lick too fast.

On the bus ride home I hold my red homework folder tightly to my chest. I'm not letting anything happen to the card inside it. When I get off the bus Guthrie is excited to tell me what his friends are planning this weekend.

"They're going to Camp Road!" He yells.

My brothers always go to Camp Road this time of year. It's a long road that follows along a branch of New Melones Lake. It's a big branch of the lake that tapers down so it's like a huge river across with lots of areas to have fun in. There's lots of trees all around and big rocks to jump off of. Lots of teenagers from Murphys, Angeles Camp, and Sonora go there to have fun. Kids bring inner tubes, ice chests full of sodas and food to eat. You have to carry it all in because it's about a thirty minute hike from the road, but it's worth it. The water is a little warmer now than in the springtime, and it's the perfect depth for jumping off rocks. If you go later in the summer, sometimes the water isn't deep enough to jump off the high rocks.

"Can I go with you? Please?"

"Sure. We just have to ask first."

Guthrie and I have been to Camp Road before, but we've never been allowed to jump off the high rocks before. Maybe this year we'll get to!

"I bet Daniel, Evan and Ford are going because some of the guys said their older brothers were going too," Guthrie says.

"Do you think Adam will let us jump off the rocks this year?"

"I don't know. I don't know if he'll let us go without him, Brian or Crane there, and they can't take us this Saturday because they've got to tag the calves."

Oh right. I forgot they were doing that on Saturday. I don't like being around when the cattle get tagged or branded. It makes me feel sad because I know it hurts them. "Guthrie! Look what I made for Hannah!" I take out the card and hand it to him. He stops to read it. When he doesn't say anything I ask, "do you like it?" I hope he says yes. He nods and hands it back to me. "How come you're not saying anything?" I ask.

"I don't know. What do you want me to say?"

I don't think he likes it. "I guess you don't have to say anything." I put the card back into my folder and turn onto our dirt driveway. It's not really a driveway, it's more like a dirt road and I start kicking at it while I walk. The dust rises up all around me so Guthrie walks faster to get away from it.

Adam's over by the barn and when he sees us he walks towards the house and waits for us by the fence in front. Guthrie's there first and he says something to Adam as he walks by. Adam walks towards me and meets me on the driveway. He walks along side of me.

"How was school?"

"Boring."

"Did you manage to stay out of trouble?"

"Yep." I keep my head down and kick at the dirt.

"What's wrong?"

I stop walking and look up at him. Should I show him the card? I guess so. "I made this for Hannah at school today."

I take the card out of my folder and hold it out to him. He takes it and reads the front. I watch his face closely to see if he likes it because I'm pretty sure Guthrie didn't like it. Adam smiles and opens the card. Then he looks down at me and says, "she's going to love it."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes. Why? Don't _you_ think she'll like it?"

"I don't know. I showed it to Guthrie and he didn't like it."

"Well I like it," he says and he hands it back to me.

I put it back in my folder. "Is Hannah home?"

"No, she's working. She'll be home soon though." Hannah works part-time at Marie's restaurant. She started working there to make a little extra money at Christmas time, but she didn't quit when Christmas was over. It's good, because we really need the extra money, but Adam doesn't like her working. They had a big fight about it once, but they worked it out, and now she only works a few times a week, and never the dinner shift.

We start walking again and Adam says, "Heidi, I need to talk to you about our meeting with Mr. Brick."

"What about it?"

"Some of the questions you were asking him weren't ok for you to ask. They weren't polite."

"What do you mean?" I don't understand what he's talking about.

"Well, for starters, you can't ask him how old he is."

"Why not?"

"Lots of older people don't like to be asked how old they are."

"Why?"

"Because they don't like thinking about it."

"Why?"

He stops walking and when I keep walking he puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me. "Some people don't like getting older, and before you ask why, they just don't." I start to say something but he says, "you can't ask who the baby in the picture is, and you definitely don't ask him when he's going to retire." Adam lifts my chin up and says, "you can't tell him he's crabby either."

"But he was crabby, and all those questions were important," I tell him.

"No they weren't. You weren't even listening to Mr. Brick because you were too busy thinking up questions in your head. Your questions weren't important, listening was important." He stops talking and stares at me. "Do you understand that?"

"Yes. I'll try to listen next time."

Adam smiles and says, "hopefully there won't be a next time." We start walking towards the house again.

"Adam, should I give the card to Hannah?"

"Yes. Don't let Guthrie's opinion change yours. Hannah will love it." He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. "Now let's go see what kind of cookies Hannah left out for us."

I laugh and try not to drop my folder while he carries me up the porch steps and into the house.

* * *

When Guthrie and I are done with our chores in the barn we go find Daniel. He's in the tack room straightening stuff up.

"Daniel?" Guthrie says. "A bunch of my friends are going to Camp Road this Saturday, and I was wondering if you could take me?"

"Us," I add.

Guthrie asks, "are you going this Saturday?"

"Yes. Evan and Ford are going too."

"Will you take us?!" I ask excitedly.

"I don't mind taking you, but did Adam say you could go?"

"We didn't ask yet," Guthrie says. "I wanted to see if you were going first because I know the other guys can't take us."

"If Adam says it's ok, I'll take you."

"Yeah!" I jump up and down and Guthrie yells thanks as we run out of the barn to the house.

"Let's go ask Adam!" I yell.

* * *

When we run into the house we call out Adam's name since we don't see him in the living room. We run into the kitchen and see Hannah making dinner.

"Do you know where Adam is?!" We ask excitedly.

She turns to us and smiles while she says, "well, hello to you too."

She always says that if we don't say hi to her when we come home from school, or when she comes home from work. I run up to her and give her a hug. "Hi!" I yell excitedly.

"Hi," Guthrie says.

"Do you know where Adam is?!" I ask as I jump up and down.

She laughs and says, "calm down. Why do you guys need Adam?"

"We need to ask him something," Guthrie says. "Something important."

"He's out on the north pasture with the cattle. He'll be in for dinner. What did you want to ask him?"

"We want to go to Camp Road with Daniel, Evan and Ford on Saturday," I tell her.

She stirs something in a pot on the stove and asks, "what's Camp Road?"

Guthrie starts to explain it to her, but when he gets to the part about jumping off the rocks I yell, "wait!" When he stops talking and looks at me I grab his arm and pull him out into the living room.

"Hey, stop it!" He yells. "What are you doing?"

Once we're out where Hannah can't hear me I whisper, "if you tell her about the rocks to jump off of, she won't let us go!"

"Oh, you're right."

Hannah worries about stuff a lot. She thinks lots of the stuff we like to do is dangerous. I jumped off the top bunk in the boys' room a few days ago and she said I could've killed myself. She worries about stuff my brothers never worry about. Who does she think taught me how to jump off the bunk beds?

Guthrie whispers, "let's not tell her anything about the rocks."

"Deal," I say and we run back into the kitchen.

"Where did you guys go?" She asks.

"We just had to talk about something really important," Guthrie says.

She looks at us suspiciously. "Is there something you're not telling me about this place you want to go to?"

"No," we both say really fast.

"Hmm, I think you're hiding something," she says.

"We're not," I tell her. "We're telling you everything we're supposed to tell you about Camp Road." Guthrie nudges me in my side with his elbow. "What was that for?" I whisper.

"Stop talking!" He whispers back.

"What are you trying to hide from me?" Hannah asks.

"Nothing," Guthrie says.

"Ok," Hannah says, "I'll leave you alone for right now, but I still think there's something you're not telling me. In the meantime, you," she points to Guthrie, "can chop up the carrots, and you," she looks at me, "can stir this pot for a minute."

I love to help cook so I drag the kitchen stool over to the stove and stand on it so I can see what I'm stirring. "Yum! Guthrie, we're having chicken and dumplings!" That's one of our favorite meals.

"Yum!" Guthrie says. "Hannah, we love your chicken and dumplings!"

"It's an old family recipe," she says. "It's my grandmother's. Heidi, why don't you help me make the biscuit dough now."

"Ok," I put the spoon down and jump off the stool. I drag it over to the counter where Hannah is putting the ingredients out for biscuits. "Let's make lots of dumplings! That's my favorite part!"

Hannah smiles and says, "if I make too many dumplings, you won't be hungry for dessert."

"What's for dessert?" Guthrie asks.

"Strawberry rhubarb pie. I brought a few home from Marie's."

"Yum! When is all this gonna be ready?!" I ask. "I'm starving!"

"Probably about an hour."

"An hour!" I yell. "That's forever!"

"Well, maybe I can get it done quicker with two helpers," Hannah says and she puts a little flour on my nose with her finger. I laugh and help Hannah with the dough. Guthrie and I help Hannah make dinner and it smells so good in the kitchen.

* * *

At dinnertime everyone passes the food around the table and we all talk about our day. At one end of the table Adam, Brian and Crane are talking about ranch stuff, and at our end of the table Guthrie is talking about the lake trip until Crane interrupts him.

"Are you talking about Camp Road Guthrie?"

"Yeah."

"Is it that time of year again?" I don't think that's a question we're supposed to answer because nobody does.

"Adam? A bunch of kids are going to the lake on Saturday," Daniel says. "Can we go?"

"As long as you get your chores done before you go," he says.

"Can Heidi and I go too?" Guthrie asks. I look at Adam hopefully, and smile.

"Without one of us?" Brian asks.

"I don't mind taking them," Daniel says.

Adam looks at me and then at Guthrie and I can tell he's thinking. I hope he's thinking something good. "Ok, but stay off the rocks."

"We get to go?!" I yell. Guthrie and I look at each other and smile.

"As long as you mind your brothers," Adam says.

"Thank you!" Guthrie yells and I yell it too.

"I don't think any of you should jump from the rocks this year," Crane says. "We've been in a drought this year and last year. The water level isn't high enough."

"What kind of rocks are you talking about?" Hannah asks.

Ford says, "there are huge rocks to jump off of and into the lake. It's a lot of fun."

"How huge," Hannah asks and she looks at me and then at Guthrie.

"About this tall?" I tell her and I put my hand high in the air.

Everyone laughs and Evan says, "about forty feet."

"Forty feet?!" Hannah says, and I don't think she likes that. Everyone gets kind of quiet and stops eating. We all look at Hannah.

Daniel clears his throat and says kind of quietly, "um, yeah, the tallest ones are."

Ford says, "there are smaller ones to jump off too, Hannah."

Hannah looks down at Adam and says, "you let them jump off these rocks?"

"Not Heidi or Guthrie," he tells her.

"But maybe you'll let us this year!" I say.

Hannah gasps and says, "I hope not. Does anyone ever get hurt?"

"Every year," Evan says. "There's always some goofball who tries to show off and slips on a rock, or lands in the water wrong."

"We've never gotten hurt though," Daniel adds.

"Yeah, we don't show off," Evan tells her.

"This is going to be a dangerous year out there," Brian says. "It's bad enough we had a drought last year, so the lake level was already low."

"Yeah, one kid from Sonora broke his neck last year," Adam says.

"What? Is he paralyzed?" Hannah asks.

"From the neck down," Brian says.

"This sounds like a very dangerous place," Hannah says.

I groan and everyone looks at me so I say, "would you guys stop talking about all the bad stuff and tell her the good stuff! She's not gonna let us go if you tell her about the kid who broke his neck, or the boy who died, or..,"

"Someone died?!" Hannah asks. She's shocked and now everyone's quiet.

Guthrie looks at me and says, "good going genius."

"A few years back someone drowned," Adam tells her.

"He'd been drinking with some of his buddies," Brian says, "and something happened to him."

"He just disappeared," Adam tells her. "The guys were so drunk they didn't even know he was gone."

"They thought he left," Crane says.

"How'd they find out he drowned?" Hannah asks.

"His body washed up on shore a few days later," Evan tells her.

"That's so sad," Hannah says. "This sounds like a dangerous place for teenagers too."

"It's not honey," Adam says. "The kids bring inner tubes and swim. It's just a fun place for kids to go hang out. Even adults go there. As long as you use common sense everything's fine."

"I don't know," Hannah says, "it sounds dangerous."

"Hannah! You think _everything's_ dangerous!" I say. "When I jumped off the bunk bed you said I could've been killed!"

I hear my brothers laugh a little.

"Well you could've," she says and she gives me a serious look.

"I think you're overreacting Hannah," Adam tells her.

"Uh-oh," Guthrie says.

"You think I'm overreacting?" She asks Adam.

"Well, yes. Hannah, kids play around and sometimes they get hurt, but most of the time they don't," Adam tells her.

"Are you telling me I don't know about kids?" She asks him.

"No," he says kind of quietly.

The rest of us are quiet and looking at Hannah. She looks a little mad when she says, "I suppose you know more about kids since you've been raising them for ten years."

We look at Adam now.

"I didn't say that," Adam says. "I just think that sometimes you might be a little overprotective."

"Well maybe it's because I care about these kids," she says.

"Are you saying I _don't_ care about these guys?!"

Uh-oh. I don't like this. "Are you guys fighting?" I ask.

"No!" They both yell at me.

"Yes you are!" I yell back. I stand up and yell some more. "You're yelling at me and I didn't even do anything!"

Crane whispers to me, "sit down, they're not really yelling at _you_."

Everyone's quiet again until Hannah says, "well maybe this is something we need to talk about later, _Adam_."

"Yes, I think we should, _Hannah_," he says.

They sound like they're still mad at each other.

Daniel says, "great dinner Hannah!"

"Yeah Hannah, this is really good," Evan says.

"The chicken tastes great," Ford adds.

"Thank you," Hannah says quietly.

Brian starts talking about ranch stuff and everyone listens. It feels weird though. It's like everyone's not as happy as they were before Adam and Hannah started arguing. Adam is talking to Brian and Crane while Hannah is just eating quietly. I feel a little sorry for her because I think she's sad.

"Are you sad Hannah?" I ask her.

She looks at me and smiles. "No. Why don't you tell me about your day. How did the meeting go with Mr. Brick?"

I tell her all about it and she listens. "Hannah, I didn't get to play at all today. Not even when I came home."

Crane is listening now and he says, "why not."

So I explain about getting all my recesses taken away. "But guess what Crane! I get to spend them in the office with Isabella!"

He says, "wow! You're so lucky! I wish I got to spend all my recesses with her."

Guthrie and I laugh at that and I tell him, "did you know she has two sisters?"

"Yes. I've met them. In fact, I'm going over to her sister's house this Friday for a BBQ."

Hmm. I'm not sure I like Crane going to Isabella's sister's house. My stomach feels a little funny. "Which sister?" I ask.

"The oldest one. Her name is April."

Hannah asks questions about Isabella's family and Crane tells her all about them. I'm not listening though because I'm too busy thinking about Crane being with another family. I wonder if he likes her sister's kids? I wonder how old they are. I have lots of questions I can't wait to ask Isabella tomorrow.

* * *

After dinner it's homework time. Usually all of us who have homework do it at the kitchen table. I hate doing homework. I don't know why we have to do work at school _and_ at home. Why can't we just do it all at school?

Brian and Crane do the dishes so Adam and Hannah can go talk. The rest of us get our homework. I'm gonna ask if I can do mine later since I haven't had a chance to play today. I think Adam and Hannah are talking in their bedroom so I go upstairs. I hope they're not yelling at each other.

Their door is open just a crack so I peek in and listen to see if they're yelling before I go inside. They're both sitting on the bed, but not next to each other.

"I know Hannah, and I'm sorry," Adam says. "I didn't mean you were overprotective. I mean, you are a little bit, but I know that's because you care about these kids."

"Not just the kids, _all_ of you," she says. "I'm sorry too. I know you care about them and I know I'm not used to living with kids, but hearing about them jumping off those rocks scares me."

"I know. Mom and Dad were worried about us jumping off them too. I worry too, but I also know they're safe. They're smart kids. They know when it's safe to jump off the rocks, and when it's not."

"But do Guthrie and Heidi know?"

"They will. They haven't been allowed to jump off the high rocks yet, and they're not going to on Saturday. It's a drought year, no one will be jumping off them. Except for the kids that don't use common sense, and every year there are kids like that and someone gets hurt. Sometimes it's a broken bone, sometimes it's worse. Lots of times people from out of town get hurt, because they don't know the dangers of our rivers and lakes up here. Most come from the valley and think it'll be fun to go swim in the river not knowing the current can sweep them away, or they jump off rocks at the lake without knowing the depth."

"It sounds scary," Hannah says. "Especially when I think of Guthrie or Heidi jumping off rocks."

"They'll be fine Hannah. Trust me."


	2. Chapter 2

I'm still peeking into the bedroom when I see Adam move closer to Hannah and kiss her.

"Yuck!" I say without thinking, and they stop and look at their door.

"Heidi, is that you?" Adam asks.

I open their door all the way. "I was wondering if I could do my homework later and play now, since I haven't gotten to play today."

Hannah says, "I think you should do your homework now, and play afterwards."

"But then I won't get to play. It takes a long time for me to do my homework."

"Go get started and I'll be down in a minute to help," she says.

"Ok, but I don't even know where my homework folder is," I tell her.

"It's on the desk."

"How do 'you' know?" I ask. I'm going to stall as long as possible.

"I put it there."

"Why?"

"Because it was on the table. The longer you spend up here asking questions, the less time you're going to have to play before bedtime," she tells me.

I sigh. "Fine. I'll go do it." I guess I'm not gonna get to play at all today.

* * *

When Hannah comes downstairs to the kitchen, I haven't even started my homework yet. I've been too busy talking to Brian and Crane while they wash the dishes.

"Heidi, you haven't even started your homework yet, have you?" Hannah asks. She walks over to where I laid my folder on the table and picks it up.

"No!" I yell and I run towards her to grab it out of her hand, but I'm too late. She opened it.

"What's this?" She asks as she pulls out the card I made for her.

"It's nothing!" I yell but she's already reading the front of the card.

"Yes it is," Guthrie says. "She made a Mother's Day card for you."

Now everyone's looking at me.

"Guthrie!" I yell.

I look at Hannah and she looks at me. "Do you want me to put it back? I will if you want me to."

Adam walks into the kitchen now and says, "what's going on? You all look surprised."

Everyone looks at me and I don't know what to say so I cover my face with my hands and cry.

"I'll put it back Heidi," Hannah says.

I don't know if she does or doesn't because I'm too embarrassed to look. I feel someone pick me up so I look and see it's Adam. Hannah gives him my folder and he takes me into the living room.

"What happened?"

"Hannah saw my card!" I cry.

"Oh." He sits down on the couch with me. "Did you decide you didn't want to give it to her?"

"I didn't decide. I forgot all about it until she opened my folder." I can't stop crying, and Adam holds me.

"You don't have to give it to her," he says.

"I wanted to give it to her, but now I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because she saw it!"

"I know you think you can't give it to her, but you can. If you really want to. Do you want to?"

I wipe my eyes and look up at him. "Yes."

"Now?"

I nod my head.

"Do you want me to call her in here?" He asks.

I nod my head again so he calls her name. I scoot off Adam's lap and take the card out of my folder. Hannah comes in and sits down next to me and I look up at her.

"Hannah? I made this card for you today." I look down at my card that I'm holding on my lap. I can't give it to her.

"When did you find time to make me a card?" She asks.

I peek up at her and she's smiling at Adam. I smile and hold the card out to her and say, "Isabella let me make it at lunch recess. Did you know there's a big closet in the office full of markers and pens and paper and all kinds of office supplies?!"

She takes the card from me and smiles when she says, "no, I didn't know that."

I move so I can face her and say, "there is! And it has _all_ kinds of stuff in it!" Hannah is looking at the card now and she's smiling. When she opens it she reads it out loud and then looks at me. "I love it Heidi."

"You do?"

"Yes." She hugs me.

"Look Hannah." I take the card from her and point to my drawing. "This is what the flowerpot looked like."

"It is?"

"Yes! See, I drew lots of little flowers all over it. And that's the pink flower I planted in it. Mrs. Smith helped me plant it."

"It's very nice Heidi," she says. "Thank you for making me the card. I'm going to put it on top of my dresser."

"You are?" I smile at her.

She smiles back and says, "yes. That way I can look at it every day."

I hug her and Adam hugs both of us. "My two favorite girls," he says.

That makes me feel happy. I'm sandwiched in the middle and I can smell Hannah's perfume and feel how soft her shirt is. I feel nice and warm in the middle, but that all ends when Guthrie comes in.

"Hannah? Can you help me with my homework?" He asks.

"Sure. I'll be right in. I just need to put this card upstairs. Heidi, go get started on your homework."

I groan and get up. "I hate doing homework."

"I know," Adam says, "let's go get started."

He gets up and follows me into the kitchen and I look around. "Hey, we're all in here!" I find a spot to put my folder and open it up. I don't need a chair, I like to do my homework standing up. Unless it's writing homework.

"Not for long," Crane says. "I'm going to work on a song I'm writing for Isabella."

Crane is good at writing songs, but not as good as Daniel is. Crane can play the piano and the guitar. He likes to write a song at the piano first and then play it on his guitar. When he's done with the dishes he goes into the living room and I hear him play the piano.

I need a pencil so I go into the living room to get one from the desk. I stand there and listen to Crane. His song is nice and it has Isabella's name in it. Crane looks really happy while he sings it. I pick up a pencil and go walk over to the piano. I stand next to him and watch him play the piano and listen to his song.

"Don't you have homework to do?" He asks when he's finished.

"That's a pretty song. Isabella's gonna love it."

"I hope so." Crane looks so happy.

"Do you love her?" I ask.

"I think so." He starts singing the song again so I watch his hands play the notes on the piano and then I try to copy him on the high keys. Crane taught me how to play the piano when I was really little. I don't play it a lot and I'm not very good at it because I don't like to practice, but I know enough to follow along with his song.

"That's good," he says in the middle of his song. He scoots over so I can sit on the piano bench next to him, and I sing the chorus with him while we play. Brian comes over with his harmonica and starts playing along too. When we finish someone claps. I turn around. Hannah's standing behind us clapping.

"Crane that's a beautiful song," she says. Then she looks at me. "You're supposed to be doing your homework."

I don't know where my pencil is now so I have to get another one from the desk. "Hannah? Did Adam write a song for you?" I ask her.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why didn't you write a song for me, Adam?" She asks him when we walk into the kitchen.

Guthrie laughs and says, "Adam? Write a song?"

Adam looks at Guthrie and says, "I could write a song if I wanted to."

Guthrie still laughs and says, "yeah right!"

Hannah says, "that's ok honey, I still love you."

"You're not gonna kiss now, are you?" I ask. They do and I yell, "yuck!"

Guthrie yells, "all you guys do is kiss!"

My brothers laugh and Adam and Hannah kiss some more while I stare at them. When they're done Hannah says, "all right, get back to work on all that homework you guys have to do."

I sigh and wonder if I'll kiss a boy like that someday, or if a boy will write me a song, or if I'll be happy like Adam and Hannah are. All of a sudden there's a hand waving in front of my face. I look up at Adam.

"I'm talking to you. Didn't you hear me?" He asks.

"What?"

"Stop daydreaming and do your homework."

I think about that for a minute. "Is it still _day_ dreaming if you do it at night? Am I _night_ dreaming?"

Guthrie thinks that's funny so we both laugh.

Adam says in a serious voice, "if you want to have time to play before you go to bed, I suggest you get busy."

I do want to play so I look at my homework, but when Adam and Hannah leave to go back into the living room I look around the table at my brothers.

"Ford?" I ask.

"I'm not going to _help_ you," he says.

Sometimes my brothers 'help' me by doing my homework for me. Not all of it, just a little bit. "I wasn't going to ask that."

"Then what?" He asks.

"What's your favorite part of going to Camp Road?"

"Jumping off the rocks, but since we can't do that this year, hanging out with friends."

Evan says, "my favorite part is finding the rope swing."

"Where's that?" Guthrie asks.

"On the other side," Ford says.

"The other side if what?" I ask.

"Camp Road."

"Done!" Daniel says and he slams his math book shut. Lucky. I wish I was done.

When Daniel leaves Guthrie asks, "tell us about the rope swing."

"Ok," Evan says, "I'll tell you about the first time we found it."

"What do you mean _found_ it?" Guthrie asks.

"Well, you have to find it. Some people say it doesn't exist and some people say...,"

I interrupt him. "Did Adam, Brian, Crane or Daniel ever find it?"

"Yes," Evan says, "they went out looking for it when they were younger, but the fun thing about it is, you're not supposed to tell anyone _where_ it is. You're supposed to _find_ it. It's a secret place. Once you find it, you can talk to others who have found it, but you can't talk about it to anyone that hasn't found it yet."

"But you're going to tell us where it is," Guthrie says.

"No. It's too hard to tell you where it is. You just have to find it when you're older," Ford says.

"How old were you when you found it?" Guthrie asks.

"Evan and I went with a bunch of friends to find it when I was thirteen," Ford says.

"I was fourteen," Evan says. "We'd all looked for it before, but none of us had ever found it. So one day we decided we were going to find it, even if it took all day."

"Did it take all day?" I ask.

"No. Just listen," Evan says. "We searched all over for it. We followed the lake all the way up to where the river flows into the lake, and all the way down to where the Camp Road branch of the lake opens up to the main part of the lake. We couldn't find it anywhere so we decided to look on the other side. We jumped off some rocks and swam across."

"Where?" I ask.

"Stop interrupting," Evan says. "I can't tell you where, it's a secret."

Ford says, "the other side has many rock cliffs with hardly any areas of land. You can't walk along that side of the lake down by the water because there's no where to walk."

"Right," Evan says. "So you have to find the right spot to swim across where there's a place to get out of the water _and_ since the rocks on that side are so steep, you have to find a rock that you _can_ climb. Once you're on top, you walk along the tops of the rocks."

"Was it really high up?" I ask.

"Let them tell the story," Guthrie says.

"It was hard to walk up there because we were so high up and there wasn't a path to follow like on the other side, and there were places where you had to walk through bushes to get to the next big rock. We came to this one area where it kind of went downhill a little bit and then to the right. It was like an inlet."

"What's an inlet?" I ask.

"I'll tell you later," Ford says. "We walked through some bushes and when we came out of them we were at a swimming hole. It was surrounded on three sides by steep giant rocks that looked like cliffs and we saw a rope hanging from a thick tree branch above one of those cliffs. We'd found the rope swing!"

Evan says, "I swung on it first. I grabbed a hold of it, swung out and let go and fell into the water. Once I was down there I found out there was no shore to swim to."

"What did you do?!" I yell.

"Sh!" Evan says. "I looked around for a place to get out, and found a rope hanging from a tree. It was put there so you could climb out of the water and use it to help climb up a rock and back up to the rope swing. It was awesome! You swing on one rope and climb back up using the other rope."

Adam and Hannah walk into the kitchen. "What's going on in here?" Hannah asks.

"Just doing our homework," Guthrie says.

"Uh-huh," she says and I can tell she doesn't believe him. "I think I'll sit in here to make sure you're really doing it."

Adam looks at my homework. "You haven't even started Heidi."

I look up at him, "I wrote my name."

"Get busy," he says and he sits next to me.

It's hard for me to concentrate because all I can think about is the rope swing. I wonder if we could find it. I wonder if Guthrie's thinking about it too. I'll bet we could find it on Saturday.

I look at my homework and start working on it. Maybe I can finish this quickly and ask Brian and Crane about the rope swing. I wonder if they'll tell me where it is.

* * *

By the time I finish my homework it's time to get ready for bed. I brush my teeth and put my pajamas on. Adam is tucking me in tonight.

I still like to be tucked in even though I'm ten. My brothers have always tucked me in. Hannah tucks me in now too. Usually they read me a story or tell me a story about when they were little. Sometimes they sing me a song. The song is always a song our Mom and Dad sang to them. They sing them to me because they want me to learn them too.

Adam pulls my covers back and I climb in bed and lay down. He covers me up and asks, "story, or song?"

"Story. Adam? Can you give me my puppy?" I point to the little stuffed animal sitting on my dresser. Evan gave it to me for Christmas. I've always wanted a puppy for a pet, but Adam won't let me have one. Evan thought a little stuffed puppy would be the perfect present, and I love it. Adam hands it to me. "Thank you." I roll on my side and hug it.

"Do you want me to _read_ you a story, or _tell_ you a story?" Adam asks.

"Tell."

"Ok." Adam sits down next to me on the bed and thinks.

"Tell me a story about a time you went to Camp Road and jumped off the rocks. Did anyone die?"

"Heidi, this is a _bedtime_ story, I'm not going to tell you a story about someone dying right before you go to sleep."

"So you'll tell me that story tomorrow?" I ask.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not going to. Do you want me to tell you a story now, or not?"

"Yes."

"Ok. One summer day Brian and I went to the lake at Camp Road."

"How old were you?"

"Thirteen and fourteen. We were..,"

"Tell me about the rope swing."

Adam looks surprised. "How do you know about the rope swing?"

"Evan and Ford told us about it. They said it's in a secret place. Can you tell me where it is?"

"No. Heidi..,"

I sit up really fast. "Is it right across from..,"

Adam pushes me back down gently. "Heidi, it's bedtime. If you want me to tell you a story lay down and listen."

I sigh and look up at him. "Will you _please_ tell me a story about the rope swing?"

Adam stands up and looks at a small stack of books on my dresser. He picks one up and sits back down on my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to read you a story instead." When I groan he says, "or I could just say goodnight and leave."

I look at the book and see it's a new one I haven't heard before. Hannah checks out books for me from the library once a week. Sometimes I go with her and pick them out, but most of the time she checks them out while I'm at school. I've never heard this story before so I listen and look at the pictures while Adam reads. When he's done he says goodnight and gets up to leave.

"Can I read that?" I ask while pointing to the book in his hand.

He hands it to me and says, "don't read for too long."

"Ok."

He leaves and I open up the book to read it. I sleep with a light on every night because I'm afraid of the dark. I have a little pink lamp on top of my dresser that stays on all night. I read the story to myself until I'm tired. I'm so tired I lay it on my stomach and close my eyes and go to sleep.

* * *

When I come down for breakfast in the morning, everyone's sitting at the table.

"How come everyone's having breakfast at the same time?" I ask. That hardly ever happens, _and_ they're all _sitting down_ at the table.

"It just worked out that way this morning," Hannah says. Usually Adam, Brian and Crane have already eaten and are working outside.

When I sit down at my spot she passes me the bacon. I put some on my plate and ask for the waffles. While I'm busy putting butter and syrup on my waffle I listen to the conversation going on.

"Don't forget I'll be gone tonight," Crane tells Hannah.

"Where are you going?" Guthrie asks.

"I'm taking Isabella out to dinner."

"But you're having dinner with her Friday night," I remind him.

"I know. Tomorrow night it's just me and Isabella. Friday night is a BBQ with her family."

"What about _our_ family?" I ask, but he doesn't hear me because Daniel, Evan and Ford get up to leave for school. They go to school in Angeles Camp because there isn't a high school in Murphys. Their bus leaves before mine and Guthrie's, so they have to leave now.

"Will you be home for dinner Daniel?" Hannah asks.

"No, I've got band practice."

"Anybody else going to be gone?" She asks.

Nobody says anything. Good. I don't like it when everyone's gone for dinner.

"Hannah? Are you working today?" I ask.

"No."

"Good," I tell her. "I like it when you're home when I get home from school."

We all say goodbye to Daniel, Evan and Ford and then I say out loud, to anyone that will listen, "tell me about the rope swing."

"What rope swing?" Brian asks.

"The one at Camp Road," Guthrie says.

"There isn't one there," Brian says.

"Yes there is," I tell him. "Evan and Ford told us about it."

"They also told us you've seen it," Guthrie adds.

Crane laughs. "I guess it's not that secret anymore."

"Where is it?" Guthrie asks.

Adam says, "you don't need to know that."

"It's somewhere where you won't be able to find it," Brian says. "Not until you're older."

"Did somebody ever die on the rope swing?" I ask.

Adam stares at me and says, "no. Can we talk about something else now?"

"Did anyone ever die trying to _find_ the rope swing?" I ask.

Adam says, "I think it's time for you to go to school."

Guthrie looks at the clock. "Nope, we still have ten minutes."

I smile at Adam and ask, "did someone die?"

Crane puts his arm around me and hugs me to him while he says, "stop talking about dead people!" Then he tickles me. I laugh and wiggle away. I eat more of my breakfast while Adam, Brian and Crane talk about ranch stuff.

"Hannah? Why are you afraid of us getting hurt all the time?" I ask her.

She looks at me and says, "because I've seen kids get hurt before."

"Jumping off a bunk bed?" I ask as I smile up at her.

"Yes."

Guthrie laughs and says, "how? Did they skin their knee?" I laugh too.

"No," she says. "They cracked their head open."

We stop laughing and look at her. She looks really, really serious. Hannah knows a lot about first aid and she's helped doctors and nurses before.

"How did they do that?" I ask. I'm really interested now.

"The boy jumped right off the bunk bed, just like you did the other night Heidi. Only he fell too far forward and when he hit the floor he landed on his head. He almost broke his neck."

I look at her suspiciously. "Are you making that up?"

"No. I'm not. I'm very nervous about you two going to the lake this Saturday," she says. "I'm afraid you're going to get hurt."

"How?" Guthrie asks. "We can't jump off any rocks."

"I'm sure there are other ways to get hurt. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go without an adult," she says.

"But Adam said we could," I remind her. I don't want her to not let us go.

"Yeah," Guthrie says, "Adam said we could."

"I know," she says. "I know he did, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you." She better not make him change his mind. He already said we could go. Then she sighs and says, "I guess I'm just going to have to try being a little less over-protective." Then she looks at the clock and stands up. "Time to go out to the bus stop."

We get up and take our dishes to the sink while Hannah gets our lunches for us. She kisses me and tells us to have a good day. When I walk around the table I give Crane a hug goodbye and then Brian. When I get to Adam he says, "stay out of trouble today, ok?"

I nod. "I'll try." Then I give him a hug and say goodbye.

Guthrie and I run through the living room and out the front door.

* * *

At the bus stop Guthrie and I talk about the rope swing.

"I bet we could find it," he says.

"I bet we could get _someone_ to tell us where it is."

"I'll have my friends ask their older brothers."

"And sisters," I add. "Maybe we can trick Evan or Ford into telling us. Or Brian! I bet I could get Brian to tell me where it is."

"Just don't ask Adam," Guthrie says.

"Why not?"

"Because Hannah already doesn't want us to go. She doesn't want Adam to let us go either, so if you start bugging Adam, he's gonna talk to Hannah, and then she's gonna convince him to not let us go."

"He already said we could go," I remind him.

"So. He can always take it back."

"No he can't!"

"Yes he can Heidi. So don't talk to him, or Hannah about the rope swing or the lake. Ok?"

"Ok, but I still don't think he can change his mind."

"He can, so if you want to go on Saturday, don't talk to him _at all_ about the rope swing," he says again.

"Ok, ok!"

Guthrie stands in front of me and says, "promise me!"

We look into each others eyes and I say, "promise."

"Good." Our bus is coming so we stand on the side of the road and wait for it to pull up. I still don't think Adam can change his mind. That's like take-backs and there are no take-backs! I climb up the steps of the bus and find a seat. I can't wait to get to school and see Denise. I think for a minute and come up with the perfect idea! Maybe she can come to the lake with us!

* * *

When I get to school I run out to the playground. This is the only time I'll get to play all day. As soon as I find Denise I run up to her.

"Denise!" I yell.

"Hi! Play tag with us!" She yells as she runs away from me.

"Wait!" I yell and she stops so I can run up to her. "I'm going to Melones Lake on Saturday and I want you to come with me!"

"Ok! Where's that?"

"In between Angeles Camp and Sonora! Ask your Mom if you can go and Daniel will pick you up!"

"Ok. She'll probably want to talk to Hannah about it first," Denise says.

"Oh." I'm not so happy anymore. If Denise's mom and Hannah talk, Denise won't be able to go, and Hannah might not let me go. "She can't talk to Hannah. Or Adam," I add.

"Why not?"

"Hannah doesn't want me to go. She thinks it's too dangerous."

"Why?"

"There are rocks to jump off and she thinks we'll get hurt."

"If she tells my mom that, she won't let me go."

"I know." I think for a little while. "Maybe she can talk to Brian or Crane instead."

"Maybe."

"Maybe Evan or Daniel can pretend to be Adam and call her," I suggest.

"Heidi, you got in trouble for that last time."

"I know, but I really want you to go."

The bell rings and we start walking to class.

"Maybe Guthrie will have an idea."

"Maybe," she says. "We'll think of something."

* * *

At the first recess I skip to the office. I can't wait to talk to Isabella! I have a book to read, but I hope I don't have to read it. I hope she lets me help her instead.

"Hi!" Ms. Trent is sitting at her desk and she looks at me and smiles.

"Hi Heidi."

I put my book on the little table and look in Mr. Brick's office. He's sitting at his desk talking on the phone so I sigh and sit down to read my book. I guess I won't get to help this recess.

Mr. Brick comes out of his office and walks by me. He looks at me and then at my book. "What are you reading?"

That surprises me because he doesn't sound mad. I don't think he's ever asked me a regular question like that before. I hold up my book so he can see the cover. "This."

"Good," he says. Then he looks at Isabella. "I'll be out on the playground."

I watch him leave and then smile when the door shuts behind him. "Can I help you Isabella?"

"Sure. Come staple these papers."

I get up and go over to her desk. She shows me what she wants me to do and I start working. "Isabella? Did you know Crane will be eating dinner with you _two_ nights in a row?" I press down on the stapler.

"Yes."

"Oh," I say quietly. I staple two more pieces of paper together.

"Is that bothering you?" She asks.

"No. I just didn't know if you knew he was going to be away from his family _two_ nights in a row. You didn't come to our house at all this week."

"No, I guess I haven't."

"You saw the parade last weekend with Crane and _your_ family. Now he's going to be with _your_ family again this weekend," I tell her as I staple more papers.

"You're right," she says. "I hadn't realized that."

"Really?" I ask her, "you didn't?" I look at her because I don't think she's telling the truth.

"Heidi, I love spending time with you and your family. I also love spending time with my family. This Friday it's my sister's birthday. We always get together for birthdays in my family."

"Why is Crane going?"

"Because I want him there."

"Does he like your family?"

"I think so."

"More than mine?"

"No." She smiles at me and says, "do you really think Crane likes _my_ family more than _you_..., I mean, more than _your_ family?" When I don't answer she says, "Heidi?"

"I guess not. I just wish you could come to our house instead."

I staple more papers and Isabella is quiet for a minute. Then she says, "well, what if _you_ came to _my_ house?"

"What?"

"I mean my sister's house."

I still don't understand.

"How about you and Guthrie come with me and Crane to my sister's birthday party. She has kids your age and I bet they'd love to meet you."

"Really?"

"Of course! It's perfect! That way you can be with Crane and meet some of my family at the same time. My sister's house has a pool too."

"A pool?!"

"Yes!"

"Do you think Crane will let us come?"

"I'll ask him."

"Right now?" I ask excitedly.

"No, I'm working right now."

"Can I call him?"

"No, you're not allowed to use the phone," she says. "Maybe I can call him on my lunch break."

"I hope he says yes!"

"Me too. I think my nephews would really like meeting you and Guthrie."

I staple papers until the bell rings and then I say goodbye and go back to class. I'm so excited! I can't wait for lunchtime!

* * *

Before lunch we work on math. I hate math, it's my least favorite subject. I keep looking at the clock, waiting for it to be lunchtime, but it's taking _forever_! Maybe the clock is broken. When I asked my teacher if it was broken, she told me no and then she said get back to work.

Finally it's lunchtime! I didn't finish my math so now I have to finish it at lunch recess in the office. I walk as fast as I can since I'm not allowed to run in the hallway. When I finally get to the office I open the door and look at Isabella's desk. She's not there.

Mr. Brick is standing behind the counter so I look around for Isabella. I don't see her anywhere.

"Where's Ms. Trent?" I ask Mr. Brick.

"The teacher's room."

"Why?"

"Because she's eating lunch right now. Go sit down and eat yours."

"How come you're not eating lunch?" I ask him.

"I will in a little bit."

I sit down at the little table and pull my cookies out of my lunch bag. I always eat those first. I wonder why Isabella is in the teacher's room. I hope she doesn't forget to call Crane. I hope she comes back soon so Mr. Brick can leave. He's in his office now talking on the phone. I look at the clock. Only five minutes has gone by? I groan. This is going to be the longest lunch recess ever! When I hear Mr. Brick hang up the phone I get up and walk over to his office.

He looks at me. "Yes?"

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Yes, but come right back."

"Thank you!" I start to run, but stop when he says walk. He didn't yell walk. I wonder why? There's something different about Mr. Brick today. He seems..._nice_. Maybe Isabella knows what's wrong with him.

* * *

When I'm done using the bathroom I walk over to the drinking fountain to get a drink. It's outside in between the boy's and girl's bathroom. There are two little boys by it and one is crying.

"You can't get a drink!" The taller boy yells. He looks like he could be in second grade.

The littler boy keeps crying and tries to push his way around the other boy.

"Why won't you let him get a drink?" I ask.

I guess he didn't hear me because he ignores me. He grabs the smaller boy's shirt to hold him back.

"Leave him alone!" I yell and I take hold of the older boy and pull him away from the drinking fountain.

"Let me go!" He yells.

I don't. "Get your drink now," I tell the little boy. The one I'm holding keeps trying to get away but I'm stronger so he can't.

"Let go of him!" I hear a teacher yell. I look behind me and see Mrs. Smith walking towards us. She's a helper at our school. She's a substitute teacher, a yard duty teacher, a teacher's helper and a substitute secretary. Today she must be the yard duty. "Let go of him!" She yells again.

I let go of the boy and the three of us stare up at her.

"Why were you holding that boy?" She asks.

"He wouldn't let him get a drink," I tell her as I point to the littler boy.

I can tell she doesn't believe me especially when she starts writing stuff down on her note pad. That means she's sending us to the office. She tears off the paper she's been writing on and hands it to me. "The three of you go to the office and give this to Mr. Brick."

We walk towards the office and I read the note. What?! We were fighting?! I wasn't fighting! Sometimes if I don't like what my teacher writes in a note, I throw it away. I'm not throwing this note away! I'm mad and I'm gonna tell Mr. Brick this note is wrong! He isn't gonna send _me_ home today!


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as I open the door to the office I run right to Mr. Brick's office. "Mrs. Smith says I was fighting, and I wasn't!" I yell.

He's on the phone and he says, "just a minute," into the phone. He puts the receiver down and says, "give me the note and sit down on the bench."

The three of us sit down and listen to him tell the person on the phone he'll call them back. He reads the note and then looks at us.

"I wasn't fighting!" I yell over to him.

He stands up and walks out here. He looks at me and says, "stop yelling." Then he looks at the littlest boy and says, "come into my office."

The little boy is crying. I think he's scared. He follows Mr. Brick and sits down in a chair in front of the desk. Mr. Brick closes his door. A few minutes later the boy comes out and says to the other boy, "he wants you to go in now."

When that boy leaves the little one sits next to me. He still looks scared.

"What did you tell him?" I ask.

"I told him you helped me." Then he looks up at me and says, "thank you."

I hope he's telling the truth. I don't want to get sent home. Mr. Brick sends me home _all_ the time. Lots of times for just little things, but he _always_ sends me home for fighting. The door opens and the boy tells me to go inside.

I start talking before I'm even in his office. "Mr. Brick, I wasn't fighting! I was trying to help that little boy!"

"Heidi, stop yelling, shut the door, and sit down." I do that and before I can open my mouth again he says, "tell me what happened without yelling."

I tell him how the little boy wanted a drink and the other boy wasn't letting him get one. I tell him how the boy grabbed the little boy's shirt to hold him back, and how I held the older boy to keep him away, so the little boy could get a drink. Then I look at Mr. Brick and say, "you have to believe me! I wasn't fighting!"

He looks at me and he doesn't look mad when he says, "I believe you."

"You do?" I'm shocked!

"Yes. Your stories match up. I think Mrs. Smith thought you were fighting because she saw the end of what happened and not the whole thing. She saw you holding someone who wanted to be let go and you weren't letting go. She thought you were fighting."

"And you don't think I was?"

"No. Now go out there and do your work while I talk to the boys."

I stare at him and stay in my seat. I can't believe I'm not in trouble. Mr. Brick stands up so I do too, and I go out into the main office. Ms. Trent is at her desk.

"You're back!" I yell and run up to her.

"Hi Heidi," she says and she smiles.

"How come you ate lunch in the teacher's room?"

"Sometimes I do that. Why were you in Mr. Brick's office?"

"Guess what!" I tell her what happened at the drinking fountain with the boys and Mrs. Smith's note. "Isabella, I wasn't fighting," I tell her. "I told that to Mr. Brick and he believed me! Can you believe it?! He believed me!"

She smiles and says, "I'm glad."

"He _never_ believes me! I thought I was gonna get sent home, but he believed me!"

Isabella laughs. "See, I told you Mr. Brick isn't always mean."

I look at her and think about that. I'm not totally sure about that yet, but I'm still so happy he believed me I can't stop smiling. "Did you call Crane?" I ask.

"Yes, but there was no answer at your house."

"They're probably working outside."

"I'll try again later, but if I don't get ahold of him, I can always ask him when we go out tonight."

"Where are you going?"

Her cheeks turn pink and she says, "I don't know. Crane won't tell me. He said it's a surprise."

The telephone rings so she answers it and I sit down at the little table and think. I wonder where Crane is taking her. Mr. Brick and the boys come out of his office. The little one leaves and the older one sits on the bench. I bet he has to stay in for the rest of recess. Mr. Brick waits for Ms. Trent to get off the phone and then he tells her what happened with the boys.

"Johnny will be staying in for the rest of lunch recess and I'm going to go out to the playground," he tells her. When he walks by me he says, "how come you don't have any work to do?"

"My teacher forgot to give me some. She forget yesterday too. Ms. Trent let me make a Mother's Day card for Hannah. You know, to replace the one that got ruined."

I stare at him to see if he's gonna be mad about that. I don't think he is because he doesn't look mad and he doesn't yell at me when he says, "next time bring some work with you. Reading a book is fine too."

"Can I draw with markers?" I ask. I hope he says yes.

He stares at me and says, "no, this is supposed to be a punishment."

I sigh. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Then he says, "but maybe Ms. Trent has some work you could help her with."

I smile. "Really?!" That makes me happy.

Mr. Brick doesn't smile back, but he says yes, and then he says goodbye to Ms. Trent and leaves. Wow! I can't believe how nice he is today!

For the rest of recess I help Isabella sort papers and staple them. When the bell rings I say goodbye and hurry to my classroom because I can't wait to tell my teacher how nice Mr. Brick was to me.

* * *

The next recess is the last recess of the day. Mrs. Wilson doesn't have any work for me to do so she said I could work on tonight's homework. That makes me happy because if I can finish my homework at school, I'll have more time to play at home.

When I walk into the office both Mr. Brick and Ms. Trent are standing behind the counter talking.

"Look!" I hold my folder up. "My teacher said I could work on my homework!"

Isabella smiles and Mr. Brick says, "good. Why don't you sit down and get started then."

Well, he didn't yell at me, which is good, but I wish he would smile. When I sit down at the little table I stare at him. Maybe he doesn't know how to smile. Maybe he can't smile. Maybe he has some kind of disease that makes him not able to smile. Maybe I should ask him. He's looking at me now so I open my homework folder and take out my math assignment. I don't think this is a good time to ask him.

I look at my worksheet and groan. I hate multiplication. I'm not very good at it, but that's because I don't like to practice with flashcards. At least that's why Hannah says I'm not good at it. I think I'm not good at it because it's too hard. I look at the first problem and then stare out the window.

The office door opens and a student walks in and hands a note to Mr. Brick. He's an older student, probably an eighth grader. My school goes from kindergarten to eighth grade because our town is so small. All the schools in Carbon County and Tuolumne County are like that. There's just elementary schools and high schools. The boy sits at the table with me and opens up a reading book. I know who he is. His name is Tom. We both look at the office door when it opens and watch a parent walk in. She walks to the counter and talks to Mr. Brick and Isabella. Tom and I look at each other.

"Why are you here?" He whispers to me.

"I swore." He doesn't need to know the whole story. "Why are you here?"

"Talking in class."

I look back down at my math homework and sigh.

"What's that?" He whispers.

"Math. It's too hard."

"Let me see it."

I look over at the adults and they're still talking so I slide my paper over to Tom.

"This is easy," he says. "Here. You pretend to read my book and I'll do your math." He slides his book over to me and I open it up and pretend to read.

"Thanks," I whisper.

"No problem. I wish my math was this easy."

I hold the book in front of my face and watch Tom do my work. He's so fast at it! He's done with it in a few minutes. He slides it back over to me and I put it back in my homework folder and take out my writing assignment. "Do you want to do this too?" I whisper. He takes it from me and looks at it.

"Sure," he whispers. He shrugs his shoulders and says, "why not."

I look at a page of his book and start reading. I don't understand it at all. There are too many big words. I peek over at him and watch him write. Ms. Wilson's writing homework is always the same thing. At the top of the page it says what to write about and then you have to write a five or six sentence paragraph about it. Tom is writing fast and he finishes just as the bell rings.

I stand up and give him his book and he gives me my writing assignment. I put it in my folder and wave goodbye to everyone in the office. I skip to class feeling very happy that school is almost over and I have all my homework done.

* * *

On the way home from the bus stop I tell Guthrie all about what happened with Mr. Brick.

"Wow," he says. "I can't believe he believed you!"

"I know, me either! Guthrie? Mr. Brick never smiles. Do you think he has a disease that makes him not able to smile?"

Guthrie laughs and says, "I've never heard of a disease like that."

"I was gonna ask him, but he was busy."

"Heidi, if I were you, I wouldn't ask him."

"Why not?"

"Because that's one of those things you say that make people mad."

My brothers are always telling me I say stuff that makes people mad. I don't really understand what they mean by that because I'm only saying stuff that comes to my mind.

"Oh, guess what Guthrie?!"

"What?"

"Isabella said she's gonna ask Crane if we can come with him to her family's BBQ on Friday. Her sister's house has a pool!"

"Wow!"

Our closest swimming pool is in Angeles Camp. It's a big pool and you can take swim lessons there in the summertime.

"I wonder if she asked Crane yet!" I hope she did. I can't wait to get home! "I'll race you!" I yell and I take off running down our driveway with Guthrie chasing after me.

* * *

"Hannah!" I yell. "We're home!" I run into the kitchen and throw my homework folder on the table. Hannah is over by the sink washing dishes. I run over to her and give her a big hug. "Hi!"

She laughs and says, "someone's in a good mood."

"Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!" I yell.

"I don't know, what?" She asks as she opens the cupboard and takes two glasses out. Guthrie brings the milk over and pours it.

"Mr. Brick believed me, Isabella invited us to a BBQ, and my homework is all done!"

"Slow down," she says. "Come sit down and have some brownies."

"Brownies! I love brownies!"

"Oh my gosh," Guthrie says. "Would you stop yelling."

"Sorry. Hannah, Mr. Brick believed me! He actually believed me!"

"You're yelling again," Guthrie says.

Hannah laughs and says, "she's excited Guthrie. Just let her talk."

I tell her about the drinking fountain problem and how Mr. Brick believed I wasn't fighting. "You wouldn't believe how nice he was today, Hannah!"

"Maybe it's because you were being nice," she says.

I think for a second and say, "I don't think so. Hannah? Is there a disease that makes you not able to smile?"

Guthrie laughs and Hannah says, "I don't think so. Not that I know of. Why?"

"I think maybe Mr. Brick has a disease like that. I think I'll ask him tomorrow."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Guthrie says.

Hannah says, "Guthrie's right. It's best not to ask him a question like that."

"Why not?"

"It's just not a very polite thing to ask," she says.

I don't know what she's talking about and I don't care right now. "He was nice to me today!"

"Good," Hannah says. "Now tell me about this BBQ."

I tell her everything Isabella told me. "Do you think Crane will let us go?" I ask her.

"I don't see why not," she says. "Now finish up your brownies so you can get your chores done."

Guthrie and I finish our milk and brownies and then run out to the barn to do our chores.

* * *

Adam, Brian, and Crane are out in the barn. Good, I can tell them the good news all at the same time.

"Guess what?!" I yell.

"You got an A on a math test," Crane says.

I laugh and say, "you don't get A's in fourth grade, you get G's and that's not what happened. You'll never guess what happened today even if you had a million guesses! Mr. Brick was nice to me today!"

They all three look at me and don't say anything. I think they're shocked so I explain everything that happened with him today. "He believed me!" I yell. "He actually believed me!"

"Good," Crane says.

Brian says, "you're right, I never would of guessed that."

Adam glares at Brian a little before saying, "I'm glad. Why do you think he was so nice to you?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe he didn't have a bad day today. Maybe he got a lot of sleep last night..,"

Adam interrupts me. "Maybe it's because _you_ were being nice?"

I shake my head no. "No, I don't think that's it because I'm always nice." They all laugh at that. "What?" I ask.

"Heidi," Adam says, "do you think he was nice because you weren't in trouble? Maybe he was nice because you were following the school rules instead of breaking them?"

"No, I don't think that's it."

"I think it is." When I shrug my shoulders he says, "well, I'm glad he was nice to you and believed you."

"Do you think there's a disease that makes people not able to smile?" I ask. They look at me and don't say anything.

Guthrie yells from the loft, "I already told her there wasn't a disease like that!"

"Don't you think there _could_ be a disease like that?" I ask.

Brian says, "sure, it's called 'lazy mouth syndrome'."

"Really?!" I ask.

"Brian, stop teasing her," Adam says.

"I'll ask Mr. Brick tomorrow if he has lazy mouth sin... sin what?" I ask.

Adam glares at Brian and Crane says, "don't ask him that. Brian's just making that up."

"Yeah kid," Brian says. "I just made that up. I don't think there's a disease that makes you not able to smile."

"Told you!" Guthrie yells from the loft.

"Heidi, don't ask Mr. Brick that question tomorrow," Adam says. "That question will make him mad."

"Why?"

"Because it's a personal question."

Brian says, "it's one of those 'mind your own business' questions."

"Oh."

They look at each other and Brian says, "let's get out to the cattle."

"You guys go ahead, I've got to get ready for my date," Crane reminds them.

Adam looks at me and says, "I'm glad you had a good day at school today. Thank you for staying out of trouble."

I smile really big and give him a hug before he leaves. Then I call Crane's name and run after him.

"What?" He asks.

"Did you talk to Isabella today?"

"No. Why?"

"She's going to ask you a question," I tell him.

"What's the question?"

"I can't tell you. But when she asks you, you have to say yes. Ok?"

He looks at me and says, "are you planning something?"

"Nope. This was her idea."

"What was?"

"What she's gonna ask you," I tell him.

Crane picks me up under my armpits and swings me around in a circle. I laugh and he sets me down and gives me a playful swat. "Go get started on your chores."

"Have fun on your date!" I yell after him. "Don't forget to say yes to the question she asks you!" I smile while I watch him walk to the house. This has been a great day! I just need to do my chores and then I can play.

* * *

When we're done with our chores Guthrie and I decide to go exploring, but when we ask Hannah if we can, she reminds us we can't go anywhere except around the barn and the house because we ran away a few days ago. Then she says we can work on our homework now so we'll be able to play after dinner.

"I only have a little bit to do tonight," Guthrie tells her.

"And I already did mine at school," I tell her. She looks like she doesn't believe me. "Hannah, I have to spend 'every' recess in the office, I finished it all. You can even check it if you don't believe me."

"Ok, I believe you," she says. "I'll look at it after dinner."

Guthrie looks at me and says, "let's go outside. Maybe we'll think of something to do out there."

We say bye to Hannah and walk outside and sit on the porch steps to think.

"What do you want to do?" He asks.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Wanna climb the tree?"

I look at the big oak tree in the front yard. "No." That sounds boring to me. "We could ride horses," I suggest.

"We can't ride them anywhere except around the barn. That's no fun," Guthrie says.

"Oh yeah." I do more thinking. "Wanna shoot stuff with our BB guns?"

"No, but we could play in the mud pool we dug," Guthrie suggests. My brothers helped us dig a swimming pool over by the barn. It was fun when it was full of water, but now it's kind of just a huge mud pit.

"No," I tell him. "Then I'll have to take a bath tonight." I put my elbow on my knee and rest my chin in my hand. "We could take something apart and put it back together again."

Guthrie says, "I don't think Adam liked it too much when you took your door knob apart."

"I tried to put it back together, it just wouldn't work." I stare out at the barn. "Guthrie, if we don't think of something to do soon we're not gonna have any time left to play."

"I know." He stands up and climbs up on top of the railing that wraps around the porch. I climb up behind him and we stand on it and balance ourselves, then Guthrie starts walking along the railing with his arms out to his sides for balance, and I follow.

"We're tightrope walkers in the circus!" I yell as I lose my balance and jump down to the porch. I immediately climb back up.

"Let's see who can walk the fastest!" Guthrie yells.

"Ok! How are we gonna do that?"

"See if you can catch me!" He yells and he starts walking faster.

We laugh and I try to catch up with him. We both lose our balance a few times and have to jump down to the porch, but we get back up on the railing and balance again.

"What are you doing?!" Hannah says, and she sounds scared.

We both stop and turn around to look at her standing in the doorway.

"What?" I ask.

"Get down from there! You could hurt yourself!"

"How?" I ask.

"You could fall," she says and she's not smiling. She's talking in her serious voice too.

"Hannah, we play up here all the time," Guthrie says. "Watch, we can jump down to the ground and not get hurt. You just have to make sure you jump over the bushes."

He looks at me and we smile and jump off the railing, out over the bushes, and down to the ground.

I can hear Hannah gasp as I land on the ground. I land on my hands and knees, and so does Guthrie. I kneel and shake the dirt off my hands, and then we stand up and turn around to look up at Hannah on the porch.

"See?" I say and I hold my arms up to the sky and yell, "ta-dah!"

Guthrie says to me quietly, "I don't think she liked that."

She's looking at us and she doesn't look happy. "You could have killed yourself!"

I start to laugh but stop when Guthrie jabs me in my side with his elbow. "She's not joking. She looks serious," he whispers.

Hannah says, "you could've been seriously hurt! You could've broken your arm or your leg!"

"What's going on?" Evan asks.

We turn around and Evan and Ford are behind us.

"We jumped off the railing and Hannah didn't like it," I tell them.

Everyone's quiet now and Hannah is just staring at us. Guthrie is the first to say something.

"We didn't mean to scare you Hannah," he says. "We've done that before and we've never gotten hurt doing it."

Hannah looks like she's thinking about something and we stare at her. Then she says, "come inside and set the table." She turns around and walks inside the house.

The four of us look at each other.

"Do you think what we did was dangerous?" I ask Evan and Ford.

They shrug their shoulders. "I don't know. I've jumped off the railing before and I've never gotten hurt," Ford says.

"All of us have done it," Evan says.

Guthrie says, "Heidi, let's not do anything anymore that will scare Hannah."

"Why?"

"Because I want to go to the lake on Saturday, and she's not gonna let us go if she thinks we'll get hurt. The more we do stuff she thinks is dangerous, the more she's not gonna want us to go."

"Ok."

Ford says, "come on, let's help her set the table."

The four of us walk up the porch steps and into the house. I don't know how to stop doing dangerous stuff if I don't know what she thinks is dangerous. Maybe I'll have to ask her what's dangerous.

* * *

Hannah is quiet while we set the table, so we're quiet too. When we're done we help her with dinner and Adam and Brian come inside. When they're all washed up we sit down for dinner. It's a little quieter at the table tonight because Daniel is in town practicing with his band and Crane is out with Isabella.

"You seem a little quiet tonight, honey," Adam says.

Evan laughs and says, "I think she's still in shock from watching Guthrie and Heidi jump off the porch railing."

"Yeah, you should of seen her face," Ford says.

I look at Hannah and I can tell she's not happy. "Hannah, we didn't get hurt," I remind her. "See. We're ok." I smile at her but she doesn't smile back. Instead she looks down at Adam.

"Aren't you worried they could get hurt?" She asks.

He looks at her for a minute before saying, "I'm sure they were fine."

"I don't think you should worry about those two," Brian says to her. "They're pretty tough."

"Yeah," I tell her. "We're tough. I'm learning how to slide down the stair banister inside. I can slide down good from five steps up and pretty soon I should be able to slide down from eight or ten steps up. The trick is to fall forward onto the stairs if you feel like you're gonna fall or lose your balance, instead of leaning backwards and falling ... down ... to ... the ... living room. What?" Guthrie is looking at me and shaking his head. I look at Hannah and she's staring at me with her mouth open.

Brian says, "that's probably not what Hannah needed to hear right now."

"Do you do that Heidi?" She asks.

I look at her and don't answer. Then I say, "what?"

"Why don't we talk about something else," Adam says.

"No. Let's talk about this," Hannah says. "Heidi, _do_ you slide down the stair banister?"

"Maybe," I say very quietly and Hannah gasps. Then I add, "but I haven't done it in a long time."

Hannah looks at Adam and asks, "do you think that's ok?"

"No."

"What?!" I say. "I've seen you guys do it all the time!"

"All of you?" She asks.

"Yes," Adam says and then he looks at Guthrie and then me, "but I didn't know Guthrie and Heidi were doing that."

"We don't do it when you're around," I tell him and I hear Guthrie groan. "We don't do it when any of you guys are around."

Adam glares at me. "Well don't do it anymore."

"Do you slide down from the top?" She asks.

Everyone's quiet. I don't think anyone wants to answer _that_ question.

"Hannah, we've never slide down from the top before," Brian says.

"What?!" I yell. "I've seen..," I stop talking because all my brothers are kind of glaring at me.

"You've seen what?" Hannah asks.

"Nothing," I tell her.

"What other dangerous things do you guys do?" Hannah asks. She's talking to everyone, but I answer first.

"What do _you_ think is dangerous to do?" I ask her. "Do you think it's dangerous to ..,"

"Heidi, why don't you be quiet for a while and eat your dinner," Adam says. Then he says to Hannah, "I think there are lots of..,"

I stop listening because I'm too busy thinking. I wonder what the most dangerous thing is my brothers have done. "Adam?" When he stops talking and looks at me I ask, "what's the most dangerous thing you've ever done?"

"Eat," he says and he doesn't sound too happy. I sigh and think about other stuff while they talk. I wonder what the most dangerous thing Hannah has ever done is. I want to ask her so bad, but I think I'm supposed to be quiet. Maybe I can ask her later. I eat my dinner and start to listen to the conversation again when I hear Ford say Cleo's going to the lake on Saturday.

Cleo is Ford's girlfriend and she's nice. I like her. Hannah asks about Cleo and Ford tells her about Cleo's 4-H project. Hannah seems happier now and I'm glad. It feels like it usually does when we eat dinner. Everyone's happy and talking about their day.

* * *

After dinner I'm happy because I don't have any homework to do and Brian says he'll play a game with me. I ask Adam and Hannah if they want to play too, but Hannah says after she checks my homework her and Adam need to talk. They're probably gonna talk about dangerous stuff. Brian and I go into the living room and I run to the bookcase to pick out a game.

"Wanna play checkers?" I ask.

"Sure," Brian says.

I bring the game over and set it on the coffee table. Brian sits on the couch and I kneel opposite him on the other side of the coffee table. We set up our checkers and I make my first move when Hannah comes in with my homework folder in her hand and Adam following behind her.

"Heidi, tell me about your homework," she says.

"What?" I have no clue what she's talking about.

"Tell me about your writing assignment," she says. I stare at her and watch her sit on the couch behind me. I turn so I can see both couches and Adam sits next to Hannah.

"What about it?" I ask.

"Did you do it?" Adam asks.

I don't understand. "Yes."

"Hmm," he says, "that's interesting."

"Why? What's interesting?" I ask. Now I wonder what that eighth grader wrote. I should've read it. I don't even know what we were supposed to write about.

Brian says, "can I see?"

Adam passes it over to him and I watch Brian read it and then he starts to laugh, but stops when Hannah clears her throat.

"What? Can I see it?" I ask.

"Don't you remember what you wrote?" Adam asks.

Hmm. I think about that. I think the best answer is, "no, I forgot. I wrote it a long time ago."

"I think you'd remember this," Brian says and he hands the paper back to Adam.

"Please, can I see it?" I ask.

"Let's see if this refreshes your memory," Adam says. "Who's Fluffy?"

"What?"

"Who's Fluffy?" He asks again.

Oh gosh, what did that boy write? I've gotta think fast. "Fluffy is..., Fluffy is my..., my stuffed animal?"

"Nope," Adam says. "That's not what this says."

Now I don't know what to say.

"Did you write this?" He asks as he holds the paper up. I stare at him and don't answer. "I don't think you did," he says. "In fact, I don't even think this is your handwriting." He shows the paper to Hannah and Brian and both of them agree with him so I groan. Then he asks, "do you want to explain this to me?"

"Not really."

"Well you're gonna, so start talking."

"A boy wrote it."

"What boy?" He asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "Just some boy in the office."

"_Why_ is he doing your homework?"

"He said he wanted to."

"And you let him?" Adam asks and I stare at him. I don't know what to say to that because we all know the answer. "I'm disappointed in you," Adam says to me. I feel like crying when he says that. Then he says, "it looks like you've got some homework to do," and he hands me my homework and says, "get busy."

I look at my paper and then at him. "How? There's already writing on my paper and I can't erase all that."

"Get a new piece of paper," Hannah says.

"But I'm supposed to write on 'this' paper," I tell her.

"You can't," Adam says.

"But I have to. My teacher will get mad at me if I don't." That's not really true, well, it is a little bit.

"I'll write your teacher a note," Hannah says.

"But then she'll know what I did!"

"You should've thought about that before you let some boy do your homework for you," Adam says.

I look at the top of the page and groan. Why do we always have to write about our favorite something? We have to write about our favorite pet today. _Again_! I know I've written about Lucy before. We had to write about our favorite book last week, and our favorite food the week before that. Why can't we write about our _least_ favorite thing? I know what I'd write about. Homework!

I stand up and take my homework into the kitchen and find a spot at the table.

* * *

Hannah helps me with my writing. She always does because it's hard for me. My teacher wants us to have details in our paragraph, and that's hard for me to think of. Hannah also makes me work on my multiplication flash cards because she noticed my math homework wasn't in my handwriting either. Then when I was done with all my homework I had to go to bed early. That means no story. Adam or whoever tucks me in just says goodnight and gives me a kiss. We talk a little bit about why I got sent to bed early and I say I'm sorry.

Tonight I'm not tired. After Adam and Hannah leave I get out of bed and get my stuffed puppy and a book. I hold the puppy up to my face and say, "this day was good and then it was bad." Then I lay it next to me and read my book.

When I'm done I'm still not tired so I get out of bed and walk to my doorway. I peek downstairs and see Adam and Hannah sitting on the couch. It's the couch that has it's back to the stairs so they can't see me. I sit down on the floor to listen.


	4. Chapter 4

I can hear every word Adam and Hannah are saying.

"Adam, did you know Guthrie and Heidi slide down the stair banister?"

"No. We've all done it though. I don't do it anymore..,"

"I hope not!"

"Hannah, listen. We've all done stupid stuff. Dangerous stuff. I'm sure you have too. Haven't you?"

I can't wait to hear her answer.

"I guess so," she says.

She's not gonna say what?! Come on Adam, ask her what she's done that's dangerous! I wish I could yell down there and ask!

"We do stupid stuff when we're young," Adam says. "I don't do anything dangerous anymore."

"What about getting on top of the roof to fix the broken shingles?" She asks.

"That's different, and I think you're overreacting on that one. We live on a ranch Hannah. Dangerous things are all around us. We could get stampeded by the cattle, or get thrown from a horse, bitten by a rabid animal, accidentally shot with a shotgun, and the list goes on. Including falling off a ladder."

"You're not making me feel any better," Hannah tells him.

"The ranch is a dangerous place, but we can't live our lives in a protective little bubble. Do you understand that?" He puts his arm around her and she rests her head on his shoulder.

"I guess so. I just worry so much about Heidi and Guthrie."

"I know. I worry about them too."

He does? I didn't know that.

"You do?" Hannah asks.

"Yes. But they're kids, and most of the stuff they do, they've seen us do."

"That's what worries me the most," Hannah says. "They see you do stuff so they think it's not dangerous, and Adam? There's a big difference between a sixteen year old jumping off a railing and a ten year old doing it."

"I never thought of it like that before."

Oh no! Now she's gonna make him _think_?!

"Adam, I'm really worried about Guthrie and Heidi going to the lake without an adult."

"They'll be fine. Daniel will be there and I've already told them not to jump off the rocks, and I'll probably tell them a hundred more times before they leave on Saturday. We're all going to tell them that."

Now they're quiet. I can hear my brothers in the kitchen working on their homework. I wonder if Brian's in there. I wish I was down there with them. I hate going to bed early. Especially when I'm not even tired. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable sitting on the floor so I stand up and walk over to my bed to get my pillow and pull my blanket off my bed. My blanket will make a good cushion to lay down on top of, so I spread it out on the floor in front of my doorway and lay my pillow right at the edge of the doorway making sure none of it is out in the hallway. Then I get my puppy and lay down on my back with my head resting on my pillow. I wish Adam and Hannah would start talking again. Now that I'm comfortable they're quiet. I throw my puppy up in the air a little and catch it. It's fun so I keep doing that while I wait for them to start talking again.

I must've thrown my puppy up in the air a hundred times before I hear Hannah say something. "What'd you think about Mr. Brick being nice to Heidi?" She asks.

I catch my puppy and let it rest on my stomach while I listen.

"I think it's great she sees him being nice," Adam says. "I just wish she'd realize it's because she's staying out of trouble and not because he all of a sudden decided he'd be nice to her."

What does Adam mean by that? If I stay out of trouble Mr. Brick is nice? Is he nice to everybody if they stay out of trouble? Does that mean he's only mad when kids get in trouble? I don't think I've ever been around him when I haven't been in trouble.

Hannah laughs and says, "I think it's funny how she thinks Mr. Brick has some kind of disease that makes him unable to smile."

Adam laughs too and says, "Brian told her it was lazy mouth syndrome."

"He didn't!" She laughs.

"He did!"

I roll over onto my side and put my puppy on the floor in front of my face so I can look at him while I listen.

"I just hope she doesn't ask him if he has lazy mouth syndrome," Hannah says.

"I hope she doesn't either, all though, I would love to see his face if she did." Adam laughs and then he says, "I'll have to remind her in the morning not to ask him that. I don't want to get a phone call."

So if there's nothing wrong with Mr. Brick, why doesn't he smile? Maybe I can make him smile. I look at my puppy and whisper, "I'll make him smile! I'll do whatever I can to make him smile."

Guthrie must've walked into the living room because Hannah says, "are you done with your homework?"

"Yes. I only had a little bit to do. Do you want to check it?" Guthrie asks.

I smile at my puppy. Of course she wants to check it. She _always_ checks it.

"No, not unless you want me to," she says.

What?! She _always_ checks mine! I wonder why she's not checking Guthrie's? That's not fair! I'll have to ask her about that tomorrow.

Guthrie says, "no, I knew how to do it all. Do you want to play a game?"

I hope they say no. I want to hear them talk some more.

"Sure, what game would you like to play?" She asks.

I sigh. I wish I could play with them. Next time someone asks if they can do my homework, I'm saying no!

"Do you guys want to play poker?" Guthrie asks.

Evan and Ford say, "sure."

They're done with their homework too? This isn't fair! Everyone's gonna play except for me? Besides Daniel and Crane who aren't home yet. I want to play with them! I can hear them walking into the kitchen and getting the poker chips out. I can hear someone counting out chips and cards shuffling and chairs being moved around the kitchen table. I'm going down there!

I pick up my puppy, get up, and walk out into the hall.

* * *

"What are you doing down here?" Adam asks as soon as he sees me walk into the kitchen.

"I'm thirsty."

"You can get a drink upstairs in the bathroom," he says.

"I couldn't find a glass."

"Hurry up then."

I can tell he doesn't believe me but I walk over to the cupboard and get a glass down anyway. I put my puppy on the counter and fill my glass with water and take a sip. Then I walk over to the table and watch. Maybe if I'm really quiet they'll forget I'm here.

I take little sips of my water as I watch Evan deal out the cards. They start playing and since I'm closest to Guthrie I stand behind him so I can see his cards. I watch him play and I'm as quiet as I can possibly be. Ford wins the hand and takes the chips.

"Heidi, go to bed," Adam says.

I hold my glass of water up a little and say, "I'm still drinking."

"You've had plenty of time to get a drink. Finish that quickly and go to bed."

I drink the rest of my water while Evan deals. Then I look at Guthrie's cards again.

"Go to bed Heidi," Hannah says.

I walk over to the sink and put my glass in it. Then I walk out of the kitchen slowly and into the living room. I don't want to go to bed. I'm all alone up there. As I walk up the stairs I realize I forgot my puppy, so I turn back around and go back into the kitchen.

"Go to bed," Brian says.

"I forgot my puppy." I point to the counter and he nods his head so I go get it. Now what? I've got to think of a reason why I can't go to bed yet. I know!

"Adam?" I wait for him to look at me and then I say, "I'm scared."

He doesn't believe me because he says, "go to bed." He looks at the cards in his hand.

I shake my head no and say, "I'm scared."

He lays his cards down and says, "of what?"

"I heard a noise."

"What kind of noise?" He asks.

"A scary noise."

"Heidi, you do this every time you have to go to bed early. You're not scared, you just want to be down here with us. Go to bed, I'm not going to tell you again."

I smile at that and start to say something, but he already knows what I'm gonna say.

"That doesn't mean you get to stay down here because 'I'm not going to tell you again', it means, I'm getting mad and I'm going to be really mad if you don't go upstairs right now and get back in bed."

"Fine." I leave the kitchen and walk over to the stairs. The front door opens and Daniel comes walking in. He's got his guitar with him and his music. "Hi Daniel!" I run to give him a hug.

"Hi. How come you're going to bed early?"

I ignore that question and instead ask, "was your band practice good?" I follow him to the piano where he sets his guitar and music down.

"Yep. I've got a new song to work on."

"Can I help you?"

He keeps walking towards the kitchen so I follow him.

"I'm starved!" He says. "Is there anything to eat Hannah?"

"I'll warm up something for you," she says and she starts to get up but Daniel tells her not to.

"You just tell me what there is, and I'll warm it up."

"I'll help you," I tell him.

"Heidi," Adam says in his loud serious voice so I look at him. "Go to bed now, or you're going to bed early tomorrow night too."

"What? You can't do that."

Everyone's quiet and looking at me now.

"What?" I ask. "I didn't yell. I'm just saying I don't think you...," I stop talking because Adam looks mad and I hear Guthrie whisper, "stop talking!"

When Adam stands up I look towards the living room. I think if I run really fast I can run right by him.

"You don't have to run," he says, "I'm going up with you."

"Why?" I ask quietly.

"Because you need me to."

What does he mean by that? "No, that's ok, I don't need you to. See, I'm going to bed," I walk by him fast.

"I'm sitting this hand out," I hear him say so I run towards the stairs.

"I'm going to bed!" I yell on my way up the stairs. I can hear him following me so I keep running right to my room and as soon as I run through my doorway I trip on my pillow and fall to the floor. Luckily, I fall on my blanket so my knees only get hurt a little bit. I sit up and pull my pajama pant leg up and over my knee to look a it.

"Are you ok?" Adam asks from my doorway.

I look up at him and nod. He looks around on the floor and says, "what's all this doing here?"

I stare at him and after a while say really quietly, "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You put it here." He picks up my pillow so I scoot off my blanket so he can pick that up too. He throws my pillow up near my headboard and lays my blanket on my bed and smoothes all the wrinkles out of it. He turns around and looks at me sitting down on the floor. "Get in bed."

I put my pajama pant leg down and pick up my puppy. I dropped it when I fell. "I'm not tired," I tell him.

"Read a book." He stares down at me and says, "come on, get up and get in bed."

"I'm scared."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"There's nothing to be scared of."

"I heard a noise."

"Get in bed, now," he says and I can tell he really means it. He's almost yelling, but not quite yet, so I stand up and climb in bed. "Stay in bed," Adam says. "I mean it now, do you understand me?" I nod my head and he takes a book off my dresser and hands it to me. Then he leans down and kisses my forehead. "Goodnight," he says.

"Goodnight." I open the book and start reading so he leaves. Once he's gone I put the book down next to me. I really do hate gong to bed early. Everyone sounds like they're having fun downstairs. I feel so far away from them. I sigh and get out of bed. I pull my blanket back off and lay it out in front of my doorway. This time I fold it in half as best as I can so I can use it like a sleeping bag. Then I get my pillow, book, and puppy and lay the pillow in my doorway and get in the blanket. I get comfortable on my back and set my puppy next to me. I listen to everyone downstairs and I feel like I'm a little closer to them now. I open my book and start reading.

When I'm halfway through the book Daniel starts playing his guitar. He must be working on his new song. I've never heard it before and I close my book and lay it next to me. It's a slow, soft sounding song, kind of like the ones people slow dance to. I like it. I turn on my side and listen. Pretty soon I close my eyes and fall asleep.

* * *

My back is hurting and then all of a sudden it's not and I'm floating up into the air. I open my eyes.

"Crane?"

"Sh, go back to sleep," he says as he lays me down on my bed. He gets my pillow and lifts up my head so he can put it under me, then he gets my blanket and covers me up and lays my puppy next to me. "Goodnight," he says and he kisses my forehead.

"Crane?" He looks down at me. "Did Isabella ask you..,"

"Yes, now go back to sleep," he says.

"Did you say yes?"

"Yes."

That's all I needed to hear. I turn onto my side and go back to sleep.

* * *

I'm excited when Guthrie and I walk out to the bus stop.

"We get to go to the BBQ!" I yell.

"I know!" Guthrie's excited too. "We get to swim in a pool!"

"Guthrie? Do you think they're rich? If they have a pool, doesn't that mean they're rich?"

"I don't know."

I decide to change the subject to Mr. Brick. "Do you think I can get Mr. Brick to smile?"

Guthrie looks at me. "No! I hardly ever see him smile."

"So you've seen him smile before?"

"Yes, maybe once or twice."

"Wow! Did he smile at you?"

"No, he was smiling while he was talking to a teacher."

When the bus comes I think about what Guthrie said while I climb up the steps and find a seat. I bet I can think of something to get Mr. Brick to smile.

* * *

When we get to school I run out to the playground and look for Denise. She's over by the swings. I run up to her and say hi. "Did you ask your Mom if you could go to the lake?"

"I can't. We're going to my Grandma's house."

"Darn! I was hoping you could come."

The bell rings and we walk to class.

"Maybe I can come next time," she says.

"Maybe."

We sit at our desks and wait for Ms. Wilson to take roll.

* * *

At the first recess I'm excited to talk to Isabella about the BBQ. When I run into the office I find her in the copy machine room and yell, "Crane said we could go to the BBQ!"

She laughs and says, "yes, I know."

"We get to go!"

"I can't wait for you to meet my family," she says.

"Do you have any nieces?" I ask.

"No, only nephews."

"Oh." That makes me feel a little sad.

"My nephews are really fun, Heidi. They're very nice too. You're going to have fun with them." I smile up at her and she says, "you need to go sit at the table and get started on your work."

"Ok." I start to walk out of the copy room, but I need to ask Isabella something. "Isabella?"

"What?"

"Do you know how to make Mr. Brick smile?"

She smiles at me and says, "that's a tough one. He might smile if you're nice to him."

I frown. "No, that won't work. There has to be another way." I walk out and over to the table. I've got to think of a joke or something. I sit down and open my reading book. I'm not that interested in it. My teacher didn't have any work for me to do so I picked up the first book I saw on the book shelf. The office door opens and Mr. Brick walks in.

"Hi Mr. Brick!" I smile at him and hold up my reading book. "I brought a book to read today!"

He looks down at me and says, "good."

He doesn't smile or anything! When he walks into his office and Isabella walks by me I whisper, "I tried being nice and it didn't work."

"Keep trying," she says and _she_ smiles at me.

"See! You smile all the time! He never smiles!"

She puts her finger to her lips and says, "sh."

I look down at my book and think. What's a good joke? I know! I get up and walk over to his office. His door is open so I stand in the doorway and stare at him. He looks at me and says, "yes?"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs?"

"What?"

"_I said_, where do you find a dog with no legs?"

He doesn't look happy. "Go read your book. I'm busy and you're bugging me."

"You're not even doing anything," I tell him. "You're just sitting at your desk..," I stop talking because his face is turning red. "It was just a joke," I say quietly and I turn around and go back to the little table and sit down with a big sigh. Well that didn't work! Now what? I see a pencil on the floor so I pick it up and start tapping it against the table. I've got to think of something else.

I can't think of anything! After a few minutes Mr. Brick walks out of his office and stares at me.

"Would you stop that," he says.

"What?"

He looks mad and points to the pencil I'm still tapping.

"This?" I hold it up. "It helps me think."

"You're supposed to be reading and not thinking," he says.

That makes me laugh. "That's funny! I'm at school and you don't want me to think? I can't wait to tell my brothers that!"

"Heidi! Stop laughing, and talking, and tapping that stupid pencil, and read your book! Now!" He yells.

I stop doing all those things and stare at my book until he goes back into his office and this time he shuts his door. Then I look at Isabella. "I don't get it! Why is he always so mean?!"

"I think he just wants you to be quiet and read your book. 'That' would make him happy," she says.

"No, I've tried that." The bell rings so I pick up my book and get up. "See you next recess," I say sadly. And I walk out the door and to my classroom.

* * *

At lunch recess I'm ready to make Mr. Brick smile. I've got a couple of things to try. I burst into the office and look around.

Ms. Trent is talking on the phone. She looks at me, smiles and waves. Then she looks back down at whatever she's writing on her desk. Mr. Brick is in his office. I put my math work on the little table and take my cookies out of my lunch bag. I walk over to Mr. Brick's office and stand in his doorway. He's writing something down but when he sees me he looks up. "Yes?"

"Um, Hannah made these cookies for you." I walk in and stop in front of his desk and hold them out to him.

"No thank you. Go sit down and eat your lunch." He looks down and starts writing again.

"Are you sure? She makes the best cookies." I hold them out again.

"No thank you," he says louder.

I sigh and walk out of his office. I sit back down at the table and put my head down.

"What's wrong Heidi?" Isabella asks.

I don't even bother lifting my head. "Nothing."

The phone rings and she answers it. Maybe Mr. Brick will like the picture I drew. I pick it up and walk back to Mr. Brick's office.

"Now what?" He asks. He sounds mad and I haven't even done anything yet!

I hold up my picture and say, "see the picture I drew? It's my horse, Lucy." When he doesn't say anything I ask, "do you like it?"

"It's nice," he says. "Sit at the table and stay there. Shut my door on your way out."

"Why?"

When he stands up and starts walking towards his door I say, "don't you want to hear my joke? It's really funny! Where do you find a dog with no legs?" I ask really quickly because his door is almost shut now. "Right where you left it! Isn't that funny?" I yell to the door. I stomp to the little table and sit down. I'm so mad!

"I thought it was funny," Ms. Trent says.

"You don't count."

"Hey, that's not very nice."

I look at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just want to see him smile. Just one time and he won't do it! Is he having a bad day?"

"Not that I know of."

The office door opens and two kids walk in. They're both in seventh grade. Ms. Trent walks over to the counter and takes a note from them. She reads it and tells them to sit on the bench. Then she walks over to Mr. Brick's office and knocks on his door. Well, if he's not in a bad mood now, he's going to be in one soon, because one of the boys has a black eye.

I look at the clock. Hurry up time! I can't wait until the bell rings! I eat my lunch and look at my math ditto, but I think about Mr. Brick. I think I'm right! I don't think he _can_ smile!

* * *

At the last recess I don't even care anymore about making Mr. Brick smile. He's not gonna smile no matter how hard I try, so why should I bother? Ms. Trent is standing at the counter talking to a parent when I walk into the office so I wave to her and sit down. I forgot to bring something to work on so I put my head down.

"Why aren't you doing any work?" Mr. Brick asks.

I keep my head down and say, "I forgot to bring some."

"Why don't you help Ms. Trent?"

"She's busy. See. She's talking to a parent." I sit up and look over at her.

"I'm sure she'll be done soon and she can give you something to do."

Then an idea pops into my head. "What about you?" I ask. He looks at me and I can tell he doesn't understand. "Can I help you?"

He's quiet for a minute and I can tell he's thinking. I smile. Please think of something good! He walks behind the counter and leans down to open a cabinet. "Come over here and bring that box over with you," he says. I look over to where he's pointing and pick up a box laying on the floor by the bench. It's the same size as a big shoe box and it rattles when I carry it to the counter. He stands up and puts a box on the counter. I look in his box and it's empty.

"Open yours," he says.

I take the lid off and there's a whole bunch of markers inside.

"Someone donated these to the school. Here's a piece of paper. Test each marker. If it works, put it in this box." He points to the empty box. "If it doesn't work throw it in the trash can."

"Really?" I ask.

"Yes. Do you think you can do it?"

I smile and nod my head. "I just have to get a chair to stand on." The counter is too tall for me to write on a piece of paper for a long time so I get a chair from the little table and drag it over to the counter. I stand on it and take a marker out of the box. I pull the cap off and test it on the piece of paper. "It works!" I say. Mr. Brick is writing something next to me and he says, "good."

When I tell him the next marker works he says, "this is supposed to be a quiet job."

"Oh. Ok." I smile and do my job until the bell rings. "Mr. Brick?"

"Yes."

"Can I finish this on Monday?"

"Sure. I'll leave it right here for you."

I stare at him for a little while and watch him writing. How come he's so nice now? He wasn't nice earlier, but he's nice now. I don't get it.

He doesn't even look up from the paper he's writing on when he says, "go to class, Heidi."

"Ok!" I jump down from the chair and drag it back to the table. Then I skip out of the office and to my class.

* * *

"Guess what!" I yell when I run into the house. I give Hannah a hug and yell, "Mr. Brick gave me a fun job to do!"

"He did?"

"Yes!" I tell her all about it. I already told Guthrie all about it on the way home from the bus stop. "Hannah? Why do you think Mr. Brick was so mean for the first two recesses and not the last?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me about them."

I tell her about the first recess. "He didn't even want to hear the punch line!" I tell her.

"It sounds like he was busy working and you were bugging him."

"No, he wasn't busy. He was just sitting at his desk doing nothing. I even told him that."

Guthrie laughs and Hannah tells him to stop. "Heidi, just because 'you' don't think he's doing anything doesn't mean he's not."

"What?" That doesn't make any sense to me. "He wasn't doing anything."

"I'll have to talk about this later with you. Right now you and Guthrie need to go pack your swimsuits."

"Why?"

"Because Crane wants to leave soon."

"Oh right!" Guthrie says. "The BBQ! Why does he want to leave so soon?"

"It takes about an hour to get to Sonora and Isabella wants to be there by five so you can swim before dinner. I put a bag on the couch for you to put your swim stuff in," she says. "Go get ready."

Guthrie and I run upstairs to get our stuff. I can't wait to go!

* * *

When we're all ready to go Guthrie and I sit on the couch to wait for Crane.

Hannah sits on the other couch and says, "now remember to use good manners. You're going to Isabella's sister's house and her name is April."

"We know."

"It's April's birthday so make sure you say happy birthday to her."

"Ok," Guthrie says.

"How old is she?" I ask.

"I don't know, and don't ask," Hannah says.

"Ok."

"Remember to say please and thank you," Guthrie and I nod our heads, "and don't forget to say thank you for having us when you leave."

"Ok.

Crane comes running in from outside and he runs upstairs. "Are you guys ready?" He yells.

"Yes!" We both yell up to him.

He goes into the bathroom and turns on the water. I think he's washing his hands and his face. When he's done he runs down the stairs and I can smell the cologne my brothers always wear when they go on a date.

"Bye Hannah," he says.

Guthrie picks up the bag with our swim stuff in it and says bye to Hannah. I give her a hug and look up at her. "Bye."

"Bye," she says. "Have fun." She gives me a squeeze and then lets go.

I run outside with Crane and Guthrie to the jeep. "We just have to pick Isabella up, and then we'll be on our way!" Crane sounds really happy. I think we're all happy. This BBQ is gonna be so much fun!

* * *

After we pick Isabella up I fall asleep. I usually fall asleep when we go to Sonora because it's so far away. I sleep the whole way until the jeep stops and the motor turns off. I sit up and stretch. We must be at April's house. I climb down from the jeep. There are two boys chasing each other on the grass, but as soon as they see us, they run towards us.

"Auntie Izzy!" The taller boy yells and he hugs her. He's got dark brown hair and he's taller than Guthrie. A lot taller.

"Hello Ed," Isabella hugs him back and then she hugs the shorter boy. He has light brown hair and freckles. Both boys are taller than me. The boys say hi to Crane and ask if he brought his guitar. When he says no they seem a little sad. I wonder if they've heard Crane play before. Isabella looks at me. "Boys, this is Heidi," then she looks at Guthrie and says, "and this is Guthrie."

Both boys smile and the taller one says, "I'm Ed."

"I'm Mike," the shorter boy says.

Crane says, "why don't you guys play while we bring these pies inside."

When Isabella and Crane leave, Mike says, "I'm eleven. How old are you?"

We tell each other our ages and it turns out Ed is thirteen. I can't believe it because he looks almost as tall as Ford. Well, maybe not that tall. So both boys are older than me. Not much though.

A station wagon pulls up behind our jeep and Mike and Ed run over to it while Guthrie and I stare after them.

"Jeff!" Mike yells when a boy gets out of the car. This boy is almost as tall as Ed and he has brown hair too.

"Hi guys!" He yells.

"Hi Auntie Kathy!" Mike and Ed yell.

"Come help boys." Auntie Kathy says. Then she looks at me and Guthrie. "Hi, I'm Izzy's sister." She looks just like Isabella! She even sounds like her! "You must be Crane's..," she stops talking so Guthrie tells her.

"We're his brother and sister."

"Right," she says. "Would you like to help too. We've got a lot of things to bring inside."

"Sure," we both tell her.

We run to their car and look in the back of the station wagon. There are presents and food in the back, and Jeff's dad is there getting stuff out. His hair is the same color as his son's and he's tall. Probably as tall as Crane. He introduces himself and his name is the same as his son's. Jeff. He hands me a bag of potato chips and I follow Ed over to his house.

I look at the house and compare it to mine. This is a one story, yellow house with flower bushes planted all around the outside and underneath the windows. It looks pretty. There are four steps that lead up to the front porch only it's not a wooden porch like ours, it's cement. The stairs and porch are cement. I've never seen that before. When I walk through the front door we're in the living room, just like in my house, only the floors here aren't wooden like mine, they're green carpet. Shaggy carpet. The room has one couch, two chairs, a coffee table and TV sitting on top of a stand. The ceiling is lower than the ceiling at my house. The ceilings in my house are high. Crane passes by me on his way out to help. His head can almost reach the ceiling! I follow Ed into the kitchen.

It smells good in the kitchen! It smells like chocolate chip cookies, cake and brownies. There's a table in the middle of the kitchen and it has a big cake sitting on top of it that's all decorated. There are cookies and brownies on the table too. A lady is at the oven taking a cookie sheet full of cookies out of the oven and when she turns to look at us she looks just like Isabella too!

"Where do you want this Mom?" Ed asks holding up his bag of chips.

"Outside on the table." She looks at me, "you must be Heidi. I'm April." She smiles at me and I smile back.

"Happy birthday," I tell her.

"Thank you."

I follow Ed outside a sliding glass door in the kitchen that leads outside to a deck. Ed walks across it to the other side where a table is. It already has food on it. There are hot dog buns, carrot and celery sticks, watermelon, and a bunch of salads. Ed and I put our chip bags on the table and then I look around the deck.

There's another table set up with a table cloth on it and chairs all around it. That must be where we're going to eat dinner. On the other side is a BBQ. Crane is standing with Jeff's dad and another man near it. That must be Ed's dad. Crane sees me and motions for me to come over.

"Sam, this is my sister, Heidi."

Sam puts his hand out for me to shake so I do. "Hi. Nice to meet you," he says.

"Hi."

He turns back to the BBQ and I look at the rest of the backyard.

There's a big grassy area and a pool. It's a pretty big pool and it's not one of those pools that sits on top of the ground, it's one that's in the ground. I like those kind the best because you can jump into it from anywhere. My friend has a pool that's above the ground and the only way to jump into it is from the top of the ladder so if there's a bunch of kids that want to jump in you have to wait for a turn. I hear a dog bark behind me and I turn around to look at the house. A big dog comes running out right towards me.

"You have a dog?!" It stops in front of me and then walks in circles around me really fast smelling me. I laugh and then it jumps up on me and starts licking my face.

"Down Pup!" Ed yells. "Down!" He grabs the dog by his collar and pulls it off me. "Sorry, he gets excited when people come over. Sit!"

Pup sits and he looks up at me. His tail is wagging, it's thumping against the deck. Pup is huge! His head comes all the way up past my stomach when he's sitting down. I pet him and he stands up licks my hand. "I love dogs!" I tell Ed. "I want a puppy so bad, but Adam won't let me have one."

"Who's Adam?"

"He's my brother."

"Your brother? What about your mom and dad? Won't they let you have a puppy?"

"I don't have a mom and dad. They died when I was a baby."

Ed looks embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"That's ok. I don't remember them. Adam is my oldest brother and he took care of me when my parents died. I have seven brothers."

"Seven?! Wow, that's a lot. Is Crane the next oldest?"

"No, he's third." I tell him all about my brothers until Guthrie, Mike and Jeff run up to us.

"Look Guthrie!" I yell. "They have a dog! He's name is Pup!"

Pup smells Guthrie and licks his hand.

"Mom said we could go swimming now," Mike says. "Do you want to?"

"Yes!" Ed and I both say. "I have to change into my swimsuit," I tell them.

"I think we all do," Jeff says.

I run back over to the BBQ where Crane is.

"Crane! We get to go swimming now!" He smiles at me and I ask where the bag with our swimsuits is.

"Over by the front door."

Guthrie and I run to get it and then he goes with the boys to change in their bedroom while I go change in the bathroom. I quickly put my blue one piece swimsuit on and look for my hair band in the bag. I like my hair in a ponytail when I swim to keep my hair out of my eyes. I can't find the hairband so I stuff my clothes in the bag and run out of the bathroom to find Isabella. She's in the kitchen with her sisters.

"Isabella? Do you have a hairband?"

Her sister April says, "I do. Izzy, they're in the top left drawer in my bathroom."

I follow Isabella down the hallway. The boys are done changing and they run by us. The bedroom Isabella walks into has a bathroom connected to it and I follow her in.

"They have two bathrooms?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Is your sister rich?"

Isabella laughs and says, "no." She opens the drawer and takes out a hairband and a brush. I let her brush my hair and put it in a ponytail. Hannah taught me how to do that, but my ponytails are always messy. Isabella makes a ponytail like Hannah's, smooth and neat looking. "There." She puts the brush back in the drawer and closes it.

"Isabella? Why does everyone call you Izzy?"

"They've called me that ever since I was born."

I follow her back through the hallway to the kitchen. "How come you don't get called that at school? How come you say your name's Isabella?"

"It sounds more grownup," she says. "The only people that call me Izzy now are my family and my friends from when I was in school."

"Oh." Isabella does sound more grownup than Izzy.

"Come on Heidi!" Guthrie yells from the sliding glass door. I run through kitchen and out the door and meet up with the boys. They've been waiting for me out on the deck.

"I have to tell you the rules of our pool," Ed says. "No running around the pool. The cement gets slippery when it's wet and you can fall."

"Mom says you can crack your head open," Mike says, "but that's never happened before."

"That sounds like a rule Hannah would have," I say quietly.

"What?" Ed asks.

"Nothing."

"The other rule is no jumping or diving in the shallow end. That's it. Two rules."

"Let's go!" Mike yells and we run to the pool.

* * *

"Cannonball!" All five of us yell as we jump in the pool. We've been in the pool for a while now and it's so much fun! The pool was cold when I first got in, but it's not anymore. We've been jumping in and doing flips. Ed has been teaching me how to dive and I can almost dive straight down without doing a belly flop.

"Let's play basketball!" Jeff yells and he gets out of the pool and runs over to a basket on the grass. I get out and follow him. He grabs a small beach ball out of the basket and runs back towards the pool. I look in the basket and see a bunch of pool toys.

"Whoa! That was so cool!" I hear the boys yell from the pool. I look over at them and Guthrie yells, "did you see that Heidi?! Jeff slipped on the cement and he slid right into the pool!"

"No running!" Someone yells from the deck.

"Sorry!" Jeff yells. The boys have a floating basketball hoop that someone put in the water and they start playing basketball. I look back into the basket and take out two rings. I walk back to the pool with them and jump in.

"Don't you want to play basketball?" Guthrie asks me.

"No."

"Throw me the rings, Heidi," Ed says. I do that and then he says, "turn around and close your eyes." I do that and after a few seconds he says, "ok, open them." I turn around and look at him. "Go find them."

Oh, cool. I jump under the water and swim around the bottom of the pool looking for the rings. When I find them, Ed stops playing basketball and throws the rings in again. He plays with me like that for a while until someone yells, "hey kids! Time to get out and dry off. It's almost time to eat." That was Ed's dad.

We all yell ok and get out. Guthrie and I watch the boys run to the deck and grab towels from a pile on the stairs. I didn't see those before. We grab towels too and follow them to the grass. They lay their towels in the sun on the grass and lay on them to dry off. I do that too and the sun feels nice and warm on my back. Pup runs over to us and starts licking all of our faces. It tickles so I laugh and roll over and Pup gets on top of me and starts licking my face.

"No Pup!" Ed yells and he gets up quickly. He grabs Pup by the collar and pulls him off of me. "Sorry."

"That's ok. I like it." I have dog hair sticking all over my body though because I'm all wet and I have to spit because some hair got in my mouth.

"Come eat!" An adult yells from the deck.

We get up and run to the deck and over to the table with the food. I pick up a plate and look at everything. There's BBQ'd hotdogs, hamburgers, and chicken. I put a hot dog bun on my plate and squirt some ketchup and mustard on it. Then I put a hot dog on it and look at the rest of the food. I pile my plate with potato salad, pasta salad, watermelon and chips. The boys have their plates full too and they're carrying them over to our towels so I follow them.

We all sit down on our towels to eat.

"What do you want to drink?" Ed asks us. "We have sodas. My mom bought Mountain Dew too. Out of all the sodas that one has the most caffeine!"

"I'll have that!" I yell. Guthrie says the same thing.

Mike and Ed run to the house and come back a few minutes later carrying five Mountain Dews. Mike is also carrying a bone and he throws it to Pup. Pup leaps up and catches the bone in his mouth and walks over to me. He drops it at the foot of my towel and lays down next to me and starts chewing it. I pet his head and eat my hot dog.

The boys are talking about diving boards. The Sonora pool doesn't have a high diving board, only a small one, and the Angeles Camp pool has both. Then they start talking about rope swings and swimming holes in the area and then Guthrie brings up Camp Road and New Melones Lake.

"I'm going there tomorrow!" Jeff says.

"We are too!" I yell.

"Hey, Ed! Mike! You guys should come with me! My friend's brother is driving us and there's plenty of room in the car. They have a station wagon just like me."

"Yeah, you guys should come!" Guthrie yells. "We can meet you there and look for the rope swing!" They start talking about the secret rope swing and Mike gets up and runs to the deck. The grownups are eating at the big table with the table cloth on it. It looks like more adults have come while we were swimming. Older adults that look like grandparents or aunts and uncles. Crane is sitting next to Isabella and he's laughing. All the adults look happy. Mike runs up to his Dad and starts talking to him. Mike smiles and comes running back to us.

"He said yes! Dad said yes!"

We're all happy and talk about where to meet each other tomorrow.

"Dad said we couldn't jump off any rocks."

"My Dad said that too," Jeff says.

Guthrie says, "my brothers said that too."

We talk about how to find the rope swing until we're all done eating and then Jeff yells over to the adults, "Aunt April? Can we go swimming now?"

"No, let your food settle for a little while. Remember, thirty minutes..,"

"We know Mom!" Mike yells over to her, then he says to us, "we can't go in until we've waited thirty minutes after we eat."

"I wonder if anyone's ever died from swimming because they didn't wait thirty minutes after they ate." Mike says.

We all laugh and agree. "Let's play with Pup while we wait," Mike says and he gets up and runs over to the other end of the yard to a dog house.

"Is that his house?" I ask. "Does he sleep in there?"

"No," Ed says, "he sleeps indoors. We tried to get him to sleep in it, but he kept barking and crying. The neighbors didn't like that. He just uses his doghouse to hide his toys in."

Mike runs back with a frisbee and throws it to Jeff. Pup jumps up real high in the air and catches it.

"Whoa!" I yell.

We all run around and throw the frisbee to Pup. When he's tired he lays down on a towel and we throw the frisbee to each other.

"Time for cake!" Isabella yells to us.

We're all excited about that. So is Pup because he chases after us over to the deck.

Isabella is carrying a cake out to the table and everyone sings happy birthday to April. She blows out all the candles and everyone laughs and claps. Kathy brings ice cream out and her and Isabella put cake and ice cream on plates and we take ours down to our towels. Pup follows us and licks our dinner plates we left laying on our towels.

"Let's get some more Mountain Dew!" Mike yells. Jeff runs off with him.

"Hannah would never let us have two sodas. You guys are lucky!" I tell Ed.

"Who's Hannah?" He asks.

"She's Adam's wife," Guthrie explains to him.

"Before she came to live with us, my brothers were allowed to drink beer when they turned fourteen!" I tell him.

"No way!" Mike says. "That's so cool!"

"Well, we can't drink until we're eighteen now, and Hannah really wants us to wait until we're twenty-one," Guthrie says.

Mike and Jeff are back with the Mountain Dew and we each get a can and open it. "Let's have a race to see who can drink it the fastest!" Mike yells.

We do that and Jeff beats us all. It turns out he's thirteen too, just like Ed. He runs off with Mike to get more Mountain Dew. I look at Pup and see he's licked everyone's plates and is licking up the rest of my ice cream. I laugh and pet him on the head. When the boys get back with the sodas we drink those too.

"Time to open presents!" Someone calls out to us so we run to the deck and I run up to Crane. He's sitting next to Isabella and I stand in between them.

There's a whole bunch of presents on the table and we watch April open them. I can barely stand still I feel so excited. "Crane! We played frisbee with Pup, and they have rings to throw in the pool, and..,"

Crane laughs and puts his arm around my waist. "Calm down. Why are you so hyper?"

"I'm not! I'm just having fun! Did you know..,"

Guthrie interrupts me and says, "guess what Crane! Mike, Ed and Jeff are meeting us at Camp Road tomorrow!" He's just as excited as me. All of us kids are.

"Hey, how many sodas did you kids have?" April asks.

"Three!" Mike yells.

"All Mountain Dew!" I yell.

The grownups groan. "Sorry, Crane," April says. "I usually don't let them have more than two." She glares a little at Ed and Mike. "I think you two pulled a fast one on me."

"Sorry Mom," they say. "Can we go swimming now?" Mike asks.

"Sure. Go swim off all that energy of yours!"

The adults laugh as the five of us run to the pool and jump in.

* * *

After we've swam around for a while and jumped in a whole bunch of times, we start wrestling around. I climb on top of Ed's shoulders and Mike gets on top of Jeff's. Mike and I try to wrestle each other off the other person's shoulders and he finally pulls me off. We play that way until we get tired of it. The boys want to play basketball again so I play for a little bit until I start to feel cold.

The sun isn't shining high in the sky anymore. It's starting to get dark. I wonder what time it is. Now that I've stopped playing I feel really cold. I guess I should swim some more to keep warm. I decide to play in the deep end with the rings.

I love diving down to the bottom of the pool and trying to get the rings. It takes me a couple of dives because the pool is so deep I have to keep coming up for air, but I have fun trying. After a while I'm really cold. The boys are still playing basketball.

"Guthrie, I'm freezing."

"Get out," he says.

His lips are blue and I tell him that.

"So are yours," he says.

I climb out of the pool and start to run to the grass but I slip on the cement and fall on my butt.

"Are you ok?" Jeff asks. They stop playing to look at me.

"She's tough," Guthrie says. "She's not like other girls who cry whenever they get a little scratch."

"I hate girls like that!" The boys all say.

"Heidi's not like those kind of girls at all!" Guthrie tells them. "She's a tomboy."

"I'm ok," I tell them so they play again. I'm not hurt too bad and I'm sure I'll get a bruise, but I feel like crying because I'm freezing. I run on the grass to my towel and pick it up and wrap it around me. It's dark outside now and the outside lights are on. I'm so cold I'm shivering. My teeth are chattering and the towel isn't keeping me warm. It's wet and cold. I walk as fast as I can to the deck while holding my towel tightly up to my chin. Crane is still sitting at the table talking to the dads now and I go stand next to him.

He smiles when he sees me and hugs me. He's so warm!

"You look like a wet rat," he says. "A wet rat with blue lips."

"I'll go tell the boys to get out of the pool," Jeff says. I wonder how little Jeff, and big Jeff know when someone's calling them. I find out when Jeff's dad says, "time to get out Jeff Junior."

The boys all get out and run to their towels. Crane starts rubbing my back. "You're freezing!" He says.

I nod my head. It's resting against his chest and my hair is getting his shirt wet. My teeth are still chattering.

"Go change. You need to get out of this wet swimsuit." He lets go of me and I walk to the door.

It's so warm inside. I find the bag with my clothes in it and take them to the bathroom. I peel my wet swimsuit down my body and step out of it. I get dressed as fast as I can. When I'm done I look in the mirror. My lips are blue and my eyes are pink from the chlorine. I'm still cold and I'm still shaking, so are my teeth. I'm not sure what to do with my wet swimsuit so I carry it back outside with me. The boys are coming into the house as I'm going out.

"What do I do with this?" I ask Crane and I hold my swimsuit up.

"Hang it on the railing over there."

I do that and then go back over to him. He lifts me onto his lap and puts his arms around me. He's so warm. I listen to him and the men talk about the price of something. I'm not sure what they're talking about and I don't care because I just want to be warm and Crane is warm.

The boys come to the door and Guthrie says, "Heidi, come play with us."

I get off Crane's lap and follow them to a bedroom. It's definitely a boy's room. The walls are blue and the bedspread has pictures of basketballs, baseballs, footballs and soccer balls all over it. There's a shelf with trophies on it and there are team photos of baseball teams hanging on the walls.

"Whose room is this?" I ask.

"Mine," Ed says.

I look at his desk and gasp. "Guthrie look!" I run over to the desk and stare at the BB gun lying on top of it. It's not just an ordinary BB gun though, it's an air pressure one!

"No way!" Guthrie yells. "Can I pick it up?"

"Sure. It's not loaded."

Guthrie and I want one of these guns. We've seen them in stores and Guthrie's friend, Kenny, has one. We each take turns holding it and looking through the scope.

"Ed has a shot gun too," Mike tells us. "I'm gonna get one this summer. I get to go deer hunting after I learn how to use it."

My brothers go deer hunting too. Guthrie will be learning how to shoot a shotgun soon, but he doesn't want to shoot a deer with it. I'm like him. I'd rather shoot at animals that get our cows. Coyotes, mountain lions and the foxes that try to get in the chicken coop. I always feel sad when I see the deer my brothers bring home. Hannah does too, but she says it's free meat, and as long as she doesn't have to kill it, skin it and chop it up, she'll cook it.

"Do you guys want to play Atari?" Ed asks.

"I guess so," Guthrie says. "I've only played it a few times before at my friend's house."

"We just got a new game called Frogger! Come on!" Mike yells. "I'll show you how to play it!" He runs out of the bedroom and down the hallway. We follow him to the living room and over to a door. He opens it and runs down some stairs. "Come on! It's in the family room!" We follow him and he turns on a light and both me and Guthrie gasp.

The family room is big. There's a huge couch at one end of the room that faces a TV on a stand and two huge comfy chairs on either side of the couch also facing the TV. At the other end of the room is a pool table and small kitchen with a bar. There are sports pictures hanging all over the walls on the pool table side of the room, and video game posters hanging on the TV side of the room.

I whisper to Guthrie, "Isabella said they weren't rich, but I think they are."

"Me too," he whispers.

"Come on, sit down!" They yell. Jeff sits in one of the big comfy chairs and leans back.

"Look Guthrie!" I point to the chair. The chair leaned back with Jeff and he's laying back with his legs and feet resting on the part of the chair that opened up.

"Haven't you ever seen a Lazy-boy before?" Ed asks.

"No," we both say.

"Then you have to sit in one!"

Jeff sits back up and the chair folds back down as he gets up. Guthrie sits in that one and I sit in the other.

"Now lean back," Ed says.

I lean back, but nothing happens.

"Push harder," Ed says.

I do that, but still nothing happens, so Ed walks behind my chair and pushes the top part back with his hands and all of a sudden I'm laying back with my feet up. Guthrie and I look at each other and laugh. This chair is so neat.

Mike has the TV on and he's holding a video game controller in his hand. On the screen there's a picture of a river with logs floating by and a frog at the bottom of the screen. Mike moves the controller and makes the frog jump onto a log. I watch for a while, but get bored.

"Does anyone want to play pool?" I ask. I try to push my chair back down so I'm sitting, but I can't, so I roll over the side and down to the floor.

"I'll play," Jeff says.

Good. Video games are fun, but I don't understand the game they're playing and it's hard to wait so long for a turn. Pool is funner to me and I'm pretty good at it. The only problem I have when I play pool is I'm not tall enough to make some of the shots and I can't reach as far. Jeff sets the balls up and then he lets me break.

"I'm stripes!" I yell when one of the balls falls down a hole.

"You're good," Jeff says. "All the girls I know can't break. They hit the balls and none of them roll anywhere. The balls all stay in the triangle shape."

"I've been playing since I was a little kid," I tell him as I knock a ball into the right corner pocket. I miss on my next turn so it's Jeff's turn. He knocks a ball in and then scratches on his next turn. Pretty soon half my balls are in and Ed comes over to watch.

"I play the winner," he says.

"You'd better watch out Ed," Jeff says, "she's good!"

I smile and hit a ball in the center pocket.

"We'll see," Ed says.

He watches us play and when I beat Jeff, Ed sets the balls up. "You can break," he tells me.

"Stripes again!" I yell as I knock a striped ball in the center pocket.

"Good break," Ed says.

"I told you she's good," Jeff says. "Have you ever seen a girl break like that before?"

That makes me smile. I hit another ball in and then miss on the next try. Ed looks at the table and moves to where he wants to make his shot. Hmm. I don't think he can make it. He leans on the table, pulls his stick back, and pushes it forward hard into the white ball. He hits his ball into the pocket. He picks up the chalk laying next to him and rubs some on the end of his stick. Then he gently taps two more balls in and misses on his fourth try. This guy is good! I miss on my next turn and Ed hits two more in after that. Then I hit two in, but in the end, Ed beats me.

"You're good," I tell him.

He smiles at me and says, "thanks. You're good too."

I hand my pole to Jeff and go sit on a stool at the bar to watch them play. I spin around on the stool and look at the back wall. It looks like a bar. I only know that because I've looked through the door of the bar next to Marie's restaurant. There are glass shelves lined up against the wall with all kinds of alcohol bottles sitting on them. There are beer mugs sitting on the glass shelves too. And there's a mirror behind all of it. I spin around and around on my stool until I feel sick. Jeff and Ed must've been watching me because Jeff says, "now try to walk."

I slide off the stool and fall to the ground. The room is spinning and we all laugh. I can't get up so I stay laying down until the room stops spinning.

"Hey Guthrie? Heidi?" Crane yells down to us.

"We're down here!" Guthrie yells.

"Time to go."

"Ok!" We both yell.

I stand up and all of us go upstairs. Guthrie and I go out to the deck to get our swimsuits and then meet everyone outside on the porch. The grownups are talking to Crane and Isabella so the boys say goodbye to me and Guthrie.

"I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow!" Mike says and we all agree. We also remind each other where our meeting place is. Then Guthrie and I say goodbye to the adults and thank April for having us and we wish her a Happy Birthday again.

Crane, Isabella, Guthrie and I walk out to the jeep. I hear Jeff's mom say, "Jeff go get your stuff, were leaving too. Then I hear Mike yell, "Heidi! Wait up!" I stop and turn around to look at him. When he runs up to me he looks in my eyes and says, "I just wanted to say you're the coolest girl I've ever met and I'm glad I got to meet you." Then I stand there and stare at him while he runs back to his house.

"Let's go Heidi," Crane says.

I turn back around and walk to the jeep. I wonder what Mike meant by that? No boy has ever said anything like that to me before. I climb into the backseat of the jeep and sit down. I'm tired so I lean my head against the side of the jeep and close my eyes. We're going to the lake tomorrow and we made new friends, and that's what I'm thinking about when I fall asleep before we even get out of Sonora.


	5. Chapter 5

"Heidi, we're home." Guthrie shakes me. "Wake up."

"Leave me alone." I stretch and fall off my bed.

"Are you ok?" Guthrie asks.

Why is Guthrie in my room? I open my eyes and try to sit up but I'm stuck. Where am I? I look around and Guthrie is sitting on the seat looking at me. We're in the jeep and I remember where I am now, we're coming home from Isabella's sister's house.

"We're home," Guthrie says and he holds out his hand for me to take and he pulls me up from the floor so I can sit on the seat and I look around. We're on our driveway.

"Where's Isabella?" I ask.

"We already dropped her off. You were asleep."

Crane parks the jeep and I stare straight ahead. I'm too tired to move, but Guthrie's not. He jumps out of the jeep and grabs the bag with all of our stuff in it and runs to the house. "I can't wait to tell everyone how much fun we had!" He yells.

I groan. Crane is out of the jeep and he looks at me. "Tired?" He asks.

I nod my head and stand up. Crane holds his hand out for me and I take it and jump down from the jeep. We walk to the house together and Crane asks, "did you have fun tonight?"

"Yes. I like Isabella's family, they're nice."

"I think so too," he says.

"How come she only has nephews and not any nieces?"

"I don't know, that's just the way it worked out."

We walk up the porch steps and I can hear Guthrie talking inside the house before we even get to the front door. He sounds so excited. He's telling them about the swimming pool when we walk in.

"Hi," Hannah says. "Did you have fun, Heidi?"

I nod my head and walk over to the big comfy chair and plop down on it.

"What's the matter?" She asks.

"Nothing."

"She just woke up," Crane tells her.

"Oh."

Guthrie and Crane tell everyone all about our night. I look around the living room and see that everyone's home. I wonder why no one went into town. It's a Friday night, usually someone goes into town.

Guthrie's telling everyone about the pool table and the big chairs that fold out. "They have to be rich!"

"No they're not," Crane says.

"Well if they're not rich, then they sure are lucky," Guthrie says. "I wish we had a pool, and a pool table, and chairs that fold out so you're laying down in them."

"We have all that," Brian says. "We have a pond for our pool, and we have a couch that opens up into a bed so you can lay down on it. Do they have a couch that does that?"

Everyone laughs and Guthrie says, "what about the pool table?"

"Who needs a pool table when you live on a ranch!" Brian says and they all agree.

"The grass is always greener on the other side," Crane says and he sighs really loudly and then smiles.

Daniel hits him with a pillow and Brian says, "you got that right, brother," Brian says, "the grass always _seems_ like it's greener on the other side."

I have no clue what they're talking about. We don't even have grass. Well, we kind of do in the front yard, but it's not green and pretty like some of the grass in the front yards of the houses in town.

"We had Mountain Dew too!" Guthrie yells. "Three!"

"You drank _three_ cans of Mountain Dew?" Hannah asks.

"Yep," Guthrie says. "Heidi did too." He starts talking about the food now so I curl up in the chair and lay my head against the arm to get comfortable. Then I close my eyes.

They've been closed for a minute when I hear Adam say very quietly, "Heidi, it's bedtime."

I keep my eyes closed when I say, "no, I'm not tired."

"You're falling asleep in the chair," he says and I feel his hand on the top of my head smoothing my hair back.

I curl up in a tighter ball and say, "ok."

He laughs a little and says, "no that's not what I mean." He takes my hands and pulls me up so I'm sitting up and I groan. Then he puts his hands under my arm pits and lifts me up so I can put my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I'm not tired," I tell him.

"Is that why you're sleeping in the chair?"

"I'm not sleeping."

"Yet," he says and he carries me up the stairs.

"Why do I have to go to bed?"

"It's late."

"It's not _that_ late," I say quietly.

He stops outside the bathroom and sets me down. "Brush your teeth."

"I'm too tired," I tell him and I lean against him.

"Oh now you're tired." He pats my back and says, "come on, brush your teeth. You had a lot of sugar tonight."

I look up at him. "Did Hannah tell you to make me brush my teeth?"

"No. Why do you think that?"

"Because it sounds exactly like something she would say."

"Hey, I care about your teeth too," he says. He nudges me into the bathroom and when I start to shut the door he says, "no, I'm going to watch you brush them."

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

"Just brush."

I find my toothbrush and put some toothpaste on it and sigh. I look at Adam and put my toothbrush in my mouth and start brushing slowly. I'm tired. He starts to take my ponytail holder out of my hair, but it hurts because my hair is still wet. I jerk my head away from him and say, "ow. You're pulling my hair."

"Sorry. I just thought I could help. I'll let you take it out. Finish brushing your teeth."

I finish brushing and start to take my ponytail out, but my hair and the hairband are still wet so it's too hard for me to take out myself. "Just cut it out," I tell him.

"No." He works at untangling and pulling it out while I try to pull my head away from him. "I heard Mr. Brick was nice to you today?" He asks as he tries to hold me in place while taking the ponytail holder out. "Hold still."

"He gave me a fun ...ow! Job to do. That hurts Adam."

"Sorry, it's almost out, quit moving around."

"He wasn't very nice until the last recess."

"Oh? Why wasn't he nice earlier in the day?" Adam's done getting my ponytail holder out so we walk to my bedroom.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Every time I tried to talk to him, he got mad."

"Why were you trying to talk to him? Did you need help with something?" He sits down on my bed and says, "get dressed."

"I didn't need help with anything." I open the dresser drawer with my pajamas in it and pull out my nightgown. "I was just trying to make him smile." Adam looks the other way and I start undressing. "Adam? I don't think he knows how to smile."

"Heidi, I'm sure he knows how to smile. If you didn't need help with anything, why were you talking to him?"

"I told you, to make him smile."

"What were you supposed to be doing?"

I pull my nightgown over my head and put my arms through the sleeves. "I was supposed to be doing my work."

I get up on my bed and Adam looks at me. "Don't you think he was mad at you because you weren't doing your work?"

I stare at Adam and think about that. "Do 'you' think that?" I ask.

"Yes. Don't 'you' think that?"

"I didn't think about that."

"Are you thinking about it now?"

"Yes."

"Good. And what do you think about it?"

"I think ..., I think it's too much to think about right now."

I get under the covers and Adam pulls them up to my chin. "Do you want me to read you a story?"

I yawn and nod my head. He picks a book up off the floor and opens it up, but I don't even know what book he's reading because my eyes are closed and I fall asleep.

* * *

In the morning Guthrie wakes me up. "We're going to the lake today Heidi! Get up!"

I open my eyes and jump out of bed. "I can't wait!"

"I know! Come on! Let's eat breakfast and do our chores so we'll be ready to go!"

We run downstairs and into the kitchen still wearing our pajamas. Brian and Crane are standing at the stove cooking pancakes.

"Where's Hannah?" Guthrie asks.

"Adam took her to Marie's. She's working this weekend."

"'Both' days?" I ask.

"Yes," Crane says. "Can you get some glasses down for orange juice?"

"Sure." I walk over to the cupboard where we keep the glasses, and open it up, and reach up as high as I can to take the glasses out. The glasses in front are easy, but I need help reaching the glasses in back. Guthrie helps me and then he gets the orange juice and starts pouring. I start putting the glasses that are full on the table.

"Where's everyone else?" I ask.

"Out doing their chores."

"Yes!" I shout.

"Why are you so happy about that?" Crane asks.

"Because the sooner we're all done with our chores, the sooner we get to go to the lake!"

Crane and Brian look at each other and then back at me so I stare at them. "What?" I ask, only I don't think I want to know the answer.

"We've been talking," Crane starts to say.

"Who's _we_?" I ask.

"Brian, Adam, Hannah and I," Crane says and I groan. He walks over to me and pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. He turns my chair so I'm facing him. "Heidi, look at me." I look at him and he says, "this is important." He's looking at me very seriously and talking in his serious voice.

"What?" I ask really quietly.

"We're very worried about you going to the lake."

"Why?"

"Because we're worried you're going to jump off a rock and get hurt."

"I'm not going to do that," I tell him. "I promise."

Crane sighs and says, "we're still worried. Sometimes you forget things, or you do things without thinking."

"But I still get to go, right?" I look at him hopefully.

Brian brings over a plate of pancakes and sets them down on the table. "Please be careful out there today. You too Guthrie."

Guthrie tells Brian he will and I ask, "do I still get to go?"

"Yes," both Brian and Crane say at the same time.

"I promise I won't jump off any rocks." I stand up and hug Crane. I want to hug Brian too, but Crane doesn't let go.

"Stay with your brothers," he says.

"I will."

He finally stops hugging me so I start to put food on my plate. I take two pancakes, two pieces of bacon and a spoonful of scrambled eggs. While I'm spreading the butter on my pancakes the back door opens and Daniel, Evan and Ford walk in.

"Breakfast ready?" Ford asks.

"Yes. Did you finish your chores?" Brian asks.

"Almost," Evan says, "we have to finish mucking out the stalls and then we're done."

"When's Adam gonna be back?" Daniel asks.

"Soon," Brian says. "Sit down and have some breakfast."

They get plates and pour themselves glasses of orange juice and then they start talking about the lake.

"I can't believe it's almost summer!" Daniel says.

"I know," Ford says. "I'm gonna try to get a job this summer."

"You have a job," Brian says, "it's called ranch work."

"No, I mean besides the ranch work. It'd be nice to make a little bit of money."

"For what?" Guthrie asks and he smiles.

Ford's cheeks turn pink.

"You want to spend it on Cleo!" I yell excitedly. He doesn't say anything and his cheeks turn pinker.

"Where do you want to work?" Crane asks.

"The feed store," Ford says really quietly.

"So you can be with Cleo?" I ask. I like Cleo. She's really nice. Sometimes she comes over after school.

Ford nods his head. The front door opens and I yell, "Adam's home!" I can hear him hang the keys on the hook hanging on the wall by the door. When he walks into the kitchen he walks over to the coffee pot and pours himself a cup.

"Are any of you done with your chores?" He asks. "I want them done before you leave."

"No, we're not done yet," Daniel tells him. "But we'll finish them after breakfast."

"I filled the truck up with gas," Adam says, "so you shouldn't have to stop for any." Then he sits down at the table and starts putting food on his plate. "So tell me who are you all meeting at the lake?"

My brothers tell Adam which of their friends are going to be at the lake while I hurry up and eat my breakfast so I can get dressed and do my chores.

* * *

"Is it time to go?" I ask Daniel. "We've been sitting here on the couch forever!"

"It's only been five minutes," he says.

"We'll it seems like a lot longer than that!"

"Heidi, just wait patiently."

"I am. Is it time to go?"

"No."

He walks into the kitchen to help Ford pack up the ice chest and the lunches.

Guthrie and I are sitting on the couch waiting. We're all ready to go. I've got my swimsuit on with my shorts and T-shirt over it, and I'm wearing my tennis shoes. I can't wear cowgirl boots because the area we're going to is sometimes steep and slippery.

Evan comes out of his room and runs down the stairs. When he gets halfway down them he jumps up onto the banister and slides down it to the bottom of the stairs. He jumps off when he reaches the end and I laugh. That looks like so much fun!

"_Now_ is it time to go?" I yell into the kitchen.

"I'll go get the inter tubes out of the storage area," Evan yells into the kitchen. "Guthrie, come help me."

"What about me?" I ask. "Can I help too?"

"No, why don't you help Daniel and Ford."

I stand up and start walking into the kitchen when I hear Adam yell from outside, "tell Heidi I want to talk to her."

Guthrie turns around to tell me that, but I tell him I heard. I run over to the front door and outside to the porch.

* * *

Adam is waiting at the bottom of the porch steps and he looks serious. I walk down the steps slowly until I get to the second to the last one and then I stop and look up at him. "Am I in trouble?" I ask.

"No. I want to talk to you before you leave."

"Oh," I say very quietly. "I already promised Brian and Crane that I wouldn't jump off any rocks.

"Good. I don't want you to jump off any rocks either."

"Ok, I won't. I promise."

"This is very serious Heidi. I want you to stay with your brothers."

"I will."

"No wandering off. I mean it, stay with them."

"I will."

He stares at me for a very long time and then says, "ok. Have a fun time."

I smile and walk down the last two steps to hug him. Daniel and Ford come out of the house carrying a box with our lunches in it and the ice chest. "We're ready," Daniel says.

Guthrie and Evan run over and says, "we've loaded up all our inter tubes."

"You three watch these two like a hawk," Adam says to Daniel, Evan and Ford.

"We will," Daniel says and he pats Adam on the back.

"Yeah," Ford says, "we'll watch them like a hawk."

We all start to run towards the truck and Adam yells, "hey!"

We all stop and turn around to look at him.

"You three stay off the rocks too. I don't want 'any' of you jumping off the rocks. You guys got that?"

"Got it _Dad_," Daniel says and we all laugh.

"This isn't a joke," Adam says.

"I know Adam," Daniel says. "Just relax. We all know not to jump off the rocks and we've been going to Camp Road for years. Nothing bad is gonna happen."

"He's right Adam," Evan says. "We know that place like the back of our hand. Guthrie and Heidi have been there a lot of times too. Nothing's gonna happen."

"Well, be back by dinnertime and if you're even _one_ minute late, we're driving out there and looking for you," Adam says and my brothers laugh. "I'm not kidding," he says. "_One minute_ and we're searching for you, and we'd better not have to do that."

"Ok," Daniel says, "we'll be back by dinnertime. I promise you won't have to come look for us. Can we go now?"

"Ok."

All of us run to the jeep and Evan and Ford climb in back while Guthrie and I climb in and I scoot all the way to the middle until I'm sitting close to Daniel.

"Daniel? How come Adam didn't say, "be home by five, or six?" Why did he say dinnertime?"

"I know what he means," Daniel says and he turns the radio on full blast and we sing to the song that's playing as loud as we can.

* * *

When New Melones Lake comes into view we turn off the highway before the bridge and onto Camp Lake Road. The lake is one of the ugliest lakes ever. There aren't any trees around it, just dry brown grassy weeds. Usually there are boats on the lake pulling water skiers behind them, but today there aren't any. It's because we've been in a drought and we're still in a drought.

Camp Lake Road follows along the lake for miles until the lake tapers down to a branch of it that's pretty wide. We drive along the dusty, winding road that has brown weeds growing on either side. After a mile or so, there's a big oak tree on the left side of the road and then we pass by two more on the right side. Pretty soon we're driving past a lot of oak and pine trees so it looks like we're in a forest. I see some trucks parked along the side of the road and Daniel pulls up next to them where the trailhead is. There's also a station wagon parked on the side of the road which means Mike, Jeff and Ed are probably here unless it's someone else's car.

I climb out of the truck after Guthrie does and my brothers jump out of the back. Ford hands me an inter tube from the back. Guthrie takes two to carry and Ford carries the rest of them. He's holding so many of them you can't even see his face. I laugh and tell him how funny he looks. Daniel takes the box with our lunches out of the truck bed and carries that while Evan carries the ice chest. We start walking down the dusty trail that leads to the water. I run ahead because it's a hot day and I can't wait to get in the water.

I think my brothers said the trail is about a mile long and it's mostly downhill. I have to be careful when I walk because there's lots of small rocks and dirt to slide on. I can see the water below me as it peeks through the trees. I can also hear people. The closer I get to the water, the louder the people sound.

"Wait up Heidi!" Evan yells. I stop walking and turn around. My brothers are a ways behind me. I didn't realize I was that far ahead of them. I find a good rock to sit on and wait for them to catch up. When they finally do, Daniel says, "stay with us now. I want to find a good spot in the shade to put all of our stuff down. I want you to keep your clothes and shoes there too. That way everything's in one place and we don't have to look around for lost stuff."

"Ok." I lead the way down the path and try not to walk so fast, or run like I was doing before.

When we get down to the water I see lots of people. I look around to see if there's anyone I know, but I don't recognize anyone. There's lots of people scattered all around though, so it's hard to see everyone.

The area we're at is not like a sandy area at a beach. It's rocky here and has bushes and trees all around. It's like that on my right side, and my left. There are some people sunbathing on the rocks, and some people are fishing further down closer to the end of the lake. We're at a wide area where there aren't any high rocks to jump off of. We can walk into the lake from here and it's shallow until you get about chest high and then it drops off.

The branch of the lake is wide. I could swim to the other side if I wanted to, but it would take me a while. The further down the branch you walk or swim, the narrower it gets until you reach the end of it where the river is that flows into the lake. There are big rocks up and down this branch of the lake, and there are some really steep ones across from us.

As soon as we make it down to the water, Daniel finds a shady spot underneath a pine tree and Guthrie and I throw our inter tubes onto the ground and kick off our tennis shoes. I take off my shorts and T-shirt so I'm just wearing my swimsuit and then I pick up my inter tube and run behind Guthrie to the water.

The water is cold, but it feels good. We walk into the water until it's up to our stomachs and then we jump up on our inter tubes so we're laying on our stomachs and splash around. Then we turn over and sit up on our inter tubes and look around for our friends. Guthrie's friends from school come swimming over and they start a splashing fight. I find April's nephews and row over to them using my arms and hands as my oars. They're playing with friends and when Mike sees me he swims over.

"Hi Heidi!"

"Hi. How long have you guys been here?"

"Not that long. I'll go get my inter tube and come back." I watch him swim towards shore while my inter tube spins around slowly while I'm floating in the water. I look around me at all the huge rocks there are to jump off of if we swam or walked on either side of us. They're not that far away, and right across from us on the other side of the lake branch there are some rocks to jump off and I can't believe it, but some big kids are jumping off them! Aren't they afraid they're going to get hurt?

Mike swims out to me and floats in his inter tube next to me.

"Look at those kids jumping off those rocks." I point to them.

"I know, I was watching them earlier," he says.

"Aren't they afraid they're going to get hurt?"

"I guess not."

"It looks like so much fun," I tell him. "I wish I could do that." The next boy that jumps does a flip in the air before he lands in the water. "I don't remember those rocks being so high though."

"They weren't," he says. "The lake level is low so more of the rock is out of the water. See the lines on the rocks?"

I look and sure enough there are black lines on the rocks down near the water. "Yeah, I see them." There are a bunch of lines. The first line starts just inches above the water and then there's another line a few inches up from that one and the lines keep going up.

"That's where the water used to go up to."

"But the top line is so high up!"

"My Dad says that's how high the water level was years ago. I've never seen it that high before."

"Me either."

We watch the boys jump until I hear Daniel calling my name. I turn around and he's swimming out to me.

"Hi," I say when he reaches us. "This is Mike. He's Isabella's nephew."

"Hi Mike." He asks Mike the normal questions like how old he is and what grade he's in and then Daniel turns back to look at me. "Heidi, I just want to make sure you know that just because those boys are jumping off the rocks, doesn't mean you can."

"Ok. But Daniel? Why are they jumping off them if they're not supposed to?"

"Sometimes people think they can't get hurt doing something."

"Are _they_ going to get hurt?"

"I hope not."

"What if they don't get hurt? Does that mean it's safe for us to jump off them?"

"No. They might not get hurt today, they might 'never' get hurt, but that doesn't mean they _can't_ get hurt. They don't know what's down there. You can't see the bottom of the lake and that's dangerous when the lake level is so low." We watch another guy do a flip only this time he does two!

"Wow!" I yell.

"That was so cool!" Mike says.

"Just remember," Daniel says, "what they're doing is _very_ dangerous and you're not going to jump off _any_ rocks today."

"Ok. Daniel? Will you let me jump off your shoulders?"

"Sure. Go put your inter tube on shore so it doesn't float away."

"Come on Mike!" I yell. I slip off my inter tube and into the water and walk towards shore until I'm out enough that I can run. We throw our tubes onto the shore and then swim back to Daniel. He walks out in the water until the water comes up to his chest and I swim over to his back and climb up him so my feet are on his shoulders and I give him my hands. He helps me balance by pulling my hands up and then I jump off of him and into the water.

* * *

Pretty soon all of us on this side of the lake are in a big group and the big kids are letting the younger kids jump off their shoulders. Evan and Ford and all their friends are playing with us, and Guthrie, Ed, Jeff and all their friends are too.

"Try to do a flip," Evan says to me when I'm up on his shoulders.

"Help me."

"Push off and try to do a somersault just like you would if you were doing one on the ground."

I try that and land on my back. When I pop up he says, "good, now just keep practicing that."

I try again and after the fifth try I finally do one without landing on my back.

"Good. Now jump up a little higher and do it."

I do that and almost make it all the way around in the air. This time when I pop up Mike is climbing on Evan's shoulders. "Let me try!" He yells. Evan and I laugh when he lands on his back because he looks so funny. When Mike pops up and tries to climb back up on Evan's shoulders, I try to pull him off. We laugh and end up having a splashing war which Evan wins because he dunks both of us at the same time.

We both laugh when we come up out of the water and Evan says, "ok go climb up someone else's shoulders. Mine need a break." He swims off to a friend and I find Ford. Mike and I swim to him. He doesn't see us coming so I swim up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders and try to push him under the water.

He spins around. "Hey!" He laughs and tries to push me under and Mike and I gang up on him. Ford laughs and yells, "Daniel help!"

Daniel swims over and I yell, "no! That's not fair! You guys are bigger than us!" I laugh when Daniel tries to pull me off Ford. "Guthrie!" I yell. "Help!"

Guthrie comes to help and now all of us younger kids are ganging up on the bigger kids. It's a lot of fun until someone gets hurt. We all stop playing when we hear a boy crying. I don't know who it is, but Mike does so he swims over to him. "It sounds like someone jumped on him Daniel says, "let's take a break from all the roughhousing."

"Let's go see what the girls are doing," someone says.

The older kids agree and swim off towards a group of girls near shore. They're standing in a circle about knee-deep in the water while talking. I hope when I'm a teenager I don't stop playing around and having fun. I bet they're talking about boys too.

Guthrie says, "I'm hungry. Let's eat lunch."

A bunch of us swim to shore and find our lunches. Guthrie and I each take a soda from our ice chest and go join a group of boys sitting on some rocks eating their lunches. Mike, Jeff and Ed are there along with a few kids from their school. The boys are talking about jumping off rocks.

"I wish my older sister wasn't here," one of them says. "I could jump off those rocks across the lake just like those other boys did."

"Same here," another boy says.

"But it's too dangerous to jump off the rocks," I remind them.

The two boys that were talking look at me and one says, "no it's not. Nothing happened to 'those' boys."

The other one says, "yeah, they had a lot of fun jumping off the rocks and all we could do was watch."

"My brothers say it's too dangerous," I tell them.

"Your brothers are wrong."

I stand up and yell, "no they're not!"

Mike says, "my parents told me jumping off the rocks was dangerous too."

Ed, Jeff and Guthrie agree. The two boys don't say anything back, but whisper to each other instead. There's a few other boys in our group too, and they don't say anything. We're all quiet now while we eat our lunch. I'm done eating my cookies so I take my sandwich out of my lunch bag and start eating that.

When the boys start talking again, I just listen. It turns out they're all twelve and thirteen. Me and Mike are the youngest, well, I'm the youngest, but at eleven Mike is younger than them too. I learn the boys' names too. The two that are kind of bossy and in charge, are Grant and Tim. The other three boys' names are Mark, Scott and Clark. Those three seem nice, but Grant and Tim don't seem nice at all to me. It seems like they are the leaders of the group though. The kind of leader kids don't really like all the time, but follow them anyway.

"Do you like those boys?" I whisper to Mike.

"I don't know them." He turns to his brother Ed and asks him if he likes them.

Ed whispers, "they're ok most of the time. If they're bothering you, we can go somewhere else."

I whisper back, "no, it's ok."

We eat our lunch and talk and when the conversation turns to snakes, Grant says, "there's a huge King snake that lives here."

"How do you know that?" Guthrie asks.

"I've seen it before."

I take a bit of my apple and stand up. If there's a huge snake that lives here, I'm gonna find it. Pretty soon we're all standing up searching for snakes and other critters. We're climbing all over rocks. Up them, down them, getting further away from where we ate lunch.

"Heidi, stop there and don't go any further. I'm gonna tell Daniel where we're going and what we're doing," Guthrie says.

"I need to ask my sister if I can go," Scott says.

"I need to ask my brother too," Mark says.

"Ok, do that. Let's all go back so we can put our shoes on," Tim says. "We'll be able to walk faster with them on."

We all walk back to the area where we were swimming, and Guthrie and I go find Daniel. He's out in the water playing with his friends. They're all playing chicken only they're playing with the girls now. The girls are sitting on top of the boys' shoulders and they're trying to knock and wrestle their friends into the water. It looks like a lot of fun. Guthrie and I swim out to him.

"Cleo's here!" I yell when we get out to him. I yell Cleo's name. She looks over at me and smiles and waves to me so I wave back.

Guthrie tells Daniel what we want to do and he says we can do it as long as we tell him we won't jump off any rocks.

"I promise I won't," I tell him and Guthrie does the same.

"Ok, but if I even think you're going to jump off one, you're going to be sitting out for the rest of the day."

We both yell ok to him as we swim back towards shore.

"And don't go too far!" He yells after us.

We run to where our shoes are and the kids that already have their shoes on are waiting for us. I sit down on the ground to put my tennis shoes on. Once we're all ready, Tim and Grant tell us they're going to lead us to the place where the King snake was last seen. We all follow them up the rocks we ate lunch on and up to a path that winds through the tree line. There's a narrow path to follow and we walk along it.

* * *

"Are we almost there?" Ed asks.

"Yeah," Ed says. "I told my sister I wasn't going far."

"We're almost there," Tim says.

Jeff says, "Heidi, do you like hiking and climbing rocks and holding snakes?"

"Yes. I like riding horses too. And adventuring. Me and Guthrie do that a lot."

"What kinds of adventures do you go on?" Ed asks.

"We hunt for bears, or pan for gold, or just walk and see what we find," Guthrie says. "We find caves and explore those too."

"Wow," Mike says. "Your brothers take you to do all those things?"

"No," I tell him. I'm a little confused because I'm not sure what he means by that. "We just walk by ourselves."

"But how do you get to the cave?" Mike asks.

"We walk."

Guthrie says, "we have all our adventures on our ranch."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the ranch is our backyard. We have a lot of land to explore," Guthrie says.

"We have a pond and a river and caves and trees to climb," I tell them. We talk about our ranch and tell them about some of our adventures while we walk.

We keep following the path until it comes to a stop at the base of more rocks to climb up. We start climbing but these rocks are steeper than the other ones so they're harder to climb. My feet keep slipping a lot and one time I had to put my hands down on the ground to stop my fall and they're scraped now. While we're climbing I start hearing voices. It sounds like people are at the top of the rock and they're laughing and talking. The closer we get to the top of the rock, the louder the voices get.

When we reach the top some teenagers are here. Two girls and two boys. They say hi to us and then one of them runs and jumps off the rock. I gasp and so do some of the other boys. We look out to where he landed in the water, and it's a long way down.

"Come on down!" He yells up to us. The other teenager runs and jumps off too. We all watch and I hope he doesn't get hurt. I look at the girls and wonder if they're going to jump too. I look at the drinks they're holding in their hand. They're drinking beer. Beer in glass bottles.

"You kids should jump," the girl with the blonde hair says.

"We can't, it's too dangerous," I tell her.

The girls laugh. "Let me guess," the girl with the brown hair says, "your mom and dad told you that."

"No," I tell them quietly.

"Then jump."

I look at Guthrie and he tells her we can't jump.

"I'm jumping!" Both Tim and Grant say and they run and jump off the rock just like the teenagers did.

"That was so much fun!" They yell from the water.

All four of the boys swim to the bottom of the rock and start the climb back up to the top. I look around and start to get scared. "Guthrie? How are we gonna get down from here?"

He looks around too and so do the other boys. "I don't know. It's too steep to climb down."

"The only way to get down is to jump," the blonde girl says.

"But we can't."

"That's the only way."

The boys are back at the top with us. The teenage boys jump right back in.

"Come on guys," Grant says. "It's fun."

"We can't jump off the rock, Grant," Jeff says. "You led us here, how are we supposed to get down?"

Grant and Tim look around. "I guess you'll have to jump," Tim says. "Sorry."

I feel like crying. I don't want to jump. I told my brothers I wouldn't jump. I 'promised' them I wouldn't jump. But I'm also scared to jump. The stories my brothers told about people getting hurt scared me.

"No one's going to get hurt," Grant says. "All you have to do is jump off once. Then we'll swim around until we find a place to get out and walk back."

Tim says, "Grant's right."

The brown haired girl says, "actually, if you walk down that way a little bit, there's a small bridge. You could jump off that, it's not as high as the rock."

We all look to where she's pointing. We walk over and look down at an old, narrow, bridge. It looks like it could fall apart any minute.

"That doesn't look very safe," Guthrie says and everyone agrees.

"Are you sure that's safe to walk on?" Jeff asks the girls.

"Yeah, I'll prove it." The girls stand up and walk over to the bridge. They slide down on their bottoms to the bridge. Once they get there they both walk on it together.

The bridge makes creaking noises and it sways a lot. "See," the blonde hair girl says, "it's safe." She jumps off the bridge and the brown haired girl jumps off too. They both land in the water and pop right back up.

"Once you jump, you just swim around the rock to the other side."

The girls swim away and when we can't see them anymore Ed says, "I guess we don't have much choice. We either jump off the rock, or the bridge."

"I'm jumping off the rock," Tim says.

"Me too," Grant says. "We'll meet you on the other side of the rock!" They run off and everyone else follows them except for Guthrie, Ed, Mike, Jeff, and me.

"Guthrie, I'm scared," I whisper to him. "I don't want to get hurt."

"Me either." He takes my hand. "Come on, let's jump together, I'm scared too."

"I'm scared too," Mike says. I guess he could hear us.

"I'll jump with you," Ed says.

Guthrie walks towards the edge of the rock and lets go of my hand. We both sit down on the edge of the rock and slide down really slowly. My body starts to slide faster than I want it to so I try to stop it and I can't. I end up sliding fast right into the bridge.

"Are you ok?!" Everyone yells.

"Yes."

Guthrie is by me now and he says, "are you sure?"

"Yes." I look around at where we're at and basically there's the rock we just slid down and the bridge on it to cross right to another huge steep rock like the one we're on. "Guthrie? Why is there a bridge here? There's no path on this side. It's like a dead end."

"Maybe there's a path at the other end," he says.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, it just seems weird."

"You know the foothills has old stuff like this all over the place. It was probably built during the gold rush."

"Hey, maybe there's a cave at the other end!" I yell.

"We have to go back."

"I know."

Guthrie and I stand up and walk to the middle of the bridge. The bridge wobbles a lot and it looks like it's as high as a high dive. "On the count of three?" Guthrie asks.

I nod my head and squeeze my eyes shut.

"One ..., two ..., THREE!" Guthrie yells and I step off the bridge.

I feel the air rushing by me as I fall, it feels cold. The water is colder. As my body plunges into the cold water I open my eyes. The water is green with sunlight shining through it. There are bubbles all around me. I keep falling down towards the bottom, but I never feel the bottom. I start kicking my legs so I can float back up to the top. I'm not popping up fast at all. This never happens! Why is it so hard to swim to the top? I keep kicking my legs faster and I get closer, but I don't know if I can hold my breath much longer. I feel like I have a weight on me that's holding me under. My head finally makes it to the top of the water and it pops out but only half of it. I tilt my head so my face is out of the water. "Guthrie!" I gasp and my head goes under. I tread water as fast as I can, but it doesn't feel right. "Guthrie!"

"I'm here!" He yells.

"I can't swim!"

"I know, take your shoes off!"

My head dips under again. I kick one shoe off and then the other. Now I feel fine. I can tread water and swim just fine.

"It's hard to swim in shoes." He looks up at the boys on the bridge. "Take your shoes off and hold them in your hands!" He yells up. "Come on Heidi, swim over this way so we're out of their way." I follow Guthrie and we watch Jeff, Ed and Mike jump in. They swim over to us and we swim around to the other side of the rock together.

Everyone is waiting for us and we swim to them and get out where there's a little bit of shore.

"If we climb up from here, the path should be at the top," Tim says.

Guthrie, Ed, Jeff and Mike sit down to put their shoes on and I stare at them.

"Oh no!" I yell.

"What's wrong?!" Guthrie asks. "Are you hurt?!"

"No! My shoes are at the bottom of the lake!"

"Didn't you hold on to them after you took them off?" Jeff asks.

"No!" I cry. "I just kicked them off and swam away."

"How are you gonna walk back?" Mike asks. He looks really worried and I cry.

Guthrie comes over to me. "It's going to be ok Heidi." He puts his arm around me.

"But how am I gonna walk back?"

"You could swim back," Ed suggests.

"I don't think so," Jeff says. "I think it would be too hard."

"What do we do?" I ask Guthrie. "It's gonna take me too long to walk back and then we'll be late, and then they'll be mad and then ...,"

"Heidi, stop," Guthrie says and he puts both his hands on top of my shoulders. "It's going to be ok. I'll go get Daniel, and Evan, and Ford."

"You're going to leave me here?"

"I'll stay with you," Mike says.

"We will too," Jeff and Ed say.

"I'll run," Guthrie says. "Try to walk back if you can and we'll meet you on the path. Ok?"

I nod my head and wipe my eyes.

"I'll be right back!" Guthrie yells and he walks up the rocks to find the path.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reviewing!**

* * *

"Are you ok Heidi?" Ed asks.

I nod my head but tears keep rolling down my cheeks. Ed, Jeff and Mike kneel down beside me.

"I'm sorry you lost your shoes," Mike says.

"I'm gonna be in trouble," I tell them. "I don't have any other shoes except for my cowgirl boots and I bet tennis shoes are expensive. What should I say happened to them? I can't tell them I lost them because I jumped off a bridge."

"But you didn't lose them because you jumped off a bridge," Jeff says. "You lost them because you couldn't swim with them on."

"But they know I know how to swim. They wouldn't understand why I went swimming with them on." I cover my face with my hands and cry.

"It's going to be ok. I'm sure they won't be too mad," Jeff says and then he says, "Ed, do you think we should start walking back?"

"Let's see if we can find a good way up to the path for Heidi," Ed says. "We'll be right back. Mike stay here with Heidi." They leave and I hope they can find an easy way for me to walk up.

I'm still crying with my face covered up and I feel Mike sit down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" He asks.

I put my hands down and look at him, "yes."

"I think it's really neat that you jumped off the bridge."

I shrug my shoulders. "So. You jumped off it too."

"I know, but you're a girl."

"So, what does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know, I just think it's neat that you jumped, that's all."

Ed and Jeff come running and sliding down from up above. "I think we found a good way up to the path," Ed says.

"Come on, we'll help you," Jeff says.

I stand up and follow Jeff up the rock. Ed and Mike follow behind me.

"Sometimes it's easier to climb up rocks with no shoes on," Jeff says. "This isn't a big rock to climb and it flattens out about half way up."

I have to walk slow because the rock feels rough and hard beneath my feet. There are tiny rocks that stick to my feet and those hurt. I have to keep stopping and wiping them off, so it takes me forever to get to the place where the rock flattens out. When I finally reach it I find a place to sit.

"This is going to take forever and my feet hurt," I tell them. I feel like crying again, but I'm not going to.

"We'll go scout out another path," Ed says and him and Jeff start climbing again.

Mike walks up to me. "Look what I found," he says and he holds out a big purple flower to me.

I stare at him, and when he doesn't say anything but just keeps holding out the flower, I take it. It looks like a daisy only I don't think daisies are purple. "Thanks. Purple is my favorite color." He smiles when I say that. I'm not sure what to do with the flower. All I'm wearing is my swimsuit so I don't have a place to put it.

I think Mike realizes that because he says, "sometimes when my Aunt Izzy was younger, my Mom would put a flower in her hair. I've seen pictures of Aunt Izzy with flowers in her hair, or behind her ear, or in her ponytail."

"I am _not_ going to wear a flower in my hair!"

Mike looks sad when I say that. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to make you mad. My Mom said she would put the flowers in my Aunt Izzy's hair when Izzy was feeling sad. The flowers always cheered her up."

I feel bad now so I tuck the flower behind my ear and look at Mike. He smiles.

I have to take it out though. "Sorry, it's bugging me." I take the flower out and hold it in my hand and stare at it.

Ed and Jeff come back and Ed says, "we could carry you up Heidi. It's not that far."

"No, that would be too hard for you," I tell him. "I'll just wait for my brothers. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to say you're sorry. We'll go back up to the path and wait for them."

Ed and Jeff walk back up while I sit and stare at the flower in my hand and think of what I'm going to say about my shoes.

* * *

"She's down here," I hear Ed yell.

I look up and see Ed, Jeff, Guthrie, Daniel, Evan and Ford walking down to me. I stand up and look up at them.

"I'm sorry."

"Where are your shoes?" Daniel asks.

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I just don't. They're lost."

"We're did you leave them?"

I look at Guthrie. "She doesn't remember," he tells him.

They look at me and I look down at the flower in my hand.

"Let's look for them," Daniel says.

"We've already done that," Guthrie tells them.

"We've looked all over for them," Ed adds.

"Well, we're gonna do it again," Daniel says. "They have to be around here somewhere."

"They're not," I tell him. Evan, Daniel and Ford look around for them so I say, "I didn't take them off here. I walked up here from way down there." I point down to the water. When they start to walk down there I say, "I didn't take them off down there either."

Evan asks, "then where'd you take them off at?"

"I don't remember."

"Yeah, we don't remember," Mike says.

"Then how do you know you didn't take them off down there?" Ford asks.

"Where'd you go?" Daniel asks. "Did you go further down that way?" He asks and he points to where the big rock is and where the bridge is.

I look at Guthrie and Guthrie says, "no, we didn't go that far."

"Then your shoes should be down there," Evan says and they start walking down to the water again.

"No, they're not down there," I tell them.

Guthrie says, "they really aren't down there."

Daniel looks at me and says, "Heidi? Do you know where your shoes are?"

"Sort of."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I can't tell you where they are."

Daniel looks at Guthrie and Guthrie says, "I can't tell you either."

"You can't tell me because you don't know where they are, or because you know, and don't want to tell me?" Daniel asks him.

"It's not that I don't _want_ to tell you where they are, it's that I _can't_ tell you," Guthrie says. "All I can tell you is, if you look down there, you're not gonna find them."

Daniel shakes his head. "Ok. Then I guess there's no point in looking."

I let out a big sigh and Daniel looks at me and says, "But, I'm not the one you're gonna have to explain this to."

He's right. I hope Guthrie has a plan for how to explain this because I sure don't.

Daniel walks up to me, turns around and kneels down a little. "Hop up on my back. I'll give you a piggyback ride first. We're gonna have to take turns carrying you back to where your clothes are."

Evan says, "and then we have to carry her all the way up to the car!"

"We'll take turns," Daniel says.

I jump up Daniels back and wrap my arms around his neck while he stands all the way up and hitches my legs up with his arms.

"I'm sorry Daniel," I tell him when we all start walking.

"It's ok. You know, you can tell us what happened with your shoes. We won't tell on you."

"Unless you were jumping off a rock," Ford says.

The three of them laugh and Evan says, "there's no way she was jumping off a rock."

"I didn't jump off a rock," I tell them, but I feel sad when I say that. I feel like I'm lying and my stomach starts to hurt. I look down at Guthrie and he looks sad too.

"Are we gonna get home late?" I ask.

"Probably a few minutes late," Daniel says.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok Heidi. Adam will understand why we're late."

"He will?" I ask. I'm surprised.

"Sure. It's not like we're late because we lost track of time."

"Do you think he'll understand about my shoes being lost?"

"That depends," Daniel says.

"On what?"

"On whether or not you tell him the truth."

"Do _you_ think I'm telling the truth?"

"No. I think you're hiding something. I 'know' you're hiding something." Daniel says. "And if 'I' know, Adam's gonna know."

He's right. It's not gonna take Adam, or Cane, or Brian, or Hannah long to figure out I'm hiding something. I sure hope Guthrie is thinking of a good explanation for how I lost my shoes, because I can't think of anything!

* * *

When we make it back to where our ice chest is, Evan puts me down where my clothes are.

"How are we gonna carry all this stuff back to the truck, _and_ Heidi?" Guthrie asks.

My brothers look around at all of our inter tubes, the ice chest and the box we brought our lunches in.

"We could leave the box here. It just has our trash in it," I suggest.

Evan, Ford and Daniel all look at me and at the same time say, "always carry out what you carry in."

"You wouldn't want to come here and see other people's trash lying all around, would you?" Evan asks.

"No." And I wouldn't. Whenever we go camping and we're at a place that doesn't have a garbage can, we always take our trash back with us. That way the area looks just as nice as it did when we came. We even pick up other people's trash if they left it there.

Evan, Daniel and Ford talk about how they're going to carry all this stuff out while they get everything ready to go. I start to put my shirt on over my swimsuit and Guthrie walks over to talk to me.

"What do we say about my shoes when we get home?" I whisper to him.

"I don't know, I'm thinking about that. I don't know if we should tell them we jumped off the bridge or not."

"Not!" I yell loudly.

"Sh!" Guthrie says and he covers my mouth with his hand. When Evan, Daniel and Ford stop looking at us he takes his hand away.

"We can't tell them about the bridge," I say quietly. "They'll never let us come here again!"

"Yes they will, just not without one of them being here with us."

"And then we'll never get to go exploring again!" I tell him. "They said not to jump off any _rocks_. They didn't say anything about a bridge."

"Heidi, you know jumping off a bridge is the same as jumping off a rock," he glares at me a little.

"No I don't." I fold my arms across my chest and glare back at him.

He starts to say something back but Mike, Ed and Jeff come running over and they're really excited.

"Heidi! Guthrie! Guess what?!" Mike yells.

"Grant and Tim know where the rope swing is!" Ed yells.

"What?"

"It's true!" Jeff says. "Some of the kids over there found it today!"

"No way!" Guthrie says.

"Yes! They're all coming back tomorrow and they're gonna take us to it!" Ed yells.

"Can you come back tomorrow?" Mike asks. All three boys look at us hopefully.

Guthrie and I look at each other. "If you tell them about the bridge Guthrie, we won't be able to come back."

"You're right. Let me go ask Daniel if he's coming back tomorrow." Guthrie runs over to Daniel and I put my shorts on.

"I hope you guys can come back," Ed says.

"Same here," Jeff says.

Guthrie runs back and yells, "Daniel says yes!"

"Yes!" I yell as I jump up and down, but that hurts my feet so I stop. I tuck my shirt into my shorts and pick up the purple flower Mike gave me. I put it in my pocket so the stem is inside and the flower is sticking out. Mike smiles at me and I smile back.

Guthrie says, "let me think of a reason why you lost your shoes. You're right Heidi, we can't tell them about the bridge. They won't let us come back tomorrow if they know."

Daniel walks over and says, "time to go. Some friends are going to help us carry everything out." He turns around and squats down so I can hop up onto his back.

"We'll see you guys tomorrow!" Guthrie yells.

"'If' Adam lets you," Daniel says.

"Why wouldn't he let us?" Guthrie asks.

"I don't know," Daniel says, "I only know he's the one that gets to decide. I'm fine with bringing you if he says it's ok."

We all say goodbye and a big group of teenagers walk up the trail with us helping us carry our stuff.

* * *

When we pull onto our driveway Guthrie asks, "how late do you think we are?"

"Maybe a half hour. The good thing is, we didn't pass the jeep which means they're not worried enough to come looking for us," Daniel says.

"Adam said he would come looking for us if we were a minute late," I remind him. "I guess we're not late."

"He didn't really mean _exactly_ a minute."

Guthrie leans closer to me and whispers, "don't tell them anything about your shoes. I haven't thought of what to say yet."

"Ok."

Daniel parks the truck and before any of us can even get out of the truck, Brian, Adam, Crane and Hannah are running out to us.

"Is everyone ok?" Hannah asks.

"We were just getting ready to go look for you guys," Brian says.

Daniel gets out and I scoot over to him so he can pick me up.

Hannah rushes over. "Are you ok Heidi? Did you get hurt?"

"We're all fine," Daniel says.

"Then why are you late?" Adam asks.

Evan jumps out of the back and says, "Heidi lost her shoes."

"What?" Adam asks.

"She lost her shoes," Guthrie says.

"We had to carry her back, so that's why we're a little late," Daniel says. "Can one of you guys take her? I want to help unload stuff."

All four of them are staring at me so I whisper to Daniel, "just put me down. I'll walk to the house." I wish I had my shoes now, just so I could run to the house. Daniel sets me down and I start walking very carefully towards the house.

"Stop," Adam says.

I stop and look up at him.

"Where are you shoes?"

I shrug my shoulders and Guthrie runs up to me.

"She lost them," he says.

"How?" Brian asks.

I look up at him and shrug my shoulders. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

I shrug my shoulders again and Guthrie says, "she doesn't know what happened to them. She put them down and when she went to get them, they were gone. We looked all over for them."

Hannah folds her arms across her chest and her eyes look like they don't believe Guthrie. She says, "how come you're doing all the talking Guthrie?"

"Um," he looks at me and then back at her. "She thinks she's gonna be in trouble for losing them." Guthrie nudges me.

"Um..., right." I look at all four of them and raise my eyebrows when I ask, "am I in trouble?"

"Not if you really lost them," Adam says.

"Yeah," Crane says as he picks me up under my armpits and swings me around. "Not if you tried your best to find them." He swings me up so he's carrying me and we walk over to the house. "I bet you guys are hungry."

"I'm starving!" Daniel says.

Everyone else agrees and I'm hungry too, but my stomach hurts not because it's hungry, but because I feel bad I'm not telling the truth. I wonder if Guthrie's stomach hurts too. I listen and he's telling them about going back to the lake tomorrow.

"Can we Adam? Can we go back tomorrow?" He asks.

"I don't mind taking them again," Daniel says.

"Well, there's a few things that need to be done around the ranch in the morning and then I need to go to Sonora," Adam says, "so I guess after your morning chores are done you can go."

"Yeah!" Both Guthrie and I yell.

"Wait a minute," Hannah says, "why don't we eat dinner and talk about it then."

"Why?" Guthrie asks. "Adam just said we could go."

"I know, but I'd like to hear about what you did at the lake today."

"We had fun," I tell her.

She smiles and says, "I bet you did, but I'd like to hear more details. Especially about how you lost your shoes."

I look at Guthrie when she says that and he looks at me. "But what does that have to do with us going to the lake again?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just want to hear about your day," she says.

Oh great. I hope Adam doesn't change his mind. This isn't fair! He already said we could go! Crane carries me into the house and as soon as he puts me down, Guthrie and I run upstairs.

* * *

We run into the bathroom to wash our hands while we talk quietly about what to do.

"Do you think Adam will change his mind?" I ask him.

"I hope not."

"What do I say about my shoes?"

"As little as possible," he says. "Just let me tell them what happened."

"Ok, but what if they ask why you're doing all the talking?"

He thinks for a second and then says, "put food in your mouth. You can't talk if your mouth is full."

"Good idea."

Crane yells up to us from downstairs. "Heidi! Guthrie! Dinner is on the table!"

"Coming!" I yell.

"Just don't talk," Guthrie reminds me as he turns the water off.

"Ok," I start to run downstairs with him, but when I see the purple flower sticking out of my pocket I turn back around and run into the bathroom. I take the flower out of my pocket and start to throw it in the trash can, but stop and look at it instead. It's so pretty I can't throw it away. I run into my bedroom and throw it on top of my dresser.

"Heidi, dinnertime!" Crane yells.

"Coming!" I yell and run downstairs.

* * *

I'm starving! I can tell everyone else is too because we're all shoveling food onto our plates as fast as we can. Since we were a little late getting home, Hannah, Adam, Brian and Crane haven't eaten either.

At first no one talks because we're all busy eating, but then Ford breaks the silence when he says, "this meatloaf tastes great Hannah!"

"Thank you. I brought some pies home from the restaurant so save room for dessert." Lots of us say yum, and Hannah says, "so tell me all about the lake. I want to hear everything!"

Why is she looking at me when she says that? I put some mashed potatoes in my mouth. Guthrie, Evan, Ford and Daniel all start talking at the same time.

"Hold it!" Hannah says. "One at a time."

My brothers tell about all the things we did.

"There were these kids doing flips off some rocks," Guthrie says, "and it...," Hannah interrupts him.

"What? There were kids jumping off rocks?"

"Flips," I tell her.

She looks at me when I say that.

"What? _We_ weren't doing that," I tell her.

"I hope not," she says. "Didn't anyone tell those kids not to do that?"

"No," I tell her. "They can do whatever they want to if no one's there to stop them." I put a bite of meatloaf in my mouth and chew it while I look at her staring at me. She doesn't look happy and Guthrie kicks me on my shin from underneath the table. It makes me jump and I glare at him.

"What Heidi means is," he says, "they were across the lake from us and they were teenagers."

"But nobody _tried_ to stop them?" She asks.

"No," Daniel says.

"Hannah, the kids know the dangers," Adam starts to say, but she interrupts him.

"So no one says anything?" She asks.

I say, "you should've seen the flips they were doing! You would've liked it Hannah." When Guthrie kicks me again I glare at him and he mouths, "stop talking!"

Hannah looks at me and says, "I would not have liked watching that!"

"Okaaay," I say and I look down at my plate.

"What if those kids were from out of town and didn't know how dangerous that was?" She asks.

"They weren't," Evan says. "They were from our school."

Everyone's quiet now. The only noise is silverware scraping against plates.

After what seems like forever Adam says, "Hannah, we can tell kids about the dangers, but we can't stop them. Even adults do stupid stuff there too. It's not just the kids and teenagers. If we had been there, we would've told those teenagers how dangerous jumping off the rocks was, and asked them to stop. It's up to them after that."

I don't think Hannah likes his answer because she says, "I would've called the police."

"That's happened before," Brian says. "There's nothing they can do about it either, except ask them to stop."

"Aren't there any danger signs posted?" She asks.

"Only on the highway bridge that crosses the lake, and no one ever jumps from there. That would be a suicide jump from way up there," Crane tells her.

I hear my brothers agree but Hannah's even angrier. "What?!"

Crane says, "I just meant," he pauses and then says, "never mind. Why don't you guys tell us what other fun stuff you did at the lake."

Guthrie talks about the little kids wrestling with the big kids and I tell about jumping off Daniel's shoulders. "When we stopped playing to eat lunch, Daniel, Evan and Ford played chicken with the girls."

"What did you do after lunch?" Hannah asks.

"We went exploring!" I tell her excitedly. "We walked along this path and guess what?! We climbed a huge rock and there were teenagers drinking beer on top of it! They were jumping off..," I stop talking because Hannah's mouth is open wide like she doesn't believe me and I also stop talking because Guthrie kicks my shin again.

Hannah looks at Daniel and asks, "did you go exploring with them?"

Guthrie groans and Daniel says, "no," really quietly. Now everybody's quiet again until I say, "we were ok. We didn't jump off any rocks. Not even the big one we climbed. Ow!" Guthrie kicked me hard that time so I kick him back.

"They were just up the lake from us. They were with a group of kids. They didn't go far Hannah," Daniel says.

Crane asks, "were you exploring and climbing the huge rock with your shoes on?"

"Yes."

"So Daniel, Evan and Ford had to come carry you from where you went exploring?"

I wonder where he's going with this. "Yes," I tell him.

"When did you take your shoes off?" Adam asks.

I look at Guthrie and he points to my plate. I shove a spoonful of potatoes in my mouth and he says, "we went swimming for a little bit. She took them off then."

"Did you all go swimming?" Hannah asks.

"Yes," he says.

"How come you didn't lose your shoes Guthrie, but Heidi did?" Brian asks.

Guthrie shrugs his shoulders and I put more potatoes in my mouth.

"Didn't you take them off at the same place?" Adam asks, only he's not looking at Guthrie he's looking at me so I nod my head. "Then what happened to your shoes?" He asks.

"I don't know. They just weren't there anymore." Everyone's looking at me now and it looks like they're all thinking.

"So they just walked away?" Ford asks and he smiles at me.

I laugh. "Maybe an animal came and carried them away," I suggest.

Guthrie laughs and says, "yeah, maybe it was a bear!"

Hannah says, "it seems strange that your shoes were the only ones gone." She looks at me like she doesn't believe our story, so I look away.

"We looked everywhere for them," Guthrie says.

"Were they an old pair of shoes?" Hannah asks.

"Not really."

"Do you have other shoes?" She asks.

"Yep. I've got my cowgirl boots."

"And?"

"And my slippers."

"Do we have any shoes to pass down?" Adam asks Brian.

"No, I don't think there are any tennis shoes to pass down to her," Brian says. "Snow boots, but not tennis shoes."

"I guess we need to buy you some new shoes," Crane says. "I'll look in 'the books' to see where we can get the money from."

I feel bad when he says that. I know we can't afford a new pair of tennis shoes. Especially since the ones I lost still fit me and they didn't have any holes in them. "Sorry. Are they going to be expensive?"

"No. You've got small feet," Crane says and he smiles at me.

I push him lightly and say, "no I don't!"

Guthrie laughs and says, "yes you do!"

I stick my tongue out at him and that makes him laugh harder.

Adam sighs and says, "I guess we should buy the shoes tomorrow. We're going to Sonora already so it's the perfect time to get them."

"I like the color purple," I tell him, "but if they don't have purple, I'll take blue ones. Dark blue," I add.

"You can pick out the color when we get there," he says.

"What do you mean _we_? I'm not going to Sonora tomorrow, I'm going to the lake."

"You have to go," Crane says, "you have to be there to try them on."

"No!" I stand up and yell down to Adam, "you said I could go to the lake tomorrow!"

"I'm sorry, but we don't have a shoe store here in Murphys. We're going to Sonora tomorrow so that's the perfect time to get them," Adam says.

"But why tomorrow?" I ask and then I start crying. "Why can't we go Monday? We don't have any school on Monday!"

"Why not?" Hannah asks.

"Teacher work day," Guthrie tells her.

"Can't we go on Monday?" I ask.

"No."

I keep crying and say, "can't you just buy me some tennis shoes? Why do I have to go?"

"You need to try them on," Crane says. "If we buy them without you trying them on and they don't fit, we have to take them back."

"That means an extra trip to Sonora," Brian says. "We don't have time to do that."

"We can't afford the gas either," Crane says.

"But I'm sure they'll fit if you get my size!" I cry.

"No," Adam says. "I'm sorry but you're going."

I look at Hannah. "Can't you take me on Monday?"

"No," she says. "I have to work."

"But you worked today and you're going to work tomorrow. Why do you have to work on Monday too?!"

"Calm down Heidi," Crane says. "If we could buy the shoes without you having to be there, we would."

He starts to hug me but I push him away. I'm mad now so I bang my fist on the table. "This isn't fair! You said I could go to the lake!" I cry really hard now and squeeze by Crane so I can get out of here.

I run out of the kitchen and through the living room to the front door.

"Heidi, wait," I hear Adam say.

I turn around and see Adam and Hannah walking towards me so I open the front door and run out onto the porch.

* * *

It's dark outside and it's then that I realize I don't have any shoes on, because the porch floorboards feel rough. I stop running and walk fast down the porch steps and out onto the grass, but that slows me down even more because it's not exactly soft to walk on. Adam and Hannah catch up to me but I don't stop walking.

"Doesn't that hurt your feet?" Hannah asks.

"No!" I lie.

"I know it does," Adam says. "I've waked barefoot on the grass before and I know it's not soft."

"Well it doesn't hurt _my_ feet!" I yell. I try to walk faster but it really does hurt and I have to stop when I step on an acorn. That hurts and it just makes me feel madder, so I plop down to the ground and sit hugging my knees to my chest. Adam and Hannah sit down next to me, one on either side of me.

"Go away," I tell them while I try to wipe the tears off my face.

Adam says, "Heidi, I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to go with us tomorrow, but you have to."

"It's not fair!"

"I know and I'm sorry," he says. "If there was another way to do it, I would."

"There is another way! I don't need new shoes!"

Adam sighs and says, "yes you do."

"No I don't!"

"Heidi," Hannah says, "Adam feels bad that you have to go...,"

I glare up at her. "But you don't."

"Heidi," Adam starts to say something but I interrupt him.

"No! You're mean! You already said I could go and..., and..., and there's no take backs!" I cry hard and I feel Adam rub my back. I look up at him and yell, "I'm going to the lake tomorrow and you can't stop me!" Adam's eyes look sad when I say that. I wonder why they don't look mad. It's harder to be mad at him if he's not mad back.

"Heidi, don't talk like that," Hannah says.

I look up at her now. "Like what?!" Maybe I can make her mad. "You don't want me to go to the lake anyway! You got what you wanted so you're mean too!" Why did I think I could make her mad? She doesn't look mad either, just sad like Adam does. That makes me feel sad too, but I can't let it! I've got to make them mad so I don't feel sad inside for saying mean things. I've got it! "Hannah, you think everything is dangerous and that's why you don't want me to go to the lake tomorrow. Well guess what! There are dangerous things here at home too! Just watch!" I stand up and run towards the porch steps. I don't care how bad it hurts my feet, I'm going to show them!

"Heidi, what are you doing?" Adam asks. I can hear them get up and follow me. "Hey! Where are you going?!" He yells.

I run up the porch steps and then right to the doorway with them chasing after me. I barge through the front door and it slams against the wall. Everyone is in the living room when I run up the stairs and hesitate on the sixth step. No, this is where I usually jump up on the banister. I've got to go higher.

"Heidi, what are you doing?!" Adam yells.

I hear him run up the steps behind me, but I had a good head start, and before he can reach me I'm almost at the top of the stairs. I stop and put both my hands on the railing and lift myself up and around so I'm sitting on top of it. Then I start to slide down, but since I got up so fast on the railing I didn't have time to balance myself. I hear a lot of yelling and I scream as I start to fall backwards. I try to pull myself forward so I'll fall on the stairs instead of down to the living room, but everything is happening so fast and before I realize what's happening I'm being grabbed by Adam under my armpits and he's holding me out in front of him shaking me.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!" He yells. I stare in his eyes and try to read them. They're not mad or happy or disappointed. They aren't sad either. They're..., they're scared! I cry really hard and he stops shaking me and I throw my arms around his neck and he hugs me. He sits down on the stairs and holds me while I cry.

We stay that way for a while. Me sitting on his lap with him hugging me until he lifts me up and stands me on the stair below him. I look into his serious looking eyes and listen while he says, "that was a very dangerous thing you just did. You're lucky you fell towards the stairs side and you're lucky I was there to catch you."

I look down at his lap and he takes my hands with his and holds them. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

I hear him sigh and then he says very calmly, "I am feeling a lot of different emotions right now Heidi. I'm scared, disappointed, sad and angry. I need you to go get ready for bed now and then I'll come talk to you."

I look up at him and tears form in my eyes while I quietly say, "but we're still eating dinner right now."

"I know. Go get ready for bed."

I can tell by the serious look on his face that I shouldn't argue or complain so I squeeze by him and walk slowly up the last few stairs. I walk towards my bedroom and look back at Adam. He's still sitting on the stairs and he's hunched over with his head in his hands. Hannah is standing on the stair just below him leaning over and wrapping her arms around him. I look downstairs and my brothers are looking up at me. Some look scared and some look mad. Guthrie starts to run up the stairs but Brian calls him back. I walk into my bedroom and close my door slowly. Then I run and jump and throw myself on top of my bed and cry into my pillow.

* * *

After I've cried all my tears I roll over onto my side to think. I wish I didn't slide down the banister. Especially from so high up. I've never slid down from up there before. Why did I do that?

I need to use the bathroom so I get up and open my door a crack. Everyone's in the living room, but it looks like some of my brothers are leaving because they're putting their jackets on. They must be done eating and are going into town. When Brian has his jacket on, he takes the keys off the hook on the wall.

"I'll give her a piece of my mind tomorrow," he says.

"Same here," Crane says while he puts his jacket on. "I don't understand why she did that."

Brian and Crane sound mad and that makes me feel bad. Hannah says, "she was mad."

"What?!" Brian yells. "She's mad so she does something stupid like that?!"

"She was mad at 'us'," Hannah says. "She knew doing something dangerous like that would hurt me."

Hearing Hannah say that makes me feel even worse.

"She almost killed herself!" Crane says and he sounds so angry which makes tears form in my eyes.

"She wasn't thinking about that," Hannah says.

"You got that right!" Brian yells. "Do you want me to stay and help you knock some sense into her?"

"No Brian," Adam says, "I'll talk to her tonight, you talk to her tomorrow."

"Ok," he says, "but if you want me to stay, I'll be happy to."

"Me too," Crane says. "Isabella will understand if I can't go out tonight."

"No," Adam sighs. "Hannah and I will talk to her tonight, you guys can talk to her tomorrow. That way she'll get a double dose."

"I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind tomorrow too," Daniel says. "She scared me half to death the way she jumped up on that railing!"

"I think she scared us all," Hannah says.

"I'm never sliding down that railing again," Ford says. "I don't want her to copy me anymore."

"Same here," Evan says.

Brian opens the door and they all walk outside. Evan, Daniel and Ford must be going into town too. When everyone's said goodbye and the door is shut, Adam and Hannah walk into the kitchen. Guthrie is looking upstairs at my door so I open it all the way. He gets up and runs upstairs to me. When he gets to me I look at him and he looks mad. He punches me in the shoulder.

"Don't ever do that again!" He yells. I cry and he yells, "I thought you were going to die!" He cries and then he hugs me.

"I'm sorry Guthrie."

"You scared me!"

"I'm sorry."

Adam calls up to Guthrie. "Come downstairs and leave her alone. Heidi, you're supposed to be in your pajamas."

Guthrie stops hugging me and looks into my eyes. He's calmer now. "I'm sorry I punched you," he says.

"That's ok, it didn't hurt. I'm sorry I scared you," we hug again until Adam tells Guthrie to come downstairs again. I follow Guthrie down the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?" Adam asks me.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Get dressed when you're done. I'll be up in a little bit."

I walk into the bathroom and shut the door.

* * *

When I'm dressed in my pajamas I open my door and look downstairs. Guthrie's sitting on the couch reading a magazine and Adam and Hannah are talking in the kitchen. Well, Hannah's talking, Adam's yelling.

"I don't understand!" He yells.

"I know. She's still only ten," Hannah says. I think she starts to say something else, but Adam interrupts her.

"I don't care if she's six, ten, or fifteen! When is she going to be done with this phase?!"

"Adam, let me finish. First of all, this isn't a phase. She's ten, and ten year olds still don't understand the concept of fairness."

What is she talking about?

"Ten year olds get really angry when they think something is unfair. She doesn't understand how you can say yes to something and then say no. It made her really angry because it was personal to her. To you, making her go into town was something that was necessary, but she sees it differently."

"I don't care if she doesn't understand! Sometimes plans change! Sometimes life isn't fair!"

"I know, but she still has to learn that."

"Well she'd better learn it quick!" He yells really loudly and I bet he's throwing his arms up in the air.

"Adam, I know you need to go to Sonora tomorrow, and I know Heidi has to go with you, but if you had told her she could go to the lake and you would go to Sonora _after_ she got home, she would've been happy."

"So you're saying I have to fit my schedule around hers?!"

"No. All I'm saying is that would've been fair to her. You're right, life's not fair all the time. She still has to learn how to handle it."

"Well I'd say she handled it pretty poorly tonight." Adam doesn't sound as mad as he was before.

"This is when you teach her how to handle it," Hannah says.

"How do you know so much about ten year olds all of a sudden?" He asks.

"I checked out a parenting book from the library."

"What? Why?"

"Adam, I've never been a parent before and now that I am, I have a lot to learn. I thought a parenting book might help me and it has. I've mostly been reading the chapter about eight through twelve year olds and I've got to tell you, Heidi isn't your typical ten year old girl."

"I don't need a book to tell me that."

Hannah laughs and says, "I know. It's a very interesting book though, I let you read it when I'm done."

"How 'bout you just tell me the interesting parts. Better yet, what does the book say I'm supposed to do now?"

"Adam, you know what to do now. You're a good parent. I only checked the book out to see if it could help me. It helps me understand why Heidi does some of the things she does, and tonight it helped a lot."

"Hey, is that book the reason why you're so scared the kids are going to get hurt all the time?"

"No. I'm scared of them getting hurt because I've helped patch up enough kids' broken bones and cuts and scrapes."

"Well, I think you go a little overboard sometimes with the worrying, but I'll tell you one thing I don't think you went overboard on. Heidi is not going to back to that lake without one of us watching her like a hawk the whole time. After what she did tonight, I don't trust her. I've also been wracking my brain, trying to figure out how she lost her shoes, and I think she's hiding something. And I don't need a book to tell me that."

I slam my door shut. I'm never going to go back to the lake without one of them with me the whole time?! I start to cry. That's not fair! Then I cry even harder because I'll never be able to go to the rope swing. Ever!

* * *

There's a soft knock on my door and Adam opens it. I sit up on my bed from where I've been laying, and look at him. I've had a lot of time to think since I closed my door and I hope Adam will listen to what I have to say. Hannah follows Adam in and she sits next to me on the bed while Adam picks up the wooden chair next to my dresser and sets it front of me so he can look right at me. I sigh and look at him.

"Heidi, sliding down that railing tonight was very dangerous and you scared us," he says. "You could've been killed or hurt very badly." He pauses and I keep staring at him. I want to say I've seen all my brothers do it so why can't I, but I know I shouldn't have gone up that high. I scared myself.

"Heidi," Hannah says, "you worried me so much. I would've been so sad if something bad had happened to you."

I look up at her. "Sorry."

Adam says, "Heidi, I know you think it's not fair that you have to go to Sonora tomorrow...," he keeps on talking, but my brain is thinking and that's all I can hear right now. He only knows I think it's not fair because Hannah told him. I'm gonna have to find that parent book of hers and hide it. Maybe I can..,

"I'm talking to you!" Adam yells and I look at him.

"What?"

"I sure wish you'd listen to me when I talk to you!" He yells. He starts to talk again but my brain is still thinking.

"Hey, maybe my brain can't listen when you talk," I say out loud.

"What?" Adam asks. He stares at me and he looks confused.

"Well, Mr. Brick can't smile, maybe I can't listen."

Adam glares at me and says, "you can listen. There's nothing wrong with your brain. You just need..,"

"How do you know nothing's wrong with my brain?" I look up at Hannah. "Is there something wrong with my brain."

She smiles and says, "no, nothing's wrong with your brain."

"Quit interrupting and listen," Adam says.

"I am listening. I'm listening to my brain."

"Oh yeah?! Well tell your brain it better start listening to me!"

Hannah puts her hand on Adam's arm to help calm him down. It seems to work because he doesn't yell when he says, "Heidi, what you did tonight scared me. It scared me so much I don't want you to go back to the lake without me, Brian or Crane there."

"What?!" I fall backwards onto my bed and cry. I knew he was going to say that and it makes me mad.

"Sit up," he says.

I fold my arms across my chest and stare up at the ceiling. "No!"

I feel him put his hands around my arms and pull me up. When he takes his hands away I start to fall back down again so he puts his hands back around my arms and holds me up. I glare at him.

"Do you know what happened tonight?" He asks.

"What?" I don't understand the question.

"You got mad. You were mad at me and you were mad at Hannah. You were so mad you ran inside and did something dangerous. Are you listening?" I nod my head. "Good. Do you agree?" When I nod my head he says, "if I let you go to the lake without us, and you get mad at one of your brothers, how do I know you're not going to do something dangerous at the lake?"

I think about that. I guess he doesn't know. I cry now because I ruined it! I ruined going to the lake!

"Why are you crying?" Hannah asks. She's rubs my back and I look up at her.

"Because now I can't ever go to the rope swing!"

"_That's_ why you're crying?!" Adam asks. I nod my head and he yells, "you should be crying because you're sad I can't trust you!"

"Well I'm not!" I yell. "I'm mad because I can't have any fun at the lake anymore! Ever!" That looks like it makes Adam madder but before he can say anything I yell, "and I'm not gonna have any fun tomorrow either! And if I'm not gonna have fun, neither are you!" I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. I shouldn't have said that because he stands me up and spanks me. Once, really hard. He holds me up so I have to stay standing in front of him while he yells. "Don't talk to me like that!"

That scares me so I start to cry really hard. Hannah hugs me and Adam stands up and moves the chair out of the way and starts pacing back and forth in my room.

"I'm sorry," I cry into Hannah's chest.

She hugs me tighter and whispers, "I know."

She holds me and rubs my back until I calm down. When Adam sits down next to me on my other side I move over to hug him and he holds me while I cry again. I climb up him so I can put my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulders. "I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry I scared you and I won't get up on the railing anymore."

He rubs my back and says, "you scared me so much. If you fell and got hurt I would be so sad."

"You wouldn't be mad?"

"I'd be so sad if you got hurt."

"But since I didn't get hurt, you're angry? How come you're not happy I didn't get hurt?"

"Oh Heidi, you've got so much to learn," he says softly. "Sometimes I forget you're only ten. I should've never let you go to the lake today."

"But nothing bad happened to me."

"But it could've. I learned that tonight. I learned just how young you still are." He kisses the top of my head and says, "someday you'll get to go to the lake and find the rope swing, but not until I know you're ready to, and you're not ready yet. I know that now."

Hannah hugs both of us now.

"You mean someday I'll get to go by myself?" I ask.

"Someday," he says softly, "someday."

The three of us stay like this. Hugging each other and I like it. I feel warm and safe, and happy. It's been a long day and I'm tired. My eye lids feel heavy and it's hard for me to keep them open. I stop trying to fight them and close my eyes and fall asleep.

* * *

I'm freezing. I open my eyes and look around. Why am I all wet? I look closer and now I can feel the water. I'm in water! I move and spin my body around in the water and look all around me. It's dark down here. I wave my hand in front of my face and I can see it, but that's as far as I can see. I look up and the water is greener than the black water around me. There's sunlight coming from the top of the water. I've got to get up there where the light is. I try to push myself up, but I can't feel the bottom. I try swimming to the top, but I don't go anywhere. It's like I'm swimming in place. I need to get to the top! I have to breath! I keep kicking my legs hoping that will take me to the top, but it doesn't work. And then I see him. He's just floating there. Right in front of me. I don't know how I didn't see him there before. His back is facing me and I reach out and grab his arm and shake it. I turn him around and try to scream. It's Guthrie! He's not moving! His eyes are opened, but he's not awake. I try to scream his name but nothing comes out. "Guthrie! Guthrie! Guthrie!" I try to scream. Then all of a sudden I can breathe. I'm at the top of the water now and I open my mouth to take a breath and this time the scream comes out. "Guthrieeeeeee!"


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter has been re-edited because of a spelling error. Thank you rainefan for catching the isle/aisle mistake. I am the worst speller ever and if spellcheck doesn't catch the error (which it wouldn't have on that one) it's going to stay misspelled. So, the chapter is still the same, I just fixed all the isles to aisles. I think I found them all :**)

* * *

"Guthrieeeeeeeeee!" I scream again and I open my eyes. I'm in my bed and Adam is rushing into my room, with Hannah and Crane following closely behind him.

"What's wrong?" Adam asks as he rushes in and picks me up. I cry and hang on to him as he sits down on my bed and holds me on his lap.

"Guthrie's dead!" I cry.

"No he's not, you had a bad dream." He kisses the top of my head and then says, "you're drenched!"

"I was in the water!" I tell him. "Guthrie's in there! You have to get him out! Get him out!" I try to get away but he holds me tightly.

"Heidi, Guthrie's ok. 'You're' ok. Look at me." He lifts my chin up. "See? I'm here. You're ok." I start to calm down, but I'm still breathing really fast and really hard. I'm also shaking because I'm freezing.

Crane says, "Heidi, you had a bad dream. Guthrie's downstairs sleeping."

"No I'm not!" Guthrie yells up from downstairs.

"Well, he 'was' sleeping." Crane smiles at me. "I don't think anyone's asleep anymore."

Brian is at my doorway now too and I can hear Daniel, Evan and Ford out in the hallway asking what's going on.

I cry and say, "he was dead! In my dream he was dead!"

"It was just a dream," Adam says.

"But..., but it looked so real. He was just floating in the water. I was scared and I tried to scream his name but nothing would come out."

Adam starts rocking back and forth a little bit and he says, "that sounds like a scary dream, but that's all it was, just a dream."

Hannah sits down on my bed next to Adam and puts her hand on my shoulder and starts to rub it. She stops and feels my pajamas on my side and then she touches my pajama bottoms. "You're soaked!"

"I know," Adam says. "She's sweaty and shaking."

"I told you, I was in the water."

"No," Hannah says, "it's just sweat. You've got goosebumps all over you. Let's get you out of these wet clothes."

Crane turns around to leave and says, "go back to bed everyone. She's fine."

I hear everyone saying goodnight out in the hallway and then Hannah tells Adam to get off the bed. "I've got to change the sheets," she says.

Adam stands up with me and walks over to my dresser. He opens my pajama drawer and takes out a nightgown for me and then he closes that drawer and opens my top drawer and takes out a pair of underwear. He closes that drawer and sets me down on the floor. I look up at him and lean against his leg. I'm shaking too much to take my clothes off so he kneels down in front of me and sets my clothes on the floor.

"Arms up," he says. I hold my arms up and he lifts my wet pajama shirt up and off. He picks up the nightgown and puts it over my head so I can put my arms through the sleeves.

Hannah has the sheets off and she leaves with them. "I'll be back with some clean sheets."

Adam reaches underneath my nightgown and pulls my pajama bottoms down along with my underwear. I put my hand on his shoulder to balance myself while I lift one foot up and then the other so he can take them off. He hands me my underwear and I put them on. Then I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me.

Hannah walks back in with clean sheets and starts to make my bed. "Are you feeling better?" She asks as she puts the bottom sheet on.

I nod my head so Adam says, "she's not shaking anymore."

"Soon your bed will be all made up and you can get back in it and go to sleep."

"No, I don't want to go back to sleep. I'm scared. Guthrie looked scary."

"It was just a dream," Adam says and he smooths my wet hair back.

"No. He looked dead for real."

"Well he's not dead," Adam says.

"What if my dream means he's going to die?" That scares me. "He's gonna die!" I start to cry again.

"No, no, no," Adam says softly. 'Guthrie's not going to die. Don't let your imagination run wild."

"But he is! He's going to die in the water! He's going to die tomorrow in the lake!" I can't stop crying now.

"Stop it!" Adam says loudly. "Look at me!" He takes my chin in his hand and holds my face still so I have to look at him. "Stop thinking those things! You had a bad dream and you're ok now."

I cry. "But it was real!" I try to take his hand off my chin.

"No!" He moves me so he's cradling me in his lap and he holds my hands tightly with one hand, and he holds my chin again with his other hand and makes me look at him, "Hold still! You had a dream, that's all it was, a dream! It's over now and you're ok." I stop trying to fight him and just lean against him and cry. "You're ok," he says.

I look up at him and start to calm down. "But...,"

"No," he says, "you're not going to talk, you're going to listen." He lets go of my chin and holds my head against his chest. "You had a bad dream and as soon as Hannah's done making your bed, I'll lay you down and sing you a song. You'll go right back to sleep. Ok?"

I nod my head.

"Good." He kisses my forehead.

"The bed is ready," Hannah says softly. She looks down at us sitting on the floor and smiles. She holds her hands down for me to take and when I hold them she pulls me up from Adam's lap.

"I have to go tell Guthrie something." I start to walk off and Adam grabs my hand.

"Whoa, where are you going?"

I try to pull away from him but he's stronger. He stands up, picks me up, and lays me on my bed. "I have to go tell Guthrie something!" I yell and I try to get off my bed.

"No." He holds me in bed so I can't get off and sits down next to me. "Whatever it is you can tell him tomorrow."

"No! I have to tell him now! It's really important! If I don't tell him, he's gonna die!" I cry and I try kicking him.

"Stop trying to get away from me!" He grabs me and holds me in his lap again. I keep fighting him, but he just holds me tighter and pretty soon I can't move at all. After a while I get tired of fighting and lay limp in his arms. Al I can do is cry.

Hannah sits down on the bed next to us and lays her hand on my arm.

"I need to tell Guthrie something," I say quietly. I say it again, and then I say it over, and over, and over until Adam gets tired of it.

"Stop saying that!" He yells.

"Adam," Hannah says and she puts her hand on his arm, "don't yell."

Adam sighs and asks, "what is so important that you have to tell Guthrie right now? Why can't you wait until the morning?"

I cry and say, "I might not get a chance to."

"You'll see him in the morning," he says. "Come on Heidi, it's time to go to bed."

"No, I 'have' to tell him something really, really, important!"

"What?! What is so important that you have to tell him now?" He asks.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you won't like it."

"What won't I like?"

"The thing I have to tell Guthrie."

Adam sighs and shakes his head. "Get in bed."

"No! I have to talk to Guthrie!"

Guthrie runs in and says, "what?"

"Guthrie, go back to bed," Adam says.

"Guthrie, you're ok!" I yell and I break free from Adam and run the few steps to Guthrie and hug him. I almost knock him down.

"Heidi, you're squeezing too hard!" He yells.

I stop squeezing him so hard and he whispers, "what did you need to tell me?"

I look back at Adam.

"What?" Adam asks. "Go ahead, tell him."

"You can't listen," I tell Adam. Then I look at Hannah. "And neither can you."

Adam starts to say something, but Hannah sits close to him and says, "just let her talk to him. She had a bad dream and maybe this will make her feel better."

I push Guthrie out into the hall.

"What do you have to tell me, and why are you pushing me out into the hall?" He asks.

I whisper, "don't jump off the bridge tomorrow."

"What?"

"Don't jump off the bridge," I whisper again.

"But what if that's the way to the rope swing?"

I look at him and start to cry. "Please don't do it! Please?!"

He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "Ok, I won't."

"Promise me!"

"Why?"

"Promise me!" I yell.

"Why?" He whispers. "If you got to go to the rope swing and that was the only way to get to it, would you promise me?"

I nod my head. "Yes."

"You're lying!" Guthrie says. "You would jump and you know it!"

"No I wouldn't!" I cry.

"Ok! Stop crying!" Guthrie yells, and then he whispers, "we didn't get hurt today. I'm not gonna get hurt tomorrow. Ok?"

"Promise me!"

"Hey Heidi," Adam says, "it's time to go back to bed."

"Promise me!" I yell louder.

Hannah comes out of my room and says, "Heidi, it's time to get back in bed. Guthrie, I'll go downstairs with you."

"No, he can't leave yet! Promise me Guthrie! Promise..,"

Adam lifts me up, "it's time to get back in bed."

"But he didn't promise!" I cry.

"I know." Adam sighs and sets me on top of my bed.

I sit cross-legged on top of it and look up at Adam. "I'm not going to sleep," I tell him.

He pulls back my sheets moving me with them. "Lay down."

I look up at him and shake my head no.

He sighs and asks, "why not?"

"I don't want to go back to sleep."

"Tough luck. Lay down."

"No way."

He sits on my bed and says, "what? What's wrong now?"

"If I lay down I might fall asleep."

"That's what I want you to do. I want you to go back to sleep, so I can go back to sleep."

"I don't want to. If I close my eyes, I'll see Guthrie dead."

"No you won't."

"Yes I will." I close my eyes for a few seconds and then open them. "See, I just saw Guthrie dead."

Adam stands up and says, "fine. Don't close your eyes then. I'm going back to bed."

"What?! You're going to leave me?" I cry.

Adam groans and sits back down. "Here, lean back," he scoots over so he's sitting all the way on my bed with his back resting against my headboard. He pulls me up so I'm next to him and he puts his arm around me. I turn on my side and snuggle close to him. "Now," he says, "you're going to stop talking and listen." He starts to sing a song that I love. It's a song he sings to me when I have bad dreams. When he's done singing it I feel very sleepy. I yawn and look up at him. He looks tired. He looks at me and smooths my hair back. "Are you tired now?" He asks.

I nod my head. It's hard to keep my eyes open now. They keep blinking.

"Close your eyes," he says softly.

I close them and this time they stay closed. He starts singing again and after a while I fall asleep.

* * *

When I wake up in the morning I feel really tired. I sit up and stretch and look at my clock. 8:00. I yawn. I can smell bacon and coffee and it smells good. My stomach is growling.

"Good morning," Daniel says from my doorway. "We were hoping you'd be awake." Evan and Ford are right behind him. "Can we come in?"

I nod my head. I wonder what they want. All three of them are holding their cowboy hats in their hands which means they're probably going out to do their chores. It must already be a hot day. Daniel sits on my bed, Evan picks up my wooden chair and sets it close to my bed. He turns it so the back is facing me and straddles it. He rests his arms on the back and stares at me. Ford sits on the end of my bed. They all look so serious.

"What?" I ask.

"You scared us last night when you tried to slide down the banister," Daniel says.

I groan and fall backwards so my head hits my pillow with a thud.

"Heidi, we need to talk to you," Daniel says.

"So talk," I say while I stare up at the ceiling.

"Will you sit up and listen to us please?" Daniel asks.

"Nope."

Evan says, "come on Heidi, this is important."

"Not to me. Just say what you're gonna say and go."

I guess that made Evan mad because he sounds angry when he says, "no! You're gonna sit up and listen to us!"

"I don't have to! You're not the boss of me!"

Ford starts to talk really quietly. "Heidi, you scared me a lot last night. I saw you falling from that high up and I rushed over to where you might fall so I could catch you. We all did."

That makes me feel sad. I didn't know they did that. "I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"Heidi, will you sit up and look at us?" Daniel asks. "Please?"

I sit up slowly and look at him. "You guys slide down the banister all the time."

"I know, and we're not going to do that anymore," Daniel says.

"Yeah right," I say. I'm starting to get mad now. How can they tell me not to do something when they do it too? "You've been sliding down the banister ever since you were my age."

"But not from that high up," Evan says.

"I've seen you!" I yell at him and glare.

"Not when we were ten!" He yells back.

Daniel says, "we had to build up to sliding from high up and never from the very top like you did."

"Well maybe I built up to it faster than you!"

"Then how come you fell off!" Evan yells.

"I didn't fall off! Adam took me off!"

"No he didn't! You..,"

"Evan stop yelling at her," Daniel says. "It's not helping."

"Why should I stop yelling at her?! Maybe someone needs to yell at her!"

"What's going on in here?" Crane asks. They all turn to look at him standing in the doorway.

"They're yelling at me!" I yell. "Tell them to get out!"

"No!" Evan yells. "I'm not leaving until you listen to me!"

"Get out!" I yell.

There's a loud whistle and we all look at Brian standing in the doorway now. "What's all the yelling about?"

"We're trying to tell her how dangerous sliding down the banister was, but she won't listen!" Evan yells.

"Get out! Get out! Get out!" I yell at all of them. "All of you! Now!" I add. I pick up my pillow and throw it at Evan.

Brain says, "you guys go down to breakfast. Let us talk to her."

"No!" I yell. "You get out too!"

Brian looks mad at me now. "I'm not going anywhere," he says in his very serious voice while he glares at me and he still glares at me when he says, "you guys get out of here."

Daniel and Ford get up and leave but Evan yells, "fine!" He looks at me and he looks mad, "but I'm still gonna talk to you about how stupid you were last night!"

That makes me cry and Brian yells, "Evan, go!" Once Evan's gone Brian and Crane sit on my bed.

"Go away! I don't want to talk to 'you' either!"

"That's ok," Brian says, "you don't have to talk, you just have to listen." I cover my ears with my hands and that makes Brian really mad because he grabs my hands and holds them down.

"Let go of me!"

Crane says, "Brian let's talk to her later. She's not in a good mood right now."

"I don't care! You're not going to cover your ears when I'm talking to you!" He yells at me and that makes me cry harder while I try to pull my hands out from his. He lets go and grabs a hold of my arms and starts shaking me. I look in his eyes and cry even harder. He's scaring me. I saw him shake Guthrie like this once at the jailhouse. It made us cry.

"Brian!" Crane yells and he tries to pull him off of me. Then Adam is helping him and Hannah and Guthrie are here too. I think Guthrie's crying too. He runs over to me and hugs me.

"Leave her alone Brian!" Guthrie yells.

Adam and Crane push Brian out into the hallway and Adam yells, "you're scaring her!"

"Good! Then she'll know what it felt like for us last night!"

Hannah sits on my bed. "Are you ok?"

I shake my head no and she pulls me to her so I cry on her chest while she wraps her arms around me.

"Adam she did something really stupid last night!" Brian yells from the hallway.

"I know," he says. "I talked to her last night."

"Well now 'I' want to talk to her!"

"This isn't the time," Adam says and then he says other stuff but it's hard to hear. I think they're going downstairs.

"Hannah? Is everyone mad at me?" I ask.

Guthrie says, "I'm not mad at you."

"They're not mad at you," Hannah says.

"Yes they are! They're all yelling at me!"

"They're not anymore. Get dressed and come down for breakfast, ok?"

"Ok." If I wasn't so hungry I probably would've told her no, but I'm starving. When Hannah and Guthrie leave I close my door and sit on my bed before I get dressed. I feel grumpy now and I haven't even been out of my room yet. I hope this day gets better.

* * *

Everyone's sitting at the table when I come down for breakfast. They're all busy talking about what they're gonna be doing today and that's fine with me. I'm just gonna sit down at the table and eat my breakfast quietly.

The waffles taste so good. I listen to Guthrie talk about going back to the lake and it starts to make me feel sad. At first. Then I remember Adam already said I could go to the lake and I start to feel mad because he took it back. I glare down at him. He's talking to Brian about what they need to buy in Sonora. If I have to go with them my day is going to be so boring! I'm going to come up with a plan to go to the lake. Guthrie will help me, I know he will!

I eat faster so I can get started on my chores. There's no way I'm going to Sonora today! Adam said I could go to the lake, so I'm going to the lake!

* * *

When Guthrie and I are finished with our chores and we're walking to the house, I talk to him about the lake.

"Guthrie, I'm going to the lake today."

"You can't. Adam said you couldn't go."

"No, he said I could go."

"Heidi, he said you can't go."

"'After' he said I could go."

"So what are you gonna do? Go up to Adam and say, "bye, I know you told me I had to go to Sonora, but I'm going to the lake instead? He's not gonna let you do that."

"He doesn't have to know I'm going to the lake. I'll hide in the back of the truck."

"What's he gonna do when he wants to leave for Sonora and can't find you?"

"Who cares! I'll be at the lake!"

"Heidi, that's a dumb plan. Besides, how are you going to hide from everyone in the back of the truck?"

"I'll hide with the inter tubes." I stop walking when we reach the bottom of the porch steps. "Will you help me? Pleeeeeease?"

Guthrie sighs. "Ok. But I'm telling you now, this is 'never' gonna work."

"We'll see." I smile at him and run up the steps and into the house. I've got to go get my swimsuit on.

* * *

Guthrie and I are ready to go to the lake so we sit on the porch steps waiting for everyone else. While we're waiting I tell Guthrie about Hannah's book.

"Guthrie, guess what! Hannah has a book about being a parent!"

"She does? Why?"

"Because she wants to know how to be one."

"Why does she need a book to tell her how to be a parent? Adam didn't read a book. At least I don't think he did," he adds.

"Well, guess what! She's reading it and she's gonna start telling Adam all kinds of stuff she read about us in that book!"

"What kind of stuff?"

"I don't know, stuff about what kids our age are like. She's gonna tell Adam how to be a parent! I bet she's gonna tell him everything's dangerous for us and we're never gonna get to do anything fun again!"

"I don't want him to be more like a parent," Guthrie says. "I just want him to be a big brother!"

"Me too!"

"We'd better find that book and hide it," Guthrie says. "Let's go see if we can find it now!"

We both jump up and run into the house. "I bet it's in her bedroom," I whisper.

"Where's Hannah?" Guthrie asks.

I shrug my shoulders. We look in the kitchen for her, but she's not in there. We run upstairs and peek in her bedroom. The door is open but no one's inside.

"Let's check her nightstand," Guthrie whispers.

We run over to her side of the bed and pick up the book on her nightstand. Guthrie reads the title out loud. "Parenting in the Seventies."

I look at the cover. "What does that mean?"

"I think it's a book from 1970," Guthrie says.

"But it's 1982."

"I know. I guess they haven't written one for the eighties yet. That means this book is old, it's probably not right anymore."

I hear footsteps in the hall and whisper, "someone's coming!"

Guthrie hides the book behind his back just as Hannah walks into the room. She looks surprised to see us.

"What are you two doing in here?"

"Nothing," we both say at the same time.

I don't think she believes us. "Nothing, huh?"

"Nope," I tell her, "we were just in here looking for you."

She folds her arms across her chest. "Why were you looking for me over there? Did you think I was hiding under the bed?"

Guthrie laughs and says, "yeah, that's what we thought. Come on Heidi, let's go."

He pushes me gently around the bed and over to the door while holding the book behind his back with his other hand. "Walk behind me now," he whispers.

I get behind him so I can hide the book from Hannah's view.

"Wait a minute," she says.

We stop and look up at her.

"What are you guys doing? I thought you were looking for me."

"We were," Guthrie says. "We found you."

"What did you want?" She asks.

We look at each other. I don't know what to say.

"We'll?" She says.

"I guess we forgot," Guthrie tells her.

She stares at us quietly for a minute and then says, "I don't know what you two are up to, but I have a feeling it's something. Anyways, your brothers are looking for you Guthrie. They're almost ready to go."

"Ok!" He yells and we run out of the room and down to mine. "Quick! Hide this under your bed!" He hands the book to me and I get down on the floor and lift up my bedspread. I move a few things around and then hide the book behind my baseball mitt and a softball.

"There!" I say when I get up.

"Good, now let's go hide you in some inter tubes!"

We run out of my room and downstairs. Daniel, Evan and Ford are done with their chores and they're coming in to get ready to go to the lake. As soon as they're through the front door, we run outside and slam the door shut behind us. Then we run down the porch steps and out to the barn.

* * *

Once we're inside the barn, we run to where we keep the inter tubes and grab as many as we can, and carry them to the truck. I throw my tubes in the back of the truck and climb up and in.

"Stand in the center of one of the inter tubes," Guthrie tells me.

I step in the middle of one and then put one over my head and push it down to the bottom one. Then I add another one.

"This isn't going to work," Guthrie says.

"Sure it will." I put another one over my head and soon I'm covered up to my chest.

Guthrie laughs. "Heidi, who's gonna believe the inter tubes are standing in a perfectly straight line up and down without falling?"

I didn't think about that.

"Quick, take them off!" Guthrie yells. I take them all off and Guthrie says, "get down really small against the back of the truck and I'll cover you up."

"Ok." I like that idea.

Pretty soon Guthrie has me all covered up. "Perfect!" He says. "No one will be able to see you!"

"Thanks Guthrie."

"Be quiet now because they're coming."

I feel nervous now. I hope they don't see me. I curl up in as tight of a ball as I can.

"Guthrie, have you seen Heidi?" Daniel asks.

I can see a little bit through the inter tubes and watch him put the ice chest in the back of the truck.

"No, I haven't seen her. Why?"

"Brian's looking for her."

Ugh! I wonder what 'he' wants. Now I hear Hannah's voice.

"Guthrie, where's Heidi?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure? Because I saw you with her just a little while ago."

"I don't know where she is."

Now I hear Brian's voice. "Guthrie, where's Heidi?"

"Jeez!" Guthrie says, "I don't know!"

Someone gets in the back of the truck. I think it's Evan. Then someone else does. That must be Ford.

Brian sounds frustrated when he says, "dang it! I need to find Heidi! Have any of you seen her?"

Everyone says no.

Brian sighs and says, "remember, don't jump off any rocks."

"I won't," Guthrie says.

"Are you sure you don't know where Heidi is?" Brian asks.

Guthrie's quiet for a little while before he says, "no."

"Ok. Well, be safe you guys. Don't jump off any rocks."

"We know Brian," Evan says.

"Wait a minute." All of a sudden I feel the inter tubes being taken off of me. "Nice try," Brian says.

I look up at him and then crawl away from him as fast as I can to the other side of the truck.

"Get out," he says.

"No! Adam said I could go to the lake today!"

"You can't go to the lake, Heidi," Evan says.

"Heidi," Hannah says, "you know you have to go to Sonora."

"I don't want to!"

"Get out!" Brian yells. When I shake my head no Brian says very calmly in his serious voice, "don't make me come in there and get you." I don't move so he climbs in the back of the truck. I try to scramble away from him but the back of the truck isn't that big and before I know it he's picking me up. But I'm not going to go without a fight so I start kicking and screaming. "Put me down!"

"Stop it!" He yells as I kick him in the shin. He sets me back down in the truck bed and gives me one hard swat.

I look up at him and cry. "That hurt."

"It was supposed to. Now get out of the truck."

I climb out of the truck and run to Hannah and hug her. "It's not fair." I cry.

She hugs me back and says, "I know and I'm sorry."

"Can't I go to the lake 'after' I get my shoes?"

"No," Brian says. "We have a lot to do in Sonora."

Hannah leans down and gives me a kiss. "Be good in Sonora."

"Ok. I'll try." I cry while I watch Guthrie get in the truck and then Hannah. I guess they're dropping her off at work on their way to the lake. They all wave to me as the truck drives off but I can't wave back. I'm too sad. Brian is standing next to me so I turn towards him and hug his leg.

Brian picks me up and says, "I'm sorry you can't go." He rubs my back while I hug him and cry on his shoulders.

"It's not fair."

"I know. Sometimes life isn't fair."

"Well it should be!"

"I know." He carries me towards the house and stops at the bottom of the porch steps where he sets me down on the ground and he sits down on the third step. He takes my hands in his and moves me so I'm standing in front of him. "We need to talk."

I stare at him with tears in my eyes and listen.

"You scared me so bad last night. You were so high up and I watched you start to fall backwards and I thought you were going to die."

"How come everybody's mad at me instead of being happy I didn't die?"

"If that was an accident we would have been happy you didn't get hurt, but that wasn't an accident Heidi."

"Yes it was. I wasn't supposed to fall off."

"You shouldn't have been up there. That's why it's not an accident. If you wouldn't have gotten up on that railing, you wouldn't have almost fallen off."

"You've slid from up there before," I remind him, "so why can't I?"

"Never mind what I've done before. 'You' can't do that anymore." Now he's making me mad and I think he knows that because he says, "don't get mad Heidi."

"Are you guys ready to go?" Adam asks.

I turn around. Adam and Crane are walking up to the house.

Brian says, "we're just having a little conversation about how dangerous sliding down the banister was."

"Oh?" Adam says.

"You guys all slid down the banister!" I yell because I'm getting frustrated! "Why is it ok for you to do it, but not for me? It's not fair!"

Adam and Crane sit with Brian on the porch steps so now I have to look at all three of them! I stomp my foot and say, "it's not fair I can't go to the lake either!"

"Heidi, let's talk about sliding down the banister," Adam says. "If Guthrie ran all the way to the top of the stairs and got up on the banister, just like 'you' did, would you be afraid he would get hurt?"

I think about that. Yes, I would be afraid he might get hurt.

"You're thinking about that aren't you?" Adam asks. I nod my head and he asks, "would you be scared when he got up there and started to slide down?" I nod my head. "What would you think if he started to fall off from that high up?"

"I'd be scared," I say quietly.

"Right. That's how we felt last night when we saw you do it," Adam says.

"We were so scared," Crane says.

"You scared the sh..., crap out of me Heidi," Brian says.

"I'm sorry. I was scared too. I thought I was going to fall off backwards."

"You almost did," Crane says. "I'm so mad you did that!"

"We all are," Brian says. "That's why I was so mad at you this morning. I don't want you to get hurt and you could've been seriously hurt last night."

They all three look disappointed and that makes me feel sad. "I'm sorry. I won't do that again."

"I don't want you to 'ever' do that again," Adam says. "If I see you do that again, I'm going to spank you."

I cry. "I don't want you to do that."

"Then don't slide down the banister again."

"If I catch you doing that again," Brian says, "I'll spank you too."

"Same here," Crane says.

"All 'three' of you?!"

"No, whichever one of us sees you do it," Adam says.

"That's not fair! Why can't you just ground me instead?!"

"Because I want you to know right then and there that you did something dangerous," Adam says. "I think a spanking will do that."

"No it won't! Grounding me would be much better!"

"This isn't up for discussion," Adam says. "If I see you slide down that banister I 'will' spank you. Do you understand me?" I nod my head. "Good. The same goes for doing other dangerous things too."

I stare at him. "What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"It means, if I've heard you did something dangerous I'm going to spank you."

"Nooooo!" I cry.

"What's wrong with that?" Brian asks.

"What if you find out I did something dangerous a while ago?"

"Define 'a while ago'," Adam says. "Are we talking, months, weeks, or days?" I shrug my shoulders so he asks, "do you need to tell me something?" When I just stare at him saying nothing he asks, "Heidi? What did you do?"

"And 'when' did you do it?" Crane asks.

I stare at Adam and think. If I tell him I jumped off the bridge yesterday I'm in trouble for sure. "I didn't do anything. And what do you mean by dangerous?"

"I think you know what I mean by dangerous, don't you?"

I nod my head slowly.

"Do you have something you need to tell me?" He asks me again.

I look down at the ground and shake my head no.

Adam sighs and says, "whatever it is, just tell me." When I shake my head no again he says, "ok, suit yourself." He stands up, "you guys ready to go?"

Brian says, "Heidi just needs to change out of her swimsuit."

"Why are you wearing that?" Adam asks.

"She thought she was going to the lake."

I look up at them and yell, "this is the worst day ever!" I push by them and run up to the front door. When I'm inside I stomp up the steps. "I hate this day!" I yell to the empty house.

* * *

On our way to Sonora, I fall asleep. I always do because it's such a long drive. I wake up when the jeep stops and I sit all the way up to look around. We're parked in front of the shoe store on Main Street. I groan. I hate going shopping! Everyone else climbs out of the jeep but I don't.

"Come on Heidi," Crane says.

"Do I have to try them on? I hate doing that. Can't I just pick out the ones I want and you buy them?"

"No, get out."

I jump out of the jeep and go look in the store window while my brothers talk about what stores they need to go to and where they're going to meet.

I look at the kid's shoes displayed in the window. "Wow! Look at the cowgirl boots!" I pull on Crane's arm and the three of them look at the boots I'm pointing to.

"Those are nice," Crane says, "but we're here to buy tennis shoes, not boots."

"Please can I buy those instead?" I look up at him hopefully.

"No, you can't. We can't afford to buy two pairs of shoes."

"But...," I start to say, but Adam interrupts me.

He kneels down in front of me and says, "Heidi, we're here to buy tennis shoes. I don't want you to ask for anything else." He's talking in his serious voice and his eyes look serious too. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes," I say quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Ok." He stands back up and starts talking to Brian and Crane so I look in the window again. I see the perfect pair of tennis shoes! They're dark blue with white shoe laces. "Crane look! I want those!"

I point to the shoes and he says, "ok, let's go in and try them on."

Adam and Brian say, "we'll meet you here in a half hour."

"Ok." Crane takes my hand and we walk into the store together.

* * *

As soon as we walk through the door a little bell on the door rings and a short plump sales lady rushes up to us. She's wearing glasses on a chain around her neck and a dark purple skirt and jacket. She has short high-heeled shoes that are the same color as her skirt. I look at her face and guess she must be forty or fifty. She's old, like maybe a grandma. She's wearing a lot of makeup too. Her lips and cheeks are the same color as her outfit. I smile and then giggle because she looks like a big purple plum.

"Hello, how can I help you today?" She's smiling really big at us.

"We're here to by some tennis shoes for this one," Crane says and he puts his hands on my shoulders and moves me so I'm standing right in front of him.

"Wonderful," the lady says. "Our little girls shoes are right over here."

I hate it when people call me little. I pull on Crane's shirt and he looks down at me. "I'm not little," I whisper.

He smiles at me. "I know," he whispers back.

"I don't like it when people call me that."

"She doesn't know that. Just ignore the 'little' part, ok?"

I sigh a big sigh. "Ok."

We follow her to the back of the store. It's not a very big store and she walks right up to a display table with shoes on it. The cowgirl shoes are on it! I pick those up and look at them.

The lady points to some shoes and says, "here are our little girls' tennis shoes, but I see you like the boots. Those just came in last week. All the girls are coming in to get them. They're our most popular shoe at the moment."

They're beautiful. I run my fingers over the pink and purple rhinestones on them. These are fancy boots like the kind you wear in parades or to square dances. Not boots you wear around the ranch mucking out stables. I put the boots down and look at the tennis shoes. I don't see the ones I saw in the window. All I see are pink ones and white ones and a light blue pair.

"Where are the blue ones?" I ask.

She picks up the light blue tennis shoes. "These?"

"No, the ones in the window."

"These are all the tennis shoes we have."

"Then why do you have shoes in the window you don't sell?" I ask her.

"Why don't you show me the ones you're talking about."

We walk to the front of the store and I point to the dark blue tennis shoes in the window display.

"Oh, those!" She says and she brings her hands together in front of her kind of like she's praying. "You don't want 'those'," she shakes her head and smiles really big. "Those are the 'boys' tennis shoes."

"So. Those are the ones I want." I look up at Crane.

"She'd like to try those on," he tells the lady.

The lady's smile fades and she says, "follow me. Let's get that foot of yours measured." We follow her to the back again and she waves her hand at a chair. "Sit." She walks a few feet away from us and comes back with the foot measuring thing.

I sit down and take my boot off. Crane sits next to me and the lady brings a stool over and sits down on it. "It looks like you could use a new pair of boots too," she says.

I look up at Crane and he shakes his head no as he says, "just the tennis shoes today."

"Ok. Stand up and put your foot here with the heel all the way to the back." I do that and she says, "size two. I'll go bring some shoes out for you to try on."

"I told you my feet didn't grow!" I tell Crane after she leaves. "That's the same size they were last time!"

"Calm down," he says quietly and he puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes me down in the chair.

"But I could've gone to the lake!"

"Heidi, we're here now and that's that." Crane sounds frustrated so I don't say anything back. After a while he says, "I'm going to look at the men's shoes for a minute. I'll be right back."

I sigh and watch him walk to the front of the store. The sales lady comes back and she's carrying three shoe boxes stacked up in front of her. I laugh a little because they almost cover her whole face and she looks funny trying to peek over them.

She sits back down on her stool and sets the boxes down. The first box she opens has the dark blue tennis shoes in it. She takes one out and starts to put it on me. I hate when the shoe people do that. I pull my foot away from her when she picks it up. "I can put the shoes on all by myself," I tell her.

"No, this is my job. Give me your foot."

I glare at her and scoot both my feet back so they're under my chair. She sighs and looks at me a little angrily. Her face is getting a little red too. She reminds me of Mr. Brick so I start to laugh. I think that makes her mad because she's not smiling anymore.

Crane sits back down next to me and I think he knows something's wrong from the expression on the lady's face. "Everything ok here?"

The lady smiles at him and says, "yes. I was just telling your daughter to give me her foot..,"

I laugh out loud now because she thinks Crane's my dad. "He's not my dad, he's my brother and he's twenty-three. He would have to have been...," I count on my fingers, "'thirteen' when he got my mom pregnant!" I laugh really hard.

"Give her your foot Heidi," Crane says. I look up at him and he's not smiling so I lift my right foot out to the lady. She's not smiling either. She puts my foot in and ties the shoe. She ties it too tight and it hurts.

"That's too tight!" I yell. "You did that on purpose!"

Crane puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "I don't think she did that on purpose."

"Certainly not!" She says. She loosens the laces a little bit and asks, "is that better?"

I glare at her. I know she did that on purpose and I'm mad at her now. I stand up and say, "it fits." I sit back down and use my other foot to push the shoe off my foot from the heel. The lady grabs my foot.

"You have to try both on," she says.

"Why?"

"To make sure they 'both' fit."

"If one fits the other one should," I tell her and I pull my feet back under my chair.

"Heidi," Crane says, "try them both on and then we'll pay and get out of here." That's his serious voice again.

"Fine! But I don't see why!" The lady puts the other shoe on and ties it. I stand up and then sit back down. "Fits."

"Now walk around a little bit," she says.

I glare at her and stay in my chair until Crane nudges me. "Fine!" I get up and walk around a little.

"You've got a feisty one there," I hear the lady tell Crane.

"You have no idea," he says.

"I can hear you!" I stomp back to them and say, "these fit fine." I sit down and pull them off. The lady opens up one of the other boxes and pulls out a pink pair of tennis shoes.

"Now try these on," she says.

"No way! I told you I don't want those!"

"How will you know unless you try them on?" She asks.

Crane says, "we'll take the blue ones she just tried on. There's no need for her to try those pink ones on."

The lady looks disappointed and opens the third box up. "How about these pretty little white ones?"

"What's so pretty about white?" I ask her.

Crane says, "the dark blue ones will be fine."

"But those are boy tennis shoes," the lady says. "Wouldn't you rather have pretty little girl tennis shoes?"

"No!" I yell. "And stop calling me little!"

Crane says, "calm down Heidi. I'll take care of this."

"She's making me mad Crane!" Then I yell at the lady, "haven't you ever heard of a tomboy, lady?!"

"Heidi," Crane says loudly, "let me...,"

"You're just a big..., a big...,"

* * *

"Why are you sitting out here?" Adam asks. I look up and Brian's with him. I'm sitting on the sidewalk just outside the store and they're both staring down at me.

"Crane told me to," I tell them and I pick up a little rock lying in the gutter and throw it into the street.

"What'd you do?" Brian asks.

I pick up another tiny rock and throw it. "I didn't 'do' anything!"

"Then what'd you say?" Brian asks.

I don't answer him. I just keep picking up little rocks and throwing them in the street.

"Heidi?" Adam says.

The shoe store door opens up behind me and I hear the little bell ring.

"What happened?" Adam asks Crane.

"Heidi and her big mouth happened!" He says. "Heidi, that was really rude!"

I look down at the sidewalk. "Sorry." Then I look up at him. "But she really does look like a big purple plum!"

"What happened?" Adam asks Crane again.

Crane tells them what happened with the shoes and how angry I got. "Now you have to go in and apologize to her," Crane says to me.

"No way!"

"Yes you are," Adam says. "We're going in there right now and you're going to apologize."

"Is she gonna apologize to me?" I ask.

"For what?" Crane asks.

"For calling me little and making me try on pink tennis shoes!"

"What?" Brian says and he laughs.

"See! That lady's mean!" I tell Brian.

Crane says very calmly, "she wasn't being mean, and I was taking care of it. You need to apologize now."

"This isn't fair! Why do I have to apologize?"

"Because you said something mean to her," Crane says.

I stand up and put my hands on my hips, "she was mean to me!"

"Let's go," Adam says. "You're going to apologize and if I think you haven't done a good job apologizing I'll make you start over."

I start to cry.

"No, you're not going to cry right now," Adam says. "You can cry after you apologize."

"This isn't fair!"

Adam puts his hand around my upper arm and leads me into the store. Crane and Brian follow.

The store is empty except for the sales lady. When she sees us come in she doesn't smile. Adam leads me up to her and says, "my sister has something she'd like to say to you."

"No I don't." I don't like the way she's looking at me.

Adam pushes me forward a little bit and squeezes my shoulders a little. "Yes you do." He squeezes my shoulders tightly now so it starts to hurt.

"I'm sorry."

When that's all I say he squeezes my shoulders harder and bends down to tell me quietly, "if that's all you're going to say, 'you're' going to be sorry."

"Fine! I'm sorry I called you a big purple plum..., I mean, a big, 'fat', purple plum."

"'And'?" Crane says.

I put my head down and say, "and I'm sorry I almost kicked the pink shoe at you." Adam squeezes really tight now. "Ow!" I look up at him. "I said 'almost', I didn't kick it at her for real! It just kind of flung in the air over her head. I told her I didn't want to try it on." Adam looks madder now.

I sigh and look at the lady. She looks angry too. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have called you a plum and I shouldn't have kicked the shoe off. I'm sorry I did that." Adam lets go of my shoulders.

The lady says, "alright. I hope you enjoy your new shoes. Remember," she looks at Crane now, "if you have any problems with them, bring them back."

"Thank you," he says. "And again, I'm sorry."

"That's alright," she says. "I suppose things like that happen sometimes. Sometimes little ones just need a time out."

"What?!" I start to yell something, but Adam picks me up and carries me out of the store.

Once we're outside he puts me down. "Get in the jeep!"

We all get in and Brian drives while Adam sits in the front passenger seat so Crane sits in the back with me. As soon as Brian starts the jeep and pulls out onto the road, Adam turns around and starts yelling at me.

"Why do you have to be such a smart alec all the time?"

"I'm not! She was mean!" I yell back.

"So you call her names and kick a shoe at her?!"

"I didn't call her names! I called her a plum!" I hear Brian laugh.

"What?!" Adam yells at him. "You think this is funny?!"

"She did kind of look like a plum," he says and both him and I laugh.

"Brian!" Adam yells and he whacks Brian on the arm.

"Hey! I'm driving!" Brian yells, but he's still laughing. "Have a sense of humor, 'big' brother!"

Adam yells, "what?! Have a sense of humor?! How funny do you think it's gonna be when Heidi's older and keeps telling her teachers off?! I'm trying to teach her now while she's still sort of young, to treat people with respect! This isn't a joke!"

"Sorry," Brian says. "You're right."

Adam looks back at me again and yells, "I'm really disappointed in you!"

"She was mean to me!" I yell back. "She wanted me to try on shoes I didn't want to!" I look at Crane. "Tell him!"

"Heidi's right, 'but'," Crane looks down at me now, "I was taking care of it."

"Well you didn't do a very good job of it!" I yell.

"Hey!" Adam yells at me. "I don't care what she was doing! You don't call people names! You got that?!"

I nod my head.

"Good!"

He turns back around so I fold my arms across my chest and glare at the back of his head. I hate this day even more now!

* * *

I groan when we pull into the parking lot of the hardware store. There's nothing fun to look at inside this store. Brian and Crane get out of the jeep and Adam says, "Heidi and I will meet up with you in a minute."

I groan and stay sitting in the jeep. Adam turns around in his seat and says, "we're going to have a little talk."

"Why?"

"We have a lot to do today and I don't want any more problems from you."

"Are we going anywhere fun today?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yes. Are we going anyplace fun? Can we go to McDonald's for lunch?"

"After what you just did in the shoe store?! Are you kidding? We 'were' going to eat lunch at the pizza place, but that's not happening anymore."

"Why?!"

"Because of your behavior."

"That's not fair! You should've told me that 'before' we went into the store! I would've been good if I knew we were going to have pizza!"

"You should've been good anyway! I shouldn't have to remind you not to call people names! I shouldn't have to...,"

I interrupt him by standing up and putting my hands on my hips. "Yes you should've! You're the dad! You're supposed to...," I take my hands off my hips and step backwards away from the side of the jeep Adam's sitting on. He looks really mad. "What?" I ask quietly.

"What do you mean what?!" He yells. "Get out of the jeep! And don't you dare ask 'why'! Just get out and keep your mouth shut!"

I stare at him. I think I can make it to the store and find Brian and Crane before Adam can catch me. I jump out of the jeep on the other side and run as fast as I can.

"Don't you run from me!" I hear him yell. "Heidi stop! This is a parking lot! Heidi this is dangerous!" I stop when I hear him say that. I hear a car's brakes squeal but I don't see the car because I turn around to look at Adam running up to me.

"Dammit girl!"

"I'm sorry!" I look up at him and say it again. "I'm sorry! I stopped when you said it was dangerous! I'm sorry. Please don't...,"

Adam's not looking at me anymore. He's looking behind me at the hardware store so I turn around. I can't believe what I'm seeing! Brian and Crane are punching some men right outside the doors!

I run up to them and yell. "Get 'em Brian! You got him Crane!" Adam runs up and tries to tear Brian off the man he's punching. Another man runs up to help Adam and I run over to the bench near the doors and stand up on it and clap my hands. "Punch him! Woo hoo!" I pump my fist up high in the air.

Adam and the other man pull Brian and Crane off the men while two other men run up and pull the other men off them. There's a lot of yelling going on and Brian wipes his mouth with his arm to get the blood off. His cheek has a bruise on it and his lip is cut.

Crane has a bruise on his cheek too and his nose is bleeding. The other guys look just as bad. Adam pushes them over to the bench I'm standing on and yells, "what are you doing?!"

Brian smiles and says, "just taking care of some old business." He pats Crane on the back. "Right little brother?"

Crane smiles and says, "Adam, those guys have been asking for it for a while now. We had an argument with them last weekend and they wouldn't let it go. They started getting in our face just now so we fought back."

"You gave it to them good!" I yell and pretend to throw a punch.

"Oh great!" Adam yells. "Do you see what kind of example you just set!"

"Don't do that at school Heidi," Brian says and he laughs a little bit.

"Yeah," Crane says and I laugh.

"You guys are a piece of a work!" Adam yells. "I can't take any of you anywhere!"

They laugh so I laugh too. "Adam?" I look up at him and ask, "since all of us have been bad today, can we eat at the pizza place now?"

He glares at all three of us and ignores me because he says, "you two yahoos can take care of this little yahoo now because I've had it with all three of you! I'm going inside to order what we need." He walks inside the store and I tell Brian and Crane, Adam's in a bad mood.

"Yeah, we'd better knock it off," Crane says. "We've got a lot of stuff to get done and I want to get home early enough so I can take Isabella out."

"Ok," Brian says. "Heidi, why don't you knock off the smart mouth, and we'll knock off the fighting."

"Ok." I throw my arms around Crane's neck from behind and he stands up with me hanging from him.

"Let go," he says. "You're strangling me."

I slide down his back a little bit and jump down and the three of us walk into the hardware store hand-in-hand with me in the middle. They lift me up and swing me up on every third step.

"Can I look at the candy?" I ask.

"Sure, but don't go anywhere else. We'll meet you there in a little bit."

"Can I buy some gum?"

"Not today," Crane says.

I sigh and look for the candy aisle. I'm not that familiar with this store. I've been here before, but that was a long time ago. I walk past the checkout aisles at the front of the store and stop to listen to two teenagers talking about something in the newspaper they're holding up.

"I can't believe he broke his neck!" One of the guys says.

"I know. I'm never jumping off that again."

I wonder what they're talking about. I move closer to them and listen.

"He's only fifteen! It says he may never walk again!"

"And to think, we were just there last weekend!"

They put the newspaper back on the rack and walk away. I walk up to the paper and look at the front page. "Boy breaks neck at Rainbow Pools," I read out loud. I've heard of that place before. It's near Groveland. I think some of my brothers have been there before.

I look at the picture of the place and in the bottom right corner of that picture there's a picture of a boy. It looks like a school picture. He looks like Ford's age. I wonder what high school he goes to. Then I start to think about my brothers at the lake today and then I remember the dream I had. I wonder what Guthrie's doing. I hope he doesn't jump off the bridge today. What if he does? What if he dies?! Should I tell my brothers about the bridge? No, we didn't get hurt yesterday. I'm sure Guthrie will be fine. I put the newspaper down and look around. I don't want to be alone anymore. I've got to find my brothers.

I walk around the store looking for Crane and Brian. I look down all the aisles and I don't see them anywhere. Maybe they left. I start to feel scared so I run to the exit door. I push my way by a stranger to get outside. They have to be out here somewhere! I look around, but don't see them out here either. I'll go see if the jeep is still here. I look for cars as I run through the parking lot trying to find the jeep. Where is it?! When I can't find it, I realize they must've left without me so I start to cry.

I walk back to the store and sit on the bench outside the doors and cover my face with my hands and cry.

"What's wrong?"

I look up and see a lady standing in front of me.

"My brothers left without me," I cry.

"Are you sure?" I nod my head and she says, "were they in the store?"

"Yes. I looked everywhere for them! They left me here!"

"Let's go inside and see if we can find them," she says.

I stand up and walk inside the store with her. I look around and don't see them. "They're gone! I wasn't good today, so they left me!" I cry.

"I'm sure that's not what happened. Let's go talk to the store manager and see if he can find them."

I follow her to one of the cash registers and look around the store some more while she talks to the man. When they're done talking the man talks to me.

"What are your brothers' names?" He asks.

"Adam, Brian and Crane McFadden," I tell him.

There's a microphone on his counter and he bends down to talk into it and presses a red button on it. "Will Adam, Brian, and Crane McFadden please come to costumer service."

"Now what?" I ask the manager.

"Now we wait."

"But what if they're not here? What if they left me here?" I cry.

"Heidi?"

"Is that your brother?" The lady asks. She's pointing to someone behind me.

I turn around and run to Adam and give him a hug.

"What's the matter?" He asks as he hugs me back.

I hear the lady say, "I found her outside crying. She thought you left her here. She said something about not being good today so you left her."

"No, Heidi," Adam says. "We would never do that." He lifts my chin up with his hand. "Never." He looks at the lady and says, "thank you."

"You're welcome. She looked so sad out there on the bench."

She leaves us and Adam kneels down in front of me. "Why would you 'ever' think we would leave you?"

"You were so mad," I tell him.

Crane and Brian come running up. "What happened?" Crane asks.

"We looked for you in the candy aisle," Brian says, "but you weren't there. Then we heard our names over the loud speaker and came running over here. What happened? Why weren't you in the candy aisle?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?" Adam asks.

"I'm scared for Guthrie," I cry. "I'm afraid he's going to die."

"That's not going to happen," Adam says.

"How do you know. He was dead in my dream."

"That was just a dream. Guthrie's at the lake right now having a fun time," Adam says.

"But what if he's not? What if something bad is happening to him right now?"

Crane puts his hand on top of my head and says, "you're worrying way too much about this."

"No I'm not. Yesterday we...," I stop talking.

"What?" Adam asks. "Yesterday you what?"

I put my head down. "Nothing."

"Heidi?" Adam lifts my chin up. "Do you have something to tell me?"

"No. Can we go home now?"

Adam stands up. "No, we have a lot of things to do today."

"Heidi, why weren't you in the candy aisle?" Brian asks.

"I was looking for you. Can we go now?"

"No, we need to finish up here," Adam says. "Why don't you go wait for us in the candy aisle, only this time stay there."

"No, I want to stay with you."

"Ok, just make sure you stay with us and don't wander off," he says.

"I won't." I take his hand and he looks down at me kind of funny. Then he gives Brian and Crane a funny look too.

He holds my hand and we all walk to the back of the store to an area that has a big sign hanging from the ceiling. Lumber. I look around at all the wood while we walk up to a counter. A man is standing behind it and he talks to my brothers. Adam lets go of my hand and I climb up onto a stool and look at the stuff on the counter.

There's a bunch of books and papers and pens and stuff. Then I see the newspaper. The same newspaper I saw earlier at the front of the store. The same paper that has the story of the boy who broke his neck. I pick it up and look at the picture.

"Whatcha reading?" Brian asks.

I put the paper down. "Nothing."

He picks it up and reads out loud, "boy breaks neck at Rainbow Pools."

"Let me see that," Crane says and he takes the newspaper from Brian. "He's so young."

The man at the counter says, "I know. They're hoping he'll walk again, but they're going to have to wait a while until they find out if that's even possible." He shakes his head. "These swimming holes are very dangerous this year."

"I know. The kids went to Melones yesterday and saw some teenagers doing flips off rocks," Brian says.

"Oooh," the man says. "Melones is particularly dangerous this year. When I was a kid, we had a drought as bad as this one and I lost a friend at the lake. You know that old bridge between black jagged rock and smooth grey rock?"

"The rocks have names?" I ask.

"Yes," Crane says. "That way you can tell your friends where to meet you. As you get older you'll learn their names."

"You were saying," Brian says to the man.

"Right, back to my story. My friend and I jumped off that old bridge but he never came up. Hit his head on a rock and never popped back up until it was too late."

"Aw man, that must've been horrible," Crane says.

"Tragic is what it was. You see, what we didn't know was, if you jump right smack from the middle of the bridge, the water's deep enough. But if you jump near the ends of the bridge the water's not deep enough when we're in a bad drought year like this one."

"I think this has been the worst," Adam says.

I feel scared now. "Mister? Is there more than one bridge?"

"On Camp Road? Not that I know of. Only that old rickety bridge between the rocks that looks like it goes to nowhere. My buddy's daddy wanted to tear that thing down after his son died." He shakes his head again. "Anyways, what can I help you with today?"

My stomach starts to hurt. That has to be the same bridge we jumped off yesterday. While my brothers talk to the man about what they want to order, my brain is thinking up all kinds of stuff.

I hope Guthrie doesn't jump off that bridge. Maybe the rope swing is on the other side of the lake. If he does jump off the bridge maybe he won't get hurt. We didn't get hurt yesterday. But maybe that's because we were lucky. Should I tell my brothers about the bridge? If I do, I'll get in trouble. If I don't, somebody could get hurt. What do I do?

"Heidi?" Adam says.

I look up at him.

"I said it's time to go." I just keep staring at him and I can't move. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

A ghost? If Guthrie dies will he be a ghost? Will he... Adam lifts me up and smiles at me as he carries me through the store. "What are you thinking about?"

I don't know how to answer that. I need to tell him about the bridge but I don't know how to. He's already been mad at me today.

"Heidi? What's wrong? How come you're not talking?"

We're out of the store now and walking through the parking lot. "Can we go home?" I want to get home to see if Guthrie's ok. Maybe they're already home.

"No. We still have a lot to do."

"When will we be done?"

"I don't know."

"When will Guthrie be home from the lake?"

"I don't know. What's with all the questions?"

"I just want to go home."

"I know," he says. "You've wanted to go home the minute we got here."

"But now I really want to go home."

He puts me down because we're at the jeep. The four of us climb in and Crane drives this time while Brian sits in the back with me. I stand up and lean against the front seat behind Crane. "Can we 'please' go home. "'Please'?"

"No. Stop asking," he says.

I feel like crying. "But..,"

"We said no," Crane says. "Sit down so I can drive."

I stay standing so Brian pulls me down to the seat and I scoot right next to him. I look up at him. "I want to go home. I need to talk to Guthrie."

He puts his arm around me. "No can do squirt. You're stuck here with us."

The tears start falling now, but I look away from Brian so he doesn't see them while Crane drives us through town to our next stop.

* * *

When we pull into the gas station and up to the pump all my brothers get out. Adam picks up the hose off the tank and sticks the nozzle in the jeep. "Aren't you going in?" He asks me. When I shake my head no, he says, "why not? You always go in."

I shrug my shoulders and he looks back at the pump and watches the numbers roll as the gas goes in the tank. I've got to figure out a way to go home. Maybe if I pretend to be sick we'll go home. My stomach really hurts anyways. Not because it's sick but because it's nervous. I stand up and move closer to Adam.

"What?" He asks.

"My stomach hurts."

He feels my forehead. "You don't feel warm."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up."

He looks at the numbers on the pump and then stops pumping when the number rolls to the five. He puts the hose back and looks at me. "I don't think your stomach hurts. I think you want to go home and you think this is the way to do it." He pulls out his wallet and hands five dollars to the man at the pump. Usually the man pumps the gas into cars, but my brothers like to do it themselves. I don't know why though.

"Adam, I really do feel sick," I complain.

"Then lay down."

"How's that going to help?"

"How's going home going to help?" He asks and he stares at me. I shrug my shoulders. "Exactly," he says. "Now lay down if you feel like it and stop asking to go home."

I fall back onto the seat and sigh. Well that didn't work. Brian and Crane come out of the store holding sodas and something else. It looks like a pack of gum.

"Want some?" Brian asks holding the pack out to me. I shake my head no and he puts his hand on my forehead when he gets in the jeep. "You ok?"

"No, my stomach hurts. Adam doesn't believe me. Brian, I want to go home."

"We've got stuff to do."

Crane starts the jeep and we drive off to the next store.

"Brian, do you think Guthrie's home yet?"

"No. Why are you so concerned about Guthrie?"

"Never mind." I look out the jeep on the other side and sigh. If they don't believe I'm sick maybe I can get them to take me home if I'm bad. One time I knocked a tower of boxes down in a store and all Adam wanted to do was go home after that. I wonder what store we're going to next.

* * *

The next place we stop is the feed store.

"Why are we going here?" I ask when we're walking through the parking lot. "We have a feed store in Murphys."

"We need to order some hay," Adam says.

"Why? Our feed store sells hay."

"They raised the price," Crane says. "Their hay comes up from Stockton, this place gets their hay from Oakdale so it's cheaper."

"Are we going home after this?"

"No," Brian says.

"Aw man! This is taking forever! Where are we going after this?"

"We'll have lunch next."

"Where?" I ask.

"I don't know yet," Brian says.

We walk into the store and I look around. This place is 'way' bigger than our feed store. "Look! You can buy baby chicks here!" I run over to a big cage with tiny chicks in it.

"We'll be at the counter over there Heidi," Adam tells me. I look over to where he's pointing. There's a line which means we're gonna be here for a while. "Stay out of trouble and don't touch anything."

"What about the chicks? Can I hold one? Please?"

"Ok, but that's it."

"Thanks!" I watch him walk away and then I take a chick out of the cage. "You're so cute!" I tell it while I cradle it in my hands. "Guthrie would love to hold you!" Guthrie. I wonder if he jumped off the bridge. I bet the first thing they do is go to the rope swing. He might already be hurt! I put the baby chick back and look around. Adam told me not to touch anything. If I do, will he take us home? No, not if I just touch something. It has to be more than that.

There's a big wooden barrel of chicken feed next to the baby chicks' cage. The barrel comes up to my chest. I look inside and it's only about half full with feed. I wonder if I could knock it down. I push on it a little and it doesn't budge at all. It's gonna take more than just a push. I look over at the counter and my brothers are still in line. Most of the people in the store are in line. There's only a few people walking around looking at things. I wait until I think no one's looking and push on the barrel hard. It's gonna take a lot more force than that so I back up a few steps, brace my feet and put both my hands on the barrel. Then I push. Hard. I grunt and push the barrel over and watch all the chicken feed spill out and onto the floor.

"Why did you do that!" A man yells at me.

I didn't know anyone was watching me. I look at my brothers and they're looking at me and then they come over to see what happened. "It was an accident!" I yell.

"No it wasn't! I watched her push it over!" The man says.

A worker is over here now with a broom and dustpan. I look up at my brothers and they look kind of mad. "Is that true?" Adam asks. "Did you deliberately push that barrel over?" I stare at him and don't say anything. That should make him madder. "I'm talking to you! Did you push that over?"

I nod my head yes and Adam looks really, really mad, but before he can say anything I look at the store worker and say, "I'm very sorry I pushed the chicken feed over. I'll help you clean it up." He hands me the dustpan and I hold it for him. As he sweeps the feed into the pan I peek up at my brothers. They look mad, especially Adam. Good.

When I'm all finished I tell the worker I'm sorry again and then I look up at Adam. "I'm sorry. Are you mad? Can we go home 'now'?"

"What?"

"Can we go home now?" I ask again.

Adam doesn't answer me. Instead he gives a funny look at Brian and Crane and they tell him they'll order the hay.

"But we have to go home now!"

Adam looks at me and his face doesn't look that mad anymore. Why not?! I start to cry and he takes me by the hand and leads me outside. There's a bench a few feet away from the door and he walks over to it and sits down. He moves me so I'm standing right in front of him and in between his legs.

His face looks serious and he says in his serious voice, "what are you doing? Huh? Why did you do that?"

I look down and shrug my shoulders.

He holds my chin up. "Yes you do. Why did you do that Heidi? Why do you want to go home so badly?"

"I just do. It's boring here!"

"I don't buy that. You keep talking about going home and making sure Guthrie's ok. Why?"

"I don't know," I tell him.

"Yes you do. Heidi, I think something's bothering you. Something about Guthrie. Is it the dream you had last night?"

"Adam! You're supposed to be mad! You're ...,"

"Why?" He asks. "Tell me why I'm supposed to be mad."

"So you want to go home!" I cry.

"Why? You do realize if we go home now, Guthrie's not going to be there."

"He's not?"

"No, he's at the lake and he's going to be there until dinnertime."

"I didn't think about that. How are we going to help him?"

"What do you mean?"

I don't know how to answer that. I look into Adam's eyes and think so Adam says, "Heidi, what's wrong? I know you, and something's been bugging you. What is it? You can tell me."

"I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you'll be mad."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I could tell you, but I can't."

"What if I promised you I wouldn't be mad?"

Hmm. I think about that. If I tell him about the bridge will he really not be mad? I don't think so. "No, I still can't."

He's quiet while he looks into my eyes. His eyes look sad. "Heidi, are you worried about Guthrie?"

"Yes."

"If you can't tell 'me' what's wrong, can you tell Brian or Crane?"

I shake my head no.

"Why not?"

"They'll be mad too. I can't tell any of you."

"It's 'that' bad that you can't tell 'any' of us?" When I shake my head no he says, "and you're worried about Guthrie? That he might get hurt?"

I nod my head. I wish he could just guess that Guthrie might jump off the bridge, but he doesn't know about it.

"Do you want to help Guthrie?"

I nod my head.

"Then tell me what's wrong."

I stare at him.

"If you think Guthrie might get hurt, please tell me what's going on so I can help him. Please."

"Ok," I say very quietly. I take a deep breath. "Guthrie might jump off a bridge at the lake."

"What? What bridge?"

"The bridge the man was talking about at the hardware store. The bridge the man's friend died jumping off of."

Adam smiles and says, "Guthrie's not going to jump off the bridge."

"He's not?"

"No. I told you not to jump off any rocks and Guthrie knows jumping off a bridge is the same thing as jumping off a rock. Is that what your dream was about last night? Did you see Guthrie jump off a bridge?"

I shake my head no.

"You don't have to worry about Guthrie, Heidi."

"But..,"

"No buts. You've spent all day worrying about something that's never going to happen. Now can we get back to our shopping so we can get home? And can you please be good now?" He smiles and then hugs me.

I don't understand.

Brian and Crane come out of the store and want to know why I knocked the barrel of chicken feed over so Adam tells them.

Crane smiles and says, "Heidi, Guthrie's fine."

"Yeah," Brian says.

"But...,"

"Let's go eat," Brian says. "I'm starving. Where do you feel like eating?"

We walk to the jeep. "But you guys don't understand," I try to tell them but they're not listening. They're talking about where to eat lunch. "We've already jumped off the bridge once." No one's listening.

"McDonalds is the cheapest place," Crane says.

"I already told Heidi no because of her behavior earlier," Adam tells him.

"How 'bout Diamond Jim's?" Brian asks.

"Sounds good to me," Crane says and he picks me up. "What do you think Heidi?"

"I don't care," I tell him, but he's not listening to that either.

* * *

At the restaurant we sit at a both and order our food. Burgers and fries. I have a root beer and the three of them have beer. They talk about stuff and I sit quietly and stare out the window. I sure hope Guthrie's ok.

"Are you ok Heidi?" Crane asks. "You haven't drank any of your root beer yet."

I shrug my shoulders and they start talking to each other again. I don't even notice when the waitress brings us our food.

"Heidi? Earth to Heidi." I hear Brian say.

I look up at him. "What?"

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No."

"What's wrong?" Adam asks.

"I already told you," I remind him.

"Eat. I don't want you to be hungry later on," he says so I pick up a french fry. I don't eat it, I just hold it above my plate.

"Heidi?" Adam asks.

I look up at him. "What?"

"Why don't you tell us how you lost your shoes yesterday," he says.

They're all three looking at me now. "I don't want to." Now I put the french fry in my mouth.

"Well I want you to."

They keep looking at me waiting for me to say something. "Ok," I start. I stare at each of them and say, "I jumped off a bridge and couldn't swim to the top of the water with my shoes on, so I kicked them off and they're at the bottom of the lake." They're staring at me and not saying anything. "Oh, and Guthrie jumped off the bridge too," I add. They're still staring at me. It's like they're frozen. They're holding their food in their hands and not moving at all.

Brian's the first one to say something. He laughs and slaps the table with his hand. "That's a good one Heidi!"

He thinks I'm joking?

Crane smiles and says, "now tell us what really happened."

Adam says, "how'd you lose them? Jumping off a bridge isn't really a funny joke right now."

I stand up and yell, "that's not a joke! Why would I joke about something like that?! Why do you think I had a bad dream last night?! Because we jumped off a bridge! Do you know what I wanted Guthrie to promise me last night?! That he wouldn't jump off the bridge today!" They're all staring at me with their mouths open. "And guess what?! He wouldn't promise me that! He said if he had to jump off the bridge to get to the rope swing, he'd do it! Are you listening to me now?! Guthrie's going to jump off a bridge today! He might have already jumped! He might be dead right now!"

Now they look scared. They all jump up at the same time. Crane pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and takes some money out and throws it on the table. Brian picks me up and we rush out of the restaurant and run to the jeep.

Adam drives, Brian sits in the passenger's seat and Crane sits in back with me. None of us says anything while Adam drives to the lake fast. I wonder if he's driving over the speed limit. I can't look at my brothers so I look out at the scenery. Soon we've let the homes behind and are driving past ranches. Dry grass, oak trees, cattle and horses are all I see until we reach New Melones Lake. When we start to drive over the bridge I hear sirens behind us. Adam pulls the jeep to the side. I hope he's not going to get a ticket.

An ambulance races past us followed by a Sheriff's car. Adam drives behind them now and almost drives as fast as they do. When we reach the end of the bridge the ambulance and sheriff turn onto Camp Road. They're going to the lake too!

Please let Guthrie be safe. Please.


	8. Chapter 8

When we reach the parking area for the trailhead, the ambulance and Sheriff's car are already there, along with three other Sheriff cars. Adam pulls up to our truck and before he can even stop the jeep Crane and Brian jump out. I jump out too and the four of us start running down the trail to the lake.

Pretty soon the three of them are way ahead of me on the trail. I'm trying to run as fast as I can, but it's hard to run downhill. I slide a lot and scrape the palms of my hands when I try to catch myself from falling. I wish I was wearing my new tennis shoes instead of my cowgirl boots.

"Are you ok?" Crane calls up to me. He's just down the trail from me and he stops to look back at me.

"Yes! Just go! Go save Guthrie!"

He continues to run and I fall further and further behind.

By the time I make it down to the lake everyone's already there. I look around for Guthrie. There's lots of people standing around. Teenagers, kids, adults, deputies and the Sheriff. Some people are crying and most are in small circles talking. No one is in the water.

Where is Guthrie? I see the ambulance workers and they have a board laying on the ground and on the board is something covered up with what looks like a white sheet. I bet there's a body under that sheet. They pick the board up and start carrying it up the hill. Where is Guthrie? I keep looking for him and then I realize I don't see Daniel, Evan or Ford either.

I walk around looking for my family. "Guthrie?" I call out while I walk around groups of people. "Guthrie?" Was he the body under the sheet?! "Guthrie!" I feel like crying. Why can't I find him? Why can't I find anyone from my family? I'm ready to cry when I see him. I sigh. He's sitting on a log underneath an oak tree and I run to him, but stop as I get closer. He's crying hard and Adam and Brian are kneeling in front of him talking to him. They all look really, really sad. I step behind a bush a little ways so they won't see me. I'm not hiding, I'm just not sure I should interrupt them. I lean closer to listen.

"I don't know what happened..., he let go of the rope..., why'd he let go of the rope?" Guthrie looks at Adam and cries.

Adam hugs him. "I don't know."

Guthrie cries on Adam's shoulder and I can see his face. His cheeks are all wet and he looks really sad. "He didn't come up. We waited..., we kept looking down at the water..., he didn't come up..., he didn't come up!"

"I'm so sorry Guthrie."

Brian says, "that must've been scary."

Guthrie nods and keeps crying. I wonder what happened. If Guthrie's ok, who got hurt? _Who_ is Guthrie talking about? What if he's talking about Daniel, or Evan, or Ford! I've got to look for them!

I walk around looking at the groups of people talking. Where are they? The Sheriff and his deputies are talking to people and writing things down on note pads. I keep looking for Daniel, Evan and Ford. They've got to be here somewhere! They just have to be! I start to run around looking for them. Why aren't they with Guthrie? There! All three of them are standing together down by the water talking to Crane. A deputy is talking with them too and he writes things down. I breath a huge sigh of relief. Everyone in my family is ok. I walk closer to listen, but I don't walk right up to them. If they see me they might not tell me what happened. Sometimes they think I'm too young to understand things.

"I can't believe it." Crane says. He looks and sounds really sad. He's shaking his head. I think he might be crying a little. I wonder why.

Daniel puts his hand on Crane's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

I wonder why Daniel is saying that to Crane. The deputy closes his notepad and puts his pen away.

"I think I have everything I need. So you'll come with me?" He asks Crane.

"Yeah sure, of course."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Daniel asks Crane. Evan and Ford say they'll go too.

"No. Thanks guys, but I think you'd better stay here," he says.

Where's Crane going? He leaves with the deputy and I watch them walk over to the Sheriff.

"He's so young," Evan says.

_Who's_ young I wonder. Are they talking about Crane? He's older than them.

"I know." Ford says. "I can't believe this happened."

"Let's go find Adam and Brian and see if they want to help us take the rope down," Daniel says.

"They're with Guthrie," Evan says.

"Poor Guthrie," Ford says. "I feel so bad for him."

The three of them walk off to find Adam and I stand and watch them go. I want to know what happened, but I'm too scared to ask. I think somebody got hurt really bad. I look around me and find a shady spot under a tree. There's a log to sit on so I walk over, sit down and watch everyone around me.

If my brothers are all ok, who got hurt? Who's missing? I look around and try to find people I know, but there's too many people around. Then I see Crane walking with the Sheriff now. They're talking while they walk to the trail. Where are they going? Isabella's nephews, Ed and Jeff are walking with them. I guess Mike didn't come to the lake today. Is Crane taking them home? Why is the Sheriff going with them?

Jeff and Ed look like they've been crying just as much as Guthrie has. I wonder what happened today. I watch them walk away until they go out of view and then I look around at all the people again. It looks like almost everyone is packing up their stuff to leave. I wonder if we're leaving. I don't see any of my brothers right now so I sigh and look down at the ground. I push some leaves out of the way with my foot and kick at a baseball sized rock that's stuck in the ground. I hope Guthrie feels better. I wish I could talk to him. He'd tell me what happened. I find a long stick and pick it up. I move some leaves out of the way with it and start writing my name in the dirt.

I play like that for a while, writing my name and drawing little pictures in the dirt, until I hear my name being called. I look up watch Guthrie run over to me with Ford close behind him. I stand up and Guthrie hugs me. He starts crying and Ford hugs both of us.

Ford says, "we've been looking for you. Adam told me to go find you."

"What's wrong Guthrie?" I ask. "What happened?"

"Mike died," he says and he cries harder.

"Mike?"

"Yes!"

Ford lets go of us and says, "let's sit down."

We all sit down on the log I was sitting on. I don't know what to say. Mike died? I don't understand. How could he die?

"Heidi, it was horrible," Guthrie says. "He didn't come back up." Guthrie starts crying again really hard and Ford hugs him.

"I'm so sorry," Ford tells him.

"Heidi," Guthrie says, "I'm so glad you weren't here. I was so scared." He can't talk anymore because he's crying to hard. I don't know what to say so I don't say anything. I just watch Ford hug Guthrie.

"Are you ok, Heidi?" Ford asks.

"Me?" I ask and he nods his head. "I'm ok." I look down at the ground and see my stick laying there. Guthrie's crying and I don't understand what happened. What does he mean Mike died? I pick up my stick and start writing my name in the dirt again. "Did you guys find the rope swing?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Oh." I'm not really happy they found the rope swing. I thought I would be, but I'm not. "Is it far from here?" I ask while I scratch a heart in the ground with my stick.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asks.

"Yeah, where is it?"

"Did you hear what I said about _Mike_?" He asks.

"Yes." I'm not sure what he wants me to say. "Is the rope swing far from here?"

"Mike died! Do you hear me?! Mike died!" He stands up and leans down and puts his hands on my shoulders and starts shaking me.

"Guthrie, stop," Ford says as he jumps up. He takes Guthrie off of me and hugs him again while Guthrie cries. I feel really sad for Guthrie.

"I'm sorry Guthrie," I tell him. Tears start to form in my eyes because Guthrie looks so sad. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"Ford!" Daniel yells and we all look over at him. He's running up to us. "Evan and I are going to help Adam, Brian and some other guys break apart that old bridge and take the rope swing down. Watch Guthrie and Heidi."

"Why are you taking the rope swing down?" I yell at him as he runs off.

"Because that's how Mike died." Guthrie tells me. "He let go of the rope too early and hit his head on the rocks before he fell in the water. He didn't come back up Heidi!" He cries.

All I can do is look at Guthrie and feel sad for him. I reach out to touch his arm. "Did he have his shoes on Guthrie?" I ask. "Guthrie? Maybe he didn't come up because he had his shoes on. He should've taken them off before he jumped."

"Heidi, he hit his head on the rocks and that's why he didn't come up," Guthrie says.

"Did it hurt him?"

Guthrie looks up at Ford. "Why doesn't she understand?"

"I don't know," he says. "Heidi?" I look up at Ford. "Mike died because he hit his head on the rocks when he let go of the rope swing."

"Why?"

"He hit the rock very hard."

"Why'd he let go of the rope too early?" I ask.

"I don't know." Ford says.

"How do you know he died because he hit his head on the rocks?" I ask.

"Because that's what happened," Ford says.

"But how do you _know_ that? Maybe he didn't really die."

Ford looks sad when he says, "he really died Heidi."

"Maybe he just hurt his head and they're going to fix him at the hospital."

"He died Heidi!" Guthrie yells while he cries.

"I don't believe you." And I really don't. That couldn't have happened!

Ford says, "Heidi, it's true. I'm not making this up. Mike really died."

"No he didn't! He's just sleeping and he'll wake up at the hospital!"

"No he won't!" Guthrie yells.

"Guthrie, just ignore her right now. She doesn't understand," Ford says.

"Well make her understand! I don't like what she's saying!"

I pick up my stick and walk away from them. Mike couldn't have died. How could that happen? I find a rock to sit down on and start scratching at the ground with my stick. I bet he'll wake up at the hospital. That's probably where Crane is taking Ed and Jeff. Then they can all be there when Mike wakes up.

Guthrie's friend Kenny comes running up to me. "Did you hear what happened?" He asks.

I look up at him. "Yeah."

"It was so scary!"

"Why? Did you go to the rope swing too?"

"Yes. It was scary because Mike didn't come up. He just..,"

"Where's the rope swing?" I ask.

"It's past the bridge," he tells me.

"Did you have to jump off the bridge to get to it?"

"Some of us did. You either have to jump off the bridge or the tall black rock."

"It's called black jagged rock," I tell him. "All the rocks have names. Did Guthrie jump off the bridge?"

"I think so. I don't know, there was a bunch of us there."

"How far is the rope swing from the bridge?"

"Not that far. It's a really cool place!"

I throw my stick on the ground and jump up. "Will you take me there?!"

Kenny looks at me with a weird look on his face. "Now?"

"Yes. Will you?" I ask. Maybe Mike is still there.

"I don't think we can. A bunch of guys went to take the rope down. I think your brothers went with them."

"That's not fair. They shouldn't take it down." I sit back down on the rock and pick up my stick. "Did you jump off the rope swing?"

"Yes. Most of us had before Mike took a turn."

"Did Guthrie jump off?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand. If all of you jumped off and didn't get hurt, why did Mike?"

"His hands slipped or he let go too soon. Not all of us saw what happened."

Then maybe he didn't really die. "Do you think he'll wake up at the hospital?" I ask Kenny.

"What? Heidi, he's dead."

"But how do you know that for real?"

"Because he's not breathing anymore."

"So. Why can't they just make him breathe? Isn't that what the ambulance drivers do? Make people breathe again when they stop?"

"It doesn't work like that."

"Why not? If he can't breathe, just _make_ him breathe."

Kenny laughs. "You can't do _that_! Duh?!"

That makes me mad. Lots of times Kenny and I don't like each other and we don't get along. I think this is gonna be one of those times. I stand up and yell, "they can fix him at the hospital!" I start to hit him with my stick but he backs away.

"Ha! You missed me!" He yells and he laughs.

Now it's a game. I try to hit him while he runs away and I chase him with my stick. The only difference is, he's laughing and I'm not. As soon as I get close enough to him I whack him on the back.

"Ow!" He's not laughing anymore. "I'm gonna hit _you_ with a stick!" He looks around on the ground but has to run away from me instead because I'm not done hitting him. I don't know why, but I feel so angry. I guess Kenny makes me feel angry.

Someone yells Kenny's name really loud and we both stop running and look over. "We're leaving!" The guy yells.

"Bye Heidi!" Kenny yells and I watch him run up to the guy who's standing with a few other kids and they walk up the trail to the cars.

I wish we could go home. I decide to run over to Ford and Guthrie. They're still sitting on the log. I think Guthrie's crying again.

"Ford can you drive us home now?" I ask as soon as I get close to him.

"No. I don't have the keys."

"Can you go get them?"

"No. Why don't you sit with us and..,"

"Maybe you could drive us to the hospital," I suggest.

"Why do you want to go there?" Guthrie asks. He wipes his cheeks and stares at me.

"So we could be there when Mike wakes up."

Ford says softly, "he's not going to wake up Heidi. Aren't you sad Mike died?"

"I don't want to talk about Mike anymore," I tell him, and I really don't. I don't think he died. I think they're going to fix him at the hospital.

"Why not?" Guthrie asks.

"Because he didn't die."

"Yes he did Heidi," Guthrie says.

"Heidi, sit down next to me," Ford says and he pats the log. When I sit down he turns towards me and says, "a lot of us are sad right now. I'm sad, Guthrie's sad...,"

"Then don't be sad," I tell him.

"But we _are_ sad. A boy died today and that's sad." He pauses and then says, "are you sad?"

"Yes. But he's gonna be ok. They're gonna fix him at the hospital."

Guthrie starts to cry again. "He was just laying there and we tried to wake him up but he wouldn't wake up." Ford hugs him.

"Maybe they can wake him up at the hospital," I suggest.

"They can't wake him up!" Guthrie yells.

"How do you know?!"

"Because he's dead!"

"Well I don't think so!"

Ford sighs and says, "Guthrie just ignore her. She's little and doesn't understand what's going on right now."

"I am _not_ little! And I understand everything you're saying!" I yell and I stand up and stomp my foot while I glare at Ford.

"Ok, ok. Sorry Heidi," he says. Ford looks frustrated and tired. "I wish Adam was here right now," he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because he'd know how to explain it to you. I don't know...," he pauses and then shakes his head. "Heidi, just sit down and play with your stick."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. I'm just tired that's all."

I sigh and sit down and pick up my stick. I look around us and see there's not that many people left. They must've all walked back to the cars. I wish we could go home. I lean against Ford and he puts his arm around me. "I wish we could go home."

"Me too," he says quietly and he hugs me close to him.

"I wish this day never happened," I tell him.

"Me too," he says. "Me too."

* * *

The three of us sit quietly for a long time until Ford breaks the silence. "Heidi? How come you're here?"

"What'd you mean?" I ask as I poke the ground with my stick.

"How come you, Adam, Brian, and Crane came to the lake?" He asks.

Oh. I forgot about that. "Well," I say kind of quietly, "they were sort-of worried about Guthrie."

"Why?" Ford asks.

"Yeah, why?" Guthrie asks.

"Because they thought you might jump off the bridge."

Guthrie sighs and Ford asks, "the old rickety bridge?"

"Is there another bridge here?"

"No," Ford says. "Why did they think he was going to jump off the bridge?"

"You told, didn't you?" Guthrie says. He doesn't sound mad, or sad when he says that, he's just saying it out loud. "I guess they were going to find out anyway," he says. "They always do."

"Sorry," I tell him. "I guess it's going to be a while before we'll get to come back here."

"That's ok. I don't ever want to come back here again," he says.

"What are you guys talking about?" Ford asks.

"We jumped off the bridge yesterday," I tell him.

"You better not have," he says.

"Well we did. It was the only way to get down from the black jagged rock," I tell him.

"I can't believe you did that," Ford says and he sounds surprised. I look up at his face and it doesn't look like a happy surprised face. He looks down at me and says, "you weren't supposed to jump. You weren't supposed to do that."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"There's a path to follow behind the rock. You didn't have to jump," he says and he's starting to sound angry.

"We didn't see a path. The teenagers there said we had to jump. They said that was the only way down."

"Well they were lying!" He yells and he stands up. "You should've looked for the trail!" I start to cry because I'm not used to Ford yelling. He looks really mad too. "You shouldn't have jumped!"

"I know, I'm sorry Ford!" I scoot over towards Guthrie.

"Do you realize how dangerous that was?! Guthrie! You jumped too?!"

I look at Guthrie and he nods his head. "I'm sorry Ford," I tell him. "We didn't know there was a path."

"But we told you not to jump!" Ford yells.

"At least it wasn't a rock," I tell Ford, but I wish I hadn't said that because it looks like it made him madder.

Guthrie leans close to me and whispers, "if I were you, I wouldn't say that anymore. Not to Adam, or Brian, or anybody else. Jumping off the bridge was the same thing as jumping off a rock."

"But they said don't jump off any rocks and we jumped off a bridge."

"Do you really think that's going to work?" Ford asks. "You think we're all going to say, 'you're right Heidi, we said don't jump off any rocks and that was a bridge. That's ok that you could've almost died because we didn't tell you not to jump off a bridge.' You think that makes it ok?"

I feel a little scared now while I look up at Ford. My eyes start to water and I say really quietly, "no."

"Right!" Ford yells and he starts to yell something else but Guthrie says, "Ford, can you please just stop? I'm so tired right now." He puts his head down and starts to cry quietly.

Ford sits down next him and puts his arm around him. "I'm sorry Guthrie. You're right, it _has_ been a long day."

I hear voices and I look over and see my brothers walking towards us. They're back. Evan's in the lead and he's walking over to us fast. The look on his face kind-of scares me because it looks mad.

"You jumped off that bridge?!" He yells. Daniel is following behind him just as fast and he looks mad too.

"You jumped when we told you not to jump?!" Daniel yells.

Ford stands up and I look over at Guthrie because I hear him crying harder. Ford meets Evan and Daniel before they can reach us. "Now's not the time. Guthrie's exhausted."

"Hey!" Brian yells to Evan and Daniel. "Let's get all our stuff so we can get out of here."

Adam walks over to us and sits down on the log next to Guthrie. "How are you doing?" He asks him and he puts his hand on top of Guthrie's head and then slides it down to his back. Guthrie doesn't answer he just cries quietly and Adam hugs him. I stand up to face Adam.

"Are we going to the hospital?" I ask him.

He looks at me kind of funny and says, "why?"

"So we can be there when Mike wakes up."

Guthrie cries louder now and Ford says, "Heidi doesn't believe Mike is dead. She thinks they can still fix him at the hospital."

"Oh," Adam says and he looks at me sadly. "Come here." I move a few steps closer and he takes one arm from around Guthrie and puts it around me. "Heidi, they can't fix Mike at the hospital. He's already dead. He died here at the lake."

"Maybe Hannah can fix him," I suggest.

"No, she can't."

Guthrie says, "Adam, she won't stop talking like that. Make her stop."

"No!" I yell and I push away from Adam. "He's not dead! You tell Guthrie to stop saying he is!"

Adam looks sad when he looks at me and starts to say, "Heidi, he...,"

"No!" I run away from them and over to Brian. He's helping my brothers put all of our inter tubes in a pile. "Brian!" I yell and he turns around to look at me. "Will _you_ take me to the hospital! Adam won't!"

He doesn't answer at first and he looks confused when he asks, "why do you want to go there?"

"To be there when Mike wakes up!"

"No. Heidi he..,"

"Daniel will you take me?!" I yell and I run over to him. He shakes his head and I look at Evan and Ford. "Will one of you take me please!" They shake their heads no and look at Brian. "Why not! Why won't someone take me there?!" I run up to Daniel and grab his hand and try to pull him towards the trail. "Take me there." I look up at him and say, "please?" He says no so I punch him in the stomach.

Brian runs over to me and picks me up. "Hey," he says softly, "you're not gonna do that."

"Why not?! You won't take me! Take me! Take me!" I start to punch Brian on his chest with my fist. He grabs my hand quickly and holds it tightly so I punch his chest with my other hand and he grabs that hand too so now he's holding both my hands in one of his hands. I look at my hands. How'd he do that? I try to pull my hands free, but he holds them tightly. Now I try to wiggle my way down to the ground, but he's strong and holds my whole body tightly. "Let me go!" I yell.

"Not until you calm down," he says quietly. I almost don't hear him because I'm yelling and crying loudly now. He says something to my brothers that I can barely hear over my yelling. "We'll meet you back at the truck." He starts walking while I try to get away. "The harder you struggle, the tighter I'm gonna hold you," he whispers into my ear. I don't think he can hold me any tighter because I can't move at all now. I'm tired. I'm tired and frustrated. I stop trying to get away now but he still holds me tightly.

"Brian, I want to go to the hospital."

"I know you do, but Mike isn't at the hospital."

"He's not? Where is he then?"

Brian sighs. "It's hard to explain."

"Why won't they take him to the hospital? Why? They can fix him there!" I cry and I try to get away again.

"Heidi, they can't fix him."

"But why not?" I cry. "The ambulance people came. They can fix him."

"No, he was already dead before they got here."

"No he wasn't! They have to fix him! They have to!"

"Heidi, I'm sorry, but they can't." He kisses the top of my head.

I look at where Brian is walking and I realize we're on the trail that goes up to the cars. "Then where did Crane go? Isn't he taking Ed and Jeff to the hospital so they can be there when Mike wakes up?"

"No. The Sheriff is taking Ed and Jeff home and Crane is going with them," he says. "Heidi, no one is going to the hospital."

"Then how are they gonna make him better? How?!" I cry.

"Oh Heidi. I wish you could understand."

"Brian? Did you ever see a dead person before?"

"No, we're not gonna talk about that right now."

"So you have?" I lean back so I can look at his face and I wipe my eyes.

"I told you, we're not gonna talk about that." He stops walking and smoothes my hair back while he looks in my eyes. "I am so glad you were with us in Sonora today and not here at the lake."

"Why'd you take the rope swing down?"

"Because it's not safe."

"But you've jumped off it before."

"Not in a drought year. Not with the lake this low. It's way too dangerous."

"Then why'd you let Guthrie come to the lake today? You knew he was going to find the rope swing and jump off of it." He looks sad when I say that.

"I guess I wasn't thinking," he says quietly.

"Are you sad?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because somebody died today and it could've easily been you or Guthrie that died instead of Mike." He starts walking again. "I shouldn't have let you two come here without one of us." He shakes his head when he says that and looks away. The trail starts to get a little steeper.

"You can put me down if you have to," I tell him. "I can walk."

"Are you feeling better?"

I nod my head. "Sorry for hitting you."

"It's ok. You were angry and frustrated about something you don't understand. You exploded a little." He puts me down. "You lead the way."

I follow the path and Brian follows me. We're quiet, but I start hearing Brian talk to himself. He's not talking loudly, and whatever he's saying doesn't sound nice. I stop walking and turn around.

"Are you mad Brian?"

"No. Just keep walking."

"Are you swearing?"

"No."

"Yes you are. You're mad."

"Just keep walking." He spins me around so I start to walk again.

"Why are you swearing?" I ask.

"I'm not swearing. I'm just talking to myself."

"Well it sure sounds like you're swearing."

We walk quietly again until I hear him start mumbling something.

"That was definitely swearing!" I stop walking again and turn to look up at him. "Are you swearing at yourself?"

"Never mind Heidi, just keep walking."

I turn back around and start walking again. I wonder why Brian is swearing to himself. We're almost at the top. Just a little more walking uphill and we're done.

When we reach the top of the trail I find a shady spot and sit down on the ground and sigh. I'm hot and sweaty. "I'm thirsty."

"Same here. Maybe there's something to drink in the ice chest. The guys should be up here soon." Brian finds a log in the shade and sits down. "Come here." I look over at him and stare. "Come here," he says again.

I stand up and walk over to him. He looks really sad. "What's wrong Brian?"

"Nothing. I just want to hold you."

"Why are you sad?" He lifts me up onto his lap and holds me. "Brian?"

"Sh. Just sit with me."

Brian holds me and we sit quietly while we wait for my brothers to come.

* * *

When my brothers finally come up the hill I slide off Brian's lap and run to Evan because he's holding the ice chest.

"Is there anything to drink in that?" I ask. I hope so because I am so thirsty.

"No, but there's still some ice in it."

He sets the ice chest down and opens it so I take a piece of ice out, pop it into my mouth and bite it. Then I take another piece and rub it on my forehead. "Ahhh. That feels so good!" I look around at my brothers and watch them put everything in the back of the truck. Everyone's quiet. Guthrie looks really tired and sad as he climbs in the back of the jeep and plops himself on the seat. I run over to the jeep and climb in on the other side and sit down next to him.

"Are you ok?" I ask Guthrie.

He looks at me and his eyes look watery, but he nods his head.

"I'm sorry Guthrie. I'm sorry you're so sad." He shrugs his shoulders and stares straight ahead at the back of the front seat. "Guthrie?"

"I'm tired Heidi. I don't feel like talking right now."

Adam walks up to us and says, "Heidi, I need you to ride in the truck."

"But I want to ride with Guthrie. Can't I sit in the middle of the jeep instead of the truck?"

"Go get in the truck."

I look at Guthrie. "Do you want to ride in the truck with me?" When he doesn't answer I ask him again.

Adam says, "Heidi, get out of the jeep."

I stand up and look at Adam. "What's wrong with Guthrie?"

"He's tired. Get out of the jeep now and go ride in the truck with your brothers."

"Who's gonna drive the truck?"

"Daniel."

"I don't want to ride with Daniel. He's mad at me."

Adam sighs. "Just get out of the jeep and go get in the truck."

"Can I ride in the back?" I already now the answer, but it can't hurt to ask.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You already know why not." He lifts me out of the jeep and when he puts me down I look up at him.

"Who else is riding in the truck?"

"Evan."

Oh great! Both of them are mad at me. "I don't want to ride with them. Can't you or Brian drive the truck?"

"Heidi, it's been a long day and we're all tired. I need you to help me right now by getting in the truck. Will you help me?"

"Yes."

He hugs me. "Thank you."

I look up at him. "Will you tell them not to yell at me?"

"I can do that." He gives me a little squeeze and then lets go and I walk over to the truck and get in.

* * *

"Stop talking to me about the bridge!" I yell at Evan and Daniel. They've been bugging me about jumping off the bridge for the whole drive down Camp Road. They're still talking about it when we pull out onto the highway.

"I'm just so mad at you for doing that," Daniel says.

"I know! You keep telling me that!"

"Stop yelling!" Evan yells. "We're not yelling at you!"

"You are now!"

"Both of you stop yelling!" Daniel yells.

"Now _you're_ yelling!" I yell.

"Sorry," Daniel says, "but I just can't believe you jumped off that bridge when we told you not too."

"I know! You keep saying that! And you didn't tell me not to jump off the bridge! You said not to jump off the rocks! A bridge and rocks are two different things!"

"You know better than that!" Evan yells.

I start to cry now. "I want to get out! I don't like you right now! Stop driving!"

"Ok, ok," Evan says. He's not yelling now. "Sorry, we'll stop yelling."

"No! I want out!"

"You can't get out!" Evan yells.

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't," Daniel says. "We're driving home. You can get out when we get there."

"No! The jeep is behind us and I want out!" I turn around and sit up on my knees to look out the back window. The jeep _is_ right behind us. I start waving and pounding on the window. "I want out!" I yell over and over until Daniel pulls the truck over and onto the side of the road and Evan opens his door and gets out. The jeep pulls up behind us and I run to it.

"What's wrong?" Adam asks as I run to him and hug him. He picks me up. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry!" I cry. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"What happened?" Adam asks and I hear Daniel answer.

"Sorry Adam. We were talking to Heidi about jumping off the bridge and she just lost it."

"We'll take her," he says.

"I'm sorry for jumping off the bridge Adam," I cry as he carries me to the jeep. "I didn't want to do it. I was scared."

"Sh. I know." When we're at the jeep Adam says, "Brian you drive and Ford you sit in front." When Ford gets out of the back Adam puts me in the jeep and I sit down in the middle of the seat and he climbs in. He puts his arm around me and I scoot close to him and close my eyes while I finish crying. Then I fall asleep.

* * *

As soon as the jeep turns off I open my eyes and Adam takes his arm off me. I sit all the way up and look at the house. Hannah is walking out to us. I look over at Guthrie and he's waking up too.

Everyone gets out of the jeep except for us. I'm still tired so I stay in the jeep and Guthrie does too.

"I heard what happened!" Hannah says as soon as she's close to us. She hugs Adam. "Crane called the restaurant to tell me and Marie gave me a ride home. Are you guys alright?"

"I think Guthrie's in a little bit of shock, and Heidi's in denial," he tells her. I wonder what that means. "Other than that, I think we're all exhausted."

"I cooked up a quick chicken noodle soup and made some biscuits. The soup is simmering on the stove and is ready whenever anyone feels like eating."

"Thanks honey. I don't know if anyone's hungry yet."

"That's ok. They can eat when they're ready. The soup will keep." Hannah looks at me and Guthrie and walks over to the jeep. "How are you?" She asks me.

"Fine."

"Get out of the jeep so I can hug you. You too Guthrie."

I climb out and hug her. Guthrie does the same and Hannah says, "I'm so glad you two are alright. I'm so sorry Guthrie about what happened today." Guthrie starts crying. Not out loud, but I can feel his body shaking like he's crying while Hannah hugs us.

"Is Crane home?" I ask her.

"No."

"Where is he?"

"He's at Isabella's sister's house."

"April's?"

"Yes."

"Mike's house?"

"Yes."

"Is Isabella there?"

"I think so. If she's not, she's still driving there."

"Is Mike there?"

"What?"

"Is Mike there?" I ask again. Guthrie cries out loud now.

Brian picks me up and walks towards the house.

"What?" I ask. "Is he there?"

"No."

"Why not? Where is he then? He's at the hospital! I knew it! Did they fix him?" Please say yes, please say yes.

"Heidi, I've been in the jeep the whole time just like you. Mike is not ay the hospital and he's not at his house."

"Then where is he?"

"He's at the funeral home."

"The what?"

"Funeral home. It's a place where they take people after they die."

"Why?"

He walks us up the porch steps and into the house. The chicken noodle soup smells good. I'm not hungry though and Brian isn't answering my question. He puts me down near the doorway and walks towards the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" I ask as I follow him.

"I need a beer."

"Oh." I walk back over to the stairs and sit on the bottom step. Everyone else comes inside and when they see Brian walk out of the kitchen with a beer in his hand they all want one too. Hannah even says it's ok if Evan and Ford have one too.

I scoot close to the stair railing and lean my head against the slats.

"Do you feel like talking, Guthrie?" Hannah asks. I turn my head so I can look through the slats and press my face against them. Guthrie shakes his head no. He's sitting on the couch with Hannah and she has her arm around him.

Brian slams his empty beer can down on the coffee table. "I can't believe that happened! How could we let that happen!"

Hannah says, "you didn't know that was going to happen."

"Come on Hannah! We knew where Guthrie was going today! We knew he was gonna jump off the rope swing! We should've never have let him go back to the lake!"

"You told us not to let them go Hannah," Adam says. "I wish I had listened to you. I wish I could fix this! I don't know how to fix this!" He yells.

Hannah stands up and walks over to him. Nobody expects you to be able to fix this Adam."

He interrupts her. "I should've listened to you yesterday Hannah! I should've never let Guthrie and Heidi go to the lake! What was I thinking!"

"Adam, this isn't your fault," Hannah says.

"She's right," Brian says. "It's all our fault."

"That's not what I meant Brian," Hannah says.

"He's right Hannah," Adam says. "We never should've let them go."

"It's my fault," Daniel says. Everyone looks at him and he says, "I should've never let them go off exploring yesterday. If I didn't, they never would've found that bridge!"

"They would've found it today," Brian says. "You can't blame yourself."

"Neither can you," Hannah says. "None of you can blame yourselves."

"Hannah, you were right. We shouldn't have let them go," Adam says. "We knew how dangerous it was this year and we never should've let them go without one of us being there with them."

Evan says, "we should've watched them better."

"We should've known they would jump," Ford says quietly.

"You got that right!" Evan says. "We should've known they would jump!"

"You didn't know they were going to jump!" Brian yells at them. "This isn't your fault!"

"It's not yours either," Hannah says to Brian. "Will you boys stop blaming yourselves?" Hannah says. "You can't change what happened today. It was an accident."

"An accident that could've been prevented!" Brian yells and he stands up and walks to the kitchen. "I'm getting another beer! Does anyone else want one?!"

Everyone says yes so Ford gets up to help Brian. They bring back enough beer for everyone and sit down. Everyone's quiet now. I guess they're all thinking about Mike. Daniel gets up and gets his guitar. He sits on the coffee table and starts playing a quiet song. Then he starts singing and it sounds nice. It's nice and calm. I move my face away from the slats on the banister and lean my head against them to think.

Hannah's right. This isn't my brothers' fault. This is all _my_ fault! If I would've just told them earlier today that we jumped off the bridge yesterday, they would've gone to the lake sooner. They could've stopped Mike from jumping off the rope swing. This is all my fault!

I stand up and look around. No one is looking at me. They're either looking down at the floor, or their eyes are closed. They all feel bad. I made them all feel bad. I shouldn't have jumped off the bridge and I should've told my brothers last night or this morning that Guthrie might jump off the bridge today. I feel so bad. Why do I always do something wrong? Look how sad they are. I bet Crane's sad too. Oh no! I bet Isabella's sad too! I bet she's crying. I bet Ed and Jeff are too! I bet her whole family is sad just like ours! Why didn't I say something sooner?!

My brothers were mad at me today. I wish they were mad at me now. I wish they could stop being sad and start yelling at me again. I wish I didn't make them sad. I don't know how to make them stop being sad. What do I do? Should I make them mad? I can't make them be happy, I know that for sure. My stomach hurts so bad. I have to get out of here. I can't stand looking at how sad they are.

I walk over to the front door and open it really quietly. I slip outside and close the door quietly behind me. The sun is still out, but it's low in the sky. I walk down the porch steps and head to the barn. I'll go talk to Lucy. She won't be sad. Maybe I can ride her somewhere far, far away. Then I won't be here to hurt my family anymore. My eyes start to water. This has been the worst day ever.


	9. Chapter 9

When I get out to the barn I find Lucy in her stall. I climb up the fence and sit on top of it and she immediately walks over to me so I put my hand out to rub her cheek.

"Hi girl." She whinnies softly and nudges my hand a little so I pet her nose. "Lucy? I did something bad today. Something bad happened at the lake because I didn't tell my brothers about the bridge we jumped off yesterday. If I would've told them early this morning, the bad thing wouldn't have happened."

Lucy walks away from me to get a drink of water from her trough. Even she's mad at me. "Lucy please come back." She doesn't even look up from her trough so I sigh and jump down from the fence. "Lucy? Do you want to go for a ride?" I walk over to her and she lifts her head up so I reach up and pet her neck. "We could ride to the river. Does that sound ok?"

I climb the fence again and jump down on the other side. Her saddle is in the tack room. Evan has been working on it. One of the buckles is loose so he's been trying to fix it. I look for where my saddle is supposed to be, but it's not there, so I look around some more. It's on the work bench. I guess Evan's done fixing it. I reach up and drag it off the work bench and carry it to Lucy's stall. It's heavy, but I can carry it all by myself.

I have to set it down next to a stack of hay bales that are stacked up two bales high, and then run back into the tack room to grab Lucy's bit and a rope. I have to jump up and down a few times to pull her bit down off the hook on the wall, and once I have that I take it to Lucy's stall and open her gate.

"Come here Lucy." I click my tongue at her and she walks over to me. "Come on." I can't put her bit on unless I stand on a stool or a hay bale and neither one of those is near me right now. I click my tongue again and talk softly to her. "Come with me Lucy. Come on." I try to lead her over to the stool I keep in her stall, but she's being stubborn.

"I guess I'll have to bring the stool to you." I run over to it and pick it up. As soon as I carry it towards Lucy, she walks away. I wish one of my brothers was here to help me. "Come on Lucy. Please? Why do you keep walking away from me?" I'm getting frustrated so I set the stool down and lay the rope and bit next to it and walk back into the barn to get some fresh hay for her. She should come for that.

I grab a bunch of hay, just enough to fit in one hand and walk back to the stool. "Here girl. Lucy, come here." I click my tongue and when she looks at me and sees the hay, she comes right over. "Good girl." As soon as she's close enough I throw the hay on the ground and pick up the rope. While she's eating I throw the rope around her neck and tie it loosely. Then I tie the other end to the fence. When she's done eating she lifts her head up and looks at me.

"Ok, let's get you ready to ride." I start to put her bit on and she moves her head away from me. "What's wrong girl?" Usually she's happy to get saddled up. She seems different today. Kind of skittish. "Are you ok girl?" She lifts her feet up and down and tries to walk away, but the lead rope keeps her there, for now. It's stretched tight, and I didn't tie it on her very tight, so I have to work fast.

I put her bit on quickly and she fights me the whole time. "What's wrong with you today?" I'm starting to get a little mad at her. "Come on." Once I've got the bit and reins on her I lead her out of her stall. As soon as she's out she kicks up with her front legs. "Whoa! Down girl! Lucy stop!" I hold her lead rope tightly, but she's way stronger than me so she starts pulling me.

"Stop Lucy!" I'm able to tie the other end of the rope to the fence and I tie it as tight as I can. "There. Now be good." I pet her nose and she seems to like that. She lets me put the pad down on her back. I have to stand on the hay bales to do that and then I pick up her saddle and put it on her back. When I jump down to buckle the saddle I notice the buckle still looks broken. I'm not sure if it's fixed or not. I look at it closely. "I think Evan fixed it," I tell Lucy. It feels loose though. Oh well. I've ridden with it loose before, it shouldn't be a problem. Once it's buckled I jump down and untie the lead rope from the fence and climb back up the hay bales to lean across Lucy's back. I lift my left leg over to her other side and sit up. Lucy bucks up just a tiny bit.

"Whoa girl," I say softly to her while I pet her neck. "Calm down. Why are you so nervous today?" I pet her some more until she seems calmer, and then I pick up the reins and lead her out of the barn. "Where do you want to go today? How 'bout far, far, away where nobody can find me. Somewhere where I can't do bad stuff and get people hurt."

I lead her off towards the river, but she doesn't want to go that way. "Why are you fighting me today?" I pet her neck and pull hard on her reins. She whinnies and follows my lead, but I can feel the tension on the reins as she tries to pull the other way. Finally she settles down and we walk towards the river.

"Lucy? Do you think I'm bad?" I pause for a minute to think. "I think I am. Mike got hurt at the lake because I didn't tell somebody they were going to jump off the bridge." Why did I wait so long? Why couldn't I have told them sooner. I reach up and wipe my cheeks with my hand. I didn't even know I was crying. "Lucy? What if Guthrie got hurt? What if Guthrie died?" Lucy starts to take off and I pull hard to slow her down.

"What's wrong Lucy? Don't you like me today? Are you mad at me too? I wouldn't blame you if you were. Are you trying to get me off your back? Lucy? If I let go of your reins, where would you go? Do you want to go somewhere else?" I let the reins go a little and Lucy turns towards the right. "Where do you want to go?" Lucy starts to walk faster and I let her. "Run Lucy! Go where you want to go! Take me where you want to go!"

Lucy runs now. Fast. I hold on tight as she runs through the pasture and by the oak trees. She's heading towards the high country. I wonder why she wants to go there.

* * *

When Lucy gets tired she stops running and starts walking again. I'm sure she's thirsty so I look around for some water. I'm not really sure where we are. Our ranch is big and I don't recognize this area. And I especially don't know the high country. I think that's where we're headed. "Lucy? How come they couldn't save Mike? Why couldn't they make him wake up? Maybe he woke up at the place they took him to. Do you think he woke up there?"

Lucy keeps walking. We're walking uphill now and the ground starts getting rocky. I look ahead and pretty soon there won't be any green grass left. "Where are you going girl?" All of a sudden she stops. She whinnies and starts acting skittish again. "What's wrong?"

I try to hold her steady with the reins as she bucks a little and then I hear it. A rattler. "It's ok girl." I look in the direction the noise is coming from and it's coming from some small rocks. I can't see it, but I can hear it, and Lucy can too. She bucks a little again and I feel the saddle slip a little bit. Oh no! Evan must not have fixed the buckle!

I pull on the reins to make Lucy back up a little bit and turn towards the right, away from the rattlesnake, but she's really nervous and bucks again. The saddle slips some more and is falling off Lucy's left side. I'm getting scared now. I don't want to fall off and we need to get away from the snake. "Come on Lucy. Please calm down and go this way." I try to lead her to the left again, but she wants to go straight. Straight uphill and I feel the saddle slide more so I grab onto Lucy's mane. She bucks up high now and I'm thrown off of her and up into the air. I scream and land on my butt first and then my back hits the ground and my head hits something hard and everything goes dark.

* * *

My whole body hurts. I open my eyes and then close them, and then open them again. Where am I? My eyes blink again. Why does my head hurt so much and why am I laying on the ground? The sky looks orange. That means the sun is going down. Wait a minute. The sky is orange on that side and cloudy on this side. Thunder clouds! That's why Lucy was so skittish! She knew a thunderstorm was coming. She's afraid of thunder and lightning just like me!

I sit up slowly and everything around me is spinning and my whole body aches. The back of my head hurts the worst. I put my hand on the back of my head and my hair feels wet and sticky. I look at my hand and there's blood on it. I start to cry. I want to go home! I want Adam! I have to go home!

I try to stand up, but everything's spinning when I do that so I sit back down. Where's Lucy? "Lucy!" I look towards the direction we came and my saddle and pad are laying on the ground. "Lucy!" I yell. "I want to go home! Please come back! I want to go home!" I cry.

Even if she came back I wouldn't be able to go home on her. I can't put the saddle on her unless I have something tall to stand on. Maybe I could ride bareback, I'm sure she still has her reins. "Lucy!" I have to lay back down. Everything is spinning too much so I lay down and look up at the sky.

The thunder clouds are closer now. They're called thunderheads and I'm scared of them. Pretty soon the whole sky will be full of them. I have to get out of here, but how am I gonna do that if I can't get up? I must've hit my head pretty hard. I must've hit it on a rock. Oh no! They said Mike died because he hit his head on a rock. Am I gonna die? I hit my head on a rock too! I'm gonna die!

"Adam!" I scream. "Adam!" I wonder if he even knows I'm gone. "Adam! Brian! Please come get me!" I cry. "Please come get me," I say quieter. I'm getting sleepy now, but I know I can't go to sleep because they'll never find me laying on the ground unless they hear me scream. "Adam! Brian! Daniel! Evan! Ford! Crane!" Maybe he's home now. "Please! Someone come help me!"

I hear the first rolling thunder sound. It's far away but still scary. The sky is all dark clouds now, but it still seems a little light outside. It's like one of those late-afternoon thunderstorms we have in the summertime. The kind where it feels warm and it just sprinkles and the lightening stays up high in the clouds and just flashes around up there. It's quiet too. Except for the thunder and I hear it again. It's still far away.

I have to try to sit up again. I have to look bigger so someone can see me. I put my palms on the ground and lift myself up slowly. I'm not as dizzy as I was before, but my body still hurts, especially my head. "I don't want to die," I cry. "Please someone come find me."

I'm sitting up and crying when I hear my name being yelled. "I'm over here!" I yell back. I don't see anyone, but now I see a flashlight shining around. It's not pointed in my direction so I scream as loud as I can. "Adam!"

"Heidi!" The flashlight shines in my direction now.

"Adam!" I don't know who has the flashlight, or who's calling my name, I just know someone is. "Adam!" I scream again.

"Heidi?!" The voice is louder now. I can hear the horses too. Two voices are calling my name now. The thunder booms and I scream. "We're coming!" I hear someone say. The flashlight is shining on me now. They're almost here. "Heidi!" Adam yells as he jumps off his horse. Brian is with him and they come running up to me. "What happened?" Adam asks. They both kneel on the ground next to me.

"I hit my head! Am I gonna die? Am I gonna die like Mike?!"

"Where are you hurt?" Adam asks.

"I'm gonna die, aren't I?" I cry.

"No! Now stop it and tell me where you're hurt. You hit your head?"

"Yes. That means I'm gonna die! Just like Mike!" Brian shines his flashlight on the back of my head.

"There's some blood," he tells Adam. "Can you stand up Heidi?"

"No, because I'm gonna die!"

"Would you stop saying that and tell us where you're hurt?!" Brian yells.

"Brian, calm down and help me calm her down," Adam says. Adam scoots close to me and lifts my chin up. "You're not going to die. I'm not going to let that happen. Ok?" He's smiling at me. "See. Look at me now and tell me what hurts."

"My head hurts."

"What else?"

"My back."

Adam looks at Brian when I say that and Brian lifts the back of my shirt up and shines his flashlight on my back. "Looks like there's an abrasion on her left side."

"What's that?" I ask. "Is that bad?! Am I still gonna die?!"

Adam says, "no. Heidi can you move your arms back and forth like this?" He bends his arms at his elbows back and forth three times.

"I think so." I try it and I can do it.

"Does that hurt?"

"No."

"Can you move your feet back and forth?"

I move them back and forth slowly.

"Does that hurt?"

"No."

"Good. Now see if you can bend this leg." Adam puts his hand on my left leg and I bend it up slowly at the knee so my knee is sticking up. "Did that hurt?"

"No."

"Lift your other leg." I do that and it doesn't hurt either. Maybe I'm not going to die.

Brian says, "we're going to help you stand up now."

"But I'm too dizzy."

"I know, but we still need you to stand up."

They both kneel on either side of me and help lift me up so I'm standing.

"How does that feel?" Adam asks.

"I'm dizzy. Did I hurt my brain? Am I gonna die?"

"No. Does any part of your body hurt besides your back and your head?" Adam asks.

I feel for pain. I can't feel any except for my head and back. "No, nothing else hurts."

"Can you walk a few steps?" Brian asks.

I start to take a little step, but I'm too dizzy so I start to fall on Brian and he catches me. I cry and when I hear the thunder my body jumps and I cry harder.

"I've got you," Brian says. "You're alright." He hugs me but when I flinch he loosens his grip on me. "What do you think?" Brian asks.

"About what?" I ask.

"I'm talking to Adam."

"I think she's got a concussion. The only way to tell is to have the doctor look at her. I think we need to take her to the emergency room and get her checked out."

I push myself away from Brian. "No, I don't want to go there! The last time I went there I got a shot!"

"That's because you cut yourself with a pocketknife. And that wasn't the hospital, that was the clinic in Angeles Camp," Adam says. "Heidi, we need to take you to the hospital to get you checked out."

"Am I still gonna die?" I ask.

"No, you're not going to die."

"How come Mike died when he hit his head and you say I'm not gonna die when I hit my head too?"

Adam stands up and picks me up. "You're going to be fine." He carries me over to the horses. Brian gets on his horse and Adam lifts me up to him. "You take her back to the house. I'm going to go ahead and let everyone know what's going on."

Brian takes me and I sit in front of him. "Where's Lucy?" I ask and I'm scared. "Lucy doesn't like thunder and lightning either!"

"She's fine," Brian says. "We found her a short ways from here. We saw your saddle too. We'll come back tomorrow and get it." He starts riding and Adam gallops ahead of us.

"But where's Lucy?"

"Relax. She'll find her way back to the barn, she always does."

"But she's scared!"

"I'll send Evan and Daniel out to look for her. Ok?"

"Ok." There's more thunder and I dig my nails into Brian's arm that's holding me around my waist.

"You're fine," he says in my ear. "I've got you. Everything's going to be ok."

I sigh and lean back against Brian's chest. I'm still dizzy so I close my eyes. My head and back hurt a lot. I cry and Brian kisses the top of my head. "I don't want to die Brian," I whisper. He can't hear me. "I don't want to die until I say goodbye to everybody."

Brian rides quickly, but smoothly. With my eyes closed I can feel that we're not going downhill anymore. We're probably riding across the pasture now. There's more thunder and it sounds closer. I open my eyes to see where we are. It's dark. I wonder how Brian knows which way to go with just a flashlight. Lightening flashes in the clouds and the sky brightens. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the thunder. Brian squeezes me tighter when we hear it and I scream. It's louder and closer now and I'm scared. Brian rides a little faster now. It seems like the storm is following us.

"I want to go home!" I cry.

"I know. We're almost there," Brian says. "Pretty soon you'll be able to see the lights from the barn and then the house. We're almost there. Hang on. We're almost there."

* * *

When we finally reach the house Brian rides all the way up to it. I haven't been able to stop crying ever since the thunder started getting louder and louder. Brian slides off his horse and takes me down. He carries me up the porch steps and opens the front door.

Hannah rushes over to us. "How are you?" All I can do is cry. She looks at Brian and says, "Adam's almost ready to go."

Brian sets me down on the couch and Hannah sits next to me and hugs me.

"What were you doing outside Heidi?" Evan asks.

"Yeah, what were you doing?" Ford asks.

Hannah says, "boys, you can ask her that question later. Right now I want her to rest."

"I'm gonna die!" I tell Hannah.

"No you're not," she says while she looks at the back of my head.

"Yes I am! I hit my head just like Mike! I'm gonna die just like he did!"

Evan sits down next to me and says, "no you're not silly." He smiles and says, "you've hit your head before and you didn't die."

"But today I'm gonna die!" I look over at Guthrie and he looks really sad. Really tired and really sad. He stands up and walks over to me. "I'm gonna die Guthrie, aren't I? You said Mike died because he hit his head on a rock, and I just hit my head on a rock."

Guthrie sits next to me and hugs me. "Please don't die Heidi. Please?"

"I'll try not to," I tell him.

"Why does she think she's going to die?" Ford asks Hannah. "And why does Guthrie think that too?"

"I don't know," Hannah says. "Probably from the shock of what happened today. Guthrie saw one person die today from hitting his head."

I hug Guthrie tightly even though it hurts my back. "Goodbye Guthrie. I love you."

Guthrie cries and says, "I love you too! Please don't die!"

"Let's go," Adam says.

"I want to go too," Guthrie says.

"No, you're staying home," Adam tells him.

"No! I'm going with her! You can't take her without me!" Guthrie squeezes tight and I squeeze him just as tight. Adam tries to take him off me but he's having a hard time. Brian helps him and Guthrie starts screaming. "No! Don't take her! Let me go!" Adam and Brian pass him off to Daniel and Evan and I watch Guthrie try to pull away and kick and hit my brothers. It makes me cry harder.

Adam picks me up and I scream. "Let me go! Let me stay with Guthrie!" Adam carries me out of the house quickly and I look back over his shoulder at Guthrie. He's still crying and trying to get away. "Goodbye Guthrie!" I yell. "I love you! Goodbye!"

Adam throws the keys to Brian. "Here, you drive. I'll try to keep this one calm."

We get in the truck and I scoot to the middle and lean against Adam when he gets in and cry. He holds me close to him. "Adam? I feel dizzy."

"I know. That's why we're taking you to the hospital. Just be quiet and rest. We'll be there soon."

"No we won't. The hospital is in Sonora."

"I know Heidi. I know. Just calm down and rest and we'll be there before you know it."

I close my eyes and rest. After a while they start talking.

"Can this day get any worse?" Adam says to Brian.

"I hope not. Let's hope this one's ok and there's no broken bones."

"I can't believe she hit her head. Of all the days to hit her head on a rock."

"I know. This has to be doubly scary for Guthrie. To see two kids hit their heads on rocks today and one dies, and the other has to be taken to the hospital where he won't know what happens."

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" I ask.

"No Heidi, you're not going to die," Adam says. "Just close your eyes and rest. I thought you were asleep. We'll be quiet and let you rest."

They're both quiet now and I close my eyes. My head still hurts and my stomach feels a little sick now. It doesn't take long before I fall asleep.

* * *

I feel myself being lifted up and carried. I open my eyes. Where am I? I'm outside and Adam's carrying me. We're walking into the hospital. Adam passes me off to Brian and we sit down in the waiting room while Adam talks to the nurse at the desk.

Brian holds me and I rest my head on his shoulder. "Brian? I don't feel so good."

"I know. Just rest. You'll see the doctor soon."

"No, I don't feel so good. I feel like I'm gonna...,"

"You feel like you're gonna what?" He asks as he rubs my back.

"I feel like I'm gonna..., like I'm gonna...," I throw up on Brian's shoulder.

"Aw man!" Brian yells and he jumps up with me and carries me over to the trash can by the door. He sets me next to it and I kneel on the floor and hang my head over the trash can. I don't feel like I need to throw up anymore so I sit down on the floor. Adam and the nurse rush over to us and Adam kneels next to me.

"Are you ok?" He asks while he rubs my back. The nurse hands me a container to throw up in if I need to.

I nod my head and tell Brian I'm sorry.

"Never mind, it's ok," he says. "Nothing a little water can't fix." He stands up. "I'll be back." The nurse gives him a paper towel and he wipes the throw up off his shirt while he walks down the hall.

"Adam, I don't feel good."

"I know. Do you feel like you need to throw up again?"

"No. I just don't feel good."

Adam stands up and lifts me up. He carries me to a chair and sits down with me. There's no one else in the waiting room. That's good. It means we shouldn't have to wait long. I'm right because the big double door opens and a nurse walks out and says, "Heidi McFadden?" She looks at us and smiles.

"That's us kiddo." Adam stands up with me and we follow the nurse to the back and into a room. Adam sets me down on the examination table and the nurse starts asking questions. I let Adam answer them all so I don't have to listen. My head hurts to much to listen. After a while the nurse leaves and I lay down on my side on the table.

Adam stands up and walks over to me. He puts his hand on my forehead. "You feel hot. Are you ok?" I shake my head no and he rubs my forehead a little bit, and then my back. "The nurse wants you to put this gown on. Do you feel like doing it?"

"No."

"Ok, I'll help you."

Adam helps sit me up and then he changes me into the hospital gown. When he's done I lay down but my back hurts so I turn onto my side. Adam rubs my back gently and I close my eyes. The door opens and another nurse comes in. "Mr. McFadden, I need you to fill out another form at the front desk."

My eyes open and I look up at Adam and he looks down at me. "Are you going to be ok for a minute?"

I reach for his hand. "Please don't go," I say quietly.

The nurse says, "he'll be right back sweetie. This will only take a minute."

"I'll be right back," he says.

"Ok, but leave the door open." I close my eyes after they leave. I wish my head didn't hurt so much. I wonder if Mike's head hurt when he banged it on the rock. I bet it did. I hear crying coming from the hallway. It's a lady crying and she's loud. She must've just gotten here. I slide off the table and walk to the door. She's crying and yelling so loud, she must be hurting really badly.

"I want my baby back!" The lady yells.

Somebody stole her baby? I poke my head out into the hall. There's a lady and she's crying a lot and a man is trying to help her walk down the hallway. The lady sounds really sad, her cries are like big huge sobs. Two nurses are trying to help the man take her to a room.

"My baby's gone!" She cries. "He's dead! He can't be dead!"

There's a doctor in the hallway and he's yelling at the nurse to bring him something.

"No! Get away from me! Leave me alone!" The lady screams. "Just bring me my baby!" She's trying to get away, but they're all holding her and moving her into a room. I walk into the hallway and closer to the room they're taking her to. I hope her baby isn't dead. She's really upset. I walk over to the room and peek in.

"Get away from me! Just bring me my baby! Bring me my baby!" The lady yells and she tries to hit everybody and break away from them while they put her on the examination table. I feel so sorry for her.

A nurse rushes by me and hands the doctor a shot. Oh no! Don't give her a shot! Give her her baby! I want to yell that at him. She's crying so much she makes me want to cry. The doctor takes the needle and the man and the nurses hold the lady on her side and the doctor sticks her with the shot. Why'd he do that? She's sad, not sick.

Now she's just crying and rocking back and forth saying over and over, "just bring my baby back. Bring my baby back. Bring my Mikey back."

Mikey? I look at the lady closely. Oh my gosh! It's April. Isabella's sister, April. Mike's mom. I start to cry while I watch April cry. It's hard to recognize her because her face is red and puffy and so are her eyes. She must've been crying all day. I look at the man and it looks like her husband. I forget what his name is. He looks sad too.

The doctor says, "I gave her a sedative. She should be asleep soon."

"Thank you," Mike's dad says. Then he moves a chair close to the exam table and sits down and takes April's hand. "I'm sorry April. I'm so sorry."

"Heidi? What are you doing out here?" I turn around and look up at Adam. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He picks me up and walks us back to our room. "What's wrong? Talk to me?"

"That's April. Mike's mom." I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Oh."

"She's really sad Adam. The doctor gave her a shot. Why'd he do that Adam?"

We walk into our room and Adam shuts the door. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with her." He sets me down on the exam table and stands next to it.

"She's sad Adam. She's not sick, she's sad. Why is she here?"

"I don't know Heidi."

There's a knock on the door and it opens and the doctor walks in. He's looking at some papers on his clipboard.

"No! He's the doctor that gave her the shot!"

"It's ok Heidi," Adam says. "He's..."

I glare at the doctor. "She was sad! You gave her a shot because she was sad! Stay away from me!"

"Heidi," Adam starts to say something but the doctor interrupts him.

"She was tired. She's sleeping now and she's not sad anymore," he says calmly. He looks right into my eyes while he says it too.

"She's not?" I ask.

"No, she's sleeping." He looks at his papers some more. "Now tell me why you're here."

I look up at Adam and he tells the doctor all about me falling off Lucy. I wonder why Mike's mom is here. Is she here because she's tired? No I bet...

"Heidi?" Adam says and I look up at him. "Open your mouth."

I look at the doctor and he's holding a thermometer. "Is April here because her heart hurts?" I ask the doctor. He looks at me and it looks like he's thinking.

"I guess you could say that's why she's here," he says as he puts the thermometer under my tongue.

I close my mouth but hold onto the thermometer too. I hate getting my temperature taken. The thermometer always falls out and my brothers always have to remind me not to bite it and to keep my lips closed and to keep it under my tongue. The doctor listens to my heart.

I take the thermometer out of my mouth. "Can I take this out now?"

The doctor says no and Adam says, "leave it in until the doctor takes it out."

"But I'm tired of holding it in my mouth."

"You can do it," Adam says.

"Am I gonna die?" I ask the doctor.

"What?"

"Am I gonna die?"

"I don't think anyone's ever died from holding a thermometer in their mouth," he says and he smiles at me.

"No, I know _that_. Am I gonna die from hitting my head on a rock?"

The doctor looks at Adam and Adam tells him, "we were at the lake today."

"Oh," the doctor says. "No, Heidi, you're not going to die today." He looks in my ears.

"So I'm gonna die tomorrow?" I ask.

The doctor looks at me and says, "no. Put the thermometer back in your mouth."

I put it in for one second and then take it out. "The next day?"

"Heidi," Adam starts to say something but the doctor interrupts him.

"Heidi, you're not going to die because you hit your head on a rock."

"But Mike did."

"But _you're_ not going to," the doctor says.

I don't understand that so I look at Adam. He motions for me to put the thermometer back in my mouth so I do.

After the doctor reads the thermometer he shines a light in my eyes and then checks my body for broken bones. He says I'm going to have a big bruise on my back and I'm lucky I didn't break anything. Then he starts talking to Adam. I lay down on the table and close my eyes.

* * *

I must've dozed off because a nurse is trying to wake me up. She's calling my name so I sit up. I'm not on the exam table anymore, I'm in a bed and there's a blanket over me. I feel dizzy when I sit up and the nurse gives me some aspirin. It's just like the kind Hannah gives me. Little pink pills. I take them and the cup of water she gives me. I look at Brian sitting in the chair and he smiles at me.

"Where's Adam?" I ask.

"Calling home. He's talking to Guthrie and letting him know you're alright."

"Why am I still here?" I ask him. "How come we're not going home?"

"The doctor wants to observe you," he tells me. "Take your aspirin so this pretty nurse can get back to work."

The nurse giggles while I swallow my pills and I stare at Brian. If I felt better I would probably glare at him.

The nurse says, "your dad has been waiting right here for you to wake up."

"Who, him?" I ask while I point to Brian. When she nods I say, "he's not my dad, he's my brother."

"Oh." She smiles over at Brian and says, "I thought you were too young to be a dad."

Oh brother. I lay back down and close my eyes.

"Do you live here in Sonora?" Brian asks the nurse.

"Yes, how about you?"

"Murphys."

"Oh, I've never been there, that's just past Angeles Camp, isn't it?"

"Yes, we've got a great band playing at the local bar this Friday night. Do you...,"

I groan and sit up and say, "Brian, I thought you said she had to get back to work."

"I'm sure she has a little time to talk."

I look at the nurse and she's looking at Brian just like all the girls look at Brian. Like he's a god or something. "Just get her phone number Brian," I tell him. Then I look at the nurse and say, "give him your phone number and he'll tell you where to meet him. It'll probably be at the bar, that's usually where he meets all his girlfriends. I don't think he'll drive all the way here to Sonora just to take you back to Murphys."

"That's enough Heidi," Brian says in his serious voice. The nurse is looking at me and she looks shocked.

I sigh and lay back down. "Sorry, but it's true though."

Adam walks in and smiles at me. "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"My head still hurts. Why do we have to stay here."

The nurse says, "get some rest. I'll be back with some crackers and ginger ale."

"Why?

"Because you need to eat something," Adam says.

The nurse starts to leave and Brian says, "can I buy you a cup of a coffee?"

"Sure, except you don't have to buy it, it's free in the lobby. I'll meet you there in about fifteen minutes?"

"I'll see you there," he tells her.

When the nurse is gone Adam says, "you don't waste any time, do you Brian?" He smiles at him. "A new nurse comes on duty and you're already wanting to buy her coffee."

Brian laughs and says, "I've got a date on Saturday with a nurse I met earlier."

I groan.

"Are you ok?" Adam asks me.

"Brian, why can't you find somebody like Hannah or Isabella to go out with? Why do you always have to go out with a different girl every night?"

Brian smiles at Adam and says, "because it's fun."

Adam laughs a little and pushes him towards the door. "Get out of here."

"Do you want something to eat?" Brian asks. "There's a vending machine down the hall."

"No," Adam says. He sits down in the chair next to my bed.

"Can I have something?" I ask.

"No," Adam says, "you have to eat some crackers first and see if you can keep those down before you have junk food."

"That's not fair." When Brian leaves I ask Adam, "do you think Brian will ever find someone he wants to go out with more than once?"

"Sure."

"Really? Why do all the girls look at him like he's a god or something?"

Adam laughs at that. "Get some rest," he says.

"Adam, how come we're not going home yet?"

"You have a concussion and the doctor wants to watch you for a little bit."

I've heard that word concussion before. I think my brothers have had that before. "Adam? Can you die from a concussion?"

"No."

"For real?" I don't think he's telling me the truth.

"Heidi, you're not going to die."

"But do people die from having a concussion?"

"I don't know."

"I bet Hannah knows."

"I bet you're right. You should ask her when we get home."

"Oh I'm gonna. I'm also gonna ask her why they gave April a shot and why she came to the hospital to look for her baby. And..,"

"Ok, enough. Get some rest." He puts his hand on my forehead and says, "you still feel a little warm."

"I bet Hannah could tell you how high my temperature is just by feeling my forehead. Adam? How come Hannah's not a nurse? How come she doesn't work here at the hospital?"

"She doesn't need to work."

"But if she worked we could buy stuff. We could buy a color tv, and a new truck, and...,"

Adam covers my mouth with his hand and smiles at me. "Sh. You're talking too much. Close your eyes and rest."

The nurse walks in and she's holding crackers and a can of ginger ale. I look at Adam and he takes his hand away from my mouth.

"Ha! I get to eat instead of rest."

"I think you're feeling much better," Adam says.

The nurse asks me if I am and I nod my head and ask her, "are you gonna go out with my brother?"

She smiles at me and says, "yes."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you going on a date with him?"

"Heidi, stop asking her questions and eat your crackers." Adam looks at the nurse and says, "sorry, sometimes she asks personal questions when she's not supposed to." He glares at me when he says that last part.

"Ok, I'll stop asking questions, but I just have one more."

"What?" She says.

"Are you the nurse he's going out with on Friday night, or Saturday night? Or are you a third nurse and going out with him on a different night?"

She looks surprised when I say that. "What?" She says kind of quietly.

"I was just wondering which...,"

Adam covers my mouth with his hand and he's pressing down a little hard. He laughs a little and says, "little sisters. They're a pain aren't they?" He glares at me again.

"I'll be back to check on you," the nurse says and she leaves. She looks kind of confused. A little mad too. As soon as she leaves I move Adam's hand away.

"You're not letting me breathe!" I tell him as I gasp for air and start laughing.

"Quit being so dramatic, you can breathe through your nose. Why'd you say all that to the nurse?"

"What?" I ask him. I take a bite of a cracker and lots of crumbs fall all over me.

"You know 'exactly what' I'm talking about."

"I was just curious which nurse she was."

"No you weren't. You were being rude, _that's_ what you were doing."

I smile at him and eat my crackers. My stomach was growling so these taste good. The ginger ale tastes good too. When I'm done Brian walks in with a soda in his hand. "What'd you say to the nurses?" He asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I only talked to one of them. I asked her which nurse she was, the Friday night nurse, the Saturday night nurse, or a third one."

"Thanks a lot! Now I have no dates this weekend and 'all' the nurses are ignoring me!"

I giggle.

"That's not funny," he says.

"It kind of is," Adam says and he smiles at me and that makes me laugh. I laugh so hard ginger ale squirts out of my nose and they laugh too.

"That kind of hurt," I tell them when I'm done laughing.

"You better settle down before the nurse comes back in."

"I need to go to the bathroom," I tell them.

"It's out in the hall. Do you want one of us to go with you?" Brian asks.

"No, I can go by myself." I get out of the bed and start to feel dizzy when I stand up so I grab onto Brian.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

I stand there and wait for the room to stop spinning. "Yes, I can go all by myself." I make my way to the doorway and Brian says, "it's down the hall on the right."

"I see the sign," I tell him and I walk towards it. I have to walk by the room April was in so I look inside to see if she's still there. She is and she's awake. Her husband is sitting in a chair next to her bed and they're holding hands. I continue on to the bathroom.

* * *

When I'm done using the bathroom I hear talking coming from April's room, so I walk closer to her doorway and listen to what they're saying.

"I know he's here, Sam," April says.

"No he's not."

"They brought him here, I know they did. Mike's here, I can feel him."

What's she talking about?

"Honey, try to get some sleep. You're exhausted and not thinking clearly. They didn't bring him here."

"I know they did! They had to bring him here to make him well!"

I knew it!

"No, they took him to the funeral parlor. April, stop talking and get some rest."

"Will you check for me Sam? Will you? I just know he's down there."

"He's not April. He's not here."

"Yes he is! He's downstairs in the morgue! I just know he is! You have to go check Sam! You have to! Bring me my baby! Bring me back my baby!"

Sam stands up and calls out to the nurses and a bunch of them come rushing into the room. One of them is holding a shot.

"I'll find Mike for you April," I whisper to her from the hall. "I'll go check."

There's nobody in the hall except for me so I walk down the hall to the elevator and press the down button. When the doors open I get inside and press the B button. That has to be where Mike is. She said he was downstairs, so I'll go find him. He's got to be down there somewhere.


	10. Chapter 10

The elevator ride makes me feel dizzy. When the elevator stops at the bottom, the doors open and I walk out into the hallway and lean against the wall until my head stops spinning. The lights in the hallway are bright, the kind of bright that hurts your eyes a little. The floor feels like ice on my bare feet, and it makes me feel colder than I already am in my hospital gown. It's quiet down here. No one's around and I don't think anyone works down here. I don't see any open doorways either, just closed ones with signs above their doors.

The first door says 'supply closet'. I turn the knob, but it doesn't open. It must be locked. I walk down to the next room. 'Laundry'. That door opens. There's a light on inside and I see huge washing machines. I bet Hannah would love one of these. She could probably fit four loads of our clothes in one of these. I close that door and look at the two doors across the hall from it. Those are the bathrooms. I hear a loud sound coming from the end of the hallway where I came from. I think it's the elevator. I think someone is coming down here.

I open the laundry room door and run inside as quickly as I can and shut it behind me, but then I feel scared so I open it a crack. Just enough to look outside of it. I hear the ding from the elevator and I can hear the elevator doors opening. Someone is walking down the hallway. They're whistling and the sound gets louder the closer they get to the laundry room. I hope they're not coming in here.

It sounds like they're real close now. I peek out the crack and see a man wearing a white doctor coat walking down the hallway. He's still whistling and he's carrying food. It looks like he has a sandwich in one hand and a drink in the other. He walks by my door and doesn't come in and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can't see him now, but I can still hear him whistling. Then I hear keys jingling and the sound of a door opening. I open my door a little more and peek out. He's going into the room next to mine and when he's inside he leaves the door open.

I open my door more and walk out into the hallway. I walk slowly and quietly to the room the doctor is in and peek inside. There's a tall examination table inside with something on top of it covered with a white sheet. I think it's a person. I bet that's Mike! No, it can't be. It's too big to be a boy. Yuck! There's a horrible smell coming from the room. It's awful, and I feel like throwing up!

The man is still whistling and his back is turned towards me so I can't see his face, but I can see he's holding a clipboard and he's looking at the papers on it. He stops whistling.

"Let's see," he says out loud, "who do we have here?" He lifts a page up on his clipboard. "Mr. Josh Crocker. Well, Mr. Crocker let's take a look." He sets the clipboard down on a table near-by. His sandwich and drink are on that table also. He puts his hand on the white sheet, and pulls it back quickly. I gasp. There's an old man under the sheet and he's as white as a ghost. I think he's dead!

"Who's there?" The man asks as he turns around. I run back to the laundry room quickly and go inside and close the door. Not all the way, because I'm scared, so I leave it open just a crack.

"I guess I'm just hearing things Mr. Crocker," the man says and then he starts whistling again.

Oh my gosh! I think I just saw a dead person. I wonder what the man is doing to him. I bet he's going to fix him! I bet he's going to make him come back to life! I bet he did that with Mike too! He must be a doctor! I open the laundry room door and walk back to the room with the dead man in it and peek inside to watch the doctor.

The dead man looks like he's sleeping. He's not wearing any clothes and his skin looks so white. I wonder if Mike looked that white too. The man in the white coat is whistling and he picks something up off the tray next to him and he starts doing something to the dead man's chest. When I see what he's doing I scream.

"Why are you doing that?!"

The doctor turns around to look at me. He looks scary! He has two little white pieces of cotton in his nostrils and he's holding a big, metal tool in his hand. It's a scary looking tool and he was using it to cut the man open!

"You're not supposed to be down here." He sets the tool down and walks towards me. I scream again and walk backwards and he says, "it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you."

I'm scared and I want my brothers so I start to run down the hallway, but I fall on my hands and knees because I feel dizzy. Not a hard fall, just a soft fall, and I turn around and look at the doctor. He's still walking towards me, so I crawl towards the elevator. I have to get out of here!

I hear the ding from the elevator as the doors open and I look up to see who's inside. It's Adam and Brian!

"She's got to be around here somewhere," Brian says. They walk out of the elevator and when they see me they run towards me.

"Adam! Brian!" I yell and I start to crawl towards them fast, but I feel dizzy so I have to stop. They run up to me and Adam kneels down next to me.

"What are you doing down here? Are you ok?"

I look up at him and cry. "He's hurting a man in there!" I point to the doctor. The doctor is taking the cotton out of his nose, but he still looks scary because he's holding that big, metal, scary-looking tool. "He's cutting a dead man open!"

"Come here," Adam says as he picks me up and I hold on to him tightly. "You're ok. Jesus Christ, you're freezing!"

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "I didn't know she was down here."

"She's not supposed to be down here," Brian says and he looks at me and asks, "are you ok? You scared us when you didn't come back from the bathroom."

"I was looking for Mike!" I cry.

Brian looks sad when he says, "I told you, Mike's not down here. He's not at the hospital."

"But April says he is!"

"Who's April?" Brian asks.

"Mike's mom. She's here at the hospital," Adam tells him.

"April said he's down here," I tell them, "and she wants someone to come check, but no one would, so I told her I'd look for him."

"You talked to April?" Adam asks.

"Sort of. I whispered to her from the hallway."

"Heidi, you're not supposed to be down here," Adam says.

The doctor says, "she saw me opening a cadaver."

"Oh Heidi," Adam says quietly while he hugs me tighter.

"What's a ca... daver?"

"A dead person," Brian says.

"But why would you do that?" I turn around and ask the doctor. "Why were you cutting him open? We're you trying to fix him?"

"Never mind that right now," Adam says. "We need to get you back in bed."

"Your name is Heidi?" The doctor asks, and I look at him and nod my head. "The boy you're looking for was here earlier today," he tells me.

"I knew it! Did you fix him?" I hope he says yes. Then I can tell Guthrie everything's going to be ok and he doesn't have to be sad anymore.

The doctor looks at Adam and Brian with a funny face.

"She's not convinced he's dead," Brian tells him.

"Oh. Well Heidi, I'm sorry, but he _is_ dead. He was here for about a half hour before the funeral home people came to get him."

I cry. "No! He has to be alive!"

"Thank you," Brian says to the man. "We'll take her upstairs now."

"No! I have to finish looking for Mike! April needs to know if he's down here!" I yell as we walk towards the elevator. I try to get down from Adam, but he holds me tight.

"He's not down here," Brian says.

"Yes he is! He 'has' to be down here, he just _has_ to be!"

"Heidi, you need to calm down," Adam says and I punch him in the chest so he grabs my hand. "If you don't calm down the doctor is going to give _you_ a shot. I'm serious now. You need to calm down."

I wrap my arms around Adam's neck and nestle my face towards his neck. "He can't be dead," I cry. "He just can't!" I'm tired now. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of talking and I'm tired of thinking about Mike. My head hurts and all I feel like doing is closing my eyes and going to sleep. I hear the elevator doors open and we walk inside.

"I'm sorry Adam," I whisper. "I'm sorry Brian. I'm sorry April and I'm sorry Mike. This is all my fault. This is all my fault."

"What are you saying?" Adam asks.

"It's all my fault."

"What is?"

"Mike dying. I should've told you we jumped off the bridge sooner. If I did he wouldn't have died."

"No. You can't think like that." Adam leans back a little and grabs a hold of my chin with his hand and makes me look at him. "This is not your fault. Do you hear me? This is not your fault."

I shake my head no as best as I can with him holding my face, but he's squeezing my chin really hard.

"God dammit Heidi! This isn't your fault!" He yells. I cry and he lets go of my chin and puts his hand on my back and rubs it. The elevator doors open and we walk to my hospital room. "I'm sorry," Adam says, "but this is not your fault."

"Yes it is," I say quietly. "Yes it is..., yes it is...," I say over and over.

Adam lays me down in bed and covers me with the blanket. He scoots the chair closer to the bed and sits down. "Heidi, this isn't your fault." He puts his hands on the sides of my face and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. "I need you to believe me," he says, "this is not your fault."

Brian stands next to Adam and pats him on the back. "Let her rest," he says. "We can talk to her tomorrow. She looks tired now. I'm going to go find the doctor to see if he can check her out so we can go home. If she's wandering around the hospital I think she's feeling ok."

Brian leaves and I close my eyes. I see the dead man so my eyes pop back open.

"What's wrong?" Adam asks.

"I see the dead man when I close my eyes," I whisper to him.

"I'm not surprised. Heidi, you weren't supposed to be downstairs. You never should have seen that dead man." He smooths my hair back from my forehead.

I cry. I'm so tired. "Adam, I wanna go home. I don't want to be here anymore."

"I know. Brian went to go find the doctor. Hopefully he'll come check you out soon."

"Adam, this is all my fault. I know you say it isn't, but it is."

"No, it's not."

"But if I told you that we jumped off the bridge yesterday, you wouldn't have let Guthrie go back to the lake, and Crane would've called Isabella's family and told on Mike and Ed and Mike wouldn't have been able to go back to the lake. See? It's all my fault."

Adam looks sad. "Heidi, I shouldn't have let you go to the lake at all. If I wouldn't have let you go, you never would've jumped off that bridge."

"But you told us not to jump and I didn't listen. See, I'm bad. I lied to you too."

"You're not bad, you're..,"

"Yes I am! I always do bad stuff! You're always disappointed in me."

"Heidi..,"

The doctor walks in with Brian. "Let's check you out," the doctor says. "Go ahead and sit up. I hear you've been downstairs." The doctor sits on his stool and he rolls it over to my bed. "How's that headache of yours?"

I shrug my shoulders and he shines his little pen light in my eyes. Then he checks my heartbeat.

"Can I go home now?" I ask him. "I really want to go home now."

"Yes, let me talk to...,"

I climb out of bed and say, "everybody out so I can get dressed."

"Hold on," Brian says, "let the doctor finish talking."

"Can't you guys talk out in the hall? I wanna go home and I need to get dressed."

"No, we're not going to go talk out in the hall," Adam says. "And you're going to get back in that bed while the doctor talks."

I groan and climb back up on the bed. I sit cross-legged and rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Why can't they go out in the hall to talk? I want to go see Guthrie, and the sooner I get dressed, the sooner we get to leave. Why do they just keep talking and talking and talking? I bet the doctor is telling them I need to go home and rest. That's what they always say. I bet he's...,

"Heidi," Adam says, "the doctor asked you a question."

"Oh." I look up at the doctor and say, "I know, get plenty of rest. I heard you."

All three of them look at me and the doctor says, "that's not what I said. I 'said', the nurse needs to come clean the back of your head before you leave. She's been so busy tonight, she hasn't had a chance to do that yet, and we can't let you go home until your wound is clean. We don't want you to get an infection."

"Noooo! She's not gonna use the stinging stuff, is she?" I look up at Adam. "I'll take a bath when I get home. Please, can't I just take a bath and wash my hair with shampoo?"

The doctor says "the nurse will be in soon and...,"

That's all I hear. I lay back down and turn on my side facing away from the doctor. All I want to do is go home. I want to see Guthrie. I want to know if he's ok. He's been so sad today. Everyone's been so sad today. I close my eyes. Why does the doctor keep talking? Just send the nurse in so I can go home.

The doctor must've left because I don't hear him talking anymore. I open my eyes and look at Adam.

"Can't we just leave? Please? The nurse will never know."

He smiles at me. "Be patient. The nurse will be here soon to clean your cut and then I'll sign you out."

"I don't want her to clean my cut."

"I know, but she has to. It shouldn't take that long."

He's right. The nurse comes in and cleans my cut and I only struggle a little bit against Brian while he holds me. Then I get dressed while the nurse takes Adam with her to the front desk to sign some papers. Brian waits for me out in the hall.

When I'm all dressed I open the door and step out into the hallway. Brian holds his hand out to me and I take it. When we get closer to April's room I hear crying coming from it. Soft crying. I peek into her room when we walk by, and I can see she's asleep. She must be having a bad dream. Sam is sleeping in the chair next to her bed. I feel so sad for them. I wonder who's with Ed. I hope he's not at home all alone. I wonder if Crane is still with Isabella.

When Brian and I get to the front desk where Adam is standing signing papers, we stand with him to wait for him to finish. The nurse hands him some papers to take home and he looks at them while she explains what they say. When she's done he looks down at me.

"Let's go home so you can rest," he says. "It's been a long day for you."

"It's been a long day for all of us," Brian says as we walk through the waiting room to the double doors that lead outside. "We're all going to be happy to get home."

It feels cold when we walk outside. I don't have a jacket and neither does Adam or Brian.

"Man it's cold out here!" Brian says as he starts walking faster to the truck.

Adam scoops me up and says, "if I carry you we'll get to the truck sooner. I don't want you to fall from being too dizzy."

I don't mind being carried. Adam is warm and I do feel a little dizzy. As soon as we get to the truck I scoot over to the middle and Adam gets in on the drivers side. I lean against Brian and he puts his arm around me. I look at the buildings and streets as we drive through town. The streets are empty and only a few houses have lights on. Sonora looks sleepy and that's how I feel so I close my eyes and go to sleep.

* * *

When I open my eyes I'm laying on the couch. I sit up and look around. It's still dark outside and it's a little dark in here in the living room because there's only one lamp on. Adam is sitting at the other end of the couch by my feet. He looks relaxed while he sleeps. I turn my body around so I can lay my head on his leg for a pillow and I curl up in a little ball. I must've woken Adam up because he pulls the blanket up around my shoulder and starts smoothing my hair back with his hand.

"How are you feeling?" He asks quietly.

"My head hurts."

He stops rubbing my head and rubs my back instead.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"I don't know, three or four in the morning. Go back to sleep." He sounds tired.

I sit up really fast. "Did Evan and Daniel find Lucy?"

"I'm sure they did. Lay down and go to sleep."

"But I have to know if they found her."

"No, you don't. Go back to sleep. You can find out in the morning."

"Is Guthrie sleeping?"

"Yes, he's down here in bed, but if you keep talking, you're going to wake him up."

"Is he ok?"

"Guthrie's fine. Lay down now and go back to sleep."

I lay back down and rest my head on his leg and he covers me back up with the blanket. I'm tired so it doesn't take long before I fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up because I hear yelling. Crying too. It's Guthrie!

"He won't wake up!" Guthrie cries.

I sit up onto my knees and look over the back of the couch where Guthrie's bed is. He's sitting up and he's crying. Adam and Hannah are sitting with him and Hannah's holding him.

"Why didn't he wake up?! Why didn't he come up?!"

"Sh," Hannah says. She's rocking him a little bit while she holds him.

I feel sad for Guthrie. "Is Guthrie ok?" I ask.

They look over at me and Adam says, "he just had a bad dream. Lay down Heidi and go back to sleep."

Guthrie cries out. "Heidi? Is that you?"

I get off the couch and run over to him. "Yes, it's me Guthrie."

He looks at me and says, "are you ok?"

"Yes. I'm not dead, see?" I put my hand on his arm and say, "I'm not a ghost, I'm really alive. I didn't die at the hospital. See, you can feel me."

Guthrie says, "I'm glad you're alive," but he keeps on crying.

"How come you're so sad?" I ask him.

"Mike died. He died and he...," Guthrie stops talking and cries while Hannah holds him and rocks him as she rubs his back.

My eyes start to water and I look at Adam. "You said Guthrie was ok." I climb up into his lap. "He's not ok. He's sad."

"I know," Adam says as he hugs me tightly. "He had a bad dream, but he's ok."

"Then why is he crying?"

"He's sad."

Hannah says, "why don't I sing you two a song." She starts to sing a song Guthrie and I both love. She sings softly while Guthrie cries. Hannah's voice sounds pretty and after a little while Guthrie starts to calm down. It doesn't take long after that for me to fall asleep.

* * *

When I wake up again, it's morning. Guthrie is sitting at the end of the couch looking at me.

"Hurry up and eat breakfast," he says. "I want to do something."

"What?" I ask.

"I can't tell you. Just hurry up."

I stare at Guthrie. He's staring at me and his eyes feel like they're burning right through me. Is he mad?

"What's wrong Guthrie?"

"Nothing. Just get up and get dressed. You need to wear a swimsuit and tennis shoes."

"Why? Are we going to the pond?"

"Hurry up and get ready or we'll be late."

"Late for what?" Guthrie looks sad so I say, "ok, I'll be down in a minute."

I get up and go upstairs to use the bathroom and get dressed. Guthrie gets up too, and as I walk up the stairs I watch him walk over to the phone and pick it up. He dials a number and after a little while he starts to talk into the phone quietly.

When I get to the top of the stairs I pause to see if I can hear what he's saying, and I think I hear him say, "she's almost ready."

I wonder who he's talking to. Well, I guess the only way to find out what's going on is to get dressed and see what he wants. Something seems wrong with Guthrie though. He doesn't seem happy and I don't think he's sad either. Well, maybe he is a little bit sad, but there's something else. I'm not sure what it is, but something worries me about him.

* * *

When I come downstairs Guthrie's not in the living room anymore. I walk into the kitchen to see if he's in there, but Daniel is the only one and he's at the stove cooking pancakes.

"Where is everyone?" I ask him.

He looks over at me. "You're the last one up. Guthrie told me you were awake so I'm making you pancakes."

"But where's everyone else?"

"Adam took Hannah to work and the rest are out doing chores."

"Crane's home?" I ask excitedly.

"Yes. He's outside working too."

"Where's Guthrie?" I ask when Daniel brings me a plate of pancakes. He sits at the table with me and watches me put the butter and syrup on.

"I don't know. He was just in here a minute ago."

"Did you find Lucy last night?"

"Yes. She's fine Heidi. Evan went looking for your saddle this morning." Daniel's quiet for a minute while I eat and then he says, "where were you riding off to yesterday?"

I stop eating and look at him, but I don't say anything.

"You didn't tell anyone where you were going." All I can do is stare at him, so he says, "Brian said they found you near the path that goes up to the high country."

I shrug my shoulders.

"You can talk to me if you need to," he says.

I shrug my shoulders again, but he looks sad when I do that so I say, "I was letting Lucy go where she wanted to go and that's where she took me." I feel excited now. "We saw a rattlesnake!"

"You did?" Daniel seems happy now.

"Yes! It was a big one too!"

"You saw it?"

"Well, not exactly, but it's rattle sounded like it was a huge rattlesnake!" I hold my arms apart as wide as I can and Daniel laughs. "That's when Lucy got scared and bucked me off of her. Guess what! I blacked out for a little bit when I hit my head!"

Daniel's smile fades a little and he asks, "how do you feel now? Does your head still hurt? If it does, Hannah said I could give you some aspirin."

"Yes, it hurts."

"I'll be right back then." Daniel leaves to go get the aspirin from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom upstairs, and when he's gone the back door opens.

Guthrie pokes his head inside and whispers, "when you're done eating, meet me out here. Don't tell Daniel though."

"Why not?"

"Just don't."

"Ok."

Guthrie closes the door and I eat my pancakes. I wonder what Guthrie wants to do. I wonder why it's a secret. Daniel walks in and hands me the aspirin.

"Do you want some water?" He asks.

"No. I'll just take them with my orange juice."

Daniel sits down in the chair next to me and watches me take my aspirin. Then he says, "Adam and Brian said you think what happened yesterday is all your fault. You know it's not, right?"

I shrug my shoulders. I don't want to talk about Mike right now. I'm still not sure he's really dead.

"I shouldn't have let you guys go exploring the other day."

"Are you mad we jumped off the bridge?" Daniel stares at me and doesn't answer so I say, "because you sure seemed mad yesterday." I eat more of my pancakes and stare at him while he stares at me.

"Adam says we can all talk about that later," he tells me.

I put my fork down. "Later today? Or later tomorrow? Or a week from now, or..,"

"I don't know. Probably not today. You need to rest and Guthrie's still in a little bit of shock."

"So that means you're not gonna yell at us today, but a different day." I drink my orange juice.

Daniel smiles and says, "right."

I set my glass down and groan. "Great, all of you guys are gonna yell at us, aren't you? And probably all at the same time."

Daniel laughs.

"Daniel? Is Guthrie ok?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is he ok, you know, is he normal?"

Daniel looks confused. "I guess so. I don't really know what you mean though. He's out doing his chores, so I guess that's normal."

I sigh. I don't know how to explain it to Daniel. Guthrie doesn't seem normal to me. It seems like something's bothering him. I guess I'll just have to ask Guthrie what's wrong.

"Do you want more pancakes?" Daniel asks when I finish my last bite.

"No thanks. I'm full."

"Are you feeling dizzy, or sick?"

"My head just hurts a little. I'm a tiny bit dizzy."

"Ok. The aspirin should make your head feel better, and resting will help the dizziness." Daniel stands up and picks up my plate and glass and carries them to the sink. "Go lay down on the couch and get some rest while I clean up the kitchen. I'll be in there when I'm done."

"What do you mean? I've got chores to do and then I'm going to go play outside."

"No you're not. Adam said you're supposed to rest today because of your concussion. Doctor's orders."

"But I don't want to. There's no school today and I want to play."

"You can't. I'm babysitting you until Adam comes home, and he said you're supposed to rest."

"I don't need a babysitter!" When Daniel laughs at that I yell, "that's not funny! I don't need one!"

"Ok, sorry for laughing, but you're stuck with me. Go lay down and when I'm done in here I'll read to you, or sing to you."

"Ok, but only because _I_ want to. Not because you're babysitting me." I stand up and walk into the living room and over to the front door. I put my hand on the doorknob. What does Guthrie want? Where does he want to take me, and why can't I tell Daniel? What if Guthrie's not ok?

I turn the knob and open the door quietly. I'll just have to ask Guthrie what he wants to do first, then I'll decide if I want to do it. I close the door behind me and walk around the house to the back where Guthrie is waiting for me.

* * *

"Why can't I tell Daniel where we're going?" I ask Guthrie again. He's walking really fast down our driveway and I almost have to run to keep up with him. My head still hurts too, so I don't feel good.

"You just can't. Come on, I really need you to come with me."

"Why?" I walk with him, but he doesn't answer my question. "Guthrie, where are we going?"

"I can't tell you yet. Come on, keep up."

"Can you walk a little slower?"

"No, we don't have much time."

"Time for what?" I walk as fast as I can, but it's still not fast enough. "Guthrie! Where are we going?" I stop walking when we get to the end of our driveway and Guthrie stops too. He looks really sad, and I can tell he's thinking really hard about something. I just wish I knew what it was.

"Heidi, please just come with me," he says. He sounds tired now. "I'll tell you everything when we get there. I 'need' you."

He looks like he might cry so I feel bad. "Ok."

"Thanks. Now come on."

We start walking fast again and I follow Guthrie out onto the road and we walk in the direction towards town. "Guthrie! If we're walking to town it's going to take us over an hour!"

"We're not going to town. Just keep up with me, we're almost there."

Almost where? Why won't Guthrie tell me what's going on? We walk down the road until we get to another road. There's an old beat up truck kind of like ours waiting on the side of the road except this one's red. The engine is running and there are two teenagers I don't recognize sitting in the front seat. Guthrie's friend Kenny is sitting in the back.

"Get in," Kenny says, "I didn't think you were going to makes it in time. We almost left."

Guthrie climbs in the back of the truck and sits next to Kenny. I stare up at him.

"Hurry up Heidi, get in," Guthrie says loudly.

I hope he's talking loudly because the truck engine is making a lot of noise. Otherwise, I think he's mad at me.

I climb in and sit down next to an ice chest. There are inter tubes back here too. The truck drives down the road away from town. "Guthrie where are we going?" I yell over to him so he can hear me. He doesn't answer me though. He's staring straight ahead, but I know he's not looking at anything. I know he's thinking. I just wish I knew what he was thinking about.

I look out at the road. It's just ranches out here past town. Ranches that look just like ours with green pastures starting to turn brown and old oak trees. We turn down one road and then another. I don't know where we are and I don't know where we're going.

"Do _you_ know where we're going Kenny?" I ask him.

"The lake."

"What lake?"

Kenny laughs. "The lake we went to yesterday, dummy! This is the back way."

I don't even care that Kenny called me a dummy. I stare at Guthrie. "Are you crazy?!" I yell at him, but I don't think he heard me because he doesn't look at me. "Guthrie!" I put my hands on his shoulders and shake him.

"What?" He asks quietly when he snaps out of the trance he's in.

"Why are we going to the lake, and why did I have to come?!"

"I knew you'd want to when you found out what we were doing. I need you to come with me too. I need to show you something."

"What? Why can't you talk to me at home? Why are you being so secretive? Please tell me why we're going to the lake."

"I can't," he says.

"Guthrie, I don't want to get in trouble. Did you tell Daniel where we were going?" When Guthrie shakes his head no, I start to cry. "He'll be worried Guthrie! He's supposed to be watching me! My head still hurts too."

"Does it?" He asks. I nod my head. "Then lay down and take a nap. It's going to be a while before we're there." Then he stares into space again.

Guthrie's scaring me and I don't know what to do. I wish I was home and I could tell Daniel something's wrong with Guthrie. I wish I told Guthrie I don't want to go with him. I look at him. He looks so sad.

"Guthrie? Why are we going to the lake?" Guthrie doesn't answer me, but Kenny does.

"We're going to put the rope swing back. See, we brought another rope." Kenny holds up a thick rope.

"Why are you doing that? You shouldn't do that! Guthrie why are we doing this?" I shake him again and this time he answers.

"You wanted to go to the rope swing, so we're taking you to the rope swing."

"What?! I don't want to go to the rope swing anymore. Guthrie, I don't want to go!" He's not listening to me, he's staring off into space again. Now I really don't know what to do. What's wrong with Guthrie? I wish Adam was here. I want Adam. I hug my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them. It hurts a little, but I hardly feel it because I'm thinking about Guthrie. I'm scared, very scared and I don't know what to do except cry quietly to myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for your reviews. I enjoy reading them, and they really do help motivate me to write. Keep 'em coming!**

* * *

The ride to the lake on the back road is bumpy. We've driven on a lot of dirt roads to get here and I have no clue where we are, or how to get home. Guthrie and Kenny have been quiet the whole way too. Why are we doing this? Why do they want to put the rope swing back up, and why did I have to come? A horrifying thought comes to me.

"Guthrie! You're not gonna jump off the rope swing are you? Guthrie!" He looks away from me. I think he's crying. "Guthrie! Answer me! I'm scared." I crawl closer to him and try to look at his face but he covers it with his hands. I look at Kenny and ask him the same question. "You're not jumping off the rope swing, are you?"

"If these guys can get it up in the tree I am." He nods towards the teenagers in the front seat.

I cry out loud now. "Guthrie! I want to go home!" Guthrie looks at me, but his eyes look different. "Guthrie! Can you see me?!" I wave my hand in front of his face. "I want to go home!"

"Stop it Heidi," he says quietly. "You're going. There's no way for you to get home now."

I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. I'm sad and scared. I don't understand Guthrie. Why is he like this. "Kenny? What's wrong with Guthrie?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. He called me up early this morning to see if he could get a ride to the lake."

"He knew you were going back today?"

"Yes. Lots of kids are."

"Why? Someone died there yesterday. Why do they want to go back?"

Kenny shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know."

"Aren't you scared?"

"Of what?"

"Dying!"

"No, I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna hold onto the rope. I'm not gonna do what that Mike kid did and let go too soon."

"But aren't you sad he died? Guthrie's sad."

"I was sad yesterday. We all were, but some of us are over it now. You know how it is when you live in the country, nature sometimes wins."

"What?"

"You know, vacationers go rafting in the rivers around here and don't know how strong the current is and get swept away, or how cold the water is. Or they jump off a rock into a lake and don't know it's shallow there."

"What?" I really don't understand what he's saying now. Something seems wrong with it.

"Never mind Heidi, you're too little to understand what I'm talking about. Lots of us kids were sad yesterday, Guthrie's still sad today. Some kids are just more sensitive than others."

I've heard Hannah and my brothers talk about how sensitive Guthrie is. They compare him to Ford and Crane sometimes, because they're sensitive too, just like they compare me to Brian sometimes with my temper. Kenny's right, Guthrie is sensitive, so why is he here? I think more about what Kenny said. It doesn't make any sense.

"Kenny? Mike wasn't a vacationer. He lived in Sonora."

"So?"

"So, he knew how deep the lake was, and he died anyway."

"He let go of the rope too soon," Guthrie says.

I look at him. "Guthrie! Why are we going to the lake today?! Tell me! What's wrong?!" He ignores me again. "Guthrie, please don't jump off the rope swing. Please? You're scaring me. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Yesterday you said you never wanted to go back to the lake. I don't want to see the rope swing. I don't!" I cry.

"That's why we're going to the lake. You wanted to see the rope swing and you don't believe Mike died, so I'm going to show you where he died." He's staring into space when he says all that.

"I do believe it Guthrie! I do! Mike died! Mike died!" I shake him. "I don't want to go! I don't want to go!"

"You have to," is all he says.

I move away from him and look around at where we're driving. I don't know where we are so I can't walk home. Besides, it's too far to walk. What do I do? Maybe there will be someone I know at the lake. Maybe a grown-up will be there that I know and they can take me home. Maybe Cleo will be there! She's not a grown-up, but she'll know what to do. I settle back down and look at the ranch we're driving by. We have to be getting close to the lake because I'm starting to see pine trees mixed in with the oak trees. Please let there be a grown-up I know at the lake! Please!

* * *

"I'm not going!" I yell at Guthrie.

"You have to," he says. We're parked at the trailhead that goes down to the lake. The teenagers and Kenny and Guthrie are out of the truck taking the inter tubes and ice chest out of the back where we've been sitting.

"No I don't!"

"Fine. Stay up here all by yourself then. I'm going to where the rope swing was." He walks off with Kenny and the boys.

Now what do I do? There aren't any adults up here that can help me, and I don't want anything bad to happen to Guthrie. I guess I'd better go with him.

I climb out of the truck and jump down to the ground. I know! I run up to the two teenagers who drove us here.

"Can you take me home? Please? I don't want to be here," I tell both of them.

They laugh and the driver says, "I'm not driving you back now. I'll drive you back later today. Chill out. Nobody's gonna get hurt today, go play and have fun."

I stop walking with them and wait for Kenny and Guthrie. They're only a minute behind.

"Can we go home Guthrie? Please?"

They walk right past me and Guthrie says, "no."

I pull on his arm but he breaks free and just keeps on walking with Kenny. I follow behind them and cry quietly. Why is Guthrie acting so strange? I don't know what's wrong with him.

The three of us are quiet the whole way down to the lake. When we get down there I look around for someone I know. There's not that many people here today. Maybe it's because Mike died yesterday, or maybe it's because today's a Monday. I don't see anyone I know. Not one single person! I drop to the ground and cry.

Kenny and Guthrie keep walking. They're following the teenagers that drove us here. "Guthrie wait! Don't leave me!"

He doesn't even turn around, but one of the teenagers does. "Are you coming, or are you gonna sit there and cry?"

I don't know how to answer that. I don't want to be myself and I don't want to go with them.

"Why'd she have to come?" The other teenager asks. "We don't want a girl hanging around us. Especially one that cries."

I look at Guthrie, but he doesn't say anything. I don't even think he heard them because it looks like he's in a trance again. I wipe my eyes and stand up. I feel dizzy now, but I walk towards them. I don't want to be left behind.

* * *

I walk behind the boys along the path and listen to them talk. The teenagers name's are Billy and Jonathan and they go to my brothers' high school. We follow the path uphill and I recognize the area. This is the rock where the bridge is. Or used to be if Adam and Brian really did knock it down. We climb up and my stomach starts to hurt because I feel scared. The higher we climb, the more it hurts. When we reach the top the boys take off their shoes, even Guthrie does.

"Guthrie! You can't jump!" I yell at him. "There's a path around here. Guthrie listen to me!" He walks to the edge of the rock with the boys. "Daniel said there's a path! You don't have to jump here!"

Kenny jumps in and then Billy and Jonathan follow. Guthrie hesitates for a minute and then he jumps too. I scream and run to the edge where he jumped and look down. All four boys are bobbing up and down in the water, laughing and talking about how much fun that was. Except for Guthrie. He's not laughing or smiling or talking or anything.

"Jump Heidi!" Kenny yells up to me.

"No!"

He laughs and says, "what are you gonna do, stand up there and wait for us to come back?"

Billy, Jonathan, and Guthrie are already swimming to the side. Billy looks up and says, "hurry up! Take your shoes off and jump!" Kenny's out of the water now too and they're all looking up at me.

"Jump!" Jonathan yells.

I look down at the water below. It looks so far away. I'm higher up than we were when we jumped off the bridge. Should I jump?

"Jump! Jump! Jump!" The three boys chant. Guthrie is just standing there looking down at the ground.

I cry and yell, "Guthrie?! Do you want me to jump?!" He doesn't even look up. "Do you?! Guthrie! Look at me!" When he doesn't look up I yell down, "I'm not jumping! I'm gonna find the path down!"

"Good luck!" Billy yells up.

"Don't get lost!" Jonathan yells.

Kenny yells, "come on Heidi, just jump! You're not a wimpy girl, do it!"

I shake my head no at him and back away from the edge. I can't jump. I'm too scared I'm gonna die. I turn around and look for the path down to the other side.

* * *

I think I'm lost. I don't hear the boys anymore. I was following their voices, but now I'll just have to follow this path and hope I'm going the right way. I look around. It's pretty here. There are lots of oak trees and green bushes all around that the path goes through. It's shady on this section of the path too, which is nice because it's such a hot day.

I come to a little clearing where pretty purple flowers are growing. It's the same kind of flower Mike picked for me when I was sad. I pick one and tuck it behind my ear. It feels weird to wear it there, but I don't care. Mike would've liked it if I wore it. I bet he would smile if he could see it behind my ear right now.

Thinking about Mike makes me feel sad. I wonder if he's in heaven. I wonder if he's there with my mom and dad. I feel tired so I find a rock close to the path to sit down on. Maybe I should pick some more flowers for April. I bet Mike's mom would like that. Maybe I'll pick them when I'm done resting.

I'm feeling really thirsty now. I wish I had something to drink. What are we gonna have for lunch? Guthrie didn't pack anything. I don't think he thought this through. I don't think he's thinking about anything right now. I wish my brothers were here. They'd know what to do. I feel like crying, but I can't. I don't think I have any tears left.

I guess I'd better start walking again. I'm worried about Guthrie. I hope he's not jumping off the rope swing. Maybe they won't be able to hang the rope up. I feel a little better when I think about that. Maybe the rope swing won't work! I'd better hurry just in case they can get it tied up.

* * *

I hear shouting and water splashing. I think it's the boys. I hope they're ok! I walk faster, but not too fast because I don't feel good. My head hurts and my stomach hurts. The shouting and laughing get louder. I think I've found them, I just have to hike around this big rock.

When I walk around to the other side I stop and stare. It's beautiful here! There's a swimming hole with tall rocks around three of it's sides. It's shady because there are big pine and oak trees around. I look up and gasp when I see Kenny swing on a rope and let go. He yells on his way down to the water. A happy yell, not a scared yell.

When his head pops up out of the water, he's smiling. "That was so much fun!"

One of the older boys swings on the rope next. I watch him jump and after he pops up I look to the rope swing to see if Guthrie's up there. He is.

"Guthrie, don't jump off the rope swing!" I yell. He either ignores me, or doesn't hear me because he walks to the rope and wraps his hands around it. I cry while I watch him swing out on it and let go. He falls down to the water and I watch for him to come up. Please come up! I feel like he's been under forever and then he pops up. He's not smiling or saying how much fun that was. He looks sad.

I watch Guthrie swim to the rock that has a rope hanging down to the water and he uses that to climb back up. He walks towards me so I walk towards him. As soon as I get to him I push him.

"You're not supposed to do that!" I push him again and yell, "you jumped! You could've been killed!"

He pushes me back and then grabs my arm and starts pulling me towards the rope swing.

"Let go!" I yell at him and I try to break free. "Let go Guthrie!"

He stops walking but doesn't let go. "This is where you wanted to go. This is the rope swing. You want to jump off of it, so do it."

"I don't want to anymore! Why are you being so mean?!"

"I'm not." He pulls me towards the edge of the rocks and points at the side of a rock underneath the rope swing. "Do you see that spot right there?"

Im not sure about the spot, but I know he's pointing to the middle of the rock. "Yes."

"That's where Mike hit his head. That's where he let go of the rope and hit his head." He turns around and looks in my eyes. "That's where he died!" He yells at me and I start crying. "He died Heidi! Right there!" He starts to shake me now and I'm scared of him. "He died Heidi! Do you understand that?! He died!"

"Ok Guthrie! Ok! I believe you! Let me go!"

"He died right here! He didn't come up from the water at first! He didn't come up Heidi! He didn't come up!" Guthrie starts crying while he shakes me and yells. "He died! He died here and I couldn't help him! I couldn't help him!"

He shakes me hard and I cry. "Guthrie stop! I don't feel good! You're hurting me!" And he is. My head hurts worse now and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. All of a sudden Guthrie is being pulled off of me.

"Knock it off Guthrie!" Kenny yells at him while he holds him away from me. "Leave her alone!"

I bend over and throw up on the ground. Then I feel dizzy so I sit down on the ground and cry. "I want to go home! I want Adam!" Guthrie's scaring me and I don't like it. I don't know what's wrong with him.

"Are you ok Heidi?" Kenny asks me and I shake my head no.

I look up at him. "I want to go home Kenny. Can we please go home?"

He looks over at Billy and Jonathan. They're still jumping off the rope swing. "I don't know. I don't think the guys want to go yet." Kenny looks at Guthrie and puts his arm around him. "You ok, buddy?"

Guthrie doesn't answer him. He's staring down at the ground now and tears are still falling down his cheeks.

"Kenny? What's wrong with Guthrie?" I ask.

"I don't know."

"Nothing's wrong with me!" Guthrie yells. He's done crying now and he seems mad. "You didn't believe Mike died yesterday, do you believe it now?"

I nod my head. "Yes Guthrie, I believe you. I'm sorry, I believe you."

He reaches over and yanks the flower out from behind my ear. "You look dumb with that stupid flower in your hair!" He throws it on the ground and steps on it. I can't believe he just did that! "Now jump off the rope swing!" He yells.

"No!" I can't believe he's saying that! "Guthrie, I don't want to do that. Adam, Brian, Crane, Daniel, Evan and Ford, and Hannah," I add, "don't want us to jump off the rocks. Remember?"

"So what! They've done it before! Now it's your turn. Besides, this isn't a rock, it's a rope swing!"

"But you told me jumping off the bridge was the same as jumping off a rock. Isn't the rope swing the same as jumping off a rock?"

"Who cares! You don't care what they tell you to do! You always want to do something wrong," Guthrie yells at me.

I don't have anything to say to that. I just stare at him. He's being mean right now, and I don't like it. I'm not used to Guthrie acting this way. He's always nice. His eyes look angry and I start to cry.

"You're just a crybaby!" Guthrie yells at me. "You're chicken too! How come you won't jump off the rope swing? Chicken!"

I look at Kenny and he looks at Guthrie and then starts pushing him backwards away from me. "Guthrie, why don't you sit down and rest. I think you're tired or something."

Guthrie pulls away from Kenny and yells, "I'm not tired! We came here to jump off the rope swing, so let's do it!" Guthrie and Kenny walk back up to the rope swing while I watch them leave. I can't watch this. I'm so scared right now. I'm hungry, thirsty, and I feel sick. I find a flat rock in the shade and walk over to it. I feel weak. I wish Guthrie brought some food or water. I sit down on the rock. I can see the boys jumping off the rope swing from here, and I can also see where they land in the water.

Kenny, Billy and Jonathan are laughing and having a good time. Guthrie's not. He looks sad and angry, both at the same time. He's not even talking to the other boys. I'm so scared when the boys jump off the rope every time they do it. What if they let go too soon? What if they slip and fall down the rocks? There are so many bad things that could happen! I can't watch anymore so I rest my elbows on my knees and hang my head down and hold it in my hands. This is too much for me. I cover my face with my hands and cry.

* * *

I don't know how long we've been here. It feels like it's been hours, but the sun isn't low in the sky yet, so I know it's not dinnertime. I look over at the boys and it looks like they're packing up they're stuff. I don't know why they brought the inter tubes because they didn't use them.

"We're leaving," Billy calls over to me.

I stand up and walk over to Guthrie. He's quiet and it looks like he's thinking hard about something.

"Are you ok?" I ask him. I put my hand on his arm and he shrugs it away.

"Leave me alone."

"Ok." I feel sad. Guthrie looks sad.

The five of us walk back on the trail. I hope the boys don't want to jump off anymore rocks on the way back. It doesn't take long before I'm way behind the others. I'm just so tired and dizzy right now. I'm starving and thirsty. After a while I see Kenny waiting by a tree. I guess he's waiting for me.

"Are you ok Heidi?" He asks.

"No. What's wrong with Guthrie?"

"I don't know. I guess he's still really sad. He doesn't seem like himself."

"I know. He's scaring me," I tell him.

"He's kind of scaring me too. I don't know why he wanted to come today."

"Me either." We walk quietly for a minute and then I ask Kenny if he has any water.

"No, but you can drink from the lake."

"I feel dizzy."

"Do you need to stop and rest?"

"No. I just want to get home." We keep walking together until we meet up with the others. They're waiting for us in a clearing.

"What's taking you guys so long?" Jonathan asks. "We have to be home by a certain time and you're going to make us late."

"I'm sorry," I tell him, "but I don't feel good."

"Oh, well, try to speed it up a little if you can. I'll get grounded if I'm late."

We all start walking again, but I can't walk any faster and I start falling behind again. Billy hangs back and walks with me now.

"What's wrong with your brother?" He asks me while we walk.

"I don't know. I guess he's really sad."

"It seems like he's more than just sad. It's like he's a ghost or something."

I think about that. A ghost? "What do you mean?"

"His eyes look ghostly. It's like there's nobody home."

"What does that mean?"

"You know, you look into his eyes and it's like you're seeing right through them, you know, like a ghost."

His eyes do look like that! What if he 'is' a ghost?!

Billy starts laughing and says, "hey, what if the ghost of the kid who died is in your brother! That'd be funny. He's possessed!"

"What does possessed mean?"

"You know, when a ghost or demon goes inside someone's body and makes them say or do things they don't normally do."

I stop walking. Guthrie _is_ possessed! That explains why he's acting so weird! "How do you get the ghost out?"

Billy stops walking and says, "I think you need a priest and he performs an exorcism. Come on, keep walking."

I walk again and ask, "what's an exorcism?"

"A priest prays the ghost out."

"Does it have to be a priest?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know."

How am I gonna find a priest? Maybe _I_ can pray the ghost out. "Do you just pray and the ghost comes out?"

"I saw this movie once and the priest had a bible and some holy water he used to get the ghost out. Oh, and a cross. You definitely need a cross."

Hmm. I guess I could find those things somewhere in the house. "Where do you get holy water from?"

"I don't know. A church I guess."

"What does it look like?"

"Like regular water except when you put it on the person that's possessed, it burns their skin."

Like the stinging stuff Hannah uses to clean out cuts! Perfect!

Jonathan, Kenny, and Guthrie are waiting for us just up ahead. Guthrie's staring into space. He does look possessed! I'll get the ghost out of him!

"What's taking you guys so long? We've been waiting here for ten minutes."

"No you haven't." Billy says.

"It's three-thirty now and I have to be home by four-thirty. Can't you walk any faster?" Jonathan asks me.

"I'm trying, but I don't feel good."

"Just try to hurry it up, ok?"

I nod my head and we all start walking again. Guthrie's possessed. That explains everything. And I'm gonna get the ghost out of him!

* * *

By the time we make it up to the truck, Billy says it's four o'clock. Jonathan's not happy about that.

"I've got a half hour before I'm supposed to be home and it takes at least forty-five minutes to drive home!" We throw everything in the back of the truck and climb in. "I'm gonna drive fast, so hang on back there!"

Jonathan's not kidding! He drives fast! Dust from the dirt road flies up all around us so we have to close our eyes. I lean against an inter tube and rest. It feels so good to be sitting down. Even if it is a bumpy ride.

"Hold on to the side of the truck Heidi," Kenny says. "Jonathan can drive fast sometimes. He's rolled his truck before."

I know what that means! I've heard my brothers talking about people rolling their trucks on corners or curves in the road. I'm scared so I move closer to Guthrie. He doesn't say anything or look at me. He has his eyes closed.

"Are you sleeping?" I ask him.

"No. Leave me alone."

"I'm scared."

"I don't care."

"Guthrie, I'm scared!" He ignores me so I lean close to him and whisper, "Mike?" Guthrie doesn't say anything so I whisper, "Mike, are you in there?"

Guthrie's eyes open up really fast and he glares at me. "Leave me alone! Sit back over there away from me!"

I cry because that scares me. He's definitely possessed. He got really mad when I tried to talk to Mike. I guess Mike's mad and maybe that's why Guthrie's mad. But, Mike was nice. He was nice like Guthrie is nice. Why would he be acting so mean? I think about that for a minute. Maybe he's mad he died. The truck rolls over a pot hole and the three of us are thrown up a little. I land hard and almost hit my head on the side of the truck.

This isn't fun. This is scary. Jonathan's driving scary, and Guthrie's acting scary. I can't wait to get home. I scoot back to the inter tube and hold onto the side of the truck while I lean against the tube and close my eyes to keep the dust out. I'm not opening my eyes until we're home, and hopefully that's soon!

* * *

I feel the truck come to a screeching halt and I'm pushed forward into the truck's back window. That hurt! My forehead hits the window and I open my eyes. I look around and we're stopped at a stop sign. The same stop sign on the road where Guthrie and I got into the truck.

"See you tomorrow," Kenny says to Guthrie.

We climb out and Guthrie says, "bye."

He seems tired now. As soon as we're both out of the truck, Jonathan steps on the gas and the truck squeals off down the road. I turn and look at Guthrie. He doesn't say anything, he just walks quietly down the road so I follow.

He walks faster than me, but I don't even try to keep up. I'm exhausted. I'm hungry and thirsty and I throw up, except nothing comes out. Just the sound of throwing up.

"Come on" Guthrie says. He sounds annoyed.

"I'm tired."

He doesn't say anything after that and I fall further and further behind. When we get close to our driveway Guthrie stops and waits for me. I'm dragging my feet now and when I reach him I sit down on the road, but it's hot so I stand back up.

"Don't tell anyone where we went today," he tells me.

"Why not?"

"Just don't, ok!"

He's mad now. "Guthrie, why are you so angry?"

"Never mind! Just keep your mouth shut!"

Now I'm getting mad. "No! I'm telling on you! This was all your idea!"

Guthrie pushes me so I fall on the ground. I cry and he says, "_don't_ tell anyone where we went today. Or else!"

"Or else what!"

"Or else I'll..., I'll..., I'll never talk to you again!"

"I don't care!" I stand up. "I'm telling on you!"

"Then I'll say this was all _your_ idea! It sounds like something you would do, doesn't it? Who do you think they're gonna believe? Me, or you?"

Guthrie's eyes look different when he says that. He's looking at me, but it's like he's not looking at me. I bet Mike's in there! "Ok, I won't say anything," I tell Mike. I'm gonna agree to everything Mike says because I don't want him to get madder.

"Good. Now come on." Guthrie starts walking again and I follow.

"I'm gonna help you Guthrie," I whisper.

Guthrie turns around. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. What are you gonna tell them?"

"I don't know yet. Be quiet and let me think!"

We turn onto our driveway and I feel relieved. I'm so glad to be home, but that feeling only lasts a second. Now I feel scared because we're gonna be in so much trouble!

* * *

"Where the hell have you been?!" Brian yells. He's the first one to see us and he runs up to us. I'm scared so I move behind Guthrie. Evan runs up next.

"Where've you been?! We've been looking all over for you!"

Daniel runs up and yells at me. "Where'd you go?! Do you know how worried I was?! Do you?!"

I look up at him. "A lot?"

Guthrie jabs me in my stomach with his elbow and whispers, "don't say anything!"

"I didn't!" I whisper back.

"What happened to your forehead Heidi?" Brian asks.

I put my hand on my forehead and feel a big bump. I must've gotten it when I banged my head against the truck's window. I shrug my shoulders.

"You've got a bump the size of an egg on your forehead, and you don't know how you got it?!" Brian yells.

Daniel steps forward and says, "hang on Brian. Heidi, are you ok? Does your head hurt?"

I nod my head and that's when all the tears start falling. Then my stomach feels sick again and I bend over to throw up, but nothing comes out again. I sit down on the ground on my knees and cry. I'm so tired. Someone lifts me up and I look up at Brian and then hug him.

"I am so mad at you kid," he says, "but it looks like you don't feel good."

"I don't," I cry. "My head hurts and I'm hungry and thirsty and I'm tired. And I want Adam!"

"Ok. He's inside with Hannah." He carries me towards the house and then he says, "Daniel, go find Crane and Ford and tell them Guthrie and Heidi are back."

Guthrie follows me and Brian while Evan and Daniel run off.

"You two better have a good explanation for where you've been," Brian says. He's walking to the house fast. "We're all worried about you and you had us looking all over the ranch for you. Where the hell have you been?!"

He walks up the porch steps quickly, takes two big steps across the porch and opens the front door.

"Where have you been?!" Adam yells when he sees us.

Brian walks over to him and says, "here, she's not feeling well and she wants you." He passes me off to Adam and I hold on to him tightly.

"Where have you been?!" Adam yells and I cry on his shoulder.

Hannah comes up and puts her hand on my forehead. "What happened to your head? Why are you so dirty? You've got dirt all over you. In your hair, and,"

I don't hear anything else she says. I'm just happy to be home and in Adam's arms. I feel safe now and I don't care if we get in trouble right now. They can yell all they want to. Guthrie's home safe. He did something dangerous today and he's still alive.

"Guthrie, I'm asking you a question!" Adam yells.

I put my head up and look over at Guthrie. He's looking down at the floor, but when he lifts his head his eyes look blank and he's staring into space. I bet that's Mike's ghost!

"We went to the Johnson's lake," he tells them. "Heidi wanted to run away. I told her she shouldn't because of her concussion, but she wouldn't listen to me. I was really worried about her."

What?! Why's he saying that?!

"So I went with her to make sure she was ok, and I talked her into coming home," he says and then he looks at me, but I don't think he sees me.

My stomach hurts bad now. How could he say those things?

Brian yells, "you wanted to run away _again_?! I am so sick of you running away all the time! Do you know how worried we were?!"

"I'm sorry," Guthrie says. "She wouldn't listen to me so I thought I'd better go with her. You know, because of her concussion. It took me a while, but I finally convinced her to come home."

"Thanks Guthrie," Adam says.

"Yeah, thanks for going with her," Brian says. "How'd she get the egg on her head?"

I look at Guthrie and wonder what he's gonna say. "She tripped on a tree branch and hit her head on the ground."

"You were supposed to rest today!" Adam yells at me. I don't like that he's yelling at me while he's holding me.

"I told her that," Guthrie says, "but she still wanted to leave. She started kicking me when I tried to keep her from walking down the driveway, so I let her go and decided to stay with her."

Why is Guthrie saying all these things? "He's lying!" I yell.

"She said if I told on her, she'd say I was lying," he says and then he shrugs his shoulders.

"Next time tell one of us before you go off with her," Adam says.

"Ok, sorry Adam," Guthrie says.

"Thanks for watching her," Adam says.

"I'm going to go get cleaned up now," Guthrie says. "It's been a long day." He looks really sad now. I watch him walk up the stairs and then I look around the room at everyone and they're all glaring at me.

Hannah brings me some aspirin and a glass of water. I put the aspirin in my mouth and then take the glass from her. The water tastes so good as I gulp it down.

"Have you had anything to eat since breakfast?" Hannah asks.

I shake my head no and Adam tries to put me down, but I don't want him to so I hang on tight.

"Let go," he says, "you need to go eat."

"No! Hold me!" I dig my nails into his skin.

"What's the matter with you?" He asks. "You look scared, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"I do?"

Adam ignores my question and walks into the kitchen. Hannah has some crackers out on the table and a can of ginger ale.

"Eat this and we'll see if you can keep it down," she says.

Adam tries to put me down but I still won't let him.

"What the hell is the matter with you! You run away and have everyone worried to death! You're going to sit down now and eat the god da...,"

"Adam," Hannah says loudly and he stops yelling.

I'm crying hard now and Hannah walks over and rubs my back. "Heidi? What's wrong?" She asks. "Something's wrong, what is it?"

I'm crying so hard now, I don't think I can stop.

"What's wrong Heidi?" Adam asks. He looks at me now and his eyes don't look mad.

"Some...," I have the hiccups now. "Some..., hic..., something..., hic..., something's wrong with Guthrie!" I turn my face towards Adam's neck and cry.

"He's sad," Hannah says. "He needs to rest just like you do. _After_ you eat something."

"But..,"

"No," Adam says, "sit down and eat. I'm really disappointed in you Heidi. You have a concussion and you're out running away. We were all really worried about you." He puts me down and I sit in the chair. I don't feel like eating now. I hear the front door open and Crane says, "where are they?"

"Heidi's in the kitchen and Guthrie's upstairs," Brian tells him.

Ford and Crane are in the kitchen now along with Daniel and Evan.

"What happened?" Crane asks.

"Heidi ran away to Johnson's lake and Guthrie went with her to keep an eye on her," Adam says.

"What!" Evan yells. "Do you know how long we were out looking for you?!"

Hannah says, "not now Evan. She needs to eat and then get some rest. Why don't you boys go find something to do. Dinner will be ready in about an hour."

Evan, Daniel and Ford are mad because I can hear them talking about me while they walk out to the living room. Crane sits down next to me and says, "Hannah, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I'm going to see Isabella for a little bit and then I'm going to stay in town for a while.

"Would you like to bring her back here for dinner?" Hannah asks him.

"No, I don't think she's ready to be around a lot of people right now."

"Is she sad?" I ask him.

He looks down at me and says, "yes."

"Is April still sad?"

"Yes."

"When will they be done being sad?" I ask him as I pick up a cracker and take a bite.

"I don't know. It just takes time. Heidi, I'm disappointed you ran away today. Something bad could've happened to you, just like Mike."

Adam sits on the other side of me. "The doctor said you needed rest, and Daniel was taking care of you. Do you know how bad he felt when he couldn't find you?"

I look up at him and shake my head no. My eyes start to water.

"He felt like it was his fault you were missing because he didn't do a good job of taking care of you," Adam says.

Oh no. I feel horrible. I cry and Hannah says, "why don't you save the talking to for later. It's upsetting her."

Brian says, "you know, you did something dangerous today and we're all really angry with you."

"I'm sorry." That's the only thing I can think of saying that they'll believe. I want to tell them the truth. I want to tell them how worried I am about Guthrie. But I don't think they'll believe me.

"You're gonna be sorry," Brian says and Adam tells him to go.

"Not now Brian," he says. "She's not feeling good and she needs to rest."

Crane stands up. "I'll be back later tonight. Don't wait up." He leans down and kisses the top of my head. "Get some rest munchkin. I'm glad you're ok."

"Can you drop me off in town?" Brian asks.

"Sure."

Brian and Crane leave so it's just me, Hannah and Adam left in the kitchen when Guthrie walks in.

"Are you hungry Guthrie?" Hannah asks him.

"A little. Can I take something to eat outside? I want to go check on something in the barn."

Hannah makes him a sandwich while I eat my crackers. I'm tired. My head hurts and I want to go lay down now. I stand up and feel dizzy so I sit back down. Hannah gives Guthrie the sandwich and he walks out the back door.

"Are you ready to lay down?" Adam asks.

I nod my head. "I'm dizzy."

"I bet you are." He stands up and picks me up and carries me into the living room. He lays me down on the couch and covers me up with a blanket. "Get some rest."

I close my eyes and go right to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

"Do want any dinner?" Hannah asks.

I open my eyes and look up at her. I'm still on the couch and I sit up. My head hurts a lot so I lay back down. "My head hurts."

"I bet it does. I can't give you any more aspirin for a few more hours. Are you hungry? Do you feel like getting up and eating something?"

"Is Guthrie eating?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't want to," I tell her, and I close my eyes again.

"Are you mad that he told on you?" She asks. When I don't answer her she says, "Heidi, open your eyes and look at me." I do that. "Guthrie wasn't trying to get you in trouble. He was worried about you. Running away wasn't a good plan. You need to rest when you have a concussion, not walk around in the hot sun."

"I wasn't running away."

"Were you running away yesterday when you rode off on Lucy?"

I look up into Hannah's eyes. She's smiling and her smile always looks so pretty. I think about what she asked before I answer. "I wasn't running away, I was letting Lucy take me wherever she wanted to go."

"Why were you doing that?"

Hannah never gets frustrated with me like my brothers do when we talk about important stuff. She just listens and asks questions. She doesn't yell. "Hannah, I just wanted to go far, far, away yesterday where I couldn't do bad stuff and hurt people."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to hurt people," I tell her.

"Who did you hurt?"

"Mike."

"How?"

"You know how Hannah. I didn't tell anyone what we did on Saturday."

"How did that hurt Mike?"

Now I'm getting frustrated. "If I would've told what we did sooner, we would've gone to the lake sooner, and Mike wouldn't have had a chance to jump off the rope swing."

"You don't know that."

"Hannah! Yes I do!"

"Ok, I'm sorry I don't mean to upset you, we don't have to talk about this now. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, but my head hurts."

"That's a big bump you've got on your forehead. It must've hurt when you hit your head."

"It did. Jonathan stopped the truck so fast I flew right up and smacked my head on the back window. He's a crazy driver. He..," I stop talking because Hannah's looking at me funny. She lays her hand on my forehead gently. "What?" I ask her.

"You don't feel warm." She's not talking to me, she's talking to herself.

"What's wrong Hannah?"

Hannah stands up and calls Adam in from the kitchen. "What?" He asks. He looks at me and then at her.

"I think Heidi may have hit her head harder than I thought today. She's telling me a story about how she got the bump on her forehead. She hit it on some boy's truck window when he stopped it too fast."

Oops. They don't know about that. Adam's looking at me funny and then he talks to Hannah.

"Do you think she needs to see a doctor?"

"No!" I yell. They both look at me. "I mean, no, I was just tricking you Hannah. I hurt my head on a rock," is that what Guthrie said? I try to think of what the story is, but I can't remember.

"Don't you mean you hit your head on the ground?" Hannah asks.

"Yes. I must've forgot."

They look worried when I say that. "No I mean, I didn't forget, I really remember. I hit it on the ground when I tripped over a rock."

I hear Guthrie's voice now. He's walking in from the kitchen. "You tripped on a tree root, remember?" He glares at me.

"Oh, right," I say quietly. Hannah and Adam still look worried. "I was just kidding about the rock. It was really a tree branch," Guthrie shakes his head when I say that and mouthes the word 'root'. "Root!" I yell. "I mean, I tripped on a tree root." Wait a minute. Why am 'I' lying? I should just tell them the truth. I look at Guthrie, but he's staring at the floor. He looks sad again and I sigh. Maybe I'll tell them the truth later, when Guthrie's feeling better. "I'm hungry," I tell them, and I get up to eat dinner with everyone in the kitchen.

* * *

Dinner was quiet. I didn't talk and neither did Guthrie. Afterwards Hannah told me to go lie down on the couch again but I told her I wasn't tired.

"You need to rest," she reminds me.

"I already did. Can't I read a book or draw a picture or something else besides lay on the couch?"

"Sure. After you take a bath."

I groan. "No thanks. I'm too tired to do that. I'll just rest on the couch now. I'm feeling very tired all of a sudden." I yawn really big. "See?"

Hannah smiles and says, "nice try. Go take a bath. You're filthy."

"But I really am tired," I complain.

She smiles and says, "when you're done with your bath I'll make you some hot chocolate and read you a story. But if you're too tired, you can just go to bed after your bath."

I smile. "I'm not tired! But will you draw with me instead of read?"

"Sure." She keeps on smiling and says, "go get in the bath."

"Ok!" I'm happy now. Usually I play with Guthrie after dinner, but he's too sad to play tonight. He's too mean too, but I know that's just because he has Mike's ghost in him. I'll get the ghost out though. I start to run to the stairs.

"Hold it!" Hannah says. I stop and look at her. "Walk," she says, "you need to take it easy." I smile at her and walk over to the stairs fast. "Wash your hair," she reminds me while I walk up the stairs.

"I will."

"Wash behind those ears of yours too."

"Ok." I tell her as I walk down the hall to my room.

* * *

While I'm getting the bath water ready I try to take my ponytail holder out of my hair before I get undressed. It's stuck. I hate it when that happens! It hurts when I try to pull it out and it seems to make my hair more knotted than it already is. I'll get Hannah to take it out. My brothers and I used to cut the tangled ponytail holders out of my hair before Hannah came to live with us. Hannah said it wasn't good to do that because each time we cut one out, little pieces of hair get cut along with it. I open the bathroom door, but stop and close it a little when I see Guthrie, Adam and Hannah sitting on the couch downstairs. It looks like they're talking.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" Hannah asks Guthrie.

Guthrie looks sad and he's looking at his hands that are laying in his lap. He shakes his head no.

"You know," Adam says, "it helps to talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"When someone dies tragically like Mike did, it hurts," Adam says. "You can feel angry, sad, lonely, or...,"

Guthrie yells, "I'm not any of those things! I'm fine!" He stands up and runs to the kitchen and I hear the back door open.

Daniel walks into the living room from the kitchen. "Do you want me to go talk to him?" He's holding a dishtowel which means Ford, Evan and Daniel are still washing dishes.

Adam says, "I think that would be good. But back off if he doesn't want to talk. He's seen something very traumatic and he might not be ready to talk about it yet."

"Sure. I'll see if I can get him to talk." Daniel walks back into the kitchen and I hear the back door open again.

Hannah turns to Adam and asks, "have you seen that parenting book I've been reading? It was on my nightstand and I can't find it."

"No, I haven't seen it."

"There's a chapter in it about children mourning...,"

I wonder what that means.

Adam says, "a chapter about mourning? What kind of parenting book is this? How many kids see what Guthrie saw...,"

"No," Hannah interrupts him, "it's a chapter about mourning the loss of a pet."

"We know about that Hannah. We live on a ranch."

"I know that. I just thought there might be something in the chapter that would relate to a child, or friend, dying."

"Oh. We know about death Hannah. We went through a lot of hard times when our parents died."

"I know, but Guthrie was only two when they died and he's very sensitive. He doesn't have that thick protective McFadden skin most of you boys have. He's taking this death really hard and I'm worried about him," she says.

"I am too," Adam says, "but he just needs some time to think. He'll talk eventually."

I'm worried about him too! Maybe I should go downstairs and tell them what happened today. Nah. They seemed to believe Guthrie's story of what happened today too easily. Maybe I should give Hannah's book back to her. That's what I'll do.

Hannah looks up and sees me. "You're supposed to be in the bath."

"I know. My ponytail holder is stuck."

"I'll be up in a minute," Hannah says as she stands up.

"I'll go check on Guthrie," Adam says as he stands up.

"Hannah, you don't have to come all the way up here." I start walking downstairs.

"It's no problem. If I come all the way up, I can make sure you get in the bath."

"I'll get in, I promise."

She smiles but keeps walking up the stairs. She walks with me to the bathroom and gasps when she looks inside. I look at where she's looking and run to turn the tub faucet off. I forgot I was filling up the tub. Water is spilling out onto the floor.

"I'll go get some towels to mop up this mess," she says while I push by her and turn the water off. The bubbles are super high, this is gonna be a fun bath!

When Hannah comes back with the towels, I help her mop up the floor. Then she drains the tub.

"What are you doing? Don't take the water out."

"I have to drain it a little."

"But why? I like it just the way it is."

"What's going to happen when you get in the tub if I leave all this water in it?" She asks.

"I'll be covered all the way up with bubbles!" I yell excitedly.

"The water is going to spill over the tub again. I'll just drain it a little."

After she drains the water a little bit and takes my ponytail holder out of my hair she starts to leave. Then stops and turns around. "I had a book on my nightstand, you wouldn't have happened to see it anywhere?"

"Nope."

She looks at me kind of funny before shaking her head and says, "I guess I'd better look for it again. Make sure you wash really good."

"I know, I know. Behind my ears and everywhere else."

She closes the door when she leaves and I get undressed and slide into the tub. Ahhh. The water feels good. I sit in the tub with bubbles all around me and relax. I'll soak for a little while before I start to wash.

* * *

When I'm done with my bath I take my dirty clothes with me to my room and throw them on the floor. I look at the purple flower Mike gave me laying on top of my dresser. I bet if I gave it to Isabella it would make her feel better. Maybe she won't be sad anymore. It's starting to look wilted. I guess I'd better put it in some water.

I take it downstairs with me and stop outside the kitchen because I hear my name being said. I think Ford, Evan and Daniel are doing their homework.

"Guthrie is still so sad," Daniel says. "I think that's why he went with Heidi today when she ran away. He probably thought he was going to lose 'her' too."

If only they knew it was the other way around.

"She must've really scared him," Ford says.

"He's so protective of her," Evan says. "He would do anything to protect her."

I don't hear what they say next because I'm thinking about what Evan said. Guthrie wasn't protective today, he was mean today! He wanted me to jump off the rope swing 'and' he called me chicken and a crybaby!

"I still can't believe Heidi jumped off that bridge...,"

That's it! I walk into the kitchen. "Guthrie jumped off that bridge too!" I yell at them.

"You weren't supposed to do that!" Evan yells.

"I know! I didn't want to do it! I was scared and I didn't know what else to do! Guthrie didn't either!"

"What's going on in here?" Hannah asks.

"Nothing!" I yell. "They're being mean!"

Daniel doesn't like that because he says, "no, you're being mean. You never think about anybody but yourself! Do you know how worried and scared I was when I couldn't find you today? Did you even think about that when you decided to run away?"

"I didn't run away!"

The three of them groan and Hannah says, "alright, you boys get your homework done and Heidi, go get your markers and we'll draw in the living room."

"I have to put my flower in some water first."

She lets me get a glass and I fill it with water and set the flower in it. Hopefully it will look better in a little while. I hope it doesn't die. I walk with Hannah out into the living room. "Do you believe me Hannah? I didn't run away today."

"Then why would Guthrie say you did?"

"Something's wrong with him Hannah. He's sad and he's doing things he's not supposed to do," I tell her. She has to believe me.

"If you mean he's doing things he's not supposed to by going with you when you run away, that was a good thing he did. I know he's sad and I wish I knew how to help him."

"Hannah, you're not listening to me...,"

"Yes I am. Go get your markers and bring them down here. I'll get the paper."

I walk upstairs slowly and down the hall to my room. She needs her parenting book. I'd better give it back.

* * *

I close my door and lay down on the floor in my room. I lift up my bedspread and reach around under my bed. When I feel the book I drag it out and sit up to look at it. Maybe if I read the chapter about what to do when a kid's pet dies, I can help Guthrie. I open the book and stamped on the inside cover is, "Property of Carbon County Library", then I look at the table of contents.

Wow! There are over twenty chapters! The first one says, "So You're a Parent Now." Then there are some chapters about babies. Then toddler chapters, preschool and your six through eight year old. The next chapter is about eight through twelve-year olds. That's the one Hannah read about me. I wonder if that's a chapter about Guthrie too since he's twelve.

I turn to it and start to read, but it's full of big words and I don't understand any of it. I read through the table of contents some more and one of the chapters stands out to me. "To Spank or Not to Spank?"

What? Definitely not! I turn to that page and start to read, but it's too hard too. Well, I don't want Hannah to get any ideas about spanking me, or telling Adam anything about it so I rip out the first page of the chapter. There are about twenty more pages in the chapter and I rip those out too. I fold the pages up and stuff them under my bed. Most of the pages came out cleanly, but a few didn't and you can see the place where they were ripped out. I try to rip out the little pieces of the pages that are left but it's too hard to. Oh well. At least she can't read the chapter.

I stand up and find my markers. I put the parenting book under my pajama shirt and hold it there while I open my door and walk out into the hallway. I look down in the living room and no one's in it. I hope Hannah isn't in her bedroom, because I've got to put the book back on her nightstand.

I walk into her bedroom and no one's inside so I run over to Hannah's side of the bed and set the book back on her nightstand. There. Now she can read the chapter about how to help Guthrie when he's sad about someone dying.

* * *

"What's that a picture of?" Hannah asks when she sits down on the couch next to me. I'm sitting on the floor drawing at the coffee table and I cover my picture up with my hands.

"Nothing."

She smiles and says, "why don't you want me to look at it?"

I shrug my shoulders and ask, "where have you been? I thought you were going to draw with me."

"I know, I'm sorry, I had to talk to Adam."

"About what?"

"Never mind about that. That seems like a nice picture you're drawing." She takes a piece of paper and picks up a red marker.

"What are you gonna draw?" I ask her, but Adam calls her into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back," she says.

I sigh and watch her leave. Then I take my hands off my picture and look at it. It's a picture of Guthrie hanging on the rope swing. I finish it by giving him a sad face. Then I use three more papers to draw pictures of Kenny, Jonathan, and Billy hanging from the rope swing. I give them happy faces.

Hannah's still not back yet. I guess I'll draw a picture of my family. I draw Hannah first, then me and then Adam and then the rest of my brothers. I draw Guthrie last. Hannah comes back in and sits down on the couch. I'm busy drawing so I don't notice it when she picks up my other drawings.

"Are these kids jumping off the rope swing?"

I stop drawing and look up at her. I don't say anything.

"Who's this?" She asks as she holds up one of my pictures.

I'm not sure if I should tell her. "I thought you were gonna draw too. You haven't drawn anything yet."

"You're right." She sets my pictures down and picks up a piece of paper for herself. She sits down on the floor next to me and puts her paper on the coffee table. She picks up the black marker and I watch her draw. She's drawing people too.

"Who's that?" I point to the tall person.

"Adam."

I point to the lady standing next to him. "That's you." She nods her head while she draws little people now. "Are those your kids?" I ask her. It looks like she's drawn a boy and a girl. Their faces look really happy because they're smiling big. "Are you and Adam going to have two kids?"

"That's you and Guthrie," she says.

I slide her picture over so I can see it better. "Why are we so happy?"

"Why wouldn't you be happy?" She asks.

"Because Guthrie's really sad," I tell her. I slide my picture of our family over for her to see. "See, this is Guthrie."

"He looks really sad," Hannah says. "Why is he standing away from the rest of us?"

I drew Guthrie over on the side of the paper so he's all by himself. "He doesn't want to be with us."

"Why not?"

"He's too sad and he doesn't want to talk to us."

"Who's this person you drew?" She's pointing to the kid I drew above Guthrie. I'm not done drawing him so I pick up my black marker and finish drawing his face.

"This is Mike."

"Why is he above Guthrie?"

"Because I don't know how to draw him inside of Guthrie." I color his hair now.

"Why would Mike be _inside_ Guthrie?" She asks.

"He just is."

"Is he an angel?"

"Hannah, Mike has an angry face, he's not an angel."

"Right. Then what is he?"

"He's a ghost."

"A ghost?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I don't know why, he just is. I don't want to talk about him anymore." I'm done drawing him so I look at Hannah's picture again. "You shouldn't draw any of us smiling," I tell her.

"Why not?"

"Because we're not happy."

"All of us?" She asks, and when I nod my head she asks, "why?"

"Because Mike died and everyone thinks it's their fault. Daniel thinks it's his fault, Adam and Brian do, Guthrie does, everyone."

"What about you?"

"Yes. It's all my fault. Nobody else's, just mine."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I didn't tell what we did soon enough."

"Oh." That's all she says. "Do you mind if I look at your other pictures?"

I shrug my shoulders and watch her look at them.

"Why don't you tell me who these people are hanging on the rope swing."

"That's Billy, Jonathan, and Kenny."

"They all look very happy."

"They are. They had fun jumping off the rope swing."

"Who's this person that looks so sad?"

"That's Guthrie."

"Why's he sad?"

"Because he didn't have fun." I look up at Hannah and say, "he was mean too! He called me chicken because I wouldn't jump off the rope swing!"

"But this didn't really happen Heidi," she says. "You've never been to the rope swing, and it's not there anymore." I look at her face and she looks worried. "Was this a dream you had?" She asks.

"No."

"Are you sure?" She asks and I nod my head slowly. Adam calls Hannah into the kitchen again so I ask her what's going on.

"Adam is talking to Guthrie," she tells me while she stands up.

"Then why do _you_ have to go? You said you'd draw with me."

"Maybe I can help Guthrie. Adam is trying, but I think he needs help."

"Ok. Maybe I can help too."

"No, you stay in here and draw," she says and she leaves.

I bet I could help! I'm gonna help Guthrie. I'm gonna get rid of the ghost inside of him. I get up and sit on the couch to think. Ford comes in from the kitchen and puts his homework on the coffee table and plops down on the couch next to me.

"Whatcha doing?" He asks.

"Thinking."

"About what?"

"Ford? Do you know how to get a ghost out of someone?"

He laughs. "What?!"

"You know, a ex or something."

"A what?" Ford keeps on laughing.

"I don't remember what it's called but it has an x in it."

Ford looks like he's thinking and then he asks, "you mean an exorcism?"

"Yes! That's what it's called, a exorism."

"Exor_cism_," he corrects me. "Why do you want to know about that?"

I sit up on the couch on my knees and turn so I can see Ford better. "I don't know, do you know how to do one?"

"No. I've heard about it. I think a priest prays or something like that."

"What does he pray?"

"I don't know, I think he prays the demons out."

"You mean he just says, get out?"

"No. I don't know. Why do you want to know?"

Should I tell him I want to get the ghost out of Guthrie? Maybe I could..., Ford is waving his hand in front of my face. I try to grab it but he holds it up high so I can't reach it. I laugh and try to reach it by standing up so he has to move away from me. He scoots to the end of the couch and I throw my arms around his neck and try to pull him back. We're both laughing when Hannah comes in.

"Hey, she's supposed to be resting."

"Sorry," Ford says and I let go of him.

Hannah goes back into the kitchen and I try to tackle Ford.

"Stop," he says and he laughs while he holds my arms at my sides. I laugh and try to get away, but I can't. When I get tired I stop struggling.

"Ford, tell me everything you know about a exer...," I don't remember what it's called.

"Why? Why do you want to know about that?"

I smile at him and say, "because I want to get the demons out of you!" Then I push him.

Ford laughs and tickles me until I say uncle. "Ok, I'll tell you what I know. To do an exorcism you have to pray over the person that's possessed."

"That's it? What about the special water?"

"You mean the holy water? I think you sprinkle that on the person."

"And it burns their skin?"

"I think so. I don't know."

"Is that when the ghost leaves?"

"It's not a ghost, it's a demon."

"Do we have a bible?"

"I think so. I don't know where it is though."

"Do we have a cross?"

"Why are you asking all these questions?" Ford is asking seriously now.

"This boy was telling me how to do it and I just want to make sure he's right."

"What boy?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Just some boy at school. Ford? Do you think when a person dies they turn into a ghost?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't believe in ghosts."

"Why not? I believe in ghosts."

"I know, and if Adam knew you were talking about ghosts right now, he'd tell you to stop. He wouldn't want you to have nightmares tonight."

That means Ford won't talk about ghosts anymore. "Will you draw with me?"

"Sure. What do you want me to draw?" He scoots forward on the couch so he can reach the coffee table.

"Draw a picture of..., of Cleo!" I smile at him while I watch his face turn red.

"That'll be easy," he says. "I just have to draw the prettiest girl in the world."

I move down to the floor and sit on my knees while I watch him draw. It's fun to watch Ford draw because he's really good at it. He draws Cleo and then he draws himself standing next to Cleo and then I draw a heart around them with my red marker. Ford draws other pictures with me until I get tired of drawing. Then I lean back against the couch and watch him draw.

* * *

It's almost my bedtime so I need to get some things ready for the exorcism I'm going to do tonight. Adam and Hannah are still talking to Guthrie out on the porch, so this is the perfect time to get the stinging stuff out of Hannah's first aid kit. While I'm up in her room I can look for a bible and a cross. I know Hannah has a necklace with a cross on it. Maybe I can use that.

I can't find a bible, but I do find the other two things. I put the bottle of stinging stuff under my pajama shirt so it's hidden while I walk out into the hall and down to my room. I hide the necklace and the bottle under my bed. Now I just have to find a bible. I bet there's one on the bookcase downstairs.

I run down the stairs and over to the tall bookcase in the living room. We keep board games on the shelves along with books that used to be my mom's and dad's. I look through the books and find a big book that says bible on it. I pull it off the shelf and look at it.

It looks old and it's heavy with a hard cover on it. I open it up and on the first page there's a bunch of people's names on it with the last name of McFadden. I don't recognize any of them except the last two. They're my mom and dad's name. I guess this is a regular bible. I'm not really sure what to do with it though. I guess I'll put it in my room with the other things.

The front door opens and Guthrie comes running inside and he runs up the steps to his room. I can tell he's been crying. Hannah and Adam come in next. I stand close to the bookcase so they can't see me.

"I'm really worried about him," Adam says. I can see him and he looks tired. He's rubbing his forehead with his hand. "Half the time he looks like he's in a trance and the rest of the time he looks sad."

"I'm worried too. He doesn't seem to be dealing with Mike's death very well," Hannah says.

"No," Adam says. "Maybe going back to school tomorrow will help. Maybe being around his friends will help him open up and want talk to someone."

"I hope so," Hannah says. "He needs to talk to someone."

"Usually he talks to Heidi, but he's not even doing that."

"I know. I think there's something going on between the two of them. Heidi doesn't want to be anywhere near him."

"I noticed that. I wonder what happened at Johnson's lake. I wonder how he got her to come home," Adam says as he scratches his head.

"I'm worried about Heidi too. She doesn't seem to be thinking to clearly or remember things. She had a wild story about how she hurt her forehead today."

"I know," Adam says. "You can always take her to the clinic tomorrow if you think she needs to see a doctor."

"I'll see how she is in the morning. Meanwhile I think we'd better get her in bed. It's getting late."

"I'll go find her. Heidi!" Adam yells upstairs.

I step out into the room. "I'm right here."

"It's bedtime. What are you doing with that book?"

I stare at him. I'm not sure what to say. Whatever I say has to be believable.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"Nothing. I just thought I'd read this book."

"The bible?"

"Yes. Is that ok?"

"Sure. I'm just surprised that's all. You know it's a pretty hard book to read, and there aren't any pictures in it."

"There aren't?" I flip through the bible really fast and he's right, there aren't any pictures and the writing is really tiny. "Maybe you could read it to me."

"I think there's a children's bible on the bookshelf, why don't we read that one?"

I think about that. Is that what a priest would use to get a ghost out? A kid's bible? "No, I don't think that would work," I tell him.

"What do you mean? Work how?"

"Never mind, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'll just take this upstairs to my room." I start to walk by him and he gives me a funny look.

"You've been acting strange today."

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have. What's going on in that little head of yours?" He asks.

"Nothing."

"Not going to talk?"

"About what?" I'm not going to tell him what I'm going to do tonight.

"Ok, it's bedtime. Let's go."

"Where's Guthrie sleeping tonight?"

"Downstairs. Why?"

"No reason. Are you tucking me in tonight?"

"Yes. What story do you want me to read to you?"

I tell him about the new books Hannah checked out at the library for me while we walk upstairs to my room. I bring the bible with me and hope he's done talking about it.

* * *

After Adam reads me a story he says, "we need to talk."

I look up at him. "About what? Am I in trouble?"

"No. You're staying home from school tomorrow so you can rest."

"Yeah!" I sit up. I love it when I don't have to go to school.

"You're going to rest," Adam says in his serious voice. "That means no riding Lucy, no climbing any trees, in fact, don't go outside at all. Hannah's going to watch you and you're going to be good for her."

"You mean she's gonna be like a babysitter? I'm too old to have a babysitter."

"No you're not."

"Yes..,"

"Stop. Heidi, I have something important I want to talk to you about."

"What?"

He doesn't say anything at first. It looks like he's thinking. I sigh and sit up some more on my bed. I sit cross-legged next to Adam and prop my elbows up on my knees and rest my chin in my hands. I look at his legs and spot a tiny hole in his jeans. I pull at the tiny threads around it.

"Heidi, why did you run away today?"

"I didn't."

"What do you mean, you didn't?"

"I mean, I didn't."

"Then why did you and Guthrie go to Johnson's lake?"

"We didn't."

Adam sighs and says, "you know I don't like it when you lie to me."

"I'm not lying." I find a long enough piece of thread that I can really pull on.

"Stop pulling that and look at me."

I let go of the thread and look up at him.

"Why are you lying?" He asks.

"I'm not lying."

It looks like Adam is starting to get mad. "If you didn't go to Johnson's lake then where did you go?"

I sigh and start picking at the hole in his jeans again. "I don't think Guthrie would want me to tell you."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

I think he's mad now. "It just means what it means."

He takes my hand off his jeans and holds it. "Stop playing with that hole and look at me." When I look up at him he says, "I'm getting really angry with you right now. Where did you go today?"

"The lake."

"I thought you said you didn't go to the lake."

"We did. We went to the lake."

"Heidi, would you stop playing around! Why did you run away today?!"

"I told you, I didn't run away!"

"Guthrie says you did."

"I know."

"Then why are you saying you didn't run away?"

"Because I didn't."

"Heidi! I'm tired of this!"

"Me too. Guthrie lied to you. I didn't run away and we didn't go to Johnson's lake."

"Why would Guthrie lie?"

"Because he didn't want to tell you the truth."

"What's the truth?"

"Ask Guthrie."

"Heidi!" He picks me up and stands me on the floor in front of him. "I don't understand why you're acting like this and why you're not telling me the truth!"

I sigh. "Adam, I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can I go to sleep now?"

He looks at me and sighs. "Ok. Get back in bed." I climb back in and he covers me up with the covers. "But we're not done talking about this," he says. "We'll talk tomorrow." He kisses my forehead right where the bump is. "Get some sleep now." He stands up and says goodnight.

I roll onto my side and say, "goodnight."

I'm not really tired, I'm just tired of talking. Besides, I have to stay awake because I'm giving Guthrie an exorcism tonight. I pick up the bible laying on the floor and open it up. The words are so tiny! Maybe there's a prayer in here somewhere that gets ghosts out of people.

* * *

It was hard to stay awake, but everyone finally went to bed at eleven. I wait until everyone's ready for bed and it's quiet in the house. I look at my clock and it's almost midnight. I have to get the holy water ready so I get up out of bed and look out my door. The hallway is dark. The only light in the house is my little lamp and the light coming in through the window from the porch light. Brian and Crane aren't home yet so the porch light is on for them.

I get the stinging stuff out from under my bed and I guess I'd better get my flashlight too so I don't have to turn any lights on.

I'm quiet when I walk past Adam and Hannah's bedroom door. It's closed and there aren't any noises so I think they're asleep. I hope everyone's asleep. I walk down the stairs and shine my light onto Guthrie's bed he shares with Brian. I hope he's sleeping in that bed and not in one of the bunk beds upstairs. I can see Guthrie sleeping in the bed downstairs. That's good.

I'm super quiet when I get to the kitchen and get a bowl down from the cupboard. I need a bowl big enough to pour the whole bottle of stinging stuff into. It's a good thing the bottle hasn't been opened yet. I hope that's enough. I'll just mix it with a little water. I turn on the faucet and put a tiny bit of water in the bowl and then I open the bottle of stinging stuff and dump the whole thing in the bowl. That should be good holy water.

I carry the bowl carefully with one hand and hold my flashlight in the other into the living room and set the bowl on the end table by the couch. Now I just have to go upstairs and get the bible and Hannah's cross necklace.

I'm quiet upstairs. It's hard to carry the big bible in one hand though. But I have to because I need my flashlight. I'm afraid of the dark. When I get to the bottom of the stairs I can feel the bible starting to slip. I try to hold onto it tighter, but it ends up falling on the last step and makes a loud thump. Uh-oh!

I turn off my flashlight quickly and run to the other side of the banister and crouch down as low as I can because I hear someone walking around upstairs. Adam and Hannah's bedroom door opens and Adam looks out into the hallway. I hope he doesn't turn on a light and see me. I let out a sigh of relief when he closes his door and I listen for him to get back in bed.

When it's quiet again I pick up my stuff and stand up. I carry the bible, necklace, and my flashlight over to Guthrie's bed and set them down where Guthrie's feet are. I shine the flashlight on his face to make sure he's asleep. He is so I get the holy water off the end table and stand next to the bed. Now what do I do?

I'm not sure what to do with the cross or the bible, so I leave those sitting on the end of the bed. I set my flashlight on the end table so it's pointing up to the ceiling and it lights up the room dimly. Now what? I guess I'm supposed to pray and put holy water on Guthrie. I stand as close as I can to Guthrie and hold the bowl of holy water over him.

"Dear..., hmm, dear god?" I whisper. Yes, that must be how to start. "Dear god. Take the ghost out of Guthrie." I stare at Guthrie and nothing happens. Maybe I should put some holy water on him. I put my fingers in the bowl and sprinkle a little water on him. Then I wait. Nothing happens. I guess I need to try again.

I say a little louder, "dear god, take the ghost of Mike out of Guthrie." I sprinkle some more water on him and then add, "please."

I wait. The water doesn't look like it's burning his skin. Maybe I need to put more on him. Maybe I need to pray louder. I don't know what to do!

"Mike! Get out of Guthrie!" I yell. "Get out of Guthrie right now!" I pour the whole bowl of holy water on Guthrie's face.

He sits up really fast and opens his eyes and screams when he sees me. I scream back because he's scaring me.

Lights are on now and people are running down the stairs.

"What's going on?" Adam asks.

"Heidi poured...," Guthrie smells his fingers. "Heidi poured something on me!"

I look up at Adam and let the empty bowl fall out of my hands and onto the floor. Then I put my hands behind my back and stare at him.

"What are you doing?!" He yells at me.

"Nothing," I say quietly.

Hannah sits on the bed next to Guthrie and smells his hair. "Did you pour hydrogen peroxide on Guthrie?" She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Adam yells. "What are you doing?!"

Guthrie's mad and he yells at me. "Why'd you do that?! I was sleeping!"

Everyone is looking at me like they're waiting for an answer, but I don't know what to say. Evan, Daniel and Ford are down here too. Everyone looks tired.

"Get up Guthrie and get changed," Hannah says. "I'll change the sheets."

Guthrie sits up and pushes me when he walks by me.

"Hey, you don't need to do that," Adam says.

Guthrie tries to wrestle me but Adam pulls him off. "You guys take Guthrie upstairs." Then he looks at me. "What are you doing?"

Hannah is busy taking the sheets off, but stops. "Why is my necklace down here?" She holds it up and I stare at her. "Why is the bible down here too?"

"Heidi?" Adam says. I stare at him now and shrug my shoulders. "You'd better start talking," he yells, "because it's late and I'm running out of patience!"

"I..., I..., I can't tell you."

"Oh, you can tell me! Start explaining!"

"I accidentally spilled some water on Guthrie."

"Wrong answer!"

"Um..., my head hurts."

"Too bad! Start talking!"

"Um, I thought it would help him?"

"What are you talking about?!" Adam yells.

"I don't know. I think I'm sleepwalking." It looks like he doesn't believe me. "Really. My head hurts and I don't know why I'm down here."

"You expect me to believe your sleepwalking with a bowl full of hydrogen peroxide?!"

"Yes?"

Hannah walks in from the laundry room and she's holding clean sheets and the empty bottle of the stinging stuff. "This was a brand new bottle," she says. "Why did you dump all of this on Guthrie?"

"I don't remember. I'm sleepwalking."

"Would you stop saying that!" Adam yells. "You weren't sleepwalking, this was planned!"

How does he know that? "If I wasn't sleepwalking, what am I doing down here?" I ask.

"You tell me!"

"Adam," Hannah says and she walks over to him and puts her hand on his arm.

I look at Hannah and say, "I'm tired and my head hurts. Can I go to bed now?"

"You're not going to bed until you tell me what you're doing down here!"

Hannah says, "Adam maybe it's a good idea to let her go back to bed. She looks tired, and her head probably hurts."

"Thank you," I tell Hannah and she says to Adam, "you can always talk to her tomorrow."

"You'd better have a good explanation tomorrow for what you were doing down here tonight. Do you understand me?!"

I nod my head and run by him to the stairs. I guess I'd better think of a god explanation before tomorrow. I run up the stairs as Guthrie walks down them. He stops me and I look into his eyes while he glares into mine.

"I'm gonna get you back!"

"Leave her alone Guthrie and get back in bed."

I watch him walk downstairs and wonder what he means by that. I also know the exorcism didn't work. He's still mean to me so that means Mike's still inside him. Maybe I can try another exorcism tomorrow. Maybe Hannah knows how to do one and I can trick her in to telling me. I walk into my room and get in bed. I fall asleep thinking about what story I'm gonna come up with tomorrow for why I was giving Guthrie an exorcism.

* * *

The house is quiet when I wake up. I look at my clock. 9:00. Wow! I slept in late. I wonder what Hannah's doing. I get out of bed and run out into the hallway. I don't see anyone in the living room. She must be in the kitchen.

I run downstairs and into the kitchen and there's Hannah standing at the sink washing dishes.

"Good morning," she says.

"Good morning. What's for breakfast?"

"Bacon and eggs. How does your head feel?"

I touch my head all over and say, "fine. It doesn't hurt."

"Good."

"Does that mean I can go outside and play today?"

"No."

"Aw man! You mean I really have to stay inside all day with you?"

She looks at me and says, "you make that sound like it's a bad thing to have to stay inside all day with me."

"What are we gonna do today?" I ask as I sit down at the table.

"You can help me make some pies for desert tonight, then...,"

"What kind of pies?" I ask.

"Lemon meringue."

"Yuck!" I don't like lemon desserts.

"Don't worry, we can make brownies for those people that don't like lemon desserts."

"That's me! Do I get to eat 'all' of them?"

"No." Hannah brings me a plate of bacon and eggs and a glass of orange juice.

"What else are we gonna do today?"

"Let's start with making the pies and see what happens after that." She sits down across from me and watches me eat.

"What?"

"What were you doing with the hydrogen peroxide last night?"

I'm not ready to answer that question yet so I shrug my shoulders. "I don't remember."

"I don't believe that for a second," she says.

I glare at her. "That sounds like something Adam would say. Have you been talking to Adam?"

"I always talk to Adam."

"About me?"

"Maybe. That was a lot of hydrogen peroxide you poured on Guthrie last night. It's a good thing his eyes were closed. That would've really stung."

"His eyes?"

"Yes."

"Do you think it stung his face?"

"No. It only stings cuts."

Or people that have ghosts in them.

"So, why don't you tell me what you were doing to Guthrie last night."

"I told you, I don't remember."

"What were you doing with my necklace?"

"What necklace?"

Hannah isn't smiling now. "Heidi, you took my necklace out of my jewelry box without asking."

"Sorry."

"That wasn't ok to do, and now you won't even tell me what you were doing with it."

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember what I was doing with it."

"I don't like being lied to," she says in her very serious voice so I look down at my plate. "Why don't you tell me what you were doing last night."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because you probably won't believe me."

"Why don't you look at me so we can talk eye to eye." I look up at her and she says, "why don't you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on."

"You know you can talk to me if something's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me."

"I know _something's_ bothering you."

"Then what is it?" I ask her.

"Heidi, you..," she gets interrupted because the back door opens and Adam walks in. We both look at him and he sits down at the table next to her.

"What happened last night?" He asks me.

"My head hurts. I think I'm gonna go lay down."

"You can do that _after_ you talk to us," Hannah says.

I look at both of them. "Why are _both_ of you talking to me?" The more questions I ask, the longer I get to think of a story for what I was doing last night.

"We're both concerned about you," Hannah says.

"Concerned about what?"

"About you running away yesterday, and..,"

"I told you, I didn't run away yesterday."

Adam says, "why do you keep saying that? We know you ran away yesterday."

"No I didn't."

Adam is starting to glare at me and I think he's gonna yell, but the phone rings. He stands up and says, "you're saved by the bell. You'd better be ready to talk after I'm done talking on the phone."

I watch him walk into the living room and over to the big desk where the phone is. He picks it up. "Hello?" He listens and then says, "Speaking." Adam looks over at Hannah and shakes his head when he says, "are you sure?" Then he sighs and says, "ok, I understand. I'll be right there." He hangs up the phone and walks back into the kitchen.

"Who was that?" Hannah asks.

"The school. Guthrie got in a fight and I have to go pick him up."

"Guthrie?" Both Hannah and I say at the same time.

"Yes."

I stand up and ask, "can I go with you?! Can I?!"

"No! You're going to stay right here and think about how you're going to answer all my questions when I get home."

I groan and sit back down. Adam gives Hannah a kiss and then he walks into the living room. How am I gonna answer all his questions. I can't tell the truth. I look at Hannah. Maybe I can tell her.

"Hannah?"

"What."

"Do you think ghosts can be inside of people?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No, what did you ask? I'm not sure I understood you."

"It's not important."

"Are you sure? You can talk to me."

"No. Never mind."

She looks a little sad that I won't talk to her, but I don't think she believes in ghosts, so she wouldn't understand what I was trying to do with Guthrie.

Hannah stands up and says, "if you're done eating why don't you go get dressed and we can start making those pies. I'll just finish washing these dishes while I wait for you."

"Ok." I carry my dishes to the sink and walk out of the kitchen to go upstairs and get dressed.

* * *

We're in the kitchen rolling out the pie crust when Adam comes home with Guthrie. We look at Guthrie and Hannah says, "oh my! What happened?" Guthrie's lip is bloody and that's about it.

"You won! Just your lip is bleeding! Who'd you fight?!" I jump up and down until Hannah puts her hands on my shoulders to stop me.

Hannah gets a dish towel wet and walks over to Guthrie. She sits him down in a chair and starts dabbing at his lip. Guthrie tries to move his face out of the way.

"Hannah! You don't have to do that! I'm not a baby!"

I laugh and then Guthrie glares at me. "What are you laughing at?!"

"Guthrie, don't yell at your sister," Adam says. "How did this happen? Why are you fighting? You don't do that."

"I don't know!" He yells. "Just leave me alone!"

Guthrie's really upset. Adam looks really upset too. He starts yelling.

"I am so tired of this attitude you've been having lately!" Hannah walks over to Adam and stands next to him, but she doesn't tell him to stop yelling. "I get that you're sad! I understand you're angry, but fighting isn't like you! Talk to us Guthrie, talk!"

"I don't want to!" Guthrie cries.

"I don't care!" Adam yells. "You need to talk and you need to talk now!"

Guthrie starts crying hard now and it makes me cry. I wish he wasn't hurting. I feel so sorry for him. Adam walks over to Guthrie and starts to hug him, but Guthrie pushes him away.

"No! I'm not talking to any of you! I hate you all! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

I run to Hannah and hug her and she hugs me back.

"Stop it Guthrie!" Adam yells.

"Hannah, why won't Adam stop?" I ask her.

"Sh, just listen."

"I don't want to talk to you Adam!" Guthrie yells.

"I don't care anymore! It's time for you to start talking about what happened!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?!"

"Because it's all my fault!" Guthrie cries now and lets Adam hug him. "It's all my fault."

Adam kneels down in front of Guthrie and says, "we've talked about this before. What happened isn't your fault. You have to start believing that."

"I can't! It is all my fault! It is!" Guthrie hugs Adam and cries on his shoulder. "It's all my fault! I didn't tell you everything that happened!"

Adam looks over at Hannah and says, "what Guthrie? What didn't you tell us?"

"It's my fault Mike died!"

"What happened?"

"Mike didn't want to jump off the rope swing. He was too scared." Guthrie pushes away from Adam so he can look at him. "I told him there was nothing to be scared of. I told him to jump and he still didn't want to, so I walked with him up to the rope, and...," Guthrie starts crying really hard again. "I..," he can't talk anymore.

"You what?" I ask. "You did what Guthrie?"

"Sh," Hannah says. "Just let him talk."

"I showed him where to..," Guthrie wipes his eyes. "I showed him where to put his hands on the rope and I helped him put them on." He hugs Adam and cries again. "Then..., then...,"

"Then what?" I ask.

Hannah tells me to be quiet again.

"Adam, he still didn't want to do it! Sometimes..., sometimes when Heidi's scared to do something I tell her how much fun it will be if she does it...,"

I look up at Hannah. "He's right. He does do that. He makes me feel better about doing something scary."

"I told him he should do it Adam! I told him he should jump anyway!" He pushes away from Adam and says, "I wasn't making him do it, I was just trying to make him less scared, like I do with Heidi. Some of the boys were starting to call him chicken, and his brother and cousin were busy telling them to stop, so I stayed with Mike and told him he'd feel better after he jumped, he just had to do it."

"Oh Guthrie," Adam says, "I'm so sorry."

"He was scared to jump and I made him jump! He swung out on the rope and yelled, 'I'm scared Guthrie!' and then he let go! It was too soon to let go! He let go because he was scared and I made him do it! I made him jump Adam! I told him he would be ok!"

Adam hugs Guthrie tightly and let's him cry on his shoulder. I'm sad for Guthrie. He's so sad.

"I was wrong Adam! Everything wasn't ok! He died! He died right there in front of me! I ran to the edge of the rock when everyone gasped and I couldn't see him! He was in the water and he wasn't coming up! I ran down to the edge of the water as close as I could get and looked for him. We were all looking for him. Kids started jumping in the water and when he came up they dragged him out of the water. It was hard Adam. It was hard for them to get him out and he wasn't moving! He didn't move and he didn't wake up! Ed started shaking him and yelling, 'wake up Mike! Wake up!', but he wouldn't! We didn't know what to do!" Guthrie stops talking now and just cries.

"I'm so sorry Guthrie," Adam says. "You didn't tell us all this. I'm so sorry this happened." He hugs him tightly.

"At school today one of the kids was making fun of Mike. They called him chicken and I got so mad! I punched him Adam! I punched him really hard!"

"I know. Mr. Brick said you knocked two of his teeth out."

"I'm sorry Adam! I'm sorry I punched him, but I was just so angry!"

"I know. I know Guthrie."

I pull on Hannah's shirt and she looks down at me. "Is Guthrie going to be ok?" I ask.

"He will be. He's hurting though." She kneels down in front of me and says, "he's talking now and that's a good thing."

"So Mike really died?" She nods her head. "But why? Why did he have to die? He was only eleven."

"Sometimes bad things happen. Even to little kids."

"Hannah? Do you think Mike is mad at Guthrie?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is he mad?"

"He's dead Heidi. He's not mad, he's dead."

"But..., but what if...," I don't know how to ask if Mike got so mad at Guthrie he went inside of him. "Do you think...,"

"What Heidi?"

"Never mind." Hannah hugs me, but I think Guthrie is so mad because Mike's mad and he's inside Guthrie. That's why Guthrie hit that boy so hard! Mike made him! Guthrie hardly ever gets in fights, and it sounds like he hit this boy really hard. I bet Mike was mad the boy called him chicken.

I look back over at Guthrie and he's crying so hard. He's so sad. He feels so bad. Brian and Crane come inside from the back door and they want to know what's going on. They want to know why Guthrie's home from school so Adam tells them everything.

"Oh Guthrie," Crane says. "I'm so sorry. I wish I knew that happened. I wish I knew you felt that way. This isn't your fault."

"It's not," Brian says. "It was an accident."

"Why don't we all go into the living room," Hannah suggests.

I follow everyone in there and go sit in the big comfy chair while they sit on the couches. Guthrie doesn't talk much, but Adam, Brian and Crane have a lot to say. Not to Guthrie, but to each other.

"I wish I would've pressured him to talk sooner," Adam says. "I had no idea he was carrying around all this guilt."

"None of us knew," Crane says.

They start talking about how it's their fault they didn't know how hard Guthrie was taking this until Hannah tells them to stop. I stop listening to them and look at Guthrie. He's staring out into space. At least he's not crying anymore. He looks really tired. I watch Hannah and my brothers argue. They're arguing loudly, but I can't hear anything they're saying because my head hurts. It hurts bad. I curl up in a little ball in the chair and rest my head on the arm rest. I stare at Guthrie while they're all arguing. Please come back Guthrie. Please.

* * *

I must've dozed off because when I open my eyes no one is in the living room anymore. I smell brownies so I get up and walk into the kitchen. Hannah's at the sink again, washing dishes.

"You've been asleep for a long time," she says when she sees me standing there. "You missed lunch."

"It's after lunchtime?"

She smiles at me and nods her head. "You must've been tired."

"Hannah? I have a headache."

"You do? Let me get you some aspirin." She puts her dishtowel down and leaves the kitchen to go get some from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I wonder where Guthrie is.

When Hannah comes back I ask her.

"Where is everyone?"

"Outside in the barn."

"Even Guthrie?"

"Yes. They're mucking out the stalls."

"All four of them at the same time?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Can I go help?"

Hannah looks like she doesn't believe me. "You want to go help muck out the stalls?"

"Can I?"

"No, you have to stay inside and rest."

"I did rest."

"And you have a headache," she reminds me.

"Can I watch tv?" I ask.

"In the daytime?"

"Yes. Denise says her mom watches a show in the afternoon and when Denise is sick she gets to watch it with her mom. It's a show about lots of people. Some fall in love, some kill each other, and some people fall in love and then find out they're really in love with their brother or sister."

"You mean a soap opera."

"Yeah, that's what it's called, a soap opera. We could watch it together."

"No, I've got so many things I have to do besides sit down and watch tv."

"It's not TV, it's a 'soap opera'. And what things do you have to do? Wash more dishes? That's all you've been doing today is washing dishes. Please can we watch it?"

"No, we're not going to watch tv in the middle of the daytime."

"Then what are we going to do? I'm bored."

"You could draw."

"I did that yesterday."

"You could read."

"I read all the books."

She smiles and says, "_all_ the books?"

"Yep."

"We could play a board game."

"You can't play a board game with just two people."

"Why not? We could play Sorry, or..,"

"It's not fun with two people."

"We could try it and see if it's fun."

"Nope, I already know it's not fun."

Hannah looks like she thought of something really fun to do. "I know! I could teach you how to sew!"

I glare at her. "Why would I want to learn how to sew?"

"When I was a little girl my mother taught me how to sew and I made dresses for my dolls."

"You want to teach my how to sew dresses for my dolls?! Hannah!"

"What? Don't you want to lean how to sew?"

"I'd rather take a nap than learn how to sew!"

"Well, that can be arranged," she says.

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Heidi, I've come up with lots of suggestions for what we could do and you don't like any of them. If you have a better suggestion, let me know, otherwise I'll be in the kitchen washing dishes."

"I did think of one. We could watch tv." When she ignores me I say, "Wait. Hannah? Can't you think of anything else to do?" I follow her into the kitchen. Maybe if I bug her enough she'll want to watch tv. "Hannah? Please can we watch tv? Please?" She keeps washing dishes and ignoring me. "Hannah, if you let me watch tv I'll be good and I won't bug you, but if you don't let me watch tv I'll be...,"

She turns around to look at me and her face doesn't look happy. She starts to say something but the front door bangs open and I hear Daniel yelling, "Adam!"

Hannah runs into the living room. "What's wrong Daniel? Why are you home from school so early?"

"I need to talk to Adam!" I walk into the living room and Evan and Ford are with him. I wonder what's going on. When they see me Daniel yells, "you! Did you think we wouldn't find out what you did yesterday, and where you went?"

I don't know what he's talking about. He's mad and all I can do is stare at him.

"What happened Daniel?" Hannah asks again.

Daniel points at me and says, "Heidi went to New Melones lake yesterday!"

"What?!" Hannah asks and then she looks at me.

"I..., did..., not," I say quietly.

"We know you did!" Evan yells. "You ran away to the lake!"

"What are you talking about?" Hannah asks.

"Billy and Jonathan were bragging at lunch about how they put the rope swing back up at the lake. I told them that was the wrong thing to do and they laughed at me. They said your little brother and sister didn't think it was the wrong thing to do when they jumped off it!"

Uh-oh!

"Where's Adam?!" Evan yells at Hannah.

"He's out in the barn."

"I'll go get him," Ford says.

"Why?" I ask. "Why do you need Adam? You don't have to tell Adam." I start walking backwards into the kitchen and then I turn around and run to the back door.

"You're not running away this time!" Evan yells.

I throw the door open and run outside.

"Get back here!" Daniel yells. I know they're gonna run after me so I run as fast as I can. I don't know where I'm going except away from them as fast as I can.

* * *

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	13. Chapter 13

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* * *

"Get back here!" Evan yells.

I can hear him running behind me. I'm running fast, but I know it won't take him long to catch up. I can also hear Hannah calling Evan's name. Where can I go? Where can I go? I've got to find someplace to go! I know everyone else is in the barn, but that's the only place I can think of to go. I've got to get to the loft!

"Stop running!" Evan yells.

I can't believe he hasn't caught up to me yet. I guess I must be getting faster. Adam, Brian, Crane, Guthrie and Ford are outside the barn and it looks like Daniel's headed over there too. He's yelling at Guthrie now. Good, maybe they'll all be concentrating on yelling at Guthrie and they won't see me run by. It's worth a shot.

When I get close to them they're all yelling. All of them except for Guthrie. I think he's crying, no, I think he's staring at the ground. I don't know what he's doing and I don't have time to stop and look as I run by everyone and into the barn.

"Don't you dare go up to the loft!" Evan yells.

I jump on the ladder and climb as fast as I can to the top and scoot on my knees along the loft floor. I'm glad there's a pitchfork up here and I crawl to it and drag it over to the ladder where I hold it over the ladder facing down so if anyone climbs up I can poke them with it. It's heavy to hold, especially over the ladder, but I can do it.

Evan is at the bottom of the ladder now and he looks up at me. "What are you gonna do with that?!" He asks.

"Don't come up here!" I yell down to him.

"Get down here!"

"No! I don't have to listen to you!"

Now everyone's walking into the barn and they see me holding the pitchfork.

"What are you doing?!" Adam yells at me. He looks at Evan and yells, "leave her alone! What are you gonna do? Drag her down?!"

"She went to Melones lake yesterday!" Evan yells.

"That's what I'm hearing," Adam says, "but chasing her around isn't helping right now."

"See!" I yell at Evan, "leave me alone!"

"And you!" Adam yells up to me, "what do you think you're gonna do with that thing?! Put that pitchfork back and get down here!"

He's crazy if he thinks I'm gonna come down right now. I'm not coming down until I'm sure I'm not gonna be in trouble. But Adam's not looking at me anymore so I lay the pitchfork next to me so I can grab it quickly if I need to. Adam's looking at everyone else when he says, "now will someone tell me what the heck is going on?!"

Daniel talks first. He tells everyone that Billy and Jonathan took us to the lake yesterday. My brothers don't look happy when he says that. Neither does Hannah. "When Heidi ran away yesterday her and Guthrie hitched a ride to the lake with them."

"What?!" I yell. "I did not! I keep telling you, I didn't run away yesterday!" I look at Guthrie, but he's looking down at the ground. Oh great! I'm gonna get in trouble for this!

"You did too!" Evan yells up at me. "You jumped off the rope swing too!"

"I did not!" I look at Guthrie again, but he hasn't looked up. Please Guthrie, wake up and tell them the truth! Snap out of it!

"You better not have jumped off that rope swing!" Brian yells at me.

"I didn't!"

"You were at Melones Lake yesterday?" Adam asks me. I stare down at him and don't say a word. Everyone's staring up at me.

"How could you go back there?" Crane asks me. He looks hurt.

"I didn't."

"You _weren't_ at Melones Lake yesterday?" Adam asks.

"I was there, but I didn't want to go. Guthrie made me go."

"Yeah right!" Evan yells. "Don't blame this on Guthrie! _You_ ran away! _He_ followed you!"

"No! It didn't happen that way!" I yell. "Why won't any of you believe me?!"

"How could you go back there?!" Someone yells, but I don't know who it is because everyone's yelling now. They're all so loud I can't hear any of them. I look at Guthrie and he looks sad and tired. I think he's tuning everyone out too. I wish he would tell them the truth. I wish...,

"Heidi, you're not listening to a word we're saying, are you?!"

I look down at everyone and they're all staring up at me waiting for me to answer.

"I can't hear what you're saying when you all yell at the same time," I tell them. "Why don't one of you yell first, and then the next person can yell and then the next. You know, until you've all had your turn to yell." I think I said something wrong because their faces look angrier. I look at Hannah and she doesn't look angry. She doesn't look happy, but at least she doesn't look angry.

"Heidi, why don't you come down now," she says. "Why don't we all go inside the house and talk about this."

"You want me to come down _there_?" I ask. "Are you crazy?! I'm not going down there even if you paid me a million bucks! Not even for a hundred bucks!"

"As far as I'm concerned," Brian says, "there's nothing to talk about."

I wonder what he means by that.

Crane says, "come down." He looks more disappointed than angry, but I'm still not coming down.

"I'm not coming down! Why don't you ask Guthrie what happened?"

Everyone looks at Guthrie including me. I don't think he heard what I said because he's not looking at anything except the ground. It looks like he's in a trance again.

"Well Guthrie?" Adam says.

Guthrie looks up and says, "what?"

"Were you at Melones lake yesterday?" Crane asks.

Guthrie looks sad when he nods his head.

"Did you jump off the rope swing?" Brian asks and Guthrie nods his head again.

"What?!" Brian yells.

"How could you!" Evan yells.

Now everyone looks up at me again and yells lots of stuff that's hard to make out again because they're all yelling at the same time. Adam whistles and they all stop. Then he says, "Heidi, it sounds like you went to the lake and jumped off the rope swing. Guthrie...,"

I interrupt him. "I didn't want to go! Guthrie made me! I didn't jump off the rope swing either!" I can tell they don't believe me. I yell at Guthrie. "Tell them Guthrie! Tell them I didn't jump! Tell them you made me go!" He doesn't say anything. "Wake up Guthrie and tell them the truth!"

"I've heard enough," Adam says. "I don't want to hear anymore lies from you. You got caught."

"What!" I start to cry. "I'm telling..,"

"Save it!" Brian yells.

"But..,"

"Come down now," Adam says.

They're all looking at me. I cry and shake my head no. "Why won't you believe me?" I look at Hannah. "You have to believe me." Her face doesn't change, she still looks disappointed. "I told you, something's wrong with Guthrie. You can look at him and see he's not ok. Can't you?"

"I don't want you blaming this on Guthrie," Adam says. "Come down now. I don't want to have to tell you again."

"No!" I yell, and when I stand up to move away from the ladder, the pitchfork falls and drops to the ground. Luckily everyone was able to get out of the way, so no one got hurt. I look at Adam and then Brian and then Crane. They all look angry and disappointed so I look at Hannah. She doesn't look angry. "I'm only coming down for Hannah!" I yell.

"No, you're going to come down now," Adam says.

"No!"

Hannah says, "you guys leave and let me talk to Heidi."

"Nope," Brian says, "she can come down now. I'm not going anywhere."

"Now come on," Hannah says, "you guys have said it yourselves, 'what are you going to do? Drag her down?' She's not going to come down and you know it. Not as long as you're all standing here."

"Fine," Adam says. "We'll go. But you've got ten minutes," he says to Hannah and then he looks up at me, "ten minutes! You hear that?! If you don't come down by then I 'will' drag you down from there! Do you understand?!"

I nod my head while I cry and then my brothers leave. I look down at Hannah and wipe my eyes.

"I'll come up there," she says and she starts to climb up the ladder.

* * *

"But that just doesn't sound like Guthrie," Hannah says for the third time.

"I know! But I keep telling you, something's wrong with him!" I'm trying to explain how Guthrie acted yesterday.

"I just can't picture him trying to pressure you to jump off the rope swing," she says, and then adds, "and calling you chicken."

"I know, but he did. Can't you see he's been different ever since Mike died?"

"Yes, but I haven't seen him say or do anything to hurt you. I see him, sad and quiet. And to tell you the truth, you've been acting different since Mike died too." When I'm about to ask her what she means by that she says, "what were you doing with the hydrogen peroxide last night?"

I stare at her, but don't answer.

"Can you tell me what you were doing last night?"

Again, I just stare at her.

"If you can't be honest about that, how will I know if you're being honest about the lake?"

"I haven't lied about last night."

"Well you haven't told us what happened."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

I sigh and look down at all the hay laying on the loft floor. "I just can't." I pull a piece of hay out of the hay bale we're sitting on and twirl it between my thumb and index finger. Then an idea pops into my head and I'm excited. "Hannah! If you don't believe me about the lake, call Kenny! He'll tell you everything! He thinks Guthrie's acting different too!"

Hannah looks at me and I can tell she's thinking about that.

"Please?" I ask.

"I suppose that couldn't hurt," she says.

"Yes!"

"Now hold on," she says, "you still need to come down and talk to your brothers. Our ten minutes were up ten minutes ago."

"No, I can't come down until they know the truth. I _won't_ come down until they know the truth!"

"I sure hope you know what you're doing. They're not going to be too happy when I go inside and they find out you're still up here."

"I know, but you'll tell them right? You'll tell them you need to talk to Kenny, right?"

"I'll tell them and I'll try to get them to hear what Kenny has to say, but don't be surprised if you've got some angry brothers coming for you to drag you down from here."

"Thanks Hannah."

She hugs me and then stands up. I watch her walk to the ladder and climb down. I hope Kenny tells her the truth and I hope my brothers listen to her.

* * *

I don't know how long I've been up here in the loft. It seems like forever. It has to be dinnertime by now. I wonder what's taking Hannah so long. I guess the good thing is, no one has come in here to drag me down from the loft. Maybe I'd better get the pitchfork and bring it back up here so I'll have some protection if they do.

I climb down the ladder three quarters of the way and then jump down to the ground. The pitchfork is heavy and awkward for me to hold while I climb back up, but once I'm almost to the top I can rest it on the loft floor and push it up. There. I climb the rest of the way up and move the pitchfork close to the ladder and sit next to it so it's easy to grab in case I need it. I don't think I could ever use it to poke my brothers, but you never know.

I'm not sitting here long when I hear someone walking to the barn. I pick up the pitchfork and get it ready. When Adam walks in I yell, "I'm not coming down!" And I point the pitchfork at him.

He looks up at me. He doesn't look mad anymore. "Put that down and move out of the way. I'm coming up."

He walks to the ladder and I stand up and yell, "no!"

"Heidi, we talked to Kenny, and I know what happened. I'm sorry we didn't believe you."

I keep the pitchfork pointing down at him and yell, "if you come up here you're not gonna drag me down from here?!"

He climbs up slowly and says, "no."

"You're not gonna spank me?"

He sighs and says, "no."

"You promise?" He's halfway up the ladder now and he could reach out and grab the pitchfork out of my hands if he wanted to.

"Yes, I promise. Will you put that thing down now?" He stops climbing and stares up at me.

I glare at him because I'm still not sure if he's telling the truth.

"Do you swear you won't spank me?" I ask him while I point the pitchfork at his head.

"I swear, but I have to tell you, I'm getting a little angry that you're still pointing that thing at me."

I lift the pitchfork up and back away from the ladder so Adam can come up. But I'm not setting it down. I'm gonna hold it in my hand while the end of the handle rests on the floor and the fork part is up in the air. I might still need it.

I watch Adam finish climbing up and when he's off the ladder he stands looking down at me. I point towards a hay bale with my pitchfork and say, "you can sit there."

"Quit waving that thing around and put it down," he says.

"No! Not until I'm sure..," I start to say and he grabs it out of my hand. "Hey!"

"Heidi, that's dangerous. Don't ever point a pitchfork at someone."

"It's not nice to grab something out of someone's hands!" I yell at him.

He leans the pitchfork against the loft wall and looks at me. "Look here now, you stop yelling at me and listen or that promise I made is going to be broken."

I have to think about that for a minute. I don't know what promise he's talking about. It takes me a while but now I know. I put my hands on my hips and yell, "you swore! You can't break a promise you swore on!"

"Wanna bet?"

I look at him. I think he's serious. He looks serious. I guess I'd better stop. I put my hands down and then fold my arms across my chest. "Ok fine."

"Good, now come sit next to me." I watch him sit down on the hay bale Hannah and I were sitting on earlier. I glare at him because I still don't know if I should trust him. "Would you stop glaring at me and get over here," he says.

I move a few feet closer but that's it. "I'll stand here."

"Fine." He looks at me and his eyes look sad and disappointed and something else. I'm not sure what it is, I just know his eyes don't look mad. "I talked to Kenny," he says quietly.

"You did?"

"Yes. He had a lot to say."

"He did?"

"Yes. I'd like you to tell me what happened yesterday."

"Are you gonna yell at me?" I ask.

"I'm not planning on it."

"Are you gonna listen," I start to say and he starts to interrupt me so I point my finger at him and say, "no! No talking! You have to listen."

I think I probably shouldn't have said that because now his eyes start to look a tiny bit mad. "Heidi, start talking and I'll listen. But don't you point your finger at me and tell me not to talk."

"Ok." I take a deep breath and let it out and then I tell him what happened yesterday. I start from the beginning and tell him how strange Guthrie was acting, and how he called Kenny and asked for a ride. I tell him all about the drive to the lake and how Guthrie was being mean. By the time I tell him about finally getting to the rope swing and how much my head hurt, I'm standing right in front of him. When I tell him Guthrie called me chicken I start to cry and he hugs me.

"I'm so sorry Heidi. Kenny said Guthrie was acting very strangely yesterday. I should've listened to you."

I pull back away from him and say, "Guthrie lied! He said I ran away and you believed him!" I cry and Adam hugs me again.

"I'm sorry."

I cry on Adam's shoulder and say, "Guthrie lied Adam. He lied. I don't like Guthrie anymore!"

Adam rubs my back and says, "you don't mean that Heidi."

"Yes I do! Guthrie lied and he was mean to me!"

"I know. I wish I could help you understand what Guthrie's going through right now. He's not himself. He's not acting like himself."

"I told you that!"

"I know. I should've listened."

Adam starts to say other stuff but I'm not listening anymore. I'm thinking. Adam's right. Guthrie's not acting like himself. He's acting like he has a ghost inside of him. A ghost that I'm gonna get out!

"Did you hear me?" Adam asks.

"What?"

"I said, are you ready to come down now? Your brothers are waiting for you to come inside. They have something they'd like to say to you."

"I guess so."

"Good." Adam stops hugging me and stands up. He climbs down the ladder first and waits for me at the bottom. When I'm half way down he lifts me off the ladder and over his head so I can sit on his shoulders. He reaches up with his hands and and I hold onto them for balance and we walk to the house.

* * *

When we're back at the house everyone apologizes to me and we talk about what happened yesterday, but there's one person missing.

"Where's Guthrie?" I ask.

"Upstairs in the boys' room," Hannah says.

"Why? Is he in trouble? Because I really don't think he should be in trouble. He's just not himself," I remind them.

"Don't you worry about Guthrie," Adam says. "He's up there because he wanted to be by himself."

The telephone rings and Hannah answers it. "It's for you Crane," she says and she holds the phone out to him. "It's Isabella."

Crane takes the phone from her and we listen to him talk. The conversation is short and when Crane hangs up the phone he says, "the service is this Friday."

"We'll be there," Hannah says.

Brian pats Crane on the back. "You know we'll be there."

"What's the service?" I ask.

Crane says, "the service is at the church and then the burial will take place right afterwards. There's a reception at April's house afterwards."

"What's the service?" I ask again, but no one listens.

"I'll call April," Hannah says, "and see what she'd like me to bring, or how I can help."

Crane says, "no, call the church. April's not up to phone calls yet."

"Ok, I'll do that tomorrow." Hannah stands up and says, "I bet you guys are hungry."

"I'm not staying for dinner," Crane says.

"You're not? Where are you going?" I ask.

"I'm going over to Isabella's house for dinner."

"But you saw her last night."

"I know. She needs me right now," Crane says and he walks over to the front door. I follow him while everyone else walks into the kitchen.

"But what if _I_ need you?" I ask him.

He stops at the door and turns around to pick me up. "What do you need?" He asks while he smiles at me.

"You. You see Isabella a lot, and you don't see me at all."

"Well, right now Isabella needs a little bit of privacy, otherwise she would be over here for dinner tonight."

"She would?"

"Yes. She likes coming here and spending time with all of us. Especially you!" He pokes my nose with his finger when he says that. "Just like I like spending time with her family. Right now, Isabella needs her family and she needs me."

"Oh. Well, what if I need you?"

"Then I'll be there for you. But do you really need me right now? Right this very second?"

I shake my head no.

"I'll be home later tonight," he says and he sets me down.

"Tell Isabella I said hi, and tell her I hope she's not sad anymore."

"I'll tell her that and I bet she'll be happy to hear it," he says.

"Bye." I watch him run down the porch steps and over to the truck. I wave to him as he drives off and then I shut the door.

* * *

I knock on the boys' bedroom door and when Guthrie doesn't answer, I knock again. He still doesn't answer so I open it. Guthrie's up on the top bunk. "Guthrie?" He doesn't answer. "Guthrie, are you awake?"

"Go away," he says quietly. "Just shut the door and go away."

I'm not leaving so I shut the door and walk over to the bunk bed Guthrie's laying on. I climb up the ladder and sit at the foot of the bed where his feet are.

Guthrie opens his eyes and groans. "Go away Heidi."

Guthrie's laying on top of the covers with his eyes closed again.

"Guthrie, can we talk?" I ask quietly.

"No. I don't want to talk to you! You got me in trouble!"

"What do you mean?"

"You told!" He sits up fast and yells at me. "You told where we went yesterday!"

"They found out! I didn't tell!"

"Yeah right! You expect me to believe you?!"

I feel like crying. "Guthrie, Jonathan told Daniel we went to the lake. Not me. Jonathan told him at school today."

Guthrie lays back down and closes his eyes.

"Guthrie, are you ok?" He doesn't answer. "Guthrie?"

"No I'm not ok! So get out and leave me alone!"

"Why are you being so mean to me?" I ask him, but he doesn't answer. "Guthrie? Does it feel like someone's inside of you?" I poke his foot. "Does it?" Guthrie kicks my leg but he still doesn't answer. "Do you think Mike's inside of you?"

"What?!" He sits up now.

"Do you think..., Mike..., is inside you?"

"Heidi, what are you talking about?!"

"Do you think you're possessed?"

"What?!"

I sigh. "Do you think Mike's ghost is inside of you? Is Mike's ghost making you mean?"

Guthrie lays down again. "Go away Heidi. I don't want to listen to you anymore."

"But..,"

"Go away!" He kicks me and it hurts so I punch his leg. Guthrie sits up really fast again and before I know what happens he punches me right in the stomach. I cry and he yells, "now get out of here before I punch you again!"

His eyes look mean. Those aren't Guthrie's eyes. They're so mean looking and his punch hurt so bad I cry and fling my legs over the railing and jump down to the floor. I land on my feet but I can't hold my balance and I put my hands on the floor to break my fall. My forehead hits the wood floor hard. It hurts and makes me cry harder.

"Serves you right," Guthrie says and he laughs.

The door opens and Evan and Ford walk in. "What's the matter?" They ask and they sit down next to me.

Guthrie says, "she jumped off the bed and banged her head on the floor. Tell her to get out, she's bugging me!"

Ford and Evan stand up and Evan picks me up. "Are you ok?"

"Guthrie punched me!" I cry.

They look at Guthrie and he yells, "get out! All of you!"

Evan carries me out to the hallway and Ford says, "Guthrie, it's dinnertime, are you going to eat with us?"

"No! Just close the door and leave me alone!"

Ford walks out to the hallway and closes the door. I hug Evan while I cry. "Why is Guthrie being so mean?" I ask.

"I don't know," Ford says. He walks with me and Evan.

"Do you think something's wrong with Guthrie?" I ask.

"I don't know," Evan says.

We walk down the stairs and Brian walks into the living room from the kitchen. "What's wrong?" Brian asks.

"Guthrie punched me in the stomach!" I cry to him. I reach for him and he takes me from Evan. I hug him and ask, "why is Guthrie being so mean?"

"I don't know kid. I don't know," he says while he rubs my back. Brian asks Evan and Ford if Guthrie's coming down for dinner and they tell him no. "I'll tell Hannah to save him some then."

When we walk into the kitchen I tell Adam, Hannah and Daniel that Guthrie punched me.

Hannah says, "why don't you stay away from him tonight."

Brian puts me down and we all help Hannah put dinner on the table.

I'm very quiet while we eat. I don't feel like talking and everyone else just wants to talk about Guthrie and what's wrong with him, so I tune them out. I already know what's wrong with him and I have to come up with a plan to fix him.

* * *

Usually Guthrie helps me come up with plans so it's gonna be hard to think of one by myself. I don't have to help with the dishes tonight so I plop down on the couch and watch Hannah take some dinner up to Guthrie. I hope he's feeling better. Hannah knocks on the door and then opens it. I can't hear if he's talking to him or not, and then she closes the door half-way behind her.

I put my right foot up to the coffee table and kick it with my toes. I can barely reach it so I scoot down on the couch and stretch my legs to reach the coffee table. There. Now I can tap the table with my feet to help me concentrate on a plan.

I wonder why the exorism didn't work last night. What did I do wrong? I had the holy water, and the cross. I had a bible. Maybe the prayer wasn't right. I wonder if there's a certain prayer you have to say for a exerism. Maybe Daniel knows. I stop tapping my feet on the coffee table and sit all the way up. Daniel is at the piano working on a song so I get up and go over to where he's sitting at the piano.

I've heard him work on this song before. I like it. He sings the chorus and I sing it with him. He looks at me and smiles while he sings. When he stops singing he writes something on his music sheet with a pencil.

"Daniel?"

He erases something and then writes something else. "What?" I watch him erase something else.

"Do you know how to do a exerism?"

He laughs while he writes. "A what?"

"A exerism."

"That's what I thought you said." He puts his pencil down and looks at me. "Do you mean an 'exorcism'?"

"That's what I said. A exerism."

"First of all, it's called an exor'cism', not a exerism, and second of all, why do you want to know?"

"Um...," I'm not sure what to say. He's staring at me so I'd better think of something fast. "Um, Denise wants to know. Yeah, Denise wants to know, so I told her I'd ask you."

"Why does she want to know how to do an exorcism?"

Good question. I have to think about that for a minute. "Um..., um...," I can't think of anything and Daniel is starting to look at me funny. "I know! I mean, it's a secret. Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes. What's the secret?"

"Ok, I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Promise you won't tell anyone."

Daniel smiles at me and says, "I promise." He pretends to zip his lips with his fingers.

"Ok." I look around the living room to make sure no one else is around and Daniel laughs. "Sh!" I tell him. "This is serious!" I whisper.

"Ok, sorry." He looks at me and waits.

I whisper, "Denise thinks her dad has a ghost inside him, so she wants to do a exerism for him."

Daniel laughs so I punch him in the arm.

"Ow!" He says and he rubs his arm. "That's a mean punch you've got!"

I smile it him while I say, "I learned it from you guys. Now how do I.., I mean, how does _she_ do a exerism?"

"_She_ needs a priest," he says.

"She can't have a priest. She has to do it herself. She has a bible and a cross and the holy water but when she tried to do the exerism last night, it didn't work."

"Where'd she get the holy water from?"

"Her house."

"Well, that's her problem. People don't keep holy water in their house, so she probably wasn't using 'real' holy water. What made her water holy?"

I shrug my shoulders. "If people don't have holy water at home, where do they get it from?"

"A priest." I sigh and lean against Daniel. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"Does our church have a priest?"

"No. We have a minister."

"What church has a priest?"

"A Catholic Church."

"You mean like the one in town near my school?" I ask him.

"Yep. That's a Catholic Church and it has a priest, and I bet it even has holy water in it."

"Do you think the priest will give me some?" I ask excitedly.

Daniel laughs and says, "no."

"Why not?"

"They don't just give it away. And 'you' don't need any. Denise does, remember?" He puts his hand on top of my head and pats it.

"But I'm gonna help her."

"No you're not! If Adam knew you were even talking about exorcisms right now, let alone 'doing' one, he'd be on my case just for talking about it with you."

"If Adam knew what?" Adam asks as he walks in from the kitchen.

"Nothing," I tell him. "Am I going to school tomorrow?" I ask him.

"Yes," he says.

"Yes!" I yell and Adam looks confused.

"You 'want' to go to school tomorrow?" He asks.

"Yes. I miss school. Today was boring."

"Well, if you don't feel well, I want you to call me at home and one of us will come to school and pick you up."

"Ok."

"Where's Hannah?" Adam asks.

"She's still upstairs with Guthrie," I tell him so he makes his way over to the stairs.

Daniel leans over to me and says quietly, "are we done with our little talk?"

"I think so."

"Good. I'm going to get back to working on my song if you don't mind," he says and he starts singing again.

I'm happy. All I have to do is go to the Catholic Church tomorrow and find the holy water. "Wait, Daniel?" I tug on his shirt to get his attention.

He stops singing. "What?"

"How much holy water does Denise need?"

"Just a little bit. I think you just sprinkle some on the possessed person. She'll probably need about this much," he holds his thumb and index finger up and about two inches apart.

"Ok." I guess I should bring something to put the water in. "Thanks Daniel!" I skip into the kitchen. I know what part of my plan for helping Guthrie is, now I just have to think up the rest of the plan.

* * *

Evan and Ford are in the kitchen doing homework. I look around for Brian, but he's not in here. I skip over to the stool by the stove and drag it over to the counter by the sink. I climb up the stool and open the cupboard doors. I can reach the glasses on the bottom shelf just fine without the stool, but I need something smaller than a glass and I'm not sure what we have on the upper shelves.

"What are you doing?" Evan asks.

"Looking for something."

He laughs. "I can see that. What are you looking for?"

"Something small."

"For what?" Ford asks.

I don't want to tell them so I ignore that question. I hear a chair scrape across the floor and look over to see Ford stand up. He walks over to me and says, "I can help you find something if you want me too."

"No, you can't help."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what it is yet."

"What?"

"What I'm looking for."

"Heidi, what are you looking for?" Ford asks.

"Something small." I look all around but I don't see anything I can put the holy water in so I sigh and jump down off the stool. I drag it over to the next cupboard and climb up. Ford opens the cupboard for me and helps me look.

"Will this work?" He takes a little shot glass off the middle shelf and holds it out to me.

I take it from him. "It's the right size, but it needs to have a lid." I give it back to him and he puts it back. "There's nothing here I can use." I'm frustrated. I have to find something to keep the holy water in.

"Sorry," Ford says and he goes back to his homework.

I jump down and prop my elbows up on the counter and rest my chin in my hands. I have to think of something. There's a fork on the counter and I pick that up and start tapping it on the counter. What can I use? What can I use? I flip the fork and it lands on the salt shaker and almost knocks it over. I flip the fork again and this time it knocks the salt shaker over. I laugh and put it back up. I flip the fork again and knock the salt shaker over again.

"You'd better stop or you gonna break that," Ford says.

"You're sprinkling salt all over the counter too," Evan says.

Sprinkling? I pick up the salt shaker and look at it. It's perfect! It's just the right size and it has a lid. It'll fit in my pocket and I bet only a little bit of holy water will spill out of the holes. I'll just have to be careful with it. I look over at Evan and Ford and make sure they're looking at their homework. They are so I turn my back towards them and unscrew the cap off the shaker. I walk over to the sink and dump the salt down the drain. Then I screw the cap back on and slip the empty shaker in my front pocket.

I skip around the table to leave the kitchen but stop when I get to the back door. I can hear Brian's harmonica playing. He must be outside. I think I'll go talk to him.

* * *

"Hey kid," Brian says when he notices me. He's sitting in a rocking chair so I sit in the one next to him. He starts playing his harmonica again and I listen while I rock back and forth gently.

It's dark outside and Brian doesn't have the porch light on, so it's dark on the porch too. The only light out here is coming from the light inside shining through the windows. It's kind of spooky, but I can't think about that right now. I've got to think up the rest of my plan.

When I go to school tomorrow I have to find someway of ditching school and going over to the church. How can I do that? I can run off to the church after I get off the bus. I just have to be back by the nine o'clock recess so I can be in the office. Then I just have to get Isabella to write me a late slip to give to my teacher. It's quiet now so I look up at Brian.

"Whatcha thinking about?" He asks.

"A plan."

"A plan for what?"

"I don't know. Nothing I guess," I tell him and hope it sounds convincing. Why'd I have to tell him I was thinking of a plan?!

"Whenever you come up with a plan, trouble seems to happen."

"No it doesn't!" He's right though.

"Well, whatever your plan is, make sure you think it through." He starts playing his harmonica again.

That's good advice. I'd better think this plan through. That way there won't be any trouble. Ok, number one, get holy water. I pat the salt shaker in my pocket. Step two..., what's step two? I have to think about step two. What do I do next? I think and think and think. Brian's playing a different song now and I'm still thinking of step two!

I skip in my head to the part of the plan where I'm actually doing the exorcism on Guthrie when my brain thinks something awful! I stand up fast and yell, "Brian!"

He stops playing. "What? What's the matter?"

"What happens to the ghost when you give someone an exorcism?"

"What?"

"When you do an exorcism what happens to the ghost when it leaves the person's body?"

"It goes into someone else's body," he says.

"What! What do you mean it goes into someone else's body? Why would it do that? Who's body?"

"The one it's closest to," he says.

I can't believe it! If I get the ghost out of Guthrie, it's gonna come inside me! "Is there any way it can go inside someone else?"

"I suppose it could go inside an animal."

"What kind of animal?" I ask.

"Any kind, I guess." He starts playing again.

Well, I guess I better think of an animal I can get. It has to be able to be inside the house so it can't be a big animal. I guess I could catch a frog or a snake. A snake would be perfect! When I get home from school tomorrow I'll catch a snake and hide it in my room.

Daniel walks over to us and he's carrying his guitar. Brian puts his harmonica down.

"Heidi, Adam wants you to come inside now," Daniel tells me.

I groan. "But it's not my bedtime yet!"

"I'm just the messenger," Daniel says. "Don't get mad at me." He strums his guitar and turns one of the pegs. I guess that string is out of tune.

"Goodnight munchkin," Brian says.

"Goodnight," I tell him as I walk by. Daniel starts to play his guitar and Brian joins in with his harmonica. I wish I didn't have to go to bed! I love it when Daniel and Brian play together. I go inside through the back door.

* * *

When I walk by Adam and Hannah's bedroom door I stop and peek in. The door is open a few inches and they're talking so I listen.

"What are we going to do about Guthrie, Adam?" Hannah asks.

"I don't know. What does that dang parenting book say to do?"

"Did you find my book?" Hannah asks him. She's holding the book up for him to see.

"What? No."

"It's weird that I left it on my nightstand and it went missing and now it mysteriously reappears on my nightstand."

"Honey, that's not mysterious around here," Adam tells her. "That's the perks of living with eight other people."

"I know, it just seems odd," Hannah says.

Adam says, "let's talk about Guthrie. When is he going to snap out of this?"

"I don't know. We need to give him time."

"Time for what? He's had a bunch of time, and why is he being so mean to Heidi? It's like he's a different person."

He's got that right! But I'll take care of that.

Hannah says, "maybe he'll get some closure at the service on Friday, and as for him being mean to Heidi, I told you, he's very upset she wasn't at the lake when Mike died."

"I don't understand that."

"Guthrie needs Heidi, especially right now."

"Then why is he being so mean to her?"

"He needs her to understand what happened the day Mike died."

"What does that even mean?" Adam says. He sounds frustrated.

"Heidi didn't believe Mike died. She wasn't accepting it and Guthrie didn't know how to handle that. She's always there for him, but this time she didn't understand so she couldn't be there for him. He's used to sharing experiences with her and being able to talk to her about them. He can't talk to her about this so he's pushing her away."

What's she talking about? He's not pushing me, he's hitting me.

"Adam, he needed to show her what happened. He needed her to understand what happened. That's why he took her to the lake yesterday."

I think he took me to the lake because he was being mean. I think...,

"What are you doing, eavesdropping?" Evan asks. He startles me and I jump. "Caught you!" He laughs as he walks by and I stick my tongue out at him. He sticks his out and makes a real funny face and I laugh. Adam and Hannah's door opens.

"Go get ready for bed," Adam says.

"I am." I run to my room and shut my door so I can get dressed. I take the salt shaker out of my pocket and look at it. "Don't worry Guthrie. I'll fix you." I open up my dresser drawer that I keep my jeans in and lay the salt shaker on top of a pair of jeans so I won't forget to bring it to school.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for reviewing! :)**

* * *

When I'm all ready for bed I open my dresser drawer and pick up the salt shaker. I hope this works. Guthrie really needs my help, so I need _real_ holy water.

"Are you all ready for bed?" Adam asks as he walks into my room.

I throw the salt shaker back in the drawer and slam it shut. "Yep!" I hop in bed and hope he didn't see the salt shaker.

He sits down on my bed. He doesn't ask if I want a story read, or a song sung, he just sits and stares at me. I sit up and move so I'm sitting cross-legged near my pillow.

"What?" I ask.

"I'm sorry things have been so hard for you lately." I don't say anything so he says, "I know it's hard for you to see Guthrie acting so different. He hasn't been very nice to you lately." I shrug my shoulders and he sighs. "How are you feeling? Has your head been hurting you?"

"No, not since this morning."

"That's good." He looks down at my bed and smoothes out a wrinkle on my bedspread. I can tell he wants to talk about something, but it seems like whatever it is, is either too hard to say, or he doesn't know how to say it.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

He looks at me and says, "sometimes I wish I could protect you and Guthrie from everything bad in the world. Neither one of you remembers mom and dad dying. This is your first experience with someone dying tragically, and I wish you didn't have to deal with it."

"Did you guys act like Guthrie when mom and dad died?"

He thinks for a minute. "I guess we all acted a little like Guthrie. We were sad sometimes and angry, but what happened with Mike isn't the same as when mom and dad died. Guthrie was there when Mike died. He actually saw him die right before his eyes. We weren't there when mom and dad died."

I sit up on my knees and move a little piece of hair away from his eyes. "But didn't _you_ see their bodies?"

"Yes, but that was afterwards." That's all Adam says and don't ask him more about that because I know he had to tell the policeman that the bodies were our mom and dad.

"Adam, where do you think their ghosts went?"

"What?"

"Where do you think their ghosts went? Do you think they went to heaven, or do you think they went into somebody else's body, or maybe they went into a cow or some other animal that was close by?"

Adam looks very confused. "Where do you come up this stuff?"

"It just pops into my head." He smiles at me and puts his hand on top of my head and messes up my hair so I smile back and ask, "so where do you think their ghosts are?"

"I think you," he puts his finger on my nose, "should stop thinking about ghosts."

I laugh and move away from his finger. "But thinking about ghosts is fun sometimes."

"I don't want you having nightmares tonight, so stop thinking about them. In fact, I have a very important question to ask you that I've been dying to ask you all day."

"What?!" I yell excitedly. I hope it's a fun question.

"What were you doing with that bowl of hydrogen peroxide last night?"

I groan and fall backwards so my head lands on my pillow. "I don't like that question," I tell him.

"Sit up and tell me what you were doing."

"No thanks. I think it's time for me to go to sleep." I close my eyes and pretend to snore.

"That's not going to work." He pulls me up by my hands so I'm sitting, but I keep my eyes closed and snore louder.

"Heidi," he says and he tickles my side a little. I laugh and open my eyes while I try get away from him.

"I know! Adam, you answer my questions about ghosts, and I'll answer your questions about last night!"

"I don't want to talk about ghosts," he says.

"Well I don't want to talk about last night."

"Well I do, and I'm asking a serious question and you need to answer it. What were you doing last night?"

"I already told you. Sleepwalking."

"No. Tell the truth."

"That is the truth. I just woke up and I was standing there with a bowl of that stinging stuff. I don't know how I got it."

"Heidi, I'm being serious...," he starts to say.

"So am I."

"Heidi," he says in his serious voice and his face looks serious too, "I'm being _very_ serious now. I want you to tell me what you were doing last night." I look down at my hands in my lap and he lifts my chin up so I have to look into his eyes. "What were you doing?"

"I was trying to help Guthrie."

"How?"

I don't know what to say. I don't want to tell him the truth because then he probably won't let me do an exorcism tomorrow. He probably won't even believe me. "I thought...," I try to think of something good. "I thought I could...," why can't I think of something? "I thought he had a cut on his forehead and I didn't want it to get infected."

"What? You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes?" I hope.

"Nope. Try again."

"Ok, I accidentally spilled it on him." He doesn't say anything so I think he believes that. "I tripped and it spilled on him."

"But what were you doing with it in the first place?"

Good question. Think. I know! "I was going to play a prank on Guthrie."

"What?"

"Honest! I was going to put his hand in it to make him wet the bed."

"A bowl of warm water would do that, and you know that. Why were you using the hydrogen peroxide?"

"My friend said that would work better."

"What friend?"

"Amy." I haven't played with Amy in a while, but if I tell him Denise told me that, he probably wouldn't believe me. "Adam, she said it would work, but then I found out she was just tricking me."

"How'd you find out she was tricking you when you haven't been at school to ask her yet?"

I stare at him. They always say it's not good to lie because you have to keep making up more lies, but if he knows the truth, he won't let me help Guthrie. "Adam, I _thought_ she was tricking me, but I decided to try it anyway just in case it really did work."

I look at Adam and I can't tell if he believes me or not. I think he does because he says, "it's getting late and you need to go to sleep. Do you want me to read you a story, or sing you a song?"

"Read." It'll take longer.

"Ok, what book should I read." He bends down and lifts my bedspread up to find a book under my bed.

"Stop!" I yell and I get off my bed. I startle him, but I don't want him to find the pages I ripped out of Hannah's parenting book.

"What's the matter?"

"Hannah picked out some library books for me. They're on my dresser." I take the top book off the short stack of books sitting on top of my dresser. "Here, read this one." I hand him the book and he takes it.

"Speaking of library books, you wouldn't happen to know what happened to Hannah's parenting book she had on her nightstand. It vanished and then mysteriously reappeared."

"No, I don't know anything about it."

"Why do I find that hard to believe?"

I shrug my shoulders and smile at him. "Maybe a ghost took it. Maybe he read it and didn't like it so he put it back."

"Yeah, a ten year old little girl ghost I'd say." He opens up the library book and starts to read.

I've already read this book so I don't listen. Instead I look at Adam's face while he reads. He's squinting his eyes a tiny bit. I wonder if he needs glasses. I sit up closer to him and reach out to touch a little wrinkle on the corner of his eye and he stops reading.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Nothing." I look down at the book and he starts reading again. I look at his hands while he reads. His fingernails are dirty. My brothers fingernails are always dirty. I look at mine. They're dirty too. Hannah's aren't though. She keeps hers clean, or maybe I can't see the dirt because she puts nail polish on her nails. I pick at the dirt under one of Adam's nails and he stops reading again.

"That hurts a little," he says.

I look up at him. "Sorry." He closes the book and I ask, "you finished reading it already? That was fast."

"You're not even listening," he says and he sets the book on the floor.

"Yes I am."

"No, you're not. You're thinking about something. What is it?"

I smile. "I'm thinking you have dirty fingernails."

"Very funny. Get under the covers." I get under them and he pulls them up to my shoulders.

"Adam? Do you know how to do an exorcism?"

"What?"

"Well, do you?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Do you need a priest?"

"We're not talking about this. No ghosts, no exorcisms. Got it?"

"Just answer one question. Where does the priest keep the holy water?"

"You're one crazy kid, you know that?" I nod my head and he smoothes my hair back away from my forehead. "I'm not answering that question, mainly because I don't know, but mostly because I think you're stalling now. The more questions you ask, the later you get to stay up. Close your eyes and I'll sing you a song ok? Let's get some of these crazy ideas out of your head."

"Can I have my puppy?"

He picks up my stuffed puppy off the floor and hands it to me. I rest it on my stomach and he starts to sing while I look up at him. He takes his hand and moves it over my eyes to get me to close them.

"Isn't that what they do to dead people?"

He puts his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet and says softly, "close your eyes." I do that and he starts singing again. I love this song. It's a soft sounding song that always makes me feel sleepy. I turn onto my side and hug my puppy to my chest and listen to Adam sing as he rubs my back. I fall asleep before he even finishes the first verse.

* * *

I'm tired. I'm at the kitchen table trying to eat my breakfast, but Hannah keeps asking me questions, and it's bothering me.

"Are you sure your head doesn't hurt?"

"I already told you _three_ times, no!" I hold three fingers up to her face.

She ignores them and says, "let me check your eyes again."

"Hannah! You already checked them! See!" I move them back and forth really fast.

She holds my chin to hold my head still and holds a finger up to my eyes. "Now follow my finger with your eyes." She moves her finger to the left, but I keep my eyes staring straight ahead. "Follow my finger Heidi."

"What finger?" I ask. "I can't see a finger! Oh my gosh! I think I'm blind!"

Evan and Ford laugh and Hannah says, "very funny. Now be serious and follow my finger."

"Ok." I follow her finger and I guess I do it right because she says they're fine.

"Now remember, if you get a headache or feel dizzy, or sick, or.."

"I know! Call home and you'll pick me up. Are you gonna pick me up, or is someone else?" Hannah hardly ever picks me up from school. I think she did it once. "Hey, if you pick me up, maybe we could eat lunch at Marie's. That would be fun!"

"I have to work today, and if you call home it means you're sick and you're coming straight home to rest." Hannah looks really nervous and she puts her hand on my forehead I guess to check my temperature again.

Crane says, "Hannah, she'll be alright. She's just going to school."

"I know, but concussions are serious. Don't run around and play at recess."

"I would complain about that," I tell her, "but that won't be a problem since I don't get any recesses this week. Remember? I got in trouble."

"That's even better," Hannah says. "You'll be supervised all day."

"What do you think I do at school all day? Dangerous stuff, or something? Do you think I jump off the jungle gym from the very top and land on my head like I did once last year?" Hannah's looking at me and she looks even more nervous. "One time I jumped off the top of the slide and..,"

"That's enough Heidi," Crane says. "Get your things ready and then we'll go out to the bus stop."

I look at him funny. "What do you mean, 'we'? Like me, and you, and Guthrie, _we_?"

"Guthrie's not going to school today," Crane reminds me. "He's suspended for a day."

"You don't have to walk me to the bus stop. I'm not a baby."

"I know," he says, "you're ten and you're not walking there by yourself."

"Why not?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe it's because you wander off sometimes."

"I won't today. I never wander off by myself." Everyone laughs when I say that. Evan and Ford get up and carry their dishes to the sink.

"Bye," they say and Hannah tells them to have a good day.

"You too Daniel," she yells out to the living room because she knows he's waiting for Evan and Ford by the door.

I go back to eating my oatmeal and Crane goes back to reading the newspaper.

"Are you sure you're feeling fine?" Hannah asks me again.

I slap my forehead with my hand. "Yes!" I tell her. "Except hitting my head like that kind of hurt." I rub my forehead with my hand.

"Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes! Crane, will you tell her to stop?"

"Go brush your teeth," he says over the newspaper.

I finish my oatmeal and then run upstairs to finish getting ready for school.

* * *

It's actually fun walking to the bus stop with Crane.

"Is Isabella still sad?" I ask him while I kick at the dirt on the side of the road as we walk. I pat my front pocket once and feel the salt shaker to make sure it's still there. I have the purple flower Mike gave me in my other pocket. I hope it will help cheer Isabella up.

"A little. She's starting to talk about all the fun memories she had with Mike."

I find a golf ball sized rock and throw it across the road to the other side. "What's the service we're going to on Friday?"

"It's a memorial service for Mike."

"What's that?" I find another rock and throw it.

"It's a church service for Mike."

"Those are boring." We go to church on Christmas and Easter and it's really boring. I usually fall asleep when the minister talks.

"Sometimes they're boring," Crane says, "but they're important."

"Why?"

"It helps people get closure."

I don't understand what that means but I don't feel like asking what it means right now. We stop on the side of the road at our stop and wait for the bus. I pick up a long stick and write my name in the dirt with it. I can hear the bus coming and I look up to see it driving down the road.

"Remember," Crane says, "if you feel sick...,"

"I know! Call home!" The bus stops in front of me and the door opens.

"Bye twerp," Crane says, "see you this afternoon."

I wave goodbye to him and climb up the steps. Once I'm inside and walking down the isle I hear a kid named Frank say something and laugh when I walk by. I stop and glare at him. "What did you just say?" I ask him.

He smiles at the kid next to him and then looks at me and says, "did your _daddy_ take you to the bus stop?" He laughs and so does the boy sitting next to him.

"You think that's funny?" I yell. "He's not my dad, he's my brother and you know it! And I _like_ that he walked to the bus stop with me and waited with me because it was fun!" I hold up my hands and make a fist with one and punch my other hand with it. "Do you have a problem with that?!"

Frank looks scared. He knows I'm not afraid to fight him. He shakes his head no just as the bus driver says, "Heidi, sit down. You know if you punch him you'll get kicked off the bus for a week, and I know Adam won't be happy about that."

He's right. Adam hates it when I get kicked off the bus because then someone has to drive me to school, _and_ pick me up. And not only do I get kicked off the bus, Adam grounds me for the whole week too. Well, I guess he grounds me because getting kicked off the bus isn't really a punishment for _me_, it's more like a punishment for _them_. I find an empty seat and sit down. Now I have to think about how I'm going to get the holy water. I need a plan.

* * *

When I get off the bus I walk around to the back of the bus and stop. Parents are dropping their kids off so hopefully they won't notice I'm walking the other way. I walk through the parking lot quickly and I walk like I know where I'm going, instead of looking like I'm sneaking off. School hasn't started yet so there's still lots of parents dropping their kids off and two more buses pull up. I hide behind a tree at the end of the parking lot to plan my next move.

I can see the church down the street. It's not very far at all. It'll probably only take me five minutes to walk there. As soon as I think the coast is clear I start walking down the street. I keep my eyes focused on the white church with the big bell on top. Someone rings the bell every hour and you can hear it in town. At school we can hear it during lunch recess.

When I reach the church I stop and stare at the big massive double door in the front. Is that how I'm supposed to get inside? I don't think that's right, I bet this door is only used on Sundays. I walk around to the side of the church and find a door with some cement steps leading up to it. That has to be the way in. I walk up the steps and put my hand on the doorknob.

What am I gonna say to the priest? Where's your holy water? Should I just sneak in and hope he doesn't see me? What if there's more than one person inside? I take my hand off the doorknob and sit down on the steps. I've got to think of a story for why I'm here and why I need the holy water, but I don't get a chance to think, because the door opens.

I look up and there's a man standing in a white robe with a cross hanging around his neck. He's kind of old, like probably Adam's age, and he looks like he might be nice because he has a smile on his face.

"Good morning," he says. "If you're here for mass, you're a little late." I don't know what he's talking about so I just stare up at him. "I'm teasing," he says, "but I think you're supposed to be somewhere else right now." I still don't know what he's talking about. Does he mean I should go through the big front door? "School," he says.

Oh right, school. I look down at the ground.

"What's your name?" He asks.

"Heidi."

"Well Heidi, what can I do for you?"

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything.

"Why don't I walk you back to school," he says.

"No, I can't go back yet. I have to wait until the nine o'clock recess."

"Why?"

"So I don't get in trouble."

"Do you want to come inside then?" He asks. "You can tell me why you're here."

I stand up and follow him inside. We're in a hallway and I walk with him into a huge room. Wow! There are stained glass windows all over! And statues, and candles burning, and...,

"Why don't we sit down on a pew and you can tell me why you're here."

I follow him to one of the benches and we sit down next to each other. I look around some more and see two people I know from town sitting on different benches praying.

"What's your name?" I ask the man.

"Father Donavan."

"How come I've never seen you before?" There's an old man who works here that I see in town sometimes and everyone calls him Father Mark.

"I've only been here for a few weeks."

"Where's Father Mark?"

"He's here. He's in that booth over there."

I look to where Father Donavan is pointing and it looks like a closet. "What's he doing in there?"

"You're not catholic are you?"

"No, we go to a different church. Are you a priest?"

"Almost. I'm working on it. Father Mark is teaching me."

"Oh." I'm quiet now because I'm thinking about the holy water. I wonder where it is.

"Is there a reason why you're here Heidi?"

I nod my head. "Do you have any holy water?"

Father Donavan smiles and nods his head.

"You do!" I jump up. "Can I have some?"

"Yes, but why don't you tell me why you want it first."

"I need it for my brother. He's sick."

"What does he have?" When I don't answer he asks, "what is he sick with? The flu, a cold, a broken leg...,"

"Oh. He's not himself."

"What do you need the holy water for?"

"I want to sprinkle it on him to make the ghost..," I stop talking because I shouldn't of said that.

"Ghost?"

I stare up at him. Should I tell him? Maybe. "Do you know how to do a exerism?" He looks shocked so I say, "never mind. I was just kidding."

"Why do you want to know about that?"

"Never mind," I say again. "Can I just have some holy water?"

He looks at me and his eyes look concerned. "Can we pray first?"

"I guess so. It's still to early for me to go back to school."

He smiles and bows his head and closes his eyes so I do too, except I can't keep my eyes closed. I peek up at him when he starts praying. It's a different kind of prayer than my church says, at least it sounds different. I look over at the closet Father Mark is in because the door opens. I gasp. That's not Father Mark! That's Mrs. Johnson! Mrs. Johnson, our neighbor! I slide off the bench and crouch down on the floor so she won't see me.

"What's the matter?" Father Donavan asks.

"Sh! I thought you said Father Mark was in the closet. I know the lady who just came out and she's not Father Mark!"

"Father Mark is on the other side."

"Well, what are they doing in the closet?!" I put my hands on top of the bench in front of me and lift myself up so my eyes are peeking just above the bench. Mrs. Johnson is close and she's lighting a candle on a table. I drop down when she turns around and I whisper, "she can't see me here, I'll get in trouble if she does."

"Good morning Father Donavan," I hear Mrs. Johnson say. She sounds close.

"Good morning Mrs. Johnson," Father Donavan says.

"Heidi? Is that you?"

I cover my head with my arms and scrunch down as low as I can. Maybe she won't see me.

"Heidi? What are you doing here?"

Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away.

"Heidi McFadden, you stand up right now and say good morning to me. You're not going to hide from me, I see you. Your mother and father would not be too happy if they knew you were using such poor manners." Mrs. Johnson doesn't sound happy. She's been our neighbor for as long as my brothers can remember. Her husband is dead now so it's just her on the ranch. My brothers say she's seventy years old, and I think she looks like it.

I stand up and turn around to look at her. "Hi."

"There, now that's better. What are you doing here?" She asks. "Are you here with your brothers?" She looks around the room and when she doesn't see them she looks at me. "Well?"

"No."

"What are you doing here then? You're supposed to be at school. Adam's not going to be too happy to find out you're not at school."

That makes me cry, because she's right. I'm not supposed to be here, and I'm gonna get in trouble for it, but it's the only way I know how to help Guthrie.

"Hannah tells me you've been going through a hard time right now," Mrs. Johnson says. I nod my head and keep crying. "Guthrie is too, I hear."

"You talk to Hannah?" I ask as I wipe my eyes.

"She was just by the other day with Adam. Adam fixed my porch railing while Hannah and I visited."

"Guthrie's sick," I blurt out.

"He is? What's wrong with him?"

I can't tell her so Father Donavan says, "we were just praying for him."

"Oh, well why don't you finish praying and I'll wait over by the door. I'll walk you back to school when you're ready."

"No, you can't take me to school."

"Heidi McFadden, I'm not going to let you walk there by yourself. How old are you now? Nine?"

"Ten."

"I'll be over by the door waiting. Take your time Father Donavan." I watch Mrs. Johnson walk to the big double door that leads out to the street and then I look up at Father Donavan.

"Can you give me the holy water now?" I ask him. I want to get the water and get out of here! Fast!

"Let's finish praying and then I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About why you need the holy water."

"I told you, my brother is sick." He's not gonna give me any, is he? "Where is the holy water anyway?" I ask.

"Let's talk about why you need it first."

"You don't have any, do you!"

"Calm down, yes we do, it's over there." I look over at where he's pointing. He's pointing at some sort of statue that looks like a bird bath. "I can't just give it to you though," he says.

I sigh and sit down on the bench. How am I gonna get out of here? I have an idea. "Father Donavan?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a bible I can borrow?"

"Sure. We keep them by the doors. I'll be right back." He gets up and walks to the back of the church.

Well that was easy. I jump up, run to the bird bath and take the salt shaker out of my pocket. Once I have the cap unscrewed I set the shaker under the water so it fills up. Then I screw the cap back on and put it in my pocket.

I run through the church to find the hallway that leads to the side door where Father Donavan and I came in. I can hear both Mrs. Johnson and Father Donavan calling my name, but I'm not stopping. Once I find the hallway and the door I'm out and running down the street to school.

* * *

When I get to school I hope it's the nine o'clock recess. I don't know what time it is and I try to stay away from the office windows while I sneak by. It doesn't look like it's recess yet because I don't hear any kids outside playing. I'll go wait in the bathroom until recess starts.

Once I'm inside I take the holy water out of my pocket and hold it up to the light. It looks like regular water. I wonder what's so holy about it. I wonder if it stings. I guess I could sprinkle a little on me to see. No, I'd better not waste it.

The door opens and a girl from my class walks in. It's Amy.

"Is it recess?" I ask her.

"Almost. Where have you been?"

"I was in the office." I put the holy water back in my pocket and Lucy goes into the bathroom stall.

"What did you put in your pocket?" She asks me.

"Nothing."

"Heidi, I saw you holding something."

"Amy, do you know what an exorcism is?"

The toilet flushes and she comes out to wash her hands. "Yes! My older brother rented a movie called the Exorcist and it was scary! This little girl was possessed and her head spun all the way around and she talked scary like a demon!"

Amy dries her hands with a paper towel and we walk out of the bathroom together. It has to be recess by now. Kids are coming out of the classrooms now so it must be. I find Denise and say hi to her.

"Are you ok Heidi?" She asks.

I nod my head and say, "I have so much to tell you, but I have to go to the office. I'll see you in class."

"Ok."

I run towards the office and take the purple flower out of my pocket. I can't wait to give it to Isabella.

* * *

When I run into the office I almost run into Mr. Brick. "Sorry."

"That's why you're supposed to walk," he says as he walks outside.

I ignore him and look at Isabella, but she's not sitting at her desk. Mrs. Smith is. "Where's Ms. Trent?" I ask her.

"She's out this week."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons."

"What does that mean?"

"Heidi, what do you need?" Mrs. Smith asks. She looks annoyed. We don't get along sometimes and I guess this is gonna be one of those times.

"I don't _need_ anything," I tell her.

"Then why are you in here?"

I ignore her question because I have an idea. "Where was Mr. Brick going?"

"He has to go to the eighth grade classroom. He'll be there for about a half hour. Now if you don't need anything, I've got a lot of work to do, so go out to recess."

"Ok!" I put the flower back in my pocket, smile and skip out of the office. She doesn't know I'm supposed to stay in the office at recess. I make my way to the playground and find Denise.

* * *

"How come you're out here?" Denise asks. She's jumping rope with Amy and some other girls.

I shrug my shoulders. "Mrs. Smith said I could."

Amy says, "how come you were asking about exorcisms Heidi?"

All the girls stop jumping rope and gather around us.

"Ok, well, Guthrie's been acting weird the last few days," I tell them.

"I know, he knocked two of Jimmy's teeth out when he fought him yesterday."

I tell them about how I think Mike is inside Guthrie and they listen. Then I tell them about the first exorcism I tried to do and then I take the holy water out of my pocket and show them.

"Wow! You really got that from the church?" Denise asks.

"Yep. Now do any of you know how to do an exorcism?"

Amy tells me about the movie she watched, and gives me some suggestions. "You need to pray in a different language."

"What language?"

"I don't know. Maybe Jeremy knows, he's seen the movie."

All of us run over to the field where the boys are playing. "Jeremy!" Lucy yells. Jeremy runs over to us and lots of the boys follow him. "Look what Heidi has!"

I hold up the holy water for the boys to see and Lucy tells them what it is. "She's gonna give Guthrie an exorcism!"

"You are?"

"Yes, but I need help. I don't really know how to do it."

Everyone starts talking at once. "You need to tie him up," one boy says. "You need a big cross. And a bible. You need a priest."

"Hold it!" I yell. "One at a time! What do I do first?"

"First you need a priest..,"

"I can't use a priest. I have to do this alone."

"That's not a good idea," someone says.

Jeremy says, "since you don't have a priest you need to say all the prayers."

"What do I say?"

He tells me some prayers, but they aren't any different than what I tried the other night.

"Did you hold a cross out to him when you prayed?" Jeremy asks.

"No."

"Show him the cross. Put it in his face."

"You'd better tie him up though," a boy says.

"Tie him up? Why?"

"Because the demon is gonna get mad when you pray and put the cross in his face. He might try to hurt you."

"But it's a ghost, not a demon."

"Still, the ghost probably won't want to leave his body so he might try to hurt you."

"Brian told me when the ghost comes out he will go into someone else's body or an animals', so I thought I'd get a snake."

"Yeah, that's good," Jeremy says. "Just make sure it's a big snake. Try to find the biggest one you can."

"Why?"

"In case it's a big ghost."

"Then what do I do once the ghost is in the snake?"

"Cut the snake's head off with an ax," another boy says. "Then the ghost will be dead because it will die with the snake."

"Ok," I tell them. "What do I do with the holy water?"

"Sprinkle it on him while you pray. Just be careful. The ghost is gonna get really mad. Guthrie's head might spin around."

"And vomit might come out of his mouth!"

"He's gonna talk in a scary voice too."

"Ok. So I need a bible, a cross, holy water, some rope, a snake, and...," I can't remember the last thing.

"An ax. Don't forget the ax. If you don't chop the snake's head off the ghost might get out and go into you."

"I don't want that to happen!"

The bell rings so we all run off the field towards the playground area.

"Good luck Heidi!" A boy from another class says.

"Thanks!"

When we get to the blacktop we start walking and I walk with Denise.

"I'm gonna go home now," I tell her.

"Why?"

"Because I have a snake to catch. My brothers said I could come home whenever I needed to today."

"When are you gonna do the exorcism?"

"I think today right after I find a snake."

"Call me and let me know what happened."

"Ok." I walk towards the office while Denise walks towards our classroom.

* * *

When I walk into the office Mr. Brick is in his office. That's not good. I thought Mrs. Smith said he would be gone for a half hour. Recess is only fifteen minutes. I hope he doesn't know I didn't stay in.

Mrs. Smith is sitting at Isabella's desk and she looks up at me.

"I don't feel good. I need you to call my brothers to come pick me up."

"Have a seat," she says pointing over to the bench.

"Why?"

She looks a little mad now. "I'm busy. Have a seat for a minute."

"Do you like being the substitute secretary?" I ask her.

"Heidi, I'm busy..,"

"It doesn't seem like you do."

"Sit down!"

Mr. Brick comes out of his office now and looks at Mrs. Smith. "Is there a problem?"

I speak up and say, "I don't think Mrs. Smith likes being the substitute secretary. She..., what?" Why is Mr. Brick looking at me like that? He looks angry.

"Where were you at recess?"

I stare up at him and don't say a word.

"You were supposed to be here in the office for recess."

"I forgot."

I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn't believe me. "You didn't forget, you ran into me...,"

"How come you're not in the eighth grade classroom right now? I thought you were supposed to be there for a half hour."

He ignores that question and says, "well, since you forgot to stay in this recess, you can stay in next week."

"What do you mean? You're taking more recesses away from me?"

"It'll be a make up recess for missing today's."

"I bet you'll forget."

He looks mad now and he says, "I can take the whole week away from you."

"I bet that's against the law."

His face starts to turn red. "It's not against the law."

"Kids need to play, you can't keep them locked in all day."

"I can if I want to!" He yells.

"I bet you can't."

"I think I'm going to call home and have a talk with Adam."

I smile at him. "Why don't you just talk to him when he gets here. I'm going home."

Mr. Brick looks over at Mrs. Smith and she says, "I just called home. Adam will be here as soon as he can."

Mr. Brick glares at me and says, "sit down on the bench." He walks to his office and yells, "Mrs. Smith, when Adam gets here, bring him to my office." He slams his office door and sits down at his desk. It seems like Mr. Brick is having a bad day. I wonder why.

* * *

When Adam gets here I feel like I've been sitting on the bench for hours. I get up and walk over to him to give him a hug.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"My head hurts."

"I'll take you home and you can rest."

Mrs. Smith says, "Adam, Mr. Brick would like to see you."

Adam looks down at me and I shrug my shoulders. Mrs. Smith stands up and walks around the counter. Adam follows her to Mr. Brick's office. She knocks on the door and Mr. Brick says to come in. She opens the door and says, "Adam is here."

"Good. Send Heidi in too."

I sigh and follow Adam in. We sit in the two chairs in front of Mr. Brick's desk and look across at him.

"Is there a problem?" Adam asks. "I thought Heidi called because she doesn't feel good. She's had a concussion."

"It seems Heidi didn't stay in for the nine o'clock recess when she was supposed to."

Adam looks at me.

"I forgot," I tell him, but I can tell from the look on his face that he doesn't believe me.

"When I told her she owed me a recess next week she told me I couldn't do that."

Now Adam glares at me.

"I did not! He's telling it wrong! I said I _bet_ you can't do that." Adam still glares at me. "What?" I ask him. "It seems like he shouldn't be able to do that." By the look on Adam's face I think he'd be yelling really loud at me right now if we were at home.

Mr. Brick starts talking again. "It seems she is having another problem with authority. She...,"

Here he goes again. He just keeps talking, and talking, and talking! All I want to do right now is go home and catch a snake. I pat the holy water in my pocket. It's hard to sit with it in there and I can feel a little wetness on my pocket. I want to take it out and look at it, but I can't right now. Maybe..., I feel Adam's hand on my leg.

"Stop kicking that," he says. I look down at my leg and realize I must've been kicking Mr. Brick's desk without even realizing it.

"Are we clear Heidi?" Mr. Brick asks.

I stare at him and don't answer because I have no clue what he's talking about.

Adam says, "Heidi, Mr. Brick wants to know if you understand you are missing next Monday's nine o'clock recess...,"

"Ok," I say.

"I'm not finished," Adam says. "_And_, if you miss any more this week you will make them up next week."

Hmm, that's interesting. "So what you're saying is, if I miss a recess this week, I make it up next week?"

"That's right," Mr. Brick says.

"Ok, then I'll play at all the recesses tomorrow, and make them up next week."

Mr. Brick's mad. "That's not how it works! If you..,"

"But that's what you said!"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?"

"Don't skip out on anymore recesses!"

"Ok! Why didn't you just say that in the first place?! You talk and talk..," I stop talking because Adam puts his hand on my knee and squeezes hard. "Ow!" I glare over at him and he looks super mad so I look away.

"I think she understands," Adam says.

"Good."

Adam and Mr. Brick stand up so I do too. I open the door and walk out and Adam follows me out.

* * *

We haven't even closed the office door when Adam starts talking.

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Push his buttons like that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell him he can't take your recesses away. He doesn't like it when you tell him he can't do something, and neither do I. I don't like it when you say it to me, and I don't like that you're saying it to him."

"Well it just seems like he shouldn't be able to do that. Besides, I didn't tell him he can't do that, I ...,"

"I know!" Adam yells. "You told him you _bet_ he can't do that! That's the same thing!"

"What?! No it's not!"

We're at the jeep now and I walk around to the passenger's side and get in. I slam the door shut and Adam slams his shut too. He doesn't put the key in the ignition, he just sits there and stares straight ahead.

"How come you're not driving?"

"I'm mad."

"So, you've driven when you've been mad before. You even yell and drive."

"Well maybe this time I'm too mad to drive!"

I look at him and he does look pretty mad. I start to feel bad. "Are you mad at me?"

He looks at me and says, "what do you think?"

"Yes."

He nods his head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I just wish you would think about what you're going to say before you say it."

Adam starts the jeep so I ask, "are you done being mad?"

"I don't know yet."

"Why not?"

"Why don't you be quiet while I drive home. Then, when we get home, you can go up to your room and take a nap."

"What?! I'm not tired! It's not even lunchtime! Who takes a nap _before_ lunch?!"

"Heidi, just be quiet and let me drive or I'll pull the jeep over and..,"

"And what?! Leave me on the side of the road?!"

While he's stopped at a stop sign he looks over at me and says, "trust me, you're not going to like it if I have to pull over. Understand?"

I sigh and fold my arms across my chest. I understand him so I'm not gonna say another word.

* * *

When I get home I throw open the front door and run inside. "Guthrie!"

"Guthrie's out working with Brian," Adam says as he hangs up the jeep keys on the little hook on the wall.

"Where's Hannah and Crane?"

"Crane took Hannah to work and then he's picking up some supplies in Angels Camp."

"So what are _we_ gonna do?" Something fun I hope.

"'You're' going to rest."

"But I already told you, I'm not tired."

"If your head hurts and you're not feeling well, you need to rest. I'll go get you some aspirin."

"I feel fine now," I tell him.

He looks frustrated when I say that. "I need you to be honest with me, because I don't want to give you aspirin if you don't need it. Does your...,"

"Why? Will I die if you give it to me and I don't need it?"

"No. Does your head hurt?"

"Not really."

"Then why are you home?"

"I thought it hurt."

"You _thought_ it hurt? You had me come get you at school because you _thought_ your head hurt. Gosh dang it Heidi!" He rubs his forehead with his hand. He looks really tired right now.

"Are you gonna take a nap?" I ask him.

He glares at me and says, "no I'm not going to take a nap! I have work to do!"

"Why are you so grumpy?"

"Because you are driving me crazy right now!" He yells. "Go lay down on the couch!"

I sit down on the couch and watch Adam walk into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" I ask. I think he's ignoring me because he doesn't answer. I hear the refrigerator open. "Are you getting a beer?" I yell out to him. He doesn't answer me so I ask him again. Still no answer. Then he walks back in here with a soda in his hand. "I bet Hannah wouldn't like you drinking a soda before lunch."

He stares at me while he pops the can open and takes a sip. "I'll be back," he says and he walks towards the front door.

"Wait! You're leaving me here all alone?!"

He stops and looks back at me. "I'll be back in one minute. Don't move from that spot."

"What if I have to go to the...,"

"Shut it!" He closes the door behind him and I stare at it. I wonder if he really means a minute. Sometimes adults say a minute but they really mean ten. Oh well, I've got to figure out how I'm going to catch a snake.

I jump when the phone rings. I look at the front door. I wonder if I should answer it. I guess so, it might be important. I get up and walk over to the big desk by the window and pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, may I speak with Adam or Hannah please?" A lady asks.

"No, they're not home right now, but I can take a message."

"This is Mrs. Johnson. Would you tell them I called please?"

Oh my gosh! She's gonna tell on me. "Um, ok." I look over at the front door because it opens and Adam, Brian and Guthrie walk in. "Bye!" I yell into the phone and I hang it up.

"Who was that?" Adam asks.

"Wrong number," I tell him. "What are we gonna do today?" I follow Adam and Brian into the kitchen and they start talking about ranch stuff. Boring ranch stuff so I go back to the living room and sit on the couch next to Guthrie. "Hi."

He ignores me so we both sit quietly. I've got to come up with a plan so I can get out of here and go catch a snake. Adam and Brian walk back in here and Brian says, "let's go."

"Where are we going?" I ask as I follow them out the front door.

"We need to go fix a fence."

"What?! Again?! You always have to do that!"

"Yep," Brian says, "that's ranch life."

"You should buy a better fence," I tell him. I start kicking at the dirt while I walk and an idea pops into my head. "Wait! I need to go get something from my room."

"Hurry up. We'll be waiting at the jeep."

I run back inside and up to my room. I take the holy water out of my pocket and put it under my bed. Then I take the pillowcase off my pillow and race downstairs and out to the jeep.

* * *

"What's that for?" Guthrie asks when I climb in the jeep and sit down next to him.

"Nothing."

"Then why are you bringing it?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Guthrie, are you feeling better?"

"I feel fine."

"You do?"

"Leave me alone."

That doesn't sound fine to me. I look out at all of our cows as we drive by them. They're scared of the jeep, but they're used to it too, so they don't run from it, they just walk away from it fast. We drive a long way in the jeep and I'm getting hungry, I wonder what's for lunch. I stand up behind Adam and yell in his ear.

"What's for lunch?"

"Sit down. I don't want you getting hurt if we drive in a dip."

I sit back down and watch where we're going. Pretty soon we're driving up to a big hole in the fence.

"Whoa! Look at that hole! What made that?" I ask.

Brian stops the jeep and we climb out.

"Don't know," he says, "all I know is we gotta fix it."

"Can I eat lunch now? I'm hungry."

"You can in about an hour."

"Can I go play?"

"Don't wander off too far. Make sure you can see us."

"Ok!" I grab my pillowcase out of the jeep and run up to Guthrie. "Do you want to play with me?"

"No."

"Ok." I run off, but I know he's watching me. I bet he really wants to play. I don't care if he plays with me or not, I've got a job to do. Find a snake.

I head off on the other side of the fence so I'm in the middle of oak trees and bushes. I find a big stick that will be perfect for poking under things and I start out towards some tall grass near a manzanita bush.

* * *

I run when I hear my name being called. I hope I didn't wander off too far. I run towards the sound of Brian's voice.

"Where have you been?" He asks when I come into view.

"Over there. Look at what I found!" I hold up a small granite rock that's covered in gold flakes. "And look what else!" I take a piece of brown glass out of my pocket and hold it up for him to see. It's worn down so it's smooth and doesn't have any sharp edges. "What do you think it's from?" I ask him while we walk over to the jeep.

"I don't know. Probably an old beer bottle."

When we reach the jeep Adam hands us each a sandwich and I find a place to sit on the ground to eat. I put my pillowcase down and throw the rock and piece of glass on top of it. Guthrie is sitting nearby, but he's not eating. He's just holding his sandwich and staring into space. I hope he gets back to normal soon. I miss him. I need to give him an exorcism today.

When I'm done eating my lunch I ask if I can go exploring again and Adam says yes. I run off to the little creek nearby. There has to be a snake near that. I poke around the ground with my stick and turn rocks over. I need to stop looking at pretty rocks and other treasures and concentrate on finding a snake.

There's an old oak tree that has it's roots showing on it's right side. The creek runs underneath them and it looks like the creek made the dirt wash away where the roots are exposed. That's a perfect hiding place for a snake! I poke around under the roots and sure enough there is a snake in here! It's coiled up in a pretty tight space. I bet it's a small snake. It's the first one I've found so I'd better keep it in case I don't find another one. I crouch down and look at it.

It looks like a gopher snake. Sometimes it's hard to tell a gopher snake from a rattler because they look alike, but if this was a rattlesnake I would've heard it by now. I reach out and grab it and start pulling it out.

Oh my gosh, this thing is huge! I guess it's laying around in more than one coil because I keep pulling it out and it never stops! It just keeps getting longer, and longer, and longer. Once I see the end of it I hold it up to see how big it is. It's almost as tall as me! It's a gopher snake too. I take it over to where I dropped my pillowcase and try to stuff it inside. It doesn't want to go in. I wish Guthrie was here to help me. Usually he opens the case for me and I drop the snake in.

I try to shove the snake's head inside, but it doesn't want to go in. It keeps trying to slither out of my hands. "Get inside!" I yell at it. I push it back in, but it keeps poking back out. How am I gonna do this by myself? I stop struggling with it and hold it's face up to mine.

"Stop trying to get away! Stay in the bag!" It sticks its tongue out at me and I squeeze it's neck hard and shove it in the pillowcase. Finally it starts to slither inside to the bottom. "See, you'll like it in there. It's nice and dark."

Once it's all the way in I hold the sack up. It's heavy. It's not moving around anymore and I hope it has enough air to breath because I don't want it to die just yet. I throw the sack over my shoulder and try to find my way back to my brothers. I don't hear them so I must've gone farther than I thought. The snake starts wiggling around and I almost drop it.

"Adam! Brian!" I yell. I wait for an answer and when I don't hear one I yell again. I hear my name being called so I walk in that direction.

"It's time to go!" Brian yells when he sees me.

I try to run, but the snake is heavy, so I can't.

"Whatcha got in there?" Brian asks when I reach him.

"A gopher snake. It's huge! I'd take it out and show you, but it took me a long time to get it in here."

"Ok, you can show me later. Come on, we're all packed up. Next time don't wander off so far."

Guthrie and Adam are waiting by the jeep when we come into view.

"Look! I caught a huge gopher snake!" I hold the pillowcase up as high as I can, but it's too heavy so I set it down on the ground while I keep the case closed at the top with my hand.

Brian picks it up and carries it to the jeep, as I run to it and climb in. Brian puts the sack next to me in the back and Guthrie looks at it.

"What are you gonna do with that?" He asks.

"Nothing. I just felt like catching a snake. Guthrie, do you want to play with me when we get home?" He doesn't answer so I say, "please?"

"I don't know if I can."

"Why?"

"I'm grounded."

"What for?"

He starts to get mad. "What do you think! I got suspended for fighting!"

I scoot away from him a little bit and pull my snake towards me. Now I have to think about how I'm gonna tie Guthrie up. That's gonna be hard to do. Adam drives the jeep home and I think and think and think of how I'm gonna get away from Adam and Brian, and tie Guthrie up.

* * *

Once I've carried the snake up to my room I slam my door shut. "You can stay in my room, but don't mess anything up." I set the pillowcase on my floor and sit next to it and open it up. The snake is huge! It doesn't move at all. It's scared. I push the snake in the case under my bed. "You can come out, but stay hidden. If Hannah finds you, she's not gonna like it."

I get up and open my door really fast and shut it behind me really fast. I don't know why though because the snake isn't gonna come out of the pillowcase right away.

Now I have to get everything else ready. I walk to Adam and Hannah's room and go inside. I have to get Hannah's cross necklace. I hope she put it back where it's supposed to be. I open her jewelry box and find it right away. Good, that's one more thing off my list, now I have to find the bible. I wonder where they put it. I look around the room and find it on Hannah's nightstand next to her parenting book. I take it and run back to my room.

I open my door a little and look for the snake. I don't see it so I squeeze inside and shut the door behind me. I get down on the floor and lift up my bedspread. The snake is still inside my pillowcase. I push the bible under my bed and set the necklace on top of it. There, now I just need some rope and the ax.

* * *

I run into Brian when I run out of the barn with the rope in my hands. Well, it's more than just in my hands, it's coiled up all around me. It's a big huge pile of rope.

"What are you up to?" He asks.

I look up at him and don't say a word.

"What are you doing with all that rope?"

I took a lot of rope. One big, long, rope. Guthrie's stronger than me so I have to tie him up real good. I don't know how to answer Brian's question, so I don't.

"That's a lot of rope you have there. What are you doing with it?"

Brian is looking down at me with his serious eyes and he's talking in his serious voice. He's wearing his cowboy hat which always makes him look taller than he already is.

"I just need it," I say quietly.

"You need it? What for?"

"A game I'm gonna play with Guthrie."

"Just make sure you put it back when you're done with it."

"I will!" I run to the house so I can hide the rope under my bed with everything else. Now I just need the ax.

* * *

"Where are you going?"

I close the front door and turn around to look at Adam. "Outside."

"Where outside?"

"The barn. Brian wants me to bring him something."

"What?"

Umm, I look around the living room. What can I bring Brian? I grab some gloves I see lying by the door. "These." I hold them up for Adam to see.

"Those are mine," he says.

Now I don't know what to say, so I say the only thing I can think of. I shrug my shoulders and say, "well, he said he wanted them." And then I open the front door and run outside with the gloves.

I have no idea where Brian is. I hope he's not in the barn or anywhere near it. I know where we keep the ax. I'm not supposed to play with it. I'm not supposed to play with any of them, but I need one. I run to the barn and look around for Brian. I don't see him so I go look in the shed where my brothers keep our tools. I see the ax I want. There are three of them, but I want the one with the red handle so I pick that one up. It's heavy but if I hold the handle close to the ax head, I can carry it. Now I just have to figure out a way to sneak it into the house.

I walk very carefully and quietly around the barn so I can hear for Brian or anyone else coming. When I get to the place where I have to run across our driveway and the yard I have to stop. Either I have to just run for it and hope no one sees me, or sneak by with the ax up my shirt. I look down at my shirt. I don't think that's gonna work so I decide to run for it.

Luckily no one's around and I make it to the house and up the porch steps. Now I just need to get it inside. I open the front door just a crack and peek in. Adam is somewhere inside and I need to make sure he's not in the living room. I don't see him, but I can't really see anything through this little crack so I open the door wider. The coast is clear! I run inside and up the stairs as fast as I can. I hope no one's upstairs!

This time I don't look for the snake when I open my door, I just barge right in and slam the door shut behind me. I let out a deep sigh of relief and sit down on the floor. I push the ax under my bed and then look in the pillowcase. The snake isn't inside. It must've found a good hiding spot, because I don't see it anywhere. That's ok, I'll look for it later. Now I need to think of how I can get Guthrie alone and tied up.

I only get a minute to think because there's a knock on my door.

"Heidi are you in there?" Adam asks.

I get up fast and run to my door. "Yes!" I open my door a crack and peek out at him.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing." I try to look as normal as I can because my stomach is hurting. I'm nervous Adam will want to come in. I'm not supposed to have the ax. I'm not even supposed to touch it. If Adam looked under my bed right now he would not be happy! There's a bunch of stuff under there I'm not supposed to have.

"Come help with chores."

"Ok." I squeeze through my door and close it.

"Why are you being so secretive about your room?"

"I'm not." I look up at him and hope he doesn't want to go inside.

"You don't have that snake in there, do you?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"You'd better hope Hannah doesn't find it inside the house. That snake was huge."

"I know! It was as tall as me!" I tell him as we walk to the stairs. "Where's Guthrie?"

"In the kitchen."

"When's Crane coming home?"

"Soon I hope. He's got the parts we need for the new water line."

"Water line where?" He answers but I'm not really listening. Mostly because I don't know what he's talking about, but also because Guthrie just walked out of the kitchen and he's looking at me. It doesn't look like he's staring out into space, it looks like he's really seeing me.

"Heidi, look what Hannah made this morning!" He says and he holds out something in his hand.

"Fudge!" I yell. Guthrie's smiling and he breaks off a piece for me and hands it to me. "Thanks!" Hannah's fudge is the best. I stare at Guthrie while he eats his piece. He's smiling. He even looks happy.

"That's all the fudge you get before dinner," Adam says.

"What? That was just a tiny piece!"

"You weren't even supposed to have that. Hannah's going to kill me when she finds out I let you have some now. She wanted to surprise everyone with it tonight."

"I found it though," Guthrie tells me. "I know where all her hiding spots are."

I smile at him. He's talking normal too! I turn to look at the front door because it opens.

"Crane's back," Brian says as he pops his head in, and then he pulls it back out.

"Good. Come on you two, we've got work to do."

* * *

Helping my brothers with the new water line was fun at first, but now it's not. I'm just looking for rocks to throw now. I wish Guthrie was done helping so I could see if he wants to play, but my brothers are still letting him help.

How am I gonna get Guthrie alone long enough to do an exorcism? And how am I gonna tie him up? Adam is near me tightening a pipe with a wrench so I walk up to him.

"Adam? How would you tie somebody up that didn't want to be tied up?"

He stops what he's doing and looks up at me. "What?"

"How would you tie somebody up if they didn't want to be tied up?"

He looks at me kind of funny. "_Why_ do you want to know that?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm just wondering."

He goes back to tightening the pipe. "When _you_ ask me a question like that, it makes me wonder what you're up to."

"I'm not up to anything."

He stops working and looks up at me again. "_Who_ are you thinking of tying up?"

"I don't know. First I need to know _how_ to do it. Would you do it like how you rope a calf? Lasso him?"

"Are you talking about tying up an animal or a person?"

"Person?"

"Heidi, _why_ do you want to tie a person up?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, I'm just wondering _how_ you would do it."

Guthrie runs up to Adam. "Brian needs the wrench!"

"I'll give it to him!" I yell and I take it from Adam and run over to Brian. "Here you go!"

"Thanks munchkin." He takes it from me and uses it to tighten a pipe.

"Brian? How would you tie somebody up that doesn't want to be tied up?"

"I'd hit 'em over the head with a baseball bat to knock 'em out, and then I'd tie him up," he says while he tightens something else up.

I laugh while I think about that. I can't hit Guthrie with a bat. "How would you do it if you didn't have a bat?"

"I'd punch him."

"Briiiiiiiaaan! How would you tie him up _without_ hurting him?"

He stops working and looks at me. "Why would you want to tie somebody up _without_ hurting them?"

"Because I only want to tie him up. I don't want to hurt him."

"Who are you going to tie up?"

"No one."

"Then you'll have to trick him." He uses the wrench and then yells to Crane, "ok! Turn it on!"

I walk off and think about how I can trick Guthrie into being tied up. If he was his normal self I wouldn't have to trick him, he'd probably just let me tie him up. I find a small rock stuck in the ground and kick at it. Maybe..., maybe..., I got it!

I run over to Guthrie. "Do you want to go with me to get some fudge?"

"We can't have any more, how are you going to do that?"

"We can sneak some."

"They're never gonna let us go back to the house by ourselves."

"Maybe they will." I smile at Guthrie.

"What? What are you gonna do?"

I run over to Adam and Guthrie follows. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Adam stops working to look at me and then he looks at his watch. "Can you wait a little bit?"

"No, I have to go now!" I jump up and down a little bit.

Adam sighs and says, "ok. Hey Brian, Crane!" He yells over to them. "I'll be back, I'm taking Heidi to the house for a minute!"

"I'll take her," Guthrie says.

Adam looks at both of us and then he looks at just Guthrie. "Ok, but come right back. Don't go wandering off anywhere. She's supposed to be resting, and you're grounded. Go straight to the house and come straight back."

"Ok," we both say. We walk off together and I look over at Guthrie. He looks happy. He hasn't looked happy in a while. It makes me feel happy.

We've got about a ten minute walk to the house so I start talking. "Do you like being suspended? I like being suspended so I can stay home from school."

"Yeah, I like it. I like getting to help around the ranch. But the part I hate is being grounded."

"Yeah, I hate that part too. How long are you grounded for?"

"A week right now, but I don't know if I'm gonna be grounded for going to the lake."

"You probably will be." We're both quiet now. I'm glad Guthrie's talking to me. I've missed him. I can't wait to get this ghost out of him so he's his normal self again.

"Guthrie? Do you want to play a game with me when we get home?"

"We're not supposed to. Adam said to come right back."

"I know, but...," I hope this works..., "Jeremy was talking about a game he played with his brother and I kinda wanted to play it."

"What game?"

"Well, it's not really a game, it's kind of like a trick..., like a magic trick."

"How do you do it?"

"He told me how, but I'm not sure if it will work. Could I practice it on you?"

"I guess."

"Ok, come on, let's hurry! We can sneak some fudge and then I'll try the trick on you. It'll be really quick. Adam won't even realize we've been gone."

The house is in view now so we start to run towards it. I hope this works.

* * *

I run up to my room to get the rope while Guthrie runs into the kitchen to get the fudge. I bring the rope downstairs to the kitchen and Guthrie gives me a piece of fudge.

"Thanks."

"What's the rope for?"

"The trick." I stare at him. "I have to tie you up."

He stares back at me. I can't tell what he's thinking. "What are you gonna do after you tie me up?"

"That's the trick part. If I tell you, it might not work."

It looks like he doesn't believe me. "What do you mean by that?"

"It just might not work. Please let me try it. Please? Then you can see if the trick works on me."

"That doesn't make any sense. You know what the trick is already."

I sigh. "Please can I try it on you? Please?"

"Ok, I guess so. Just make sure it's quick. I'm already grounded for one week, I don't want to add another."

"Ok!" I drag a chair from the kitchen out into the middle of the living room. "Sit down." Guthrie sits and I get down on my hands and knees and wrap the rope around his ankle and the chair leg. I tie that into a knot and then bring the rope over to his other leg and wrap it around that ankle with the chair leg and pull it tight. "Can you move it?"

Guthrie tries to move his feet but he can't. "No, it's pretty tight."

"Good." I bring the rope up to his waist and start wrapping the rope around him. I wrap it around and around until the coil of rope goes from his waist to halfway up his chest. I tie the end to the back of the chair. "Ok, try to move."

Guthrie wiggles around and he can't get free. "Now what do I do?" He asks.

"Now I have to go get some stuff from my room. I'll be right back!" I run upstairs and Guthrie yells after me.

"Wait! What are you getting?!"

"You'll see!" I open my door fast so it bangs against the wall and then I drop to the floor. I grab the pillowcase out from under my bed and lay down on my stomach. I try to find my flashlight and when I feel it, I turn it on. I've got to find the snake.

"Heidi?! What are you doing?!" I hear Guthrie yell.

"I'll be right there! I'm just getting some things!" Guthrie keeps yelling my name while I look for the snake. It can't really hide that well because it's so big, so when I find it underneath my jacket, I pull it out and slide it right into the pillowcase. There. I drag the ax out and then the holy water and bible with the cross. How am I gonna carry all this downstairs? I put the holy water in my pocket and carry the bible and cross in one hand and then I pick up the pillowcase and sling it over my shoulder. It's heavy, and it's hard to carry everything. I'll have to come back for the ax.

"What's all that for?!" Guthrie yells when I come out of my room. "What are you doing?"

"Don't worry, this will help you," I tell him.

"What? Help me how? Heidi! What are you doing?!"

"You'll see." Once I'm downstairs I throw the bible and cross on the couch and I set the pillowcase on the floor. "Don't come out yet," I tell the snake.

"What are you doing Heidi?!" Guthrie yells as I run back upstairs.

"I'll be right back! I have to get one more thing!"

"No! Heidi, untie me!"

Guthrie keeps yelling my name while I'm in my room getting the ax. As soon as I step out into the hallway with it he yells louder.

"What's that for?! Heidi, what are you doing?! You're not supposed to play with that! You're going to be in so much trouble!" He yells at me while I run down the stairs.

"It's ok Guthrie! I need this. _You_ need this."

"Why?! What are you going to do with it?!"

I look at Guthrie because he sounds scared now. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

"What are you gonna do with the ax Heidi?! What are you doing with the ax?!"

He _is_ scared. I hold the ax up and look at it, and then at Guthrie. "Oh! I'm not gong to use this on _you_. This is for the snake. I'm gonna chop it's head off."

"Let me go!" Guthrie yells. "Let me go NOW! You're scaring me Heidi!"

"You haven't been yourself Guthrie and I know why. Mike's ghost is inside of you, and I'm gonna get him out."

"What?! Are you crazy?!"

"No! I'm gonna help you!"

"Look at me Heidi," Guthrie says and he sounds worried. "Look at me." I do and he says, "I'm fine. There isn't a ghost in me."

"That's exactly what a ghost would say."

"No! _Look_ at me!"

"I did! I'm helping you!"

"I don't want you to do this!" Guthrie yells. "You are gonna be in so much trouble! Think about that Heidi. You're gonna be in trouble!"

"It's worth it if it helps you." I lay the ax next to the other things on the couch and look at everything. How am I gonna hold all this stuff at once? I guess I could wear the cross necklace like Father Donavan was wearing. Guthrie is still yelling at me but I can tune it out. I unclasp the necklace and try to put it on, but I can't. I guess this is why Adam always helps Hannah put her necklaces on. I close it back up and lift it up and over my head. I have to pull hard on the necklace for it to fit over my head and it breaks!

"You broke Hannah's necklace!" Guthrie yells.

"I can see that!" I yell back. I stare at the chain laying on the floor and pick it up. The cross isn't on it! Oh no, I have to find that! I _need_ that! I crawl on my hands and knees to look for it and feel around under the couch. I can't find it!

"You can't find the cross, can you?"

"No!"

"Untie me so I can help you look for it."

I look at Guthrie and think about that. Should I untie him? No, he really needs my help. I'll just have to do the exorcism without the cross. "I can't."

"Yes you can Heidi! Untie me!"

I pick up the bible and the holy water. Now what? I guess I pray and then shake some holy water on him. "Dear God, please take the ghost out of Guthrie." I shake some holy water onto Guthrie.

"Stop it! There isn't a ghost in me! What are you doing?!"

"I'm giving you a exerism. An exorcism. Does the holy water burn?" I ask him.

"No! Untie me now!" Guthrie is trying hard to break free, but he can't.

I pray again. "Dear God, make the ghost leave Guthrie, now!" I wave my arms in the air.

"You're doing that like it's a magic trick! Untie me!"

This isn't working! I put the bible on the coffee table and open it and start reading. "In you, Lord, I have taken..., I have taken re... fug? What?" I look at Guthrie. "Guthrie, how do you say, r-e-f-u-g-e?"

"Oh my gosh! Heidi, please stop! Please untie me. Please?"

"I can't." I look back at the bible and read something else. "To you, Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy." I look at Guthrie and shake some more holy water on him.

"Stop it! Heidi, I'm begging you, please let me go. Please untie me."

I feel bad for Guthrie. I really need to get this ghost out of him. I don't think this is working. Maybe the ghost doesn't have anywhere to go. I take the snake out of the pillowcase.

"What's that for?! Heidi, what are you doing?!"

I hold the snake up close to Guthrie. "This is so the ghost will go into the snake." I hold the snake up high and pray. "Ghost, go into the snake! Ghost, leave Guthrie's body and go into the snake!" How do I know if it worked? Should I cut the snake's head off now? What if the ghost isn't in there yet? "Dear God, put the ghost in the snake right..., NOW!"

The front door opens and I look over to it and drop the snake when I see Adam, Brian and Crane staring at me. Their mouthes are open and they look shocked. Then I look down at the snake. Oh no! It's slithering away towards the couch. I grab the ax and hold it up high. "Stop the snake! Stop the snake!" I yell.


	15. Chapter 15

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Put that ax down!"

"Get the snake!" I yell as I bring the ax down as hard as I can. I miss the snake completely as it slithers towards the couch, so I pick the ax back up and get ready to swing at the snake again.

"Whoa! No, no, no!" I hear Adam, Brian and Crane all yell at the same time as they run towards me. As soon as I raise the ax high in the air, one of them grabs it out of my hands. I drop to the floor and crawl on my hands and knees after the snake and try to catch the end of it's tail before it slips under the couch. I can just barely reach it and then finally I grab it.

"Chop it's head off!" I yell as I start pulling the snake out. "Chop it off! Chop it off!"

But lots of things start happening around me all at once. One of my brothers picks me up off the floor while another takes the snake's tail out of my hands. Guthrie is yelling something and all I can do is try to get away so I can get the snake.

"Put me down! I have to get the snake! Let me go!"

"Stop struggling!" Brian yells as he stands me up on the floor and holds me back from trying to get the snake.

"No! I have to chop the snake's head off! Give me the ax!"

I try my hardest to get away, but I can't. I look over at Adam and Crane and watch them untie Guthrie.

"She's crazy!" Guthrie tells them while he's being untied.

"I have to get that snake! Let me go Brian!" I try to wiggle myself away from him.

"Stop it!" He yells and he holds me so strongly that I can't move at all. When Guthrie is untied Brian lets me go and I run to the couch and get down on the floor and look under the couch for the snake. It's not there! It's gone!

"You ruined it!" I cry. "You all ruined it! The snake is gone! It's gone!"

My brothers don't seem to care about that. They're all staring at me like they're in shock.

Adam is the first to speak. "_What_ on earth were you doing with the ax!"

"She's crazy!" Guthrie yells. "She was giving me an exorcism, and she was gonna chop the snake's head off!"

"An exorcism?" Crane asks. His eyes are wide and he looks like he can't believe it.

"Yes! And you guys ruined it! I almost chopped the head off with the ax, but you let it get away!" I yell.

"You're not supposed to be _playing_ with the ax in the first place!" Adam yells.

"I wasn't playing with it! I needed it to chop the snake's head off! The snake is gone now! It's gone! It's all ruined! You ruined _everything_!" I cover my face with my hands and cry. "Guthrie's not gonna get better now!"

Adam comes over to where I'm sitting on the floor and sits down on the couch. I feel his hand on my head smoothing my hair back. "What do you mean Guthrie's not going to get better now?"

I look up at him and wipe the tears off my cheeks. "He's not going to get better. The ghost is still inside him. Or it's in the snake and I didn't get to chop the snake's head off!" I start crying again and I get up so Adam can lift me onto his lap and hold me.

Brian and Crane fall back onto the couch across from me and let out big sighs of relief.

"I didn't know _what_ she was planning on doing with that ax!" Brian says.

"Same here," Crane says. "I saw her bring it up in the air and I thought, oh no! She's gonna kill someone with that thing!"

Adam says, "I didn't think I could get to her fast enough!"

"Me either," Brian says.

They all seem like they're out of breath because they're breathing heavy. Adam says, "Heidi, you really scared us with that ax. We didn't know what you were going to do with it."

"I was just trying to chop the snake's head off. I don't even know if the ghost went inside it though."

"Heidi, why don't you explain to us what you were doing," Crane says.

"I told you what she was doing!" Guthrie yells. "She was trying to give me an exorcism!" He sits down in the big comfy chair and glares at me.

"Heidi, why were you trying to give Guthrie an exorcism?" Adam asks.

New tears fall and I look up at him and say, "Guthrie has a ghost inside him."

"No I don't!" Guthrie yells.

"Yes you do!" I yell back.

"Guthrie, let Heidi talk," Adam says.

I look up at Adam. "He does have a ghost inside him, he does!"

"She's crazy! She tied me up and started praying and shaking water on me!" Guthrie tells them. "Then she held the snake up and told the ghost to go inside of it so she could chop it's head off!"

"Then the ghost would be dead!" I tell them.

"Heidi, you can't play with the ax," Adam tells me. "You know you're not supposed to play with it. You scared us."

"It was the only way!"

"She broke Hannah's necklace too!" Guthrie tells them.

New tears start forming in my eyes when I think about that. "It didn't work. I did it all wrong. The cross broke, the snake got away, the holy water didn't burn Guthrie, and I probably didn't even say the right prayer." I feel so sad. The tears start falling down my cheeks.

Guthrie yells, "I thought she was gonna kill me!"

Adam says, "you could've hurt yourself, 'and' Guthrie. You know you're not allowed to play with an ax. You _know_ that."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't going to hurt him. Honest."

"You scared him. He didn't know what you were going to do with the ax."

"Yes he did. I told him I was gonna chop the snake's head off." I look at Brian and Crane. They're looking around the room at all the stuff I was using.

"You've got a bible," Brian says, "and a broken necklace," he picks those things up and sets them on the coffee table and picks up the salt shaker. "What was this for?"

"She had water in it and was shaking it on me!" Guthrie yells.

"It was holy water!" I yell at him. "Only it didn't work," I say quietly.

"Holy water?" Brian asks. "Where'd you get holy water from?"

I'm not answering that. At least not right now.

"What were you trying to do with all this stuff?" Adam asks.

"I told you!" Guthrie yells. "She was giving me an exorcism!"

"Be quiet Guthrie, I want to hear from Heidi."

I look up at Adam and say, "I was giving him an exorcism."

"Why?"

"Because he has a ghost inside of him."

"No I don't!"

"Guthrie, be quiet."

"Why do you think there's a ghost inside of Guthrie?" Adam asks.

"Oh come on Adam," Guthrie says, "you don't believe her, do you?"

"It's true!" I yell at him.

"Why do you think that Heidi?" Adam asks again.

"Because he's not acting like himself!" I tell them as I cry.

"I don't understand," Adam says. "If Guthrie's not acting like himself, why does that mean there's a ghost inside of him?"

"It's Mike's ghost," I say quietly. "When he died his ghost went into Guthrie."

"That's what you think?" Adam says and he hugs me tighter while he kisses the top of my head.

"Brian said when someone dies their ghost goes into the person or the animal that's closest to them."

Now they're all looking at Brian and he says, "I didn't say that."

"Yes you did! That's what you said." I remind him. "You said when you give an exorcism the ghost goes into the person next to it and if there isn't a person it goes into an animal. You said that!"

"I wasn't being serious," he says kind of quietly.

Adam doesn't sound too happy when he says, "Brian how could you joke about something like that with her?"

"I didn't know what she was planning." He looks at me when he says, "this was the plan you were thinking about last night, wasn't it?"

"You can't joke with her about these things," Adam tells Brian and then Brian says something back and then Crane says something and all I can do is sit and watch my brothers argue about what I did. This was a dumb plan! Now I've done two exorcisms and neither one has worked! I didn't help Guthrie at all! Now he's even madder at me! I look over at my brothers when I hear Crane whistle and everyone's quiet.

"Stop arguing," Crane says. "Heidi thinks there's a ghost in Guthrie. Let's talk about that instead of whose fault it is."

"You're right," Adam says and he looks down at me. "We've got a lot of talking to do." He moves me off his lap and stands up.

Crane says, "Adam, do you want me to pick Hannah up for you?"

Adam sighs and says, "sure. Why don't you take Guthrie with you."

"I'll go too," Brian says. He picks up the ax and says, "I'll put this back too."

The three of them walk to the front door and I look up at Adam to see if I can tell if he's mad. He doesn't look happy that's for sure. Once the door is shut I ask him.

"Adam, are you mad at me?"

Adam sits down on the coffee table right in front of me. He looks at me and says, "Heidi, I'm still trying to figure out what happened. I opened the door and saw you holding that snake and then the ax and Guthrie was tied up. I was scared, I didn't know what you were planning on doing with that ax."

"I'm sorry. I needed the ax to chop off the snake's head. But then it got all ruined! It didn't work! The ghost is still inside of Guthrie!"

"No, there isn't a ghost in Guthrie," Adam says.

"Yes there is! That's why he's being so mean!"

"No, that's not why. Listen to me, there is no ghost."

"Yes there is!"

"Heidi, Guthrie is grieving. He's not himself right now because he saw something tragic."

"I know, and when he saw Mike die, his ghost went inside Guthrie."

"No." Adam shakes his head. "Guthrie's not himself because he doesn't know how to deal with what he saw."

"Because Mike's ghost is inside him," I remind him.

"No. This is what happens sometimes when people go through something traumatic...,"

I interrupt him. "A ghost goes inside him?"

"No! There isn't a ghost! Would you stop interrupting me and listen?!"

"I am listening to you."

"Sometimes people act different when something traumatic happens. They..,"

"That's because there's a ghost."

"No! Heidi, Guthrie does not have a ghost inside of him! There _is_ no ghost, there _was_ no ghost. Stop thinking about ghosts! Mike died and Guthrie's sad. He's sad and he's mad and he'll get over it with time. I need you to believe that Heidi."

I stare at Adam. I don't know if I believe him. Why would Guthrie be mean on purpose? "I don't understand." That's the only thing I can think of saying, and it's how I really feel. "I don't understand any of this."

"I know you don't. You're too young to understand this. Guthrie is too." He pulls me up by my hands and hugs me. "Guthrie's going to be ok, Heidi. I know you probably don't believe that right now, but it's true."

"I don't believe it," I tell him and I cry as he holds me tight.

"I know. Heidi, when someone dies it's hard for everybody, especially when that death was an accident."

"Like when our mom and dad died?"

"Yes. When someone dies it feels sad at first."

"Like when Guthrie was crying at the lake that day? He cried a lot."

"Yes, and then sometimes people start to feel mad."

"Is Guthrie mad?"

"Yes."

"Were you mad when our mom and dad died?"

"Yes."

"Were you a different person like Guthrie is?"

Adam sighs. "Heidi, Guthrie's not a different person, he's just acting a little different than he normally does."

"He's acting a lot different!" I tell him.

"Ok, a lot different. He needs some time to get through this and I know you don't understand that, but I need you to believe me. Guthrie will be ok with time."

We're quiet for a while. I wonder how much time Guthrie needs. I hope it's not too long because I really miss him. Adam stops hugging me and says, "sit down Heidi, I want to talk to you about what you just did."

I sit back down on the couch and look at Adam.

"Why don't you explain to me about this exorcism you were giving Guthrie. Did you have me pick you up from school early so you could come home and do this?" When I don't answer him he says, "Heidi, you need to start talking."

"Yes."

"So you're head wasn't hurting at school today?"

"No," I say quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Heidi, it's really important that you don't call home unless you're really sick."

"Ok, I'm sorry."

He picks up Hannah's broken necklace off the floor and I start crying. I cover my face with my hands. "Hannah's gonna be mad I broke her necklace and I lost her cross!" I feel Adam's hand on my knee so I look up at him. He's holding the cross in his hand. "You found it?!"

"It was under the coffee table."

"Thank you! Adam I'm sorry I broke Hannah's necklace. Do you think you can fix it?"

Adam holds up the gold chain and looks at it. Then he shakes his head no.

"Do you think she'll be mad at me?" I ask him.

"She told you not to touch it, didn't she?" He asks and I nod my head. He picks up the salt shaker. "Where'd you get the holy water?"

Now what do I say? I stare at him while I try to think of a good answer.

"Heidi, answer me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"You're gonna be mad if I tell you."

He shakes his head and says, "Heidi, I just saw you swing an ax over your head. I don't think I could be any madder than I already am."

I bet he could be. I don't think this is the time to tell him I skipped out on school and went to the church. "I just pretended it was holy water." I put my head down so he can't look into my eyes. I don't know if he can tell I'm lying.

Adam says quietly, "You know I'm going to have to punish you for using the ax."

I look up at him and nod my head. "I know. It's ok, I can take it..., whatever it is. I did this for Guthrie." I look right into Adam's eyes when I say that.

He looks sad. I wish he didn't look sad. He's quiet for a long time and then he lifts me up while he stands up and hugs me. "Heidi, I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I'm not going to punish you for using the ax."

"You're not? It's ok Adam, you can. I know I'm not supposed to use it. I'm not even supposed to touch it. I knew that when I looked at it in the tool shed and I touched it anyway." I feel him hug me tighter.

"Heidi, I can understand why you took the ax. I'm not happy about it and I want you to know I don't ever want you to use it again."

I hug him tighter. "I won't. I'm sorry Adam, I knew I was doing something wrong. I just wanted to help Guthrie."

"I know." He's quiet for a minute and then he says, "promise me..., promise if you need to chop a snake's head off, you'll ask one of your brothers to do it."

"I promise."

"But not Guthrie."

"Ok."

"Heidi, I wish you would tell me when stuff like this is bothering you. This is hard for kids to deal with and you need help."

"But you don't like it when I talk about ghosts."

"No I don't, because you scare yourself when you do that. If you think there's a ghost in Guthrie, you need to tell me."

"Would you have helped me give him an exorcism?"

Adam laughs a little and I lean back to look at his face. "We can still give him one!" I smile because I think that would be a great idea.

"Guthrie doesn't need an exorcism remember? There isn't a ghost inside of him."

"Oh right." I think for a minute. "But we can give him one just in case."

"No. There will be no more exorcisms in this house."

"Ever?" I ask.

"Ever!" He smiles at me and I smile back. "Now we need to get back to work." He says as he sets me down.

"What are we going to do?" I ask as I follow him to the front door.

"Let's go check on the calves and make sure they're doing ok."

I like doing that. "Ok! Is the tiny black one getting bigger?"

"I don't know that's what I want to check on."

I walk with Adam outside and we walk side-by-side out to the pasture. "Maybe if the calf doesn't get bigger we can feed her with a bottle and she can be our pet and stay in the barn with the horses."

"We don't need a pet," Adam says.

"Maybe we could get a dog someday."

"We don't need a dog."

"Aw come on! A dog could play with us!"

We walk out to the pasture where the calves are resting with their moms, arguing the whole way about why we need, or don't need to get a dog.

* * *

By the time it's dinnertime, everyone knows about the exorcism I tried to give Guthrie. Both of them.

"Is that what you were doing with the bowl of hydrogen peroxide?" Hannah asks.

I look down at Adam before I look back at her and say, "yes. I thought it could be holy water because it stings."

"You made up that whole story about Amy trying to trick you?" Adam asks.

I don't answer right away because I'm not sure if he's mad. "Yeeees?" I raise my eyebrows when I say it.

"I knew it!" He says. He doesn't look or sound mad. "I knew there was something wrong with that story."

"You're just gullible," Brian tells him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Evan says. "Heidi has you wrapped around her little finger."

Everyone laughs at that except for me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I look down at Adam to see if he thinks it's funny, but I can't tell from his expression. I think he's smiling. He's not laughing like everyone else is, but he's not mad either. I guess that's good.

"Next time you want to do an exorcism Heidi, just let me know and I'll help you with it," Evan says.

"Oh no," Adam says, "there won't be any more exorcisms done in this house."

"You got that right," Brian says.

"Who's ready for dessert?" Hannah asks.

"I am!" I yell.

"I'll take mine to go," both Crane and Daniel say at the same time.

"Where are you going?" I don't like it when my brothers aren't home at night. It seems like they've been going out a lot lately.

"I'm going into town," Brian says.

"You're leaving too?" I ask.

Daniel says, "I've got band practice."

I'm used to that.

"I'm going to see Isabella," Crane says.

"Again?! Why do you have to go see _her_?! Why can't she come here!" I feel like crying but I don't know why.

"She's not ready yet," Crane says.

"Well, why do you have to go then? Why can't she just be by herself?"

"Heidi!" Hannah says.

I look at her. "What?! He's always going to see her!"

"But you like Isabella," Hannah reminds me.

I think about that. I really do like her a lot. Now I feel sad and I turn towards Crane. "I'm sorry Crane. I don't want Isabella to be sad. I bet she's happy when she sees you."

Crane hugs me. "I think after the service on Friday she'll be ready to come over again."

I move away from him. "On Friday?" I ask excitedly.

"No, not on Friday, but some night after that. On Friday she'll be too overwhelmed, but it will also be good for her to see everyone again."

"Oh. So I'll get to see her on Friday?"

"Of course."

Hannah stands up. "So that's three desserts to go and the rest of you are staying in." She walks over to the counter and opens the bottom cabinet. When she takes out the container of fudge and opens it she turns around and looks at Adam with a little glare, but I can tell it's a teasing one because she's smiling a little bit. "I see someone's been eating the fudge?"

"Guthrie knows where all your hiding spots are," I tell her and he kicks me. It hurts but I'm gonna ignore him.

Hannah smiles at Guthrie. "I guess I'll have to find a new spot."

Guthrie glares at me so I look away. Hannah walks over to the silverware drawer to get a knife. "It seems like I remember telling someone the fudge was a surprise and not to let anyone eat it."

"That was Adam," I tell her. "He said we could have one piece."

My brothers laugh and Hannah says, "it looks like you ate more than one piece." She shuts the drawer and turns around and screams. The container of fudge drops to the floor and breaks and we all jump up and rush over to her.

"What's wrong?" Adam asks.

Hannah points towards the laundry room and says, "that is the biggest snake I have ever seen!"

We all look to where she's pointing and I squeeze by everyone and run to the snake. "Sorry Hannah. I guess I forgot about it." I pick it up and my brothers crowd around me.

"That's a pretty big gopher snake," Daniel says and everyone agrees.

"It had to be big in case the ghost was big," I tell them.

"Well get that snake out of my house," Hannah says.

"I'll put it outside," I tell her.

"Make sure you take it far away from the house before you let it go," she says.

I smile at her and hold the snake up so she can see it better. "Are you afraid of it?"

"No. I just don't care to touch it, or see it."

I laugh and carry the snake out the back door. "Sorry snake, Hannah doesn't like you." It flicks it's tongue at me and then I start to think about whether or not it has a ghost inside of it. That kind of scares me so I start to run. I'll just take it a little further away and then drop it.

Once I think I'm far enough away from the house I put the snake on the ground and watch it slither off. If it has a ghost inside it hopefully it will go far, far away and never come back.

I see a big stick on the ground and pick it up. It's almost as tall as me. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with it, but I know I'm going to bring it back to the house with me. I start walking back while dragging the stick behind me.

If Guthrie was with me he'd think of a fun game we could play with the stick. I wish he was here. I miss him so much. When I'm back at the house I drag the stick up the porch steps and leave it next to the front door. I can hear the telephone ringing inside before I even open up the front door.

I wonder if all the fudge got ruined when Hannah dropped it. I hope not. I open the door and slam it closed behind me so I can run into the kitchen. It looks like the fudge container mess is cleaned up but I don't see any fudge. Evan, Ford, Hannah and Guthrie are washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen.

"Did the fudge get ruined?" I ask.

"I'm afraid so," Hannah says. She throws me a dish towel and says, "come help."

I catch the towel and walk over to the sink. Ford hands me a glass to dry.

"Who was that honey?" Hannah asks. Adam must've just walked in, I'm not sure though because my back is facing him.

"That was Mrs. Johnson."

The glass I'm drying drops to the floor and shatters.

Oh no! Mrs. Johnson just told on me! I turn around and look at Adam. He looks very mad.

Hannah brings me the broom and dust pan. "You sweep up this part and then I'll...,"

Adam interrupts her. "You ditched school?"

Now everyone stops talking and washing dishes and looks at Adam.

"I asked you a question and I'm expecting an answer. Did you ditch school today?"

I nod my head slowly.

"Go to your room." That's all he says and that's all he needs to say. I drop my dish towel and run out of the kitchen.

If Adam wasn't standing in between the living room and the kitchen I would run to the front door and hide somewhere outside. But he is standing where he can see me go up to my room, so that's what I do. I walk up the stairs slowly.

"What's wrong squirt?" Daniel asks as he passes by me going down.

All I can do is shake my head no. I look over to see if Adam is still watching me, and he is so I keep walking upstairs. I can smell the cologne Brian is putting on when I walk by the bathroom. Crane comes out of his bedroom and walks by me and asks the same thing Daniel did.

"What's wrong squirt?"

"I have to go to my room."

"Oh. That's never fun," he says as I keep walking by.

Now I run the rest of the way to my room and slam my door shut. I throw myself on my bed and cry. Adam is mad. I only ditched school to help Guthrie. Maybe if I tell him that he won't be mad. No, that probably won't work this time since I already said that today, even though it's the truth. I think about what Adam said the last time I ditched school. Actually it's not what he said I'm thinking about, it's what he did. He spanked me and told me the next time I ditched school he would spank me. I don't want him to do that! I don't like it when he does that.

I sit up on my bed and wipe my eyes. Oh well, I guess I knew this would happen. I should've already been spanked today for touching the ax, but that didn't happen. I knew I would get in trouble if I touched the ax, and I touched it anyway. I also knew if I ditched school I'd get in trouble and I did that anyway too. I guess I just have to take the punishment.

I stare at the purple flower on my dresser. None of this would've happened if Mike hadn't died! I wouldn't have needed the holy water and I wouldn't have ditched school! This isn't fair! I not gonna get in trouble for this! I slide off my bed and get down on the floor to look under my bed. I reach around underneath my bed. My markers are under here somewhere.

I pull them out when I find them. I look for a piece of paper in my room, but I can't find any. There's got to be some underneath my bed. I see the pages I tore out of Hannah's parenting book. I don't think I should use those. There's an old picture I drew behind my BB gun and I pull it out. I'll use this.

I take out the black marker and start to write.

"Dear Adam, I'm sorry I ditched school. I was just trying to help Guthrie."

I look at that and think before I write more. "I did a lot of bad things so I'm running away. I lied and played with the ax and ditched school. I'm sorry. Love, Heidi."

There. That should be good. I lay it on my bed and look at it. No wait I have to write something else.

"P.S. I'm going to town. Don't try to find me."

There. Now it's finished. That way they won't look all over the ranch for me.

I run to my doorway and open my door. I can see Crane, Brian and Daniel standing in the kitchen entry way. Their backs are facing the living room so they can't see me sneak down the stairs.

"I already told her what I would do if she skipped school again," I hear Adam say.

"Maybe you should just talk to her," Crane suggests.

"About what? She already knows what she did was wrong. You should've seen her earlier when I told her I had to punish her for touching the ax. She looked right into my eyes and said, 'it's ok Adam, I can take it. I did this for Guthrie.' I almost cried," he says.

I didn't know that.

"It was too hard to punish her, so I didn't. These kids are going through a hard time now. But now I find out she's ditched school, and I don't know what to do. Do I let this slide like I did with the ax?"

I'll make it an easy decision for him. I open the front door quietly and slip outside. I run for the truck. I hope there's a tarp in the back.

There is so I lay down in the back of the truck as flat as I can and pull the tarp over me. I know where Daniel's band practices and I know where I'm going as soon as we get into town.

* * *

The ride into town was bumpy, but not too bad. When the truck stops I listen for Daniel to get out. When he does I listen for his footsteps and when I can't hear them anymore I lift the tarp up a little and peek out. I can't see anything over the sides of the truck bed so I sit up. The coast is clear so I crawl out from under the tarp and jump down from the truck. Daniel's band practices at the town hall building and I can already hear the drums playing.

The town of Murphys is very small and I know exactly how to get to where I want to go from here. I know this part of town really well. I start walking down the street. It's almost completely dark and there aren't any street lights on except for the ones coming from the restaurant, hotel and bar. Everything else is closed. I make my way down Main Street trying to hide from the few cars that drive by.

Once I get to the street I'm looking for, I turn and walk down it. Only a few more houses to pass by and I'll be there. I stop behind a tree outside the house and peek around it. The living room light is on. Good, that means they're home. I run to the side of the house and wait to see if anyone saw me. I hope the neighbor's dog isn't out.

Everything's quiet, so no one saw me and there aren't any dogs barking. I walk along the side of the house and duck down when I pass by the living room window. The next window is the bathroom and it's one of those special windows you can't see out of. The next window is the one I want. I hope it's open or at least unlocked.

The light is off which is good. The window is open a little bit too. That's even better. I push the window up more so it's open just enough for me to crawl in. I can't push it any higher because I'm not tall enough or strong enough. I hope I can squeeze through it. I look at the window and I can tell there's no way I can pull myself up that high. I need something to stand on.

I look around the side of the house for something, anything I can stand on. I find a rock the size of a football and roll it underneath the window. It's not that high, but it should help a little. I stand on it and put my hands on the windowsill to push myself up. It's hard, but I can do it. I push my body forward and under the window. The windowsill hurts my stomach as I lie on it with half my body inside and the other half outside. My hands reach for the floor and I try to steady myself on them but I'm too short so my body falls forward and I land on the wooden floor with a bang.

That hurt! I pick myself up quickly and crawl to the side of the bed that's farthest away from the door. The light turns on in the hallway and I hear footsteps walking towards the room. They're close now.

"I'm pretty sure I closed my window, Mom," Denise says. The light turns on in her bedroom and I scoot under her bed a little. Wow! Denise has _nothing_ under her bed.

"Sorry, I guess I left it open." I watch Denise walk to her window and slide it closed. I hope her mom doesn't come in.

"I bet the neighbor's cat got in again. Look around for it," her mom says and then I hear footsteps in the hallway walking away.

I poke my head out from underneath the bed and whisper, "Denise!"

Denise looks down at me and screams.


	16. Chapter 16

"Sh! Be quiet!" I whisper to Denise.

Denise is staring at me with her hands over her mouth. I really scared her.

"What's wrong?" Denise's mom asks as her and Denise's dad come running in. I duck back under the bed.

"I thought I saw something," Denise says.

"You look scared," her mom says. "What did you see?"

"It was nothing. I just thought I saw something. Maybe it was the Levine's cat."

"Ok. Come on out, the show is about to start," her dad says and I hear him leave.

"Um, mom, I'm not feeling the greatest. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"What? It's only seven o'clock." Denise's mom walks close to Denise. I bet she's feeling her forehead. "You don't feel warm," she says.

"It's my stomach. I think I just want to lay down."

"Are you sure? Why don't you come lay down on the couch."

"No, I'll just lay down in here."

"Do you want me to sit with you for a while? I can read to you if you'd like?"

I like it when my brothers read to me when I don't feel good. So does Guthrie.

"No, that's ok. You can go watch the show with dad."

"Ok. I'll come check on you in a little bit."

"No, mom you don't have to do that..,"

"Denise, I'm going to check on you when the show is over."

"Ok."

Denise sits on her bed and her mom leaves. As soon as I don't hear footsteps in the hallway anymore Denise gets up and closes her door. I slide out from underneath her bed and sit down on it. Denise sits on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" She asks.

"Sh, I'm running away."

"Oh my gosh! How did you get here?!"

"Daniel."

"Daniel just dropped you off here?!"

"No, I snuck in the back of the truck. I walked here from Main Street."

"Heidi, you're going to be in so much trouble!"

"No I won't. I'm running away. There's no one to get in trouble with when you run away. Nobody cares."

"Won't your brothers worry about you getting lost on the ranch?"

"Nope. I left Adam a note that said I was running away to town."

"Oh, that's good, but they're still going to worry about you."

I shrug my shoulders, but I also feel a little sad.

"How come you're running away?" She asks.

"Adam found out I ditched school."

"Uh-oh."

"I didn't want to stick around and see how he was gonna punish me, so I decided to run away."

"I remember what happened the last time you ditched school."

I tell Denise everything so she knows what happened. "Yeah, I heard him talking before I left and he said he didn't know how to punish me, so I guess this makes it easier for him. If I'm gone he doesn't have to think about it."

"Don't you think running away is going to make it worse?"

I didn't think about that.

Denise says, "you know your brothers are going to look for you."

She's right. They're gonna be mad that a ran away. I'll just have to make sure they don't find me. "I wish I didn't tell them I was going to town." I sigh and think about how mad Adam's gonna be when he sees my note. I wonder if he knows I'm gone yet. Probably. "Let's talk about something else."

"How did the exorcism go?" She asks.

"It didn't work!"

"It didn't?"

"No!" I tell her all about the snake and tying Guthrie up and the ax.

"You really found a snake that big?!"

"Yes!" I show her with my arms how big it was again and then I tell her more about the exorcism. "I did it all wrong."

"Sorry," Denise says.

I feel sad now. Denise has three dolls laying on her bed and I pick one up. She's pretty and I smooth her hair back with my hand. "Denise, do you think Guthrie's gonna be ok?"

"I don't know." She picks up one of her dolls and then picks up a brush from her nightstand and starts brushing her doll's hair.

"I miss him so much," I tell her. "He doesn't want to play with me anymore and he's mean to me."

She passes the brush to me and takes a comb off her nightstand and uses that on her doll. "That doesn't sound like Guthrie," she says.

I brush the hair of the doll I'm holding. Then I realize I haven't told her what happened on Monday. "Denise, Guthrie did something really mean to me on Monday." I tell her about going back to the lake with Kenny and Guthrie and the older boys. Denise listens and she can't believe it.

"I can't believe Guthrie would do that to you!"

"I know! And when we got home he lied about where we went and blamed me. The worst part was they believed him!"

"It sounds like he _does_ have a ghost inside of him!"

"I know!" I brush the doll's bangs and start to feel sad again. "Adam said Guthrie doesn't have a ghost in him, but I don't think I believe him anymore. Why else would Guthrie be acting so strange?"

"Do you still think the ghost is Mike?"

"Yes. I don't understand why he's being so mean though. Mike was a really nice person."

"Maybe he's mad he's dead. Maybe the ghost is only gonna stay in Guthrie until the body is buried. Maybe then it'll leave."

"Do you think so?" That means it will leave on Friday. That's only another day and a half!

"Yep. My cousin said...," Denise stops talking because we hear footsteps in the hall. "Quick! Hide!"

I jump up and lay down on the floor. I slide myself under the bed and hold my breath. There's a knock on the door and then it opens.

"How are you feeling?" Denise's mom asks.

"Not good. My stomach still hurts." Denise sounds sick and her mom walks to her bed and sits down. Denise asks, "was the show good?"

"Yes, it was very funny. The next one will be starting soon. You can always come lay down on the couch and watch with us."

"No that's ok, I'm fine in here."

Denise's mom gets up and says, "ok, let me know if you need anything." She starts walking towards the door and then she stops. "Why was your door closed?"

"What?" Denise asks.

Uh-oh. I hope Denise can think of a good reason.

"I asked why your door was closed," her mom says again.

"Um..., was it closed?"

Good, if you don't know what to say, always answer a question with a question. Denise is smart. Now she can think of a good answer. One that's believable.

"Yes, it was closed," her mom says. "I thought I heard you talking in here too."

"You must've heard me talking to my doll."

"Maybe, but why did you have your door closed?"

"Oh..., well..., I..., the tv was too loud."

No! That's a dumb answer! You can't even hear the tv in here from way out there!

"Are you sure?" Her mom asks. "Because we don't have it turned up loud, and you can't hear it all the way down here."

"Ummm..., I was just..., I was just going to get..., going to change into my pajamas!"

_That's_ a good answer!

"Ok. I'll come check on you in about a half hour. If you need anything, yell and I'll come."

"Ok."

Denise's mom walks to the doorway and closes the door on her way out and I let out a big sigh of relief. When I come out from under the bed Denise says, "that was close!"

"I know." I sit on the bed and pick up the doll again. I used to have a doll like this when I was little. I remember playing with it and I also remember Guthrie playing with me when I played with it, but that was a long time ago. I wonder where my doll is. Probably under my bed.

"Heidi, are you going to stay here? I mean, I know you're going to spend the night tonight, right?" I nod my head. "Good, but are you staying here tomorrow? Because you can if you want to. I could bring you food, and you could play in my room when I go to school."

I hadn't thought about that. Where am I going to go? I can't hide in here forever. I guess I need to think of a place to run away to. "I don't know where I'm going."

"You can stay here until you figure it out."

"Thanks. You won't get in trouble, will you?"

"I don't think so. 'I'm' not the one running away."

"Do you think 'I'll' get in trouble for running away?"

"I guess not, because you're running away, remember? You said you won't see your family anymore so you can't get in trouble."

When Denise says that I feel sad. She's right, I forgot about that. If I run away, I won't see my family anymore and when I think about that I feel like crying. "Denise? Have you ever run away before?"

"Yes."

"You have? Where'd you go?"

"I ran away when I was still living in my old house. I was eight or nine and I broke the kitchen window...,"

"You?" I can't believe it! "'You' broke a window?!"

Denise says quietly, "yes. I was playing with my dad's golf clubs in the backyard and I hit a golf ball through the window."

"Oh my gosh!"

"He always told me not to play with his clubs, but one day while he was at work, I wanted to play golf. I didn't know the ball would go towards the window, I was trying to hit it the other way. As soon as the window broke I didn't know what to do so I decided to run away. I ran down the street to school and played there for a little while."

"That's not running away. That's playing. To run away you have to go somewhere where no one will find you."

"My parents didn't know where I was."

"Did you leave a note?"

"Yes. I wrote I was sorry and I was running away forever."

"How'd they find you?"

"They looked for me. I was...," Denise stops talking because we hear footsteps again. I jump off the bed and crawl under it again.

When the door opens Denise's mom asks, "are you feeling better?"

"No. Is the show over? That didn't seem like a half hour."

"No, we didn't watch the show. Denise, we need to talk to you."

Did she say _we_? I guess her dad is in here too because he says, "we just got a phone call from Hannah. It seems Heidi ran away from home and Hannah was wondering if Heidi was here."

Oh no! Please don't tell on me Denise!

"Denise?" Her dad says.

I hope Denise thinks of a good answer!

"Heidi's not here."

"Are you sure?" Her mom asks. "You've been acting strangely tonight and we thought we heard you talking to someone."

"No, I was just talking to my doll."

Good answer!

"Well, her family is very worried."

They are? They shouldn't be worried, they should be happy I'm gone!

"If you know where Heidi is, you need to tell us," Denise's mom says. "I'm worried about her too."

"You are?" Denise asks.

She is?

"Of course. We love Heidi too, and we would feel terrible if something happened to her."

"Mom, I think Heidi will be ok wherever she is. You don't have to worry about her."

"Do you know something?" Denise's dad asks. His voice sounds serious. I don't usually hear him talk in a serious voice.

"No, it's just, I know Heidi and she's really good at taking care of herself. She runs away all the time."

"She does?"

"Yeah dad, _all_ the time."

Denise's dad says, "I feel sorry for her family then." I wish I could ask him why, but he answers without me asking. "They must feel like she doesn't love them if she runs away from them all the time."

I _do_ love them! I start to feel sad. Is he right? Do they think I don't love them?

Denise's mom says, "if you know where Heidi is, you need to tell us. Her family is looking all over town for her."

They are? I think about that for a minute. No they're not! How can they look for me if they don't have a car? Wait a minute..., I guess they could call the bar where Brian is at. I notice the room is quiet. Denise isn't answering her mom. Come on Denise, answer quickly or it looks like you're hiding something.

"Do you know where Heidi is?" Her dad asks. When Denise doesn't answer he says, "this is important Denise. If you know where Heidi is and you don't tell us that's lying, and you know we don't tolerate lying in this house."

"I know dad. I...," Denise pauses.

_Please_ don't tell on me.

"I don't know where she is," Denise finally says quietly.

The way she said that makes me feel bad. What's gonna happen to Denise if they find out she's lying? I know she gets grounded sometimes like I do, but is that all? Now she's gonna get in trouble because of me. I have to fix this! Should I come out?

"Well then," Denise's mom says, "I guess you don't know where she is."

Her mom sounds sad. I bet she knows I'm here. I should probably come out, but her parents are leaving now so I'm not going to.

"Do you want your door open, or closed?" Her mom asks.

"Closed," Denise says quietly.

I hear the door close so I get out. "I'm sorry Denise."

"It's ok Heidi."

"No it's not. Now you're gonna get in trouble."

"It's ok."

"I should leave," I tell her.

"No! Where are you gonna go? It's dark outside and I bet it's cold now too. You have to stay here."

"No, I have to go. If I leave now they'll never know I was here and you won't get in trouble." I walk over to her window and Denise grabs my arm.

"No! You can't leave!"

"Sh! Your parents will hear you!" I try to break free and we struggle a little. When I finally break away Denise gets mad.

"If you run away, I'll never see you again!" Then she sits down on her bed and covers her face with her hands and cries.

I look at her and I feel sad. I sit down next to her. "I'm sorry Denise."

She looks at me and her eyes are red and watery and she wipes her cheeks. "Where are you going to go? Where?!"

I can't answer that because I don't know. This always happens when I run away! I never know where to go! "I don't know!"

We've been talking so loudly we didn't hear her parents walking down the hallway because the door opens and we both freeze and stare at the door. I fall down to the floor and get under the bed even though I know they saw me.

Denise's mom says, "Heidi, Brian is here for you."

What! How did he know I was here? I'm not coming out!

"We know you're here, Heidi, and Brian is here to take you home," she says. When I don't say anything she says, "Denise come to the living room with us."

They leave and I start to get out from under the bed so I can get to the window. I've got to get out of here!

"Let's go kid," I hear Brian say.

How'd he get in here so fast? I'm staying under the bed!

"I know you're in here and it's time to go."

"No! I'm not coming out!"

I hear Brian sigh and then he says, "look, we can do this the easy way, where you come out and we walk out of here calmly, or the hard way, where I drag you out from under there and carry you out kicking and screaming. Which is it gonna be?"

"Neither! I'm not coming out!"

"Suit yourself."

I hear him walk over to the bed and when he lifts up the bedspread I see his face. He looks kind of mad. I scoot to the other side of the bed as he reaches under and grabs my arm and pulls. I struggle to break free and hit my head on the metal bed frame. It hurts really bad, but I'm not gonna stop trying to get away.

"That had to hurt," Brian says.

"It didn't!" I yell back.

He drags me out from under the bed while I keep struggling.

"Ok, this is the part where I can carry you out kicking and screaming in front of Denise and her parents, or we can leave quietly.

I stop struggling. I don't really want them to see me throw a tantrum. "Quietly!" I tell him.

"Good choice." He takes my hand but I pull it away so he says, "no, I'm holding your hand."

"Fine!" I let him take it and we walk out of the room together and down the hall.

Denise's family is waiting in the living room. I put my head down so I don't have to look at them.

"Sorry for the inconvenience," Brian says.

"It's no trouble at all," Denise's mom says. "We're just glad Heidi is alright."

"Thank you for calling. Have a good night."

Brian walks outside with me and I think about running away, but his grip on my hand tightens. He must know what I'm thinking. He has to let go of my hand when I get in the jeep, but now I don't even care about running away. He'd just catch me if I tried. I fold my arms across my chest and glare out the window. I wonder what's gonna happen to me when I get home.

* * *

As soon as Brian stops the jeep I jump down and run to the house. There's no point in trying to run away from Brian, he'll just catch me.

When I run inside I run straight upstairs and right to my room. Once I slam the door I jump on my bed to sit and wait. I'm not gonna cry because I'm mad. Why _can't_ I run away? Why do my brothers always have to find me?

I'm not sitting here long when there's a knock on my door. "Go away!" I yell. My door opens and Adam walks in. "I said go away!"

"I heard you," he says as he sits down on the bed next to me.

"Then why aren't you going away?!" I yell at him.

"Heidi, I'm...,"

Why isn't he yelling at me? He's talking calmly and I don't like that! "Stop talking!" I yell. "Just get it over with and spank me! That's what you came up here to do so just do it! Spank me and get out!"

"I can see you're not ready to listen so I'll come back later."

He stands up to leave so I get off my bed and kick his leg. He turns around and looks down at me. "I know you didn't mean to do that, but..,"

"Yes I did! I hate you!" He looks hurt when I say that and I feel bad. But I can't feel bad! I have to make him mad! "I hate you!"

"Heidi..,"

"No!" I cover my ears so I can't hear him. When he kneels down in front of me I close my eyes so I can't see him.

He takes my hands off my ears and holds them. I'm not gonna open my eyes. "Do you want your door open or closed when I spank you?" I hear him ask.

"I don't care!"

He stands up and leads me to the bed with him and he sits down. He moves me so I'm standing in front of him and I look up and glare at him. He says in his serious voice, "I'm spanking you because you ditched school."

"I don't care!"

He continues, "I told you if you ditched school, I would spank you. You knew the consequences. Do you have anything you'd like to say?"

"No!" I clench my fists tightly and grit my teeth. Adam pulls me over his lap and spanks me. I am _not_ gonna cry! The first spanks don't hurt. I don't think he's spanking that hard and I make my body as stiff as I can. I can take this! The spanks don't stop though and that makes them start to hurt. I can't cry no matter how hard it hurts! Except now it hurts more. "Let me go!" I yell and I struggle to get away. Adam just holds me tighter around my waist and keeps spanking. Not hard, but hard enough that it hurts because it doesn't stop. "Stop! Stop!" I yell. Now I start crying. "It hurts! Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry Adam!"

He doesn't stop and all I can do is cry. I stop yelling and trying to get away and just cry and then he stops. He lifts me up and I wrap my arms around his neck and cry on his shoulder.

Adam hugs me and rubs my back while I cry. We stay like that for a long time. "I miss Guthrie," I finally say.

"I know you do," he says. "I know you were trying to help him, but you can't leave school to do it."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't like spanking you, but when I have to, I will. I told you before, and I'll tell you again, if you leave school I will spank you."

"I know. I won't leave school again. I'm sorry." I wipe my wet cheeks with my hand and rest my head on his shoulder. "Adam?"

"What?"

"I don't like it when you spank me."

"I know. You're not supposed to like it." He rubs my back.

"It hurts."

"It's supposed to."

I yawn because I'm exhausted.

"Why don't you get ready for bed. It's been a long night and you sound tired."

"I don't want to go to bed." What I really want to say is, "don't let go of me," but I can't.

"I know you don't, but you have to." He stands up with me and tries to put me down, but I cling on to him. I hear him sigh and he says, "you need to let go now."

"Adam, I feel bad."

"You feel sick?" He moves me so he can see my face.

"No, I feel bad."

"About what?"

"I don't know, I just feel bad inside."

"Maybe you're just tired. Get your pajamas on and then I'll tuck you in." He puts me down and says, "I'll be right outside. Let me know when you're ready."

He shuts my door behind him and I open my dresser drawer to look for my pajamas. I hear Adam say something so I walk over to my door and press my ear to it to listen.

"I hate being a parent sometimes," I hear him say.

Hannah says, "I know. That sounded hard to do."

"It was. Why do I always have to be the bad guy?"

"You're not, Adam. I know it may seem like it, but you're not. You did something that had to be done. She still loves you."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know."

They're quiet now so I bet they're hugging. I change into my pajamas and open my door. They are hugging and they stop to look at me.

"Ready?" Adam asks.

I nod my head and say quietly, "I just need to brush my teeth." I walk by them and down to the bathroom. I can see Guthrie sitting on the couch downstairs. He's looking up at me, but looks away when I look at him. My stomach starts to hurt, not because it feels sick, but because it feels sad. I want Guthrie back so bad. I wish he would just snap out of this mood he's in.

After brushing my teeth I walk to my room and notice Guthrie's not in the living room anymore. Adam and Hannah aren't in the hallway either. I walk into my room and find them sitting on my bed. I climb in bed and Adam pulls the covers over me. I stare straight up at the ceiling. "Do want a story or song tonight?" Adam asks.

I don't answer. Instead I shake my head no at him.

"You don't want either?" He asks.

I look at him and shake my head no again and turn on my side. Then I close my eyes.

"Goodnight," Adam says and he kisses my head. Hannah does the same and I can tell they're not leaving right away, but then they do leave and a tear from my eye rolls down my cheek to my pillow. I have seven brothers and Hannah, but right now I feel all alone and I feel really, really sad and I don't understand why.

* * *

Something wakes me up at night. I hear a noise coming from downstairs. It sounds like Guthrie so I get up and walk out to the hallway. He's calling out something in his sleep and Brian is talking to him.

"Guthrie, you're having a bad dream. Wake up."

"Brian? Brian, he let go of the rope." I think Guthrie is crying now.

"I know, I know. You're having a bad dream. Go back to sleep."

I watch Brian sit up and rub Guthrie's back. Pretty soon Guthrie isn't crying anymore. I think he's asleep and Brian lays back down and puts his arm around Guthrie. They look so peaceful sleeping together. I feel sad for Guthrie. He must be dreaming about Mike. I feel like crying and I don't know why.

I look down the hall at Adam and Hannah's bedroom. Their door is closed and I walk towards it. I don't know if I should open it. I feel really sad and alone right now so I open the door.

It's dark inside their room, but there's a little bit of light shining in from the hallway from my lamp. I walk to the end of their bed and climb up over Adam's feet and crawl up the middle of the bed to their pillows. They both move around and I get under the covers. Adam sits up and turns his light on.

"What's wrong? Why are you in here?"

"I feel sad," I tell him.

Hannah is awake now and she asks, "did you have a bad dream?"

"No, Guthrie did."

"Oh," Adam says. "Come on, I'll take you back to bed."

"No," I say and I feel scared now. Sad and scared. "I want to sleep in here." I stare up into Adam's eyes and he looks over at Hannah.

"I don't mind," she says.

I roll on my side so I'm facing her and she smiles at me. Adam moves around and turns his lamp off and I start to tell him to turn it back on, but he remembers and turns it back on.

"Sorry, I forgot." He lays down on his side so he's facing Hannah too, and puts his arm around me and hugs me close to him. He kisses the top of my head and I let out a great big sigh. I feel safe now. I don't feel as sad anymore either. I yawn and Hannah says, "close your eyes," very softly and I do. I feel loved and safe and I go right to sleep.

* * *

Crane wakes me up in the morning. When I open my eyes and look around, I'm still in Adam and Hannah's bed.

"Time to get up sleepyhead."

I stretch and yawn and roll over to look at him.

"I'm tired," I tell him.

"I know. I let you sleep as long I could, but you have to get up now."

I sit up. "Is Guthrie going to school today?"

"No, he's still suspended. Get up, you don't want to be late."

"You mean _you_ don't want me to be late. I don't care if I'm late." I smile at him.

He smiles back and pulls the covers off me. "Right, _I_ don't want you to be late, so _I_ am going to tickle you until you get up." He starts tickling me and I laugh.

"Ok! Ok! I'll get up! Stop tickling me!"

He stops and I sit up.

"How come you're waking me up and not Hannah?"

"Hannah's not here."

"Where is she?"

"She's working."

I look at the clock. 7:15. "Why is she working so early?"

Crane shrugs his shoulders and sits down on the bed.

"And why is she working so many days this week?"

"I don't know. I guess Marie needed extra help. Quit asking questions and get up."

"Did Adam take her to work?"

"Yes."

I start to get an idea. "Is Adam home yet?"

"No."

"So it's just you and Brian that are home?"

"Yes, after the others leave for school." He pats my back a few times and says, "come on Heidi, get up."

"Is Brian downstairs?"

"No, he's out in the south pasture."

I lay back down and look up at Crane. "I don't want to go to school today," I tell him.

"Why not?"

"I just don't want to go." I really want to stay home with Guthrie. Maybe we can talk or maybe he'll play with me.

"You have to go to school," Crane says. "Everybody has to go to school."

"Guthrie's not."

"That's different." Crane pulls the covers back again and says, "come on, get up."

I groan and pull the covers back over me.

"Heidi get up," Crane says in his serious voice.

"No. I'm not going to school today."

"Yes you are. Quit goofing around and get up."

"Why do I have to go to school today? Why? Maybe I want to stay home and be sad."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something is wrong. Why are you sad?"

"I don't know Crane. I felt sad last night and I still feel sad today. Can I please stay home?"

"I don't know." I can tell he's thinking. I hope he says yes.

"Please Crane? I don't feel good."

"Does your head hurt?" He asks.

"Yes," I lie.

He feels my forehead. "You don't feel warm."

"But my head hurts really bad. I have a big headache."

"I'll bring you an aspirin and then you can rest for a little while." He gets up to leave.

"Remember, I take the little pink aspirin."

"I know, I know, I'll be right back."

Crane leaves. I can't believe how easy that was! I can hear Crane in the bathroom getting the aspirin out of the bottle. He brings them to me with a little cup of water. I take the water and then I take the little pink pills out of Crane's hand.

I look at the pills. Should I take these if my head doesn't really hurt? What will happen if I take them? Will they make me sick? I'd better pretend to take them because I don't want to be sick for real. I pretend to put them in my mouth and then I swallow the water.

"Get some rest," Crane says.

"Thanks Crane." I lay down and close my eyes and he leaves. Once he's gone I put the aspirin on Adam's nightstand so I can put them back later, and close my eyes again. I'm going to get Guthrie to snap out of his bad mood today. I know Adam says there isn't a ghost inside of him, but something is, and I'm gonna get it out!

* * *

**Thanks for reviewing!**


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, you're supposed to be resting."

I stop running down the stairs to look at Crane. He just walked out of the kitchen and he's holding his work gloves in his hand.

"I did. I rested and now I'm done. Do you know where Guthrie is?"

"Guthrie's outside waiting for Brian. Where do you think you're going?"

"Outside."

"No. You haven't had any breakfast yet."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come into the kitchen and I'll make you something to eat."

"No, I don't have time to eat."

"Why not?"

"I've got important stuff to do today."

Crane smiles at me and says, "important stuff? What important stuff?"

"Just stuff."

"The only important stuff you have to do today, is rest."

I don't have time to rest! I've got to find Guthrie. "Are you going to work outside?"

"Yes. I've got to look at the truck. Daniel said it was making a funny noise."

"Can I watch you then? I don't think I'm supposed to be inside by myself."

"I guess you're right, I forgot about that. Get down here and I'll make you something to eat that you can take outside."

I want to tell him I don't have time for that again, but I know he won't take no for an answer. I run the rest of the way down the stairs and follow Crane into the kitchen.

"What are you gonna make?" I ask while I follow him to the counter and watch him get the bread out.

"How about a peanut butter and banana sandwich?"

"Ok." I watch Crane get a knife out and the peanut butter.

"I heard that you ran away last night," he says while he spreads peanut butter on the bread. When I don't answer he says, "I was worried about you."

"You were?"

"Yes, Isabella and I were going to look for you at your school, but Brian called to say you were at Denise's."

I'm quiet for a minute. "Isabella knows I ran away?"

"Yes."

"Was she mad?"

Crane looks down at me and says, "why would she be mad? She was worried about you too." Crane gets a banana and starts to peel it. "Why did you run away?"

"So Adam wouldn't have to punish me."

"How'd that work out for you?"

I sigh. "Not very well."

Crane cuts the banana into slices. "We all love you Heidi, and we worry about you when you run away."

"You don't have to worry," I tell him.

"I know I don't 'have' to." He smiles down at me while I look up at him. "You don't look happy," he says.

I don't feel happy. "Crane, when's Guthrie gonna be his normal self again?"

"I don't know, it's just going to take time and we need to give it to him."

"It's taking too long."

"I know it seems like that to you, but it's only been a few days. Sometimes it takes weeks or even months for someone to be at peace with something like this."

"Months! I don't have months! I can't even stand another day of him being like this, and now you're telling me he might not be better for months!"

"I don't know how long it will take, everyone's different." He hands me my sandwich and I take it. "The thing to remember is just give him time."

We leave the kitchen and walk through the living room to the front door. "Crane, do you think Mike's ghost is inside Guthrie."

"No, and I think with all the exorcisms you've given him a ghost would be long gone."

"I did them wrong. They didn't work," I say quietly.

Crane opens the front door and when we go outside, Guthrie is sitting in the middle of the porch steps. "Can I stay here and watch you?" I ask Crane.

"Sure. Guthrie might like the company."

I watch Crane walk down the steps and over to the truck before I walk down the steps and sit next to Guthrie.

"Hi," I say to him when I sit down.

"Hi."

I guess that's a good sign that he said hi. I was expecting him to tell me to go away. "Guthrie, do you want to play with me?"

"How come you're not at school?" He asks.

"Crane said I could stay home."

"Why would Crane let you do that? Did you trick him into thinking you were sick?"

"No," I say quietly and I take a bite of my sandwich.

"Yes you did. There's no way he would let you stay home from school if you weren't sick."

"My head hurts."

"Yeah right."

"Ok, I tricked him. Please don't tell. I wanted to stay home to play with you."

"Well I don't want to play with you. You're not gonna try to give me any more exorcisms, are you?"

"No." I think about that though so I turn to look at him. "Not unless you want me to give you one."

"No!"

I take another bite of my sandwich and we both sit quietly. I watch Crane pop the hood of the truck up and then get in the truck and turn it on. "What are you doing out here on the steps?" I ask Guthrie.

"Waiting for Brian."

"Why?"

"Because he told me to. He wants me help him muck out the stables."

"Why do you want to do that?" I ask him because that's not a fun job.

He looks at me. "I don't _want_ to do that, I _have_ to do that. I'm suspended remember?"

Oh right. When we get suspended we have to help our brothers with the ranch work. "We could play something while we're waiting." I'm done with my sandwich so I stand up and look down at him. "Do you want to go to the pond? We could swim."

"No," he says quietly and he sounds sad.

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?! I don't ever want to swim again!" Now he sounds mad.

Oh. He must be thinking about Mike. "We could go riding."

"No."

Riding horses isn't Guthrie's favorite thing to do. "We could play with our BB guns," I suggest.

"I don't feel like it."

"We could go exploring." That sounds like a lot of fun to me. The more I think about it, the more excited I get. "We could look for a bear cave, or look for gold, or buried treasure! Do you want to look for buried treasure?"

Guthrie's quiet for a minute and I know he's thinking about it. I hope he wants to. He looks straight ahead when he says, "will you quit bugging me if I go with you?"

"Yes!"

"You won't ask me a whole bunch of questions?"

"No!" I'm so excited! He's gonna play with me!

"You won't try to tie me up or hold a snake up to my face?"

"No!"

"Ok, I'll go...,"

"Yeah! We're gonna have so much fun! We can...,"

"Stop! If I go with you, you can't talk all the time."

"Ok, sorry." I don't care if he doesn't want me to talk, I'm just excited he'll do something with me. "What should we tell Crane?"

"Tell him you want to go exploring," Guthrie says.

"I can't tell him that, I'm supposed to be resting."

"This is your idea, you do the thinking. You come up with the plan."

I sit back down on the steps.

"You'd better think of a plan quickly, because if I'm still here when Brian comes back, I have to help him."

Hmmmm..., think of a plan, think of a plan..., I think for a while and then I yell, "I got it!"

* * *

"Crane, Guthrie needs to get something for Brian at the north pasture gate. Can I go with him?" That gate isn't _too_ far away, but it's far enough away that he won't be able to see us.

Crane stops what he's doing to the truck and wipes his hands on his pant legs. "What does he need to get?"

"I don't know, some sort of tool Brian left there. Crane, Guthrie's talking to me! He's talking to me! Can I go with him? Pleeeeeeease?" I look up at Crane and smile my biggest smile. I can tell Crane's thinking so I say, "please Crane, he's asking me to go with him."

"What about your head? Does it still hurt?"

"No, it stopped hurting a while ago. Can I go Crane? Please?"

"I guess so. As long as you promise to take it easy."

"I promise!"

I run back towards the house and Crane yells, "slow down! You're supposed to be taking it easy."

I stop running and walk really fast over to Guthrie. "He said yes!"

Guthrie glares at me and asks, "what did you tell him we were doing?"

"I told him you wanted to go to the north gate and he said yes."

"He said yes? Just like that, he said yes?"

"He told me to take it easy, but other than that, he said yes." I look at Guthrie and watch his face carefully. Right now he looks like he doesn't believe me, but I can see his face start to soften.

"Ok. As long as he said yes, I guess I'll go."

"Yeah! We can...,"

"I said I'll only go if you don't bug me, remember?"

"I won't, I promise!" I am so excited I can't help but jump up and down a little bit. Guthrie's going to play with me! We're going on an adventure just like we used to!

Guthrie stands up and says, "let's go get some shovels. If we're digging for buried treasure, we're going to need some shovels."

He starts walking down the porch steps and I follow him to the barn.

* * *

We've been walking for a while now and I haven't said anything since Guthrie told me to stop asking questions and be quiet, when we started out on the path. Guthrie decided the north gate wasn't a good place to look for buried treasure so we're going to a place that we've always wanted to go to, but never had time to go there. It takes a while to walk there so we could never go there after school, or we'd be late for dinner. We haven't had any time on the weekends to go adventuring so this is the perfect day to go.

We start the climb uphill and it's not that steep, but after about five minutes the hill gets steeper and we slow down.

"We should of brought the horses," I tell Guthrie.

"No, then we would've had to tie them up and make sure they had water. I don't think there's any water where we're going. Besides, I thought you weren't supposed to go riding right now because of your head."

He's right. I look ahead and see the trail gets steeper. I love climbing up big hills and standing at the top and looking all around. It's the best feeling to be high up and spin around. "Do you think we'll find lots of treasure?"

"Yes. There's supposed to be lots of it under a huge dead oak tree. That's what Ford said."

"How can the oak tree be huge if it's dead? Didn't it fall down when it died?"

"I don't know, that's just what Ford said. He said back in the olden days, miners hid their gold and treasures so no one would steal it. Sometimes they would forget where they buried it, or sometimes they would die...," Guthrie pauses when he says die. Then he starts talking again. "Or sometimes they would die, and never come back for it."

"I hope we find a big treasure chest of gold! A treasure chest full of gold coins and jewelry and...,"

Guthrie laughs. "They weren't pirates Heidi. They didn't have treasure chests or jewelry, and the gold wasn't coins, it was nuggets. They mostly just put their nuggets in a sock and buried it in the ground."

"Oh right." Guthrie laughed. I haven't heard him laugh in a while.

The path is getting steeper and I use my shovel as a walking stick. It's fun to be out exploring, but it's hot. It's still morning and it's already hot. I hope Guthrie's wrong about there not being any water where we're going, because we didn't bring any with us.

I start to hum one of Daniel's songs while we walk. Guthrie must hear me because he starts to sing the words quietly. Then I start to sing and then we both look at each other and start singing the chorus as loud as we can. We laugh and sing while we make our way to the top of the hill.

Once we reach the top of the hill we realize it's not the top. It's just a flat area before you start going uphill again. We stop to rest and I turn around and look down to where we just walked up. It's so pretty. Our ranch looks pretty this time of year, even though it's been a drought year. The grass is green all around and the oak trees look tall and majestic even from far away.

"Hey look," Guthrie says and I turn around and look up the hill to where he's pointing. "That must be the dead oak tree!"

He's pointing to a huge gray tree trunk that's standing straight up in the air with jagged points sticking up where the top of the tree used to be. It's just a trunk. "What happened to the tree part?" I ask.

"It probably got hit by lightning," Guthrie tells me.

"I don't understand when people say a tree fell over because it got hit by lightning. Why do they say that? How does the lightning make it fall down when lightning is just electricity?"

"I don't know, it just does. Come on, let's go, I bet there's lots of treasure buried up there!"

We start walking across the flat part of the hill to get to the part that goes uphill again. It's steep, but seeing the dead oak tree helps us walk faster. Guthrie is excited and that makes me happy. This feels like all the adventures we've been on. He's being nice and he's acting happy, and I like that.

We finally reach the top and I look around. Whoa! We're at the tippy top now! There's not much to see other than more green grass, oak trees, and other rolling hills, but we're at the top and I feel happy. I put my arms out, look up to the sky and spin around.

The sun on my face feels warm. The sky is so blue. When I stop spinning around I look over at Guthrie. He's smiling while he looks around too. There's nothing like the feeling of being on top of a mountain and looking all around, even though this is just a hill.

"Come on, let's start digging!" He yells and he runs to the tree trunk.

I walk towards the tree trunk and look at it. Where's the top of the tree? If it fell over, or fell off, wouldn't it be lying on the ground next to the tree trunk? "Guthrie, where's the rest of the tree? Shouldn't it be on the ground right here?"

"No, I bet the miners used it for wood to build their shacks."

I look around. "I don't see any shacks."

"Maybe they used it for firewood. I don't know where it is, and who cares? Lets did for treasure now." Guthrie starts digging so I do too. I hope we find lots of treasure.

* * *

Guthrie and I dug all morning. We didn't find any gold, but we found a few other things that were kind of like finding treasure. Guthrie found an old, small, brown, glass, bottle that he said they probably put medicine in. I found an old nickel with a buffalo on it. I bet a miner rested here and it fell out of his pocket. I also found a pretty green rock that I put in my pocket along with the nickel.

We stop digging and find a big granite rock to sit on to take a break. I laugh when I look around and see all the holes we dug.

"It looks like a big family of gophers live here."

Guthrie laughs and says, "yeah."

When he's done laughing I ask, "are you ok?"

He's quiet for a minute and then he says, "I think so. This was fun. We haven't gone on an adventure in a while."

"I know. Guthrie, are you sad?"

"I get sad when I think about what happened, but while we were hiking and digging I didn't think about what happened at all."

"You didn't?"

"No. I feel happy right now..., except..,"

When he doesn't finish his sentence I ask, "what? Except what?"

"Except I feel bad for how mean I was to you." He looks at me and says, "I'm sorry for being such a bad brother. I'm sorry I took you back to the lake. That was a stupid thing to do. I'm really sorry." I nod my head and let him finish. "I'm sorry I've been yelling at you and telling you to go away. I'm really sorry I told on you and made up the story about running away to Johnson's lake."

"That hurt," I tell him. "I almost got in really big trouble for that. And no one believed me." I almost start to cry.

"I know. I'm sorry Heidi."

"Guthrie, I'm sorry for giving you exorcisms."

He laughs and says, "I was so scared when I saw you bring that ax downstairs! Who told you how to give an exorcism?"

"Jeremy and other kids at school. Also those teenagers we went to the lake with."

"What made you think I had a ghost inside of me?"

"Well, when we were walking back from the rope swing, Billy told me Mike's ghost probably went inside of you when he..., when he died." I look at Guthrie to see if that makes him sad. "And you've been acting so different, it just seemed like a ghost would make you act like that."

"I don't think that happened." Guthrie seems quieter now, like he's thinking about something. "Heidi?" I wait for him to talk and it feels like five minutes has gone by when he finally says, "I saw Mike dead."

"I know," I say quietly.

"Heidi?" He pauses for another minute and then says, "I made him jump off the rope swing."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did!" I think Guthrie might start crying. His voice sounds like he might. "When I want you to do something that you're afraid of, I try to talk you into it. That's what I did with Mike."

"I know. But Adam says you didn't _make_ him get on the rope swing."

"I know, he told me that too. He said I feel bad because I encouraged him to do something he was afraid to do, and he got hurt doing it. I wish I wouldn't have talked him in to it."

"I'm sorry." Guthrie looks really sad, but he isn't staring out into space like he usually has been when he's sad.

"I just wish I could go back and tell him not to jump. I wish I could tell him if he's that afraid, don't do it. I wonder if he would've listened."

"Probably," I tell him.

"That's what I was afraid of," Guthrie says sadly.

"But you don't know for sure," I add.

Guthrie's quiet again and then he says, "it was weird seeing a dead body."

"I saw a dead body too!" I tell him. "When I was in the hospital, I went downstairs and saw a dead man!" I tell him all about the dead man and the doctor who was trying to cut the body open. He seems interested in hearing my story.

"Heidi, do you see the dead man when you close your eyes?"

I close my eyes. "Yes."

"No, I mean not right now when you're thinking about him, but when you sleep at night. Do you see him?"

"No."

"Oh." Guthrie sounds sad like that wasn't a good answer. "I still see Mike's body. I see it when I'm sleeping and I dream about him swinging on the rope and letting go too early."

"I heard you last night," I tell him. "You were having a bad dream."

"I have them every night. I can't stop thinking about what happened!" Guthrie sounds frustrated now. I feel bad for him and I don't know how to help him. I don't know what to say either. "Heidi, I don't ever want to see someone die again." Guthrie is crying now. "It was so scary!"

I let Guthrie talk and tell me what happened again. It seems like he needs to tell me and I don't want to interrupt him. Maybe it's helping him to talk. He seems like his normal self right now. His normal 'sad' self. He keeps talking and I don't interrupt until he says, "I was so scared Heidi, I was so scared! Do you know what it's like to watch someone jump off a rope swing and watch them die?"

"No, but I know what it's like to watch someone jump off a rope swing and _hope_ they don't die. You scared me Guthrie," I tell him. "You scared me when you jumped off the rope swing."

"I'm sorry." He sighs. "I guess we both know what it feels like to be scared for someone."

"Guthrie, I was also scared because you have a ghost inside you."

"I don't have a ghost inside me."

"I mean, _had_ a ghost inside of you." Guthrie laughs hard now. "What's so funny?" I ask.

"It was just so funny to see you holding up the snake and the bible and then the holy water. I can't believe you thought that would work!" He laughs more.

"Yeah, well I was only trying to help you. I got in trouble for that too."

He stops laughing. "I know, I'm sorry. I heard."

"I shouldn't have ditched school," I tell him and then we're both quiet for a while.

I'm starting to get hot and I'm very thirsty. My stomach growls and Guthrie hears it.

"I'm starving," he says. He stands up on the rock we've been sitting on and jumps down to the ground. "What time did Crane say we had to be back?" He asks me.

"What do you mean?" I stand up and jump down too. We walk over to where we laid our shovels.

"When you asked Crane if we could go to the north gate to look for buried treasure, when did he say we had to be back by?"

"I didn't ask if we could look for buried treasure."

Guthrie turns around and looks at me. "Then what _did_ you ask?"

"I just asked if I could go with you."

"But what time did he say we had to be back? They always say a time. Lunch or dinner? If he said lunch, we're a little late, but if he said dinner, we can dig for more treasure."

"He didn't say a time."

"He didn't? You told him we were going adventuring and he didn't say what time to be back?"

"I didn't tell him we were going adventuring."

"Then what did you tell him?"

"I told him you needed to get something for Brian at the north gate, and I asked if I could go with you."

"Noooo! Why'd you do that?!"

"What? He said yes."

"But Brian didn't tell me to do that!"

"I know, but Crane doesn't know that." I smile at him.

"Heidi! Brian was coming back from the pasture and I was supposed to help him muck out the stables! He's gonna ask Crane where I am! And then Crane's gonna tell him what you said!"

"Oh. I didn't really think about that," I say quietly.

"I should've known Crane wouldn't let us go dig for buried treasure when I'm suspended from school. I thought that was strange when you came back and said he said we could go. I was just trying to get rid of you by making you talk to Crane!"

That makes me feel sad.

Guthrie sounds frustrated when he says, "why do you always get us in trouble!"

"What do you mean?! _You_ get us in trouble too! It's not just always me!"

"Well, I guess 'I' can say, I didn't know what you asked permission for, when Brian yells at me."

"But then I'll get in trouble. Please Guthrie, help me. I don't want to be in trouble today. I already got in trouble last night." I look at him and he doesn't look mean like he has the past few days, which is good. I think that just means he's mad at me like he normally is.

He looks at me and I can tell he's thinking of a plan. "Ok, I'll help you. But only because I don't want to see you get in trouble."

"Thank you. What's our plan?"

"'You' don't have a plan. I'll think of something while we go back. And we'd better hurry, we've been gone a long time and with how many times you've ran away this week, they're gonna think you did it again, and they're gonna be mad. Hopefully they haven't been looking for us, because they hate doing that. Especially when they have lots of work to do."

He's right. How could I have been so stupid? "Guthrie, I don't want to go back."

"Oh no! You're not running away! That'll just make it worse, Heidi. Just let me think of something. Come on. You _have_ to come back with me otherwise I have to stay with you. I can't leave you here by yourself." He hands me my shovel and I take it. "Good, let's go. Keep up with me, the longer it takes us to get back, the worse it could be for us."

Guthrie starts walking down the hill at a fast pace. It's steep so we can't run, but I feel like I'm almost running just to keep up with him. I hope he thinks of something good to say because I can't think of anything.

* * *

When we get pretty close to the house Guthrie stops walking and looks at me. I'm out of breath because we've walked a long way and we didn't stop to rest.

"We're going to put our shovels away. If we see anyone don't talk to them. Let me do all the talking. The good news is, we didn't find anyone trying to look for us. So remember, let me do the talking. If you don't, I can't help you."

"Ok. Do you know what you're going to say?"

"Sort of. It depends on who we run into first."

We walk to the barn and the whole way my stomach hurts. I'm scared we're gonna run into Crane or Brian. The hood of the truck is still up, but Crane isn't there working on it. I see the jeep parked by the truck. "Do you think Adam's home?" I ask Guthrie.

"Of course. He went into town to drop Hannah off, I bet he's been home for a long time now."

"Oh, I didn't think about that. Do you think he knows we've been gone?"

"I don't know. Just don't talk to him if you see him."

"Ok."

We walk into the barn and there are Adam, Brian and Crane putting their saddles away. Guthrie and I freeze.

"Where have you been?!" Brian yells. He puts his saddle down and says, "we've been looking all over for you!"

"Sorry," Guthrie says. "We were...,"

Guthrie keeps talking but I'm not listening. I'm looking at Crane and his face doesn't look happy. He's looking right at me too. He looks mad and something else. What is it? Oh yeah, he looks disappointed too. I hate that look. I look at Brian and his face just looks mad. I look up at Adam and his face looks mad too. Maybe..,

"Heidi!"

I look over at Brian.

"What do you have to say about that?" He asks. He has his arms folded across his chest right now and he's kind of glaring at me a little.

"About what?"

"About what Guthrie just told us," Brian says.

Oh man! What do I say now. I don't know what Guthrie said! Think, think...,

"Well," Adam says, "we're waiting."

"He told you the truth," I finally say.

"And what does that mean?"

"Um..., it means what he said happened, happened."

"And what was that?" Adam asks.

"What?" I ask back.

"Oh come on!" Brian yells. "Quit playing games and tell us what happened!"

"But Guthrie already told you what happened!"

Guthrie whispers, "Heidi, just tell them what I said."

"I can't," I whisper back.

"Why not?"

"I wasn't listening," I whisper to him and he groans.

"You do realize we can hear you, don't you?" Adam says. I don't know what to say to that so I don't say anything, and I look away from him and over at Lucy. "Look at me Heidi and tell me what happened today."

"Help me," I whisper to Guthrie.

"I don't know how to," he whispers back.

Brian says, "it's a good thing you're holding a shovel Guthrie. Go get started on mucking out the stables. We'll talk to you later. You knew better."

I sigh and Crane asks, "where did you go?"

"Where did Guthrie say we went?"

"Stop it," Adam says.

"Stop what?" I ask.

"Stop asking questions and start talking, or so help me...,"

"Ok! I'll talk!" I look at Crane. "I'm sorry I lied to you. Guthrie wanted to play with me. He said he'd go adventuring with me if you said we could."

"So you lied to me?"

I nod my head. "I'm sorry."

"You're gonna be sorry," Adam says.

I look up at him. What does that mean? Usually Brian says that and then Adam tells him to be quiet.

"Why are you home from school?" Adam asks. I stare at him and then I look down at the ground. "Look up at me." He waits until I look at him and then he asks again, "why are you home?"

"My head hurt," I tell him quietly.

"Is that the truth?" He asks.

I look over at Crane and say, "yes," even quieter.

"How come I found these on my nightstand?" Adam reaches into his pocket and holds out his hand. He's holding the two little pink aspirin I laid on his nightstand and forgot to put back.

When I shrug my shoulders Crane says, "did you pretend to have a headache?"

Crane doesn't sound angry, he sounds disappointed and that makes me cry.

"I believed you Heidi. I let you stay home from school because I thought you were sick. Now I know you were lying and I'm not too happy about it," Crane says.

"I'm sorry." I try to stop crying, but I can't. He looks so disappointed.

He looks away from me to look at Adam. "I need to get back to the truck."

"I need to muck out the stables," Brian says. "I'll talk to Guthrie."

They leave and I look up at Adam. "What are you going to do." I wipe my eyes.

"We're going to the house."

"Why?"

"Because we've go some talking to do."

"Just talking?"

"We'll see." He starts to leave the barn and I watch him go. He stops and says, "come on."

I follow him even though I don't want to. I run to catch up to him and ask, "what do we have to talk about?"

He looks over at me and says, "lots. I was going to talk to you when you got home from school today, but this seems like a good time."

"But you didn't know what happened this morning. What were we going to talk about?"

"Oh I don't know, how about you running away last night to your friends house, and your attitude last night when I came into your room to talk to you? And now we get to add this morning's little trick with Crane. You know he's pretty upset with you. So is Brian. Brian needed those stables mucked out earlier so he could work out in the north pasture. But instead he had to waste his time looking for you. Same with Crane, he needed to figure out what was wrong with the truck this morning so if he needs a part we could pick it up later today when we pick up Hannah. But he had to waste his time looking for you too."

Adam is walking faster now and I have to run to catch up. He takes the porch steps two at a time and when we walk inside the house he points to the big comfy chair and says, "sit." Then he keeps walking into the kitchen.

"Why?" I ask him, but he ignores me. "Why do I have to sit in the chair?"

He comes back out to the living room and says, "because I told you to. I've got to do a few things before we talk."

"What things?" I ask, but he's already gone back into the kitchen. "What things Adam?" I yell.

He comes back out and says, "sit there and be quiet." When he goes back into the kitchen I can hear him opening the refrigerator and that reminds me that I haven't had any lunch.

I get up and walk into the kitchen. Adam is unwrapping something on the table. It looks like a big piece of meat.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

He looks over at me and says, "I'm getting dinner started. Where did I tell you to stay?"

"In there." I point to the living room. "But Adam, I'm hungry. I haven't had any lunch."

"I'm busy right now, go wait in there." He carries the meat to the stove and opens up a big pot and puts it inside.

"I'm hungry Adam. I can make my own lunch," I remind him.

He puts the lid on the pot and looks over at me and says, "go." Then he walks into the laundry room. I walk into the kitchen so I can see what he's doing. He's loading the washing machine.

"Why are you doing that?" I ask him.

"Go sit in the living room and wait for me there!" He yells. "I'm trying really hard to calm down because I am so angry with you! But you're not making it easy by bugging me. GO SIT IN THAT CHAIR!"

I walk back into the living room to the chair. Adam is super mad, this isn't going to be a good _talk_. I sit down, but then I get a great idea! I walk to the big desk where the phone is and pick it up. Wait, I have to find the phone number first. I open the phone book and look for the Ms. Where is it..., there. Marie's restaurant.

I pick up the phone and dial the number. After it rings for a long time someone finally answers. I think it's Marie.

"Marie's."

"Hi," I speak quietly into the phone, "this is Heidi, can I talk to Hannah?"

"Sure, is everything alright?"

"Yes, I just need to ask her something. It's really important."

"Ok, just a minute."

I wait on the phone for a minute. I hope Adam doesn't come in. I listen and I don't hear the washing machine on yet, so I think I have time.

"Hi Heidi, what's wrong? Are you not feeling well? Do you need someone to pick you up from school?"

"No. When are you coming home?"

"What?"

"When are you coming home?"

"Adam's coming to pick me up in a few hours. Why?"

"Can you come home now?"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Can you come home now, pleeeeeease?"

"Are you at home?"

"Yes. You need to come home now."

"Why? What's wrong? Is Adam there?"

"No, he's not in here."

"Where's Crane or Brian?"

"Outside."

"Are you in the house alone? Is Guthrie with you? Let me talk to Guthrie."

"He's outside. Will you come home now?"

"I'll get a ride and leave now. When you see Adam, tell him I'm on my way so he doesn't come into town to pick me up."

"Ok. Bye." I hang up the phone just as Adam walks in.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Hannah said not to pick her up. She's coming home now."

"Hannah called? I didn't hear the phone ring."

I shrug my shoulders. "She said to tell you she's getting a ride."

"Why? She knows I need to come back into town anyway."

"She didn't say why."

"Why didn't you tell me she called?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Next time she calls like that, you let me know. I can't believe she didn't ask to talk to me. I'm going to call the restaurant and see what's going on."

"No, you can't call!"

"Why not?"

I stare up at him. "You just can't."

"Go sit down in the chair." He picks up the phone.

"No, you can't call her!" I try to grab the phone but he slams it down.

"Sit!" He yells and he swats my bottom and points to the chair.

"Ow!" I fold my arms across my chest and give him a glare before I stomp over to the chair and throw myself down in it. Then I glare across the room at the wall and listen to him dial.

"Yeah, hi Marie, this is Adam. Is Hannah still there?"

I look over at him and hope she's gone.

"Yes, everything's fine Marie," Adam says and he glares at me so I look away. "Hi Hannah. Heidi said...," he's quiet now so Hannah must be talking. "No she's not inside the house alone. Is that what she told you? _She_ called _you_? She said what?" I put my head down on the armrest. This isn't gonna go very well. "No, I'm inside with her and I have been the whole time. I was doing laundry when she called you." I sigh. I wish she had left already. "Because she tricked Crane into thinking she was sick." Is he gonna tell her everything? "Look, stay at work, everything's fine here, and I'll pick you up like we planned. Although it might be Brian or Crane who picks you up because I don't know how long it's going to take to straighten out this little girl. We've got a lot of talking to do." I groan. "Love you too. Bye." He hangs up the phone.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do," Adam says. Well at least he's not yelling. "Why did you call Hannah?"

"I wanted her to come home."

"Why?!"

"Because you're mad! I thought she could help you calm down!" I yell at him.

Adam looks shocked. I don't think that's good. "You are just spiraling out of control!" He yells.

"What?" I don't know what he means by that.

"You're out of control!"

"Adam...,"

"No, I'm talking now! You...,"

"Adam...,"

"Girl, you better..,"

"Adam! I smell something burning!"

"Dang it!" Adam runs to the kitchen and I get up to follow him. He runs to the stove and lifts the lid, "ow! That's hot!" He drops the lid back on the pot and picks up a pot holder. He lifts the lid again and looks in the pot. "I just need to add more water." He finds another pot holder and I run for the back door. "Hey! Get back here!" I hear a crash and footsteps behind me as I open the door and run out onto the porch, but them I'm grabbed from behind and pulled back in.

"Let me go!" I yell as I try to break free.

"No!" Adam yells and he spanks me one time.

"Ow! Stop doing that!"

Adam grabs my arms and spins me around so I'm facing him and he kneels down so he's looking right into my eyes. "Don't run away from me! Don't tell me not to spank you either!"

He yells right in my face and it scares me. He's really angry. Then he stands up and leads me over to the stool by the stove and sits me up on top of it.

"You are going to sit right here until I'm done cleaning this mess up, and then you and I are going to have a serious discussion!" I don't like the sound of that. "If you so much as move from that stool, I'll get that rope you tied Guthrie up with yesterday and tie _you_ to a chair!"

"I don't think you can do that," I tell him while he looks down at the mess on the floor.

He looks back at me. "Wanna bet?"

The way he's glaring at me tells me I'd better not say anything so I shake my head back and forth slowly while I look into his eyes.

"Good answer." He looks back down at the floor and I do too.

The pot is lying on the floor and the big piece of meat that was in it has rolled out onto the floor. I watch Adam pick up the pot and put it on the counter and then he looks down at the meat. I can tell he doesn't know what to do with it. Then he picks it up with his bare hands and carries it to the sink and turns the faucet on.

When he holds the meat under the water I yell, "yuck!" He glares at me and I ask, "you're not gonna cook that are you?" He looks back at the meat and starts rinsing it off. "I don't think Hannah's gonna like that," I tell him.

"It's fine Heidi. I'm rinsing it off."

"I bet Hannah wouldn't do that."

I think he's ignoring me because he keeps rinsing it off and then he puts it back in the pot. He puts some water in the pot and carries it to the stove.

"The floor's dirty," I tell him.

"I can see that." He turns the burner on and puts the lid on the pot.

"What are you making?"

"Pot roast."

That's _not_ my favorite dinner. Not even close. "Do I have to eat it?"

"No, you don't have to eat it."

"Good. What can I have instead?" I ask him as he picks up a dish towel and wipes the floor with it.

"Nothing," he says. "We're having pot roast. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat."

"But then I'll starve to death!"

"Bummer." He keeps wiping the floor with the towel.

"Hannah wouldn't clean that up like that."

He stops wiping and looks up at me, "I'm about ready to put some duct tape over your mouth." Then he goes back to wiping.

Hmmm. I wonder if he would really do that. Right now, I think he probably would. I'd better not talk anymore. I watch him get up and put the towel on the counter.

"Hannah would put that in the laundry room." Oops! I cover my mouth with my hand and stare at Adam. He glares at me and throws the towel towards the laundry room and it lands on the floor in the doorway. Then he looks at me.

"I don't care where Hannah would put that towel right now, so don't you dare tell me! It landed on the floor, and that's where it's staying! Now get up and go into the living room with me!"

He's mad again. I slide down from the stool and follow him to the living room. He walks to the couch and I sit in the big comfy chair, way far away from him. When he sits down he looks over at me. "Come sit over here," he says.

"Why?"

"Because I want you to."

"No thanks," I tell him.

"I'm not asking!" He yells.

"Oh, I didn't know that," I say quietly and I get up and walk to the couch across from him.

"Heidi, listen to me right now," he says in his very serious voice, "I am super angry with you right now and...,"

"Hannah says it's not good to punish kids when you're angry. I've heard her say that before."

"I know that! And I don't need Hannah to tell me that! Or you!"

He stands up and starts pacing. That's not really a good thing. I watch him and my stomach starts to hurt.

"Adam? I'm hungry." When he doesn't say anything I tell him again. "Did you hear me? I'm hungry. I didn't have any lunch."

He stops pacing and glares at me. "None of us had any lunch! You wanna know why?! Because we were too busy wasting our time looking for you!" He starts pacing again and I watch him for a while, but he doesn't stop so I stop watching.

Adam's pretty mad. I'm not really sure why he's _this_ mad though. "Adam? Why are you so mad?"

He stops pacing and looks at me. He looks really angry now. "Why am I so mad?! Did you just ask me _why_ am I so mad?!" I don't think I'm supposed to answer that question, so I don't. "Come over here!"

I stare at him. Where? He's pacing. Does he want me to pace with him? I don't get any time to ask because he walks to me and picks me up off the couch I'm sitting on and puts me on the couch he 'was' sitting on. Then he pulls the coffee table close and sits down on it. "Why am I so mad Heidi?" He asks me. He's staring straight into my eyes.

"Because I stayed home from school?"

"Why would that make me mad?" He asks.

"Because you wanted me to go?"

"No!"

"You wanted me to stay home?" I'm confused.

"No! What did you do to Crane today?"

"Oh." I put my head down. "I tricked him."

"You _lied_ to him! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" I look up at him. "Do you know what you've put us through these past couple of days?"

I stare at him. I don't know what he's talking about.

"You don't, do you?"

I shake my head no.

"Well listen very carefully, because this is going to take a while." I look at Adam's face and he doesn't look as mad right now. He looks very, very serious. "You jumped off a bridge, you lied about how you lost your shoes, you were a complete brat in Sonora when we went shopping," he pauses I guess to think. I didn't know he was gonna go this far back. "You took off on Lucy, you snuck down to the morgue," he says a few other things but I don't hear them because I feel really bad now. My stomach is hurting and not because I'm hungry, but because he's saying a lot of things. "You played with an ax, you broke Hannah's necklace, you ditched school...," I did a lot of bad things. "You snuck away in the truck last night to run away, went to your friend's house, lied to Crane this morning..," that's all I can take. I start to cry.

"Oh no you don't!" Adam yells. "You're not going to cry!" That makes me cry harder.

"I'm sorry! I did a lot of bad things. I'm sorry." I can't stop crying. "Adam?" I look up at him and he looks a little sad now. "I'm... sorry."

"Come here," he says as he lifts me off the couch and hugs me. I cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Adam."

"I know. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said all of that to you at once. That's a lot for you to take in. I'm just so frustrated with you right now Heidi. You keep running away and that hurts."

"It does?"

"Yes! How would you feel if I ran away?"

I think about that. "I wouldn't like that at all! I'd be sad!"

"That's how I feel when you run away."

"I'm sorry."

Adam hugs me until I'm done crying. "Sit down," he says and he lets go of me.

I sit back down on the couch and look at him. "What?"

"We need to discuss yesterday's behavior and now today's."

"But we just did," I tell him.

"We didn't discuss anything."

"Yes we did! You told me all the stuff I did wrong."

"That's not talking about it, that's...,"

I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. "Yes it is! You told me what I did wrong and I said I'm sorry!"

"That's not how this works. We need to talk...,"

He's saying stuff but I don't hear it. Why do we always have to _talk_ about everything I do that's wrong? Why can't he just tell me what I did was wrong and let me tell him I'm sorry and then he grounds me? Why...,

"Heidi!"

I jump a little and look at him.

"Are you listening to me?"

I hate that question. I stare at him and wonder what I should say. Finally I think of something. "I'm _trying_ to."

"Try harder. I was explaining to you how...,"

He couldn't have done a whole lot of explaining in that short amount of time. Wait, I'd better listen. He's probably going to ask me a question when he's done talking.

"That was dangerous!" He yells. "Do you...,"

What was dangerous? Think, what's he talking about. He can't be talking about the ax, can he? We already talked about that. Maybe he's talking about...,

"Gosh darn it Heidi! You're not listening, are you?!"

"Yes I am. You said that was dangerous."

"_What_ was dangerous?"

"The ax part?" I can tell from the expression on his face that that's the wrong answer.

"What are you talking about?!"

Now I'm frustrated. "I don't know! You're yelling at me and my ears can't hear you!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Well, it does to me!" I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them. I rest my head on my knees and close my eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asks.

"Resting. You're giving me a headache."

"_I'm_ giving _you_ a headache?!" He pulls me up so I'm standing and spanks me two times.

"Ow! That hurt!" I sit back down and glare at him.

Adam stands up and picks up the newspaper off the coffee table. Then he sits on the couch I'm sitting on and opens it up.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading."

"Are we done talking?"

"No. We're taking a break. You let me know when you're ready to listen, and then we'll talk."

"Ok." I smile. That's sounds good to me. I kick my shoes off and scoot to the other end of the couch and lay down. This is the best _discussion_ we've ever had.

* * *

I've been staring at the ceiling for a long time now and I'm really bored. Adam is still reading the newspaper and I wonder when he'll be finished. "Are you almost done reading that?"

"Why? Are you ready to listen?" He asks. He doesn't even take his eyes off the paper.

"No, I'm still resting. I was just wondering if you were almost done."

He turns the page and shakes out the newspaper to get the page straight. I watch him for a little while and then I ask, "don't you have work to do?"

"It can wait. This is waaay more important than ranch work."

"Oh. When do you have to leave to pick up Hannah?"

"I don't. I'll have Brian or Crane pick her up."

He keeps his eyes on the newspaper while he answers my questions so I ask, "are you even reading the newspaper?"

"Yep. There's a very interesting article about..,"

"Adam!"

"What?"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" He's still looking at the paper so I sit up and move closer to him.

"You're talking to the newspaper."

"No, I'm talking to you."

"Then why aren't you looking at me?"

"Because I'm reading."

"But don't you need to do something? What about dinner?"

"I don't have to add the vegetables to the pot until later."

I sigh because I'm very bored. I pull out the buffalo nickel and green rock from my pocket. "Look what I found today." I hold my hand out for Adam to see, but he doesn't look. "It's a rock and a nickel with a buffalo on it," I tell him. "I bet a miner left it."

"Buffalo nickels weren't around way back then. Heidi, if you're not ready to listen and talk with me, you need to sit there quietly."

"But this boring!"

"Heidi, I don't have anything to do except have a talk with you about your behavior, and you haven't told me you're ready yet. I have lots of time to wait."

He keeps looking at the newspaper and it's making me mad. "Fine! I have lots of time to wait too!"

Then he says, "great. You should know though, for every fifteen minutes you wait, you're going to bed a half an hour early tonight." He looks at his watch. "And from the looks of it, you're going to bed a half hour early, _and_ you're very close to an hour early."

"What?! You can't do that!"

"Sure I can."

"But you didn't _tell_ me that in the beginning! That's not fair!"

"Sure it is." He looks at his watch again. "It's almost been another fifteen minutes."

"Ok! I'm ready to listen! I'm ready!"

Adam folds the newspaper up and puts it back on the coffee table. "Then let's talk."


	18. Chapter 18

When I walk out to the porch it's hot. In the distance I can see dark thunderhead clouds so I know it's going to be muggy pretty soon. We're supposed to have a thunderstorm later this afternoon. At least that's what the newspaper said.

I sit down on the top step and look over to the barn. Guthrie is carrying the wheelbarrow over to the manure pile and dumping the load there. I hope he didn't get in too much trouble for going with me to find treasure. I hope he's not mad at me again either.

Crane is still working on the truck. I hope he figures out what's wrong with it, before it's time to pick up Hannah. I think Adam's leaving soon to pick her up from work.

At least I hope Adam's leaving soon. I don't really feel like seeing him right now. He did a whole lot of yelling at me just a little while ago and then he gave me a spanking. It hurt a lot and when I told him that, he said I was lucky I was only getting one spanking for everything I did.

I think I'll go talk to Crane. I need to apologize to him for lying. I walk down the porch steps and slowly walk over to Crane. I hope he's not too mad at me. I stop when I'm almost to him. Maybe this isn't a good time to talk to him. Maybe I should talk to him later because he's busy right now. I turn to leave but Crane calls me over. I turn back around and walk to him slowly.

"Did you find out what's wrong with the truck?" I ask him.

"Not yet."

I go stand next to him and watch while he fiddles around with something under the hood. I'm quiet because I'm not sure if I should talk to him. He walks around me to get in the truck and starts the engine. When he walks back to the front of the truck I decide to try talking.

"Crane?"

"What?" He holds his rag over a cap and unscrews it.

"I'm sorry I lied to you today."

"Hold on," he says and he walks around the truck and turns the engine off.

When he walks back around I ask, "am I bothering you?"

"No. Just hold on a second, I'm almost done."

I watch him put a metal stick down in the place where he took the cap off. It looks like he's checking the oil, except I know he's not because I've watched my brothers check the oil a million times, and that's not where the oil is.

He takes the stick out, looks at it and then wipes it off. He screws the cap back on and asks me to hand him the wrench. I find it in the toolbox and hand it to him.

He tightens something and says, "Heidi, I'm really disappointed you lied to me."

"I know."

He finishes what he's doing and then closes the hood.

"Are you done?" I ask. "Is it fixed."

"Yes." He puts the wrench back and picks up the toolbox. I follow him to the barn which is where he's going to put the toolbox back.

"Does it need a new part?"

"No. Come sit." He pats a hay bale that's stacked two high and lifts me up and sits me on top of it. "Let's talk."

I've heard those words a lot today. Crane's still taller than me even though I'm on the hay bale so I look up at him.

"Heidi, the trouble with lying is, I can't trust you to tell me the truth now. If you told me your head was hurting right now, I wouldn't believe you. Do you understand that?"

I look into his eyes and nod my head.

"It hurts me when you lie to me," he says.

"It does?" I feel really bad now.

"Yes. I'm really upset with you that you lied to me. I thought I could trust you, I thought you were telling me the truth. It really hurt when I found out you lied. It hurts right here in my heart." He puts his hand over his heart and my eyes start to water.

"Do you forgive me?" I ask.

"Not yet. It still hurts too much."

The tears roll down my cheeks. "Do you still love me?"

"Yes, but I'm also very disappointed and angry with you."

"You're angry?"

"Of course. Did you lie to me because Adam and Brian weren't around?"

I think about that, except I already know the answer is yes.

"You did, didn't you?"

I nod my head.

"How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Bad?"

"Right. So the next time you come to ask me if you can do something, be prepared for me to say no."

I cry out loud now. I feel horrible. "I'm sorry Crane. I won't lie to you again."

"The sad part about that is, I can't believe you."

I cover my face with my hands and cry into them. I can't look at him right now.

"I need to go tell Adam the truck doesn't need a part," he tells me. "Do you want to walk to the house with me, or stay out here?"

All I can do is shake my head no, while I cover my face with my hands. I feel Crane hug me quickly and he says, "just remember, I'm angry with you, but I still love you." Then he leaves.

* * *

"What are you doing up here?" Guthrie asks when he gets to the top of the ladder. I could hear him climbing up to the loft, and I thought about hiding, but decided not to.

"I'm just sitting up here," I tell him. I don't look at him because I don't want him to see I've been crying. "What are you doing up here?" I ask him.

"We need another pitchfork and I couldn't find one down there so I thought I'd look up here."

"It's over there," I tell him while I point to the corner where the pitchfork is leaning against the wall.

Guthrie takes it and then asks, "what's wrong?"

I shrug my shoulders and look out the loft window. The dark clouds are getting closer. They're still way off in the distance, but they're moving this way.

"Did you get in trouble?" Guthrie asks.

I nod my head and start to cry quietly. "Guthrie, are you mad at me?" He doesn't answer. Why isn't he answering? "Are you?" I look at him now and he looks at me and sees me crying.

Brian yells from down below, "did you find that pitchfork Guthrie?"

"Yeah, I'll be right down." He looks right at me when he says that, and then he starts climbing down the ladder.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask again before his head disappears.

"I don't know." Then he's gone.

"Who are you talking to?" Brian asks Guthrie.

"Heidi. She's up there."

I hope he doesn't tell Brian I'm crying.

"Get down here and help us," Brian yells up to me.

I wipe my eyes and my cheeks and stand up. I really don't feel like helping right now, but I know I don't have a choice, so I walk to the ladder and climb down.

"What were you doing up there?" Brian asks me. He hands me a shovel and I take it.

"Nothing."

"Well, there's a lot of work that still needs to get done, so get to work."

I watch to see what they're doing so I know where to help. When we muck out the stables, there's two kinds of ways we do it. One way is to just clean out the dirty parts. The other way is to clean out the whole stall and that's what they're doing today. It's hard work, especially for me, but I help as best as I can.

"Let's hurry up and get this finished, I still have to get out to the pasture," Brian says. "A lot of time got wasted today."

I know he's talking about having to look for us. "I'm sorry Brian."

"Sorry doesn't help right now," Brian says.

I figured he'd be mad at me. The three of us work quietly until the job is finished. I feel like we worked for hours and I'm exhausted. With all the walking we did today and then mucking out the stalls, my body aches. I'm tired from all the yelling, and talking to, and the spanking too. I feel really sad that I hurt my brothers. I look over at Guthrie. He looks tired too.

Once all our shovels and pitchforks are put away Brian gets his saddle out.

"Brian, I'm hungry. Can I make something to eat?" I ask him.

"I'm hungry too," Guthrie says.

"I'm hungry too," Brian says, "but I still have work to do. I guess you guys can get something to eat, but when you're done I want you to brush the horses. I didn't get a chance to brush them earlier." Brian looks right at me when he says that last part and I look away.

Brian carries his saddle to his horse and Guthrie and I leave the barn to walk to the house. I notice the jeep is gone which means either Adam or Crane went to pick up Hannah. I hope it's both of them.

* * *

Guthrie and I have been quiet the whole way to the house and even in the kitchen while we make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The house is empty which is strange because the stove is still on. I wonder if Adam meant to leave it on, or if he forgot about it. Hannah always has somebody check on what's cooking on the stove when she has to leave the kitchen.

Guthrie hands me a sandwich and I take it. "Guthrie, should we make a sandwich for Brian?"

"I don't think so. I'm not sure which pasture he's going to. He told us to brush the horses too, so I don't think he'd be too happy if we didn't do that."

"Maybe we can bring him a sandwich when we're done brushing the horses."

"Maybe."

Guthrie and I walk out the back door to the porch and sit down on the back steps to eat.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask Guthrie.

"I don't know. Brian was really mad I didn't wait for him. He said I should've known better."

"Sorry. I didn't mean for you to get in trouble."

"I did have fun with you today though."

"Me too," I tell him.

"But I'm feeling sad right now."

"Sad because of me?" I ask him.

"No. Sad because I'm thinking about Mike right now."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Guthrie's quiet now so I let him be. I'm not really sure what to talk about, or if I should talk to him. I don't know what to do. When we finish our sandwiches we walk to the barn and on the way I ask, "do you think Brian knows both Adam and Crane are gone?"

"No, he would've made us come with him if he knew that."

"That's what I thought. Do you think one of us should stay in the kitchen because the stove's on?"

Guthrie stops walking and says, "yeah, that could be dangerous. Do you want to go back, or brush the horses? Never mind, you brush the horses and I'll watch the stove. I don't think you'd know what to do if there was a fire."

He's right. I watch him walk back to the house and then I walk to the barn.

* * *

Brushing the horses is a fun job for me. The only horse I'm not allowed to brush is Evan's horse, Diablo. Diablo likes me, but he can be finicky sometimes and then he gets mad. I start with Lucy first because she's the easiest horse to get. The horses seem a little skittish right now. Probably because they know a thunderstorm is coming.

I look out at the sky and watch the thunderhead clouds get closer. They're really dark over the high country, and they're still only gray here, but the whole sky is almost gray now.

I tie Lucy to the fence and start brushing her. She loves to be brushed. All the horses do. I pet Lucy before I start brushing her because she seems nervous.

"Are you scared, girl? It's ok if you are. I'm scared too. I don't like thunderstorms. But it's not here yet, Lucy. It's still coming. So try not to be scared." I pet her some more and then look at the sky off in the distance. I'm pretty sure I just saw a flash a lightning way far away. I bet it's too far away to hear the thunder, and I'm right because I've almost counted to twenty-five in my head and I haven't heard any yet. That's good. I just need the storm to stay away until I'm done brushing the horses.

When I'm done brushing Lucy I put her in her stall so she can be sheltered from the lightning when it comes. I click my tongue at Adam's horse and he walks over. While I'm brushing him I hear the first sound of rolling thunder. I start to feel scared. Thunder really scares me. Even in the daytime. The storm is still far away, but I know it's going to be here soon. I still have to get all these horses brushed and then I don't know if I should put them in their stalls. I don't know what my brothers do with the horses when it's just a thunderstorm. We're not supposed to get any rain.

The horses are starting to get skittish. Especially Diablo. I look up at the sky and it's dark gray now. Lightening flashes again and this time I only count to twenty before I hear the thunder. I'm scared. I look over at the house and wish I was there. I need to hurry up and get these horses brushed so I go to the house and be with Guthrie.

There's a bright flash of lightning that startles me. I freeze and count, "one, two, three, four, five," all the way up to ten, and the thunder cracks! I drop the brush and run inside the barn. I am so scared! I don't like this! Usually I'm with one of my brothers during storms. Usually they come find me in a storm because they know I get scared. More lightning flashes. I can see it through the cracks in the barn, and then the thunder booms this time. I don't even get to count!

"I'm scared!" I yell to no one. I want to run to the house, but I'm too scared. I find a spot behind some hay bales to sit down on the ground and then I hug my knees to my chest. The thunder booms again and I cry.

"Heidi! Heidi! I'm here!"

It's Guthrie! He finds me and sits with me. "I came as fast as I could. You're ok Heidi. Ok?"

He looks into my eyes when he says that and I nod my head even though I'm crying.

"I'm right here with you," he says. The thunder cracks and I scream. Guthrie hugs me and says, "you're going to be ok Heidi."

I'm so scared. The next crack of thunder is so loud I think the barn is gonna fall down. I can hear Lucy whinnying and Guthrie says, "that one was close."

"I'm scared!"

"I know. It should be over soon."

We sit huddled together through the storm. It feels like forever to me. The thunder doesn't boom as much now, and it sounds like it's further away.

"Guthrie? What about the pot on the stove?"

"I turned the burner off. Don't worry, I'm gonna stay out here with you. When the storm's over you can go back to the house, and I'll brush the horses." He squeezes me when there's a loud crack of thunder.

"No, I don't want to be in there by myself. I'm scared, Guthrie."

"Ok, we'll both brush the horses and go to the house together."

"Thanks Guthrie."

We sit together listening to the storm. With every flash of lightning I brace myself for the thunder. It's starting to sound further away. With the next flash of lightning Guthrie says, "count with me. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four...,"

There's a loud boom and I scream again.

"It's ok," Guthrie says. He hugs me and we wait for the lightning again. When it flashes Guthrie starts counting and I wish for him to be able to count to a hundred before the thunder booms. This time he counts to six and then hugs me tight for the crack of thunder.

"See, it's going away now."

I know he's right, but I still feel scared. I won't feel ok until the storm is gone. There's a few more flashes of lightning and cracks of thunder before Guthrie finally counts to twenty.

"See, it's long gone now." There's a flash of lightning and he says, "count with me."

I count with him and he smiles real big when we count past twenty and still haven't heard any thunder. I smile too. When we finally hear the thunder, it's way far away.

"Are you ok now?" Guthrie asks.

I nod my head and smile at him. "Thanks Guthrie."

Guthrie's never sat through a storm with me before. I'm so glad he came out. He stands up and holds out his hand to me. I take it and he helps pull me up. "Let's get the horses brushed and then we'll go to the house."

I wipe my eyes and cheeks with my sleeve and watch Guthrie get a brush. He seems normal right now. I like it because I've missed him so much. I get a brush and help him brush the horses. I hope this Guthrie stays, and the sad, mean Guthrie never comes back.

* * *

When we run into the kitchen, Guthrie runs to the stove and turns the burner on.

"What should we do now?" I ask him.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They obviously didn't realize they left us home by ourselves. Adam and Crane thought Brian would watch us, and Brian thought one of them was watching us. So we can't do anything."

He's right. Guthrie sits down at the kitchen table so I do too. He seems quiet again so I ask him what he's thinking about.

"Mike. I keep seeing him let go of the rope over and over and over again in my head. I don't know how to make it stop."

I don't know what to say to that so neither one of us speaks for a long time. Not until the front door opens and Daniel, Evan and Ford walk into the kitchen.

"Did you hear that storm?" Daniel asks us.

"It was so loud!" I tell him.

"I know. Were you ok?" Daniel asks me.

"Where is everyone?" Evan asks.

My brothers put their folders and books on the table and get glasses of water.

"Adam and Crane are picking Hannah up at work, and Brian's out in the pasture," Guthrie tells them.

"They left you here alone?" Ford asks.

"I don't think they knew they were doing that," I tell them.

"I'm going to get started on my chores," Evan says. "I've got a ton of homework to do since we'll be out of school tomorrow. My teachers gave me a lot of work."

"Same here," Ford says. "It's almost like they give more work to kids who are absent."

"At least you'll breeze right through yours," Evan says.

"How come you're gonna be absent tomorrow?" I ask.

"Mike's service is tomorrow," Daniel reminds me.

I look at Guthrie. I think all of us are looking at Guthrie. He's staring into space.

"Are you going to be ok going tomorrow, Guthrie?" Evan asks him.

When he doesn't answer, Daniel asks, "are you ok?"

"Yes," he says quietly.

"He's probably thinking about Mike," I tell him. "He says he keeps seeing him over and over in his head and he can't make it stop."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Daniel asks.

"No." Guthrie gets up and leaves the kitchen so I get up to follow him.

"Leave him alone right now Heidi," Daniel says.

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't want to talk."

"Maybe he'll talk to me."

"Try later. Right now just give him some space."

I don't think he needs space. That's all he does is stare into space.

"Let's get those chores done," Ford says.

Daniel says, "you guys go ahead. I'll stay here with these guys."

"I'm gonna go outside," I tell Daniel. "I don't need to be babysat." I get up and follow Evan and Ford out the back door.

"Make sure you stay around the house or the barn," Daniel yells after me.

* * *

I guess I'd better feed the chickens since that's my chore and I haven't done it yet. I get some feed and scatter some around before pouring most of it into a bowl. I'm bored now. I would love to ride Lucy right now, but I can't because of the concussion I had. Maybe I'll just go climb a tree. I think I'll climb the big oak tree in the front yard.

I run to the house and over to the tree. I start climbing and I keep climbing until I'm as high as I can go. Then I sit and look through the leaves.

Brian is back from the pasture. He's on his horse talking to Evan and Ford. I watch him get down and take off the saddle. I look down the driveway because I hear a car. The jeep is back. Adam parks it near the truck and he gets out along with Hannah and Crane. They start walking to the house, but Brian calls them and they stop and wait for him to run up.

"Were you able to get the fence parts ordered?"

"Yes. I ordered more barbed wire too. It should be in next week," Adam tells him. "How did Heidi do with the storm? I thought about her when it blew through town."

"I don't know. She wasn't with me," Brian says and he looks at Crane.

"I went with Adam," Crane tells him.

"I didn't know both of you went into town," Brian says.

"Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good," Hannah says.

"I feel bad," Adam says. "I hope she wasn't too scared, although I think we all know she was terrified. I'd better go find her, but I think I'm the last person she wants to see right now."

"Why, what happened?" Hannah asks.

Adam tells her what happened this morning and about the talk we had. When he tells them about the spanking Hannah says, "that reminds me, there's a chapter about spanking in the parenting book I've been reading. I skimmed through it, but haven't had a chance to really read it yet."

Brian laughs and says, "I don't think we need to read about how to give one of those."

"I think the chapter is more about whether or not you should spank kids to begin with," Hannah tells them.

What?! And I tore _those_ pages out! I wish I hadn't now.

All three of my brothers laugh at that and Adam says, "what kind of parenting book is this?"

"It must be some sort of new-age hippie garbage," Brian says.

Hannah slaps his arm playfully and says, "it is not!"

Brian laughs and says, "ok, ok! But can you just imagine if dad read something like that?"

"No!" Crane says. "But when I was in college there really are people who believe there's a new way of thinking about different parenting styles, and what's best."

"I was reading about that," Hannah says. "They are also learning more about kid's behaviors and...,"

"Ok," Brian says, "let's leave the lecture for another day. I've got work to do."

"I'm just saying there's new ways of thinking out there," Hannah yells after him.

"I'll stick with my way!" Brian yells back.

Crane laughs and Adam says, "I know you like reading about this kind of stuff, Hannah, but I don't have time for that. What was good enough for mom and dad is good enough for me."

Hannah says, "I just think with someone as challenging as Heidi it might be good to..."

Adam interrupts her. "Hannah, all kids can be challenging at times. Trust me, I know. Daniel and Evan were 'very' challenging. They tested the rules and limits all the time. Ford and Guthrie were the sensitive type which is challenging in a different way. Heidi, well, she's Heidi. In some ways she's been the most challenging out of them all."

"In 'all' ways is what I think you meant to say," Crane says.

"Heidi tests the limits every day," Crane says.

"Multiple times," Adam adds and they laugh a little. So do I.

"Speak of the devil..," Crane says.

The three of them walk under the tree and look up at me. I wave down to them. "Hi."

"Climb down," Hannah says, "you shouldn't be climbing trees after you've had a concussion."

I climb a few branches down and then jump to the ground. Hannah gasps and look up at her from where I landed. "What?"

"Stay out of trees for a few more days," she says. "That jump you just did was dangerous."

When she says dangerous that reminds me of something and I fold my arms across my chest and look up at Hannah.

"What?" She asks.

"Adam did something dangerous today," I tell her.

Her and Crane look at Adam and he shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know what she's talking about."

They all look at me and I point my finger and shake it at him while I say, "you left the stove on. You could've burned the whole house down!"

Now Hannah and Crane look at Adam and he says, "I did, didn't I. I forgot I was cooking dinner."

I look at Hannah. "See! Dangerous!"

"That was dangerous. It's a good thing you were here to watch it," Hannah says.

"And you know what else? He dropped the meat on the floor and cooked it anyway!"

"I rinsed it off," Adam says.

"Isn't that gross Hannah?" I ask her.

She says, "oh my, that does sound disgusting."

"See!" I tell Adam. "I told you she wouldn't like it!"

I look at Hannah and see her smile and wink at Adam. "I guess rinsing it off will have to do," she says.

"You know what else he did?"

Crane laughs and pats Adam on the back and says, "I think someone's tattling on you."

The three of them start walking to the house and I go with them. "Adam used the _good_ dishtowel to wipe the mess up off the floor. Your _good_ one!" _And_ he didn't let me eat any lunch!"

"You didn't eat any lunch?" Hannah asks.

"Hey, _none_ of us ate any lunch," Adam says, "and _you_ know why." He tries to whack me on the top of my head, but I run to the other side of Hannah and laugh.

"Missed me!"

Hannah says, "well let's see if I can get things back in order around here. I won't be working tomorrow because of the service, but I have all day Saturday to get this house back in order. I'll have you boys whipped back into shape in no time."

I think that's funny so I laugh.

"Very funny," Adam says.

"The only place I need to go on Saturday, is to the library," Hannah says. "I've got to return the library books."

I stop walking. "What? You're returning the books this Saturday?"

Hannah turns around to look at me while Adam and Crane walk up the steps.

"Yes."

"_All_ of the library books?" I ask her.

"Yes. Why? Didn't you get a chance to read all the ones I checked out for you?"

What do I do? I can't let her return the parenting book with the pages ripped out! "Yes, I read them all," I tell her. "But what if I can't _find_ one of the books?"

"Did you lose a library book?"

"Maybe."

"If you can't find it, we have to pay for it," she says.

"How much?"

"That depends on the book. Why don't you go look for it and if you can't find it, I'll help you look for it after dinner. I need to check on dinner right now."

We walk up the porch steps and into the house together. She heads for the kitchen and I run upstairs to my room. I've got to figure out what to do about Hannah's library book. Should I hide it, or try to fix it?

* * *

I feel around under my bed for my flashlight and once I find it, I turn it on.

Wow, there's a big mess under my bed! It's because my room is so small I can't fit anything in here except for my bed and a dresser. I don't even have a closet. I find the torn library book pages and drag them out. Now what?

I guess the only thing to do is put them back in the book. I look at the pages to figure out how I should do that. Should I glue them back in? Staple them? I don't know what to do. When Ford walks by my doorway I shove the pages under my bed and call out to him. He stands in my doorway.

"How do you fix a torn page in a book?" I asks him.

"I use scotch tape."

"Oh yeah! Thanks Ford."

I get up and squeeze by him.

"Hey wait," he says and I stop and look up at him.

"What?"

"What book has the ripped page in it?"

I don't know what to say.

"I could help you tape it," he says.

"No, that's ok," I tell him. "I don't need any help." I run downstairs to the living room and over to the big desk.

* * *

I've got everything I need. I have the tape and I brought up the glue and stapler just in case I need them, and most importantly, I have the parenting book.

I look at the page numbers on the pages I'm holding and open the book to that page. Then I stare at the book, and then at the pages, and then back at the book. Who am I kidding? This isn't going to work! There's no way I can put these pages back. The stapler can't fit in the crack and there's nothing to tape the pages to. If I use glue it's just gonna make a big mess, so I sigh. Maybe if I think about it some more, I'll come up with something.

I can't think of anything. Now I'm frustrated. I'm mad. I want to put these pages back, but I don't know how to. I pick up the scotch tape and throw it against the wall, only it doesn't go the way I wanted it to. It goes towards my doorway and out into the hall.

"Ow!" Ford says.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to throw it out into the hallway."

Ford comes in and sits on the floor across from me. He puts the tape on the floor and looks at everything laying there.

"What's all this for?" He asks. "Is that Hannah's library book?"

I look down at the floor and say, "yes."

"What happened to it?"

"I accidentally tore a page out." I still look down at the floor.

"How do you _accidentally_ tear a page out? This looks like more than just one page too," he says while he looks at the pages on my floor.

I don't answer him right away. Instead I pick up the pages and try to flatten them out. They got wrinkled underneath my bed.

"Heidi?" Ford says. "What happened? Why are those pages ripped out?"

I sigh and look up at him. "I tore them out of the book so Hannah couldn't read them."

"Why?"

I hand him the first page of the chapter that reads, "to spank, or not to spank."

"Oh," Ford says. "I can see why you want to put these back."

"Can you help me? I bet you can think of a way to put these pages back."

Ford takes the book and opens it. "The pages were torn out at the spine. I can't fix them."

"What?! Please can you help me? Pleeeeeease?"

"Heidi, you can't fix things every time you ruin something. I think you should go tell Hannah what happened."

"Noooooo! I don't want to! She's gonna be mad!"

"Yes, she'll be mad, and if you tell her what happened right now, maybe she won't be quite as angry."

He's got a point. She's gonna find the pages missing when she reads the book, and I bet she'll know I took them out. My brothers and Hannah always know when I'm in trouble. I think a lot about what Ford said. He's right. I need to show Hannah what I've done right now.

"Do you want me to go with you?" He asks.

I nod my head and pick up the book and the pages.

"Let's get this over with," Ford says. "You'll feel much better when you do."

I don't think so, but I follow him anyway.


	19. Chapter 19

Ford and I walk into the kitchen because that's where Hannah is. She's standing at the stove checking on dinner. As soon as I see her I turn around and walk out of the kitchen and Ford follows me.

"What are you doing?" He asks me.

"I can't do this," I tell him.

"Yes you can. Come on."

He puts his hands on my shoulders and gently guides me back into the kitchen. I try to turn and hide behind him so Hannah can't see the book I'm holding, but Ford won't let me.

"Hannah," he says, "Heidi needs to talk to you."

"No I don't!" I whisper to Ford.

"Yes you do," he whispers back.

Hannah is stirring something in a pot and she puts the spoon down and puts the lid on the pot. She looks at me and smiles until she sees what I'm holding, then her smile is gone.

"What happened?" She asks.

I look around the kitchen at Adam and Crane and then Ford nudges me. "Tell her what happened," he says.

"I tore some pages out of your library book."

"What?" She says and I hand her the book and then the pages.

"I'm sorry," I tell her and then I look down at the floor.

Adam walks over and looks at the book too.

"Why did you do that?" He asks.

I shrug my shoulders and Ford whispers to me, "just tell the truth."

"I _can't_," I whisper back and I look up at him.

"Yes you can," Adam says in his serious voice. "Start talking."

I look down at the floor and say, "I accidentally ripped some of the pages out of the book."

Hannah puts the book on the table and looks at the pages in her hand. "This is a lot of pages." She flips through them and says, "this looks like a whole chapter."

"Why would you do something like that?" Adam asks.

"I think I know why," Hannah says and she shows Adam the page that has the chapter's title on it.

Adam groans and then looks at me. "You can't do that. This book isn't yours, and even it was, I wouldn't want you to ruin it like this."

"I tried to fix it," I tell Hannah and I look up at her. She looks disappointed.

"_How_ did you try to fix it?" Adam asks me. He looks disappointed too.

"I was going to tape the pages back in the book. Ford tried to help me, but he couldn't. So he said I should tell you what happened now, instead of you finding out on your own."

"He's right about that," Adam says. "We need to have a talk."

He walks towards the living room and Hannah says, "why don't you let me talk to her."

Adam looks at her and I look up at both of them. "If you want to," he tells her. "I guess it's your book she ruined."

This should be interesting. Hannah's never talked to me about something I did wrong before. I mean she's been there when Adam has, and she always talks a little bit, but she's never been in charge of the conversation before. I follow her into the living room and Adam follows me.

She sits on the couch and pats the cushion next to her. "Sit down."

I sit next to her and Adam sits on the couch across from us. Hannah turns so she can see me and I sit on the edge of the cushion and look up at her.

She holds the library book out to me and the pages I tore out. "This book isn't yours. This book isn't mine either. It's the library's. When I checked the book out I promised to return it just like it was when I checked it out."

"You did? You promised the librarian? I've never had to say I promise I'll bring a book back."

"That's what checking out a book from the library means. It means you promise to return it, and you promise not to ruin it."

"Oh. I'm sorry I ruined it."

"I'm supposed to return this tomorrow."

"What are you going to do?" I ask her. "Throw it away?"

"No. It's not mine to throw away either."

"But it's ruined," I remind her. "Who's gonna want to check out a library book that's ruined?"

"No one, but I still have to bring it back. _You_ have to bring it back."

"Why me?"

"Because _you_ ruined it."

"I don't want to. Why can't you just throw it away and pretend you don't know what happened to it?"

"The library is counting on me to bring it back so the next person can check it out. I need to tell the librarian what happened and pay for a new book. _You_ need to pay for a new book."

"But I don't have any money. None of us do." I feel really bad because we can't afford to buy a book.

"You're going to have to work...,"

I interrupt her. "I'm ten, I can't work."

"Let me finish. You can work around here."

"But you can't afford to pay me."

"I know. I'm going to have to work this Saturday to get the money."

"But you're off. You're supposed to stay home and work."

"I know. You're going to have to do the work for me."

"By myself?" I ask. There's a lot of work that needs to get done. This place is a mess.

"You can do the work and I'll have one of your brothers supervise you."

I sigh. "I don't know. Can't we just throw it away and pretend you didn't check it out?"

"No. This is what happens when you ruin something that's not yours. You need to apologize and do what you can to fix it."

"I tried that, it didn't work. It can't be fixed."

"Then you need to replace it. If you break something and can't fix it, you have to replace it."

"What about your necklace I broke? Adam couldn't fix it, do I have to replace that?"

"You can't replace it. That necklace was given to me by my grandmother. I have other chains I can use to put the cross on, so you don't need to replace it."

"Was it real gold?"

"Yes. That necklace meant a lot to me. Not because it was real gold, but because my grandmother gave it to me. Now it's broken and can't be fixed."

"I'm sorry. I wish I could fix it."

"You know what I wish?" She asks.

"What?"

"I wish you never would've touched it in the first place. I told you not to. I'm really disappointed you took it and broke it. If you would've minded me and not touched it, it wouldn't be broken right now."

She's right. "I'm sorry Hannah."

"Heidi, I don't want you to touch, or play with my things unless you ask first and I say it's ok. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now I want you to put this book back on my nightstand." She opens it up and puts the pages inside before she hands it to me. I stand up and so does she. She hugs me and says, "thank you for telling me what you did. Now go put it back." She lets go of me and I walk over to the stairs while she walks over to Adam and sits down on the couch next to him.

I'm confused. She didn't yell. Why didn't she yell? I mean, I know Hannah doesn't yell, but why didn't she talk loudly? Isn't she mad? I look down at Adam and Hannah sitting next to each other on the couch. He puts his arm around her and hugs her to him. "Good job, _mom_," I hear him whisper.

She smiles at him and he kisses her. Hmmm. Maybe when I get in trouble I should tell Adam I want Hannah to talk to me about it and not him. This was easy. I didn't cry or anything. I mean, I feel bad I disappointed her and ruined a book and her necklace, but when Hannah talks to me it's like I didn't even get in trouble. I run into their bedroom and over to her side of the bed. Ford was right. I _do_ feel better. I put the book on her nightstand and run out of the room.

* * *

When I get to the bottom of the stairs Adam is waiting for me. I look around for Hannah, but I don't see her. She must be in the kitchen.

"I want to talk to you," Adam says.

I sigh. "We already _talked_ today. Remember?"

"I want to talk to you about the book you ruined."

"Why? Hannah already talked to me about it."

"And now _I_ want to talk to you about it."

I groan now. "I'm tired of you talking to me. I told Hannah I was sorry and I'll do her chores on Saturday. What else is there to talk about?"

"There's lots to talk about. You..,"

"Ok wait," I tell him, "if there's _lots_ to talk about, I'm gonna sit down for it." I sit on the bottom step and look up at Adam. "Ok, I'm ready."

He's glaring at me but I don't really care right now. I'm getting mad. He's talking right now, but my ears can't listen. I'm busy thinking. How come he can't just let Hannah take care of the problem? Why does he have to butt in? I look at him and he's still talking. Just talking and talking and talking. It seems like that's all he does with me lately is talk.

"Heidi! You're not listening!" He yells.

"How do you know?!" I yell back.

"I can tell!"

"If you know I'm not listening, why do you keep talking? Actually, you know I _never_ listen, so why talk in the first place? I don't know what's so important that you have to waste time talking about it." He looks kind of mad now. Madder than he did when he found out I wasn't listening. "What? Let me guess, you have more to talk about."

Hannah walks in from the kitchen and says, "hey, what's all the yelling about?"

I look over at her and say, "Adam was just talking to me about what _you_ already talked to me about. I think he doesn't think you did the talk right."

Now Hannah looks at Adam. "Are you talking to her about the library book?"

"Yes. I just thought I would talk to her about it too," he tells her.

"See," I say, "he didn't like your talk."

"Would you be quiet please?" Adam says. He doesn't yell that. He seems a little nervous right now. Kind of like when him and Hannah argue over something. This is interesting.

Hannah says to Adam, "I thought you were letting me take care of it. You told me I did a good job."

"I know honey, and I still think that."

"Then why are you talking to her about it?"

"I just wanted to add my two cents," he says.

"See," I say, "he doesn't think you did it right."

Hannah puts her hand on her hip and says, "Adam," she stops talking and looks down at me and then back over at Adam. "Maybe we should have this discussion outside."

I stand up. "I think you should have it right here."

They ignore me and walk outside. I don't even think they heard me. I start to follow them but Crane calls my name so I turn around to look at him.

"Come help me with dinner. They need their privacy."

"You heard?" I ask him.

"Yes, I heard. I heard you turn the tables on Adam, that's what _I_ heard."

I don't know what he means by that and I don't care. I got out of a talking to, and that's all that matters to me right now. But Crane isn't done talking.

"What you did with the library book wasn't right. If Adam wants to talk to you about it too, he can. If any of us want to talk to you about it, we can."

"Wait, now _you're_ going to talk to me?" I don't like this.

"Yes, have a seat." He sits down at the table so I sit down across from him.

"I'm going to talk to you about what you just did with Adam."

I groan and then I glare at him when he starts talking. Ford was wrong. I _don't_ feel better now.

* * *

Adam and Hannah stay outside and talk until dinner is ready. When Crane calls them inside I can't tell from their expressions if they're mad at each other or not. They're quiet while we get dinner on the table and as soon as we all sit down at the table and pass around the food, I ask Hannah if she got in a fight with Adam.

"No, we didn't get into a fight," she tells me. She dishes some of the pot roast onto her plate and then starts to put some on my plate.

"No thanks," I tell her. "Adam said I don't have to eat any meat tonight."

"Why not?" Guthrie asks.

"Because he dropped it on the floor."

"The meat?" Guthrie asks.

"Yep. He picked it up and rinsed it off in the sink, but I still think it has dirt on it, so I'm not eating any."

Guthrie slides his meat back onto the serving plate and says, "same here."

"What are you doing?" Evan asks him.

"Adam dropped the meat on the floor," Guthrie tells him, "and he cooked it anyway."

"I rinsed it off," Adam tells everyone, because they all heard what Guthrie said and they're staring at him. Adam glares at me and little bit and I smile at him. "_You've_ got a big mouth," he says to me and that makes me smile bigger.

Brian says, "Guthrie, the dirt was rinsed off and if there was any dirt on it after that, it got cooked away."

I look at Hannah. "Is that true? Did the dirt really get cooked away? What if there was a bunch of hair on it? The hair doesn't get cooked away, it's still in the pot with the meat isn't it?"

Everyone's quiet now and they're looking at the meat on their plates.

"What about the dirt from the floor that got on it, or what if it landed on a bug and the bug stuck to it and got cooked with the meat and now you can't tell it's a bug anymore? So you eat it."

"I rinsed it off," Adam says.

Brian is the first to eat a piece of meat. "Tastes good," he says. "The bugs, hair and dirt do too."

Everyone else laughs and starts eating their meat too. Guthrie and I are the only ones not eating it. We eat our vegetables instead.

Crane starts telling everyone about the service we're going to tomorrow.

"If any of you boys need your dress shirts ironed, bring them down here after dinner," Hannah tells them.

"Do we have to wear a tie too?" Ford asks.

"It would be nice," she tells him and then she looks at me. "I'll iron your dress tonight too."

I drop my fork on my plate. "What? I have to wear a dress? Why?"

"It shows respect," Crane says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"It's polite to dress up for funerals and memorial services," Hannah says. "People wear dark colors too."

"I don't have a dark dress, but I have dark jeans."

"A dress is more appropriate," she says.

"But they get to wear jeans," I tell her. I can tell by the look on her face that I have to wear a dress so I stop talking and pick up my fork. "Hey, was there a service for our mom and dad?" I ask.

"Yes," Brian says quietly.

"Was I there?"

"Yes," Adam says.

"Did I wear a dress?"

"Yes," Brian says. "I remember trying to put it on you that morning. You didn't want to wear it."

"I probably wanted to wear pants."

Adam and Brian laugh a little at that and Brian says, "probably."

"Did you buy the dress for me?" I ask.

"No," Adam says.

"Then where'd you get it from?"

Neither Brian or Adam answers me right away. Then Adam says, "mom made it for you."

"She made me a dress for the service?" That doesn't make any sense to me.

"No. She sewed some dresses for you when you were a baby and you wore one of those," Adam says.

Guthrie asks, "was I at the service?" I stare at him. He almost said that in a whisper. He looks sad. Guthrie doesn't like talking about our mom and dad. Adam says it's because he's frustrated he can't remember them.

"Yes, you were there," Adam says. "We all were."

"Did you cry?" I ask.

"Yes. A little," Brian says. "I think we all did, but I think you and Guthrie were crying because we were."

My brothers talk about my mom and dad's service. They all sound sad when they talk. I listen and watch Guthrie. I think he's listening too, but it's hard to tell because his eyes look like they're staring into space. Ford says he doesn't remember the service and Evan says the only thing he remembers is being in the cemetery staring at the huge holes in the ground.

They all talk about the service and when they start talking about the people that came Crane says, "oh Brian, I forgot to mention who I saw yesterday."

We all look at Crane and he says, "Laura."

"Laura?!" I ask excitedly. I look over at Brian to see if he's smiling. He likes Laura. I like Laura too. She helped out on our ranch for a few days and she went out with Brian. She's not like the girls Brian usually dates. There's something different about her.

"Yep," Crane says. "She's here for the service."

"She came all the way from Colorado, or whatever state she's from, for the service?" I ask.

"Yes. She's good friends with the family. I think she said her and April were best friends in high school," Crane says.

"Isn't that exciting Brian?" I ask him. "You get to see Laura tomorrow!" Brian looks like he's smiling a tiny bit.

"Rumor has it, she's moving back here to Murphys to live with her dad," Crane says.

"Forever?!" I ask.

"For now," Crane says.

Wow. That would be so neat if Brian could date Laura. I bet she can't wait to see him too! I bet I could think of a plan to get them to go out on a date! I bet I could...,

"What are you thinking about?" Hannah asks. "You're staring into space with a smile on your face."

Everyone else is talking about ranch stuff or school right now. I shrug my shoulders. If I tell her what I'm thinking, she'll tell me to mind my own business.

"What did you and Adam talk about when you went outside? Did you tell him not to talk to me?"

She smiles and says, "no, I didn't tell him that."

"Why not?"

"Because I would never do that."

"Why not? He was gonna tell me stuff you already talked about."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

That's not what I wanted to hear. "Yes there is. Then I'll be getting talked to twice about the same thing. Besides, I like it better when you talk to me about what I did wrong."

"Why?"

"You're nicer."

She smiles and says, "well, Adam can talk to you about whatever he wants to."

"Even though you already talked to me? Isn't that kind of like him saying you didn't do a good job?"

"No."

"Yes it is. Why should you talk to me if he's just gonna talk to me afterwards?"

I don't think she has an answer for that because she doesn't say anything.

"Hannah?" She's looking down at Adam. "Hannah? Do you think Adam didn't like your talk? You didn't yell at me."

"Talking isn't always about yelling," she says. "Sometimes you listen better when you're not being yelled at."

"I do?"

"_I_ think so."

"Did you tell that to Adam? I hope so because he sure has yelled a lot today and I didn't listen to hardly any of it. Maybe you should be the one to talk to me when I get in trouble."

She smiles and says, "maybe." She looks really happy.

"Yeah, when you talk to me, it's like I'm not even in trouble."

She looks at me like she doesn't understand that. "What do you mean?"

I don't get to answer her because Adam asks her a question and she starts talking to him instead of me. I guess Guthrie was listening to us though because he says quietly, "Heidi, don't tell her that. Don't tell her it's like you're not in trouble."

"Why not?"

"Because you're supposed to be in trouble. She's supposed to make you feel like what you did was wrong."

I have to think about that. I don't understand what he means and I don't get to think about it much because Hannah says it's time for dessert.

* * *

After dinner, Guthrie and I have to wash the dishes by ourselves. I hate when it's just the two of us washing them because it takes us a long time. But my brothers have to check on the herd still, since they didn't get a chance to do it earlier. Adam said they lost a few hours of work today when they had to look for us, so now we have to wash the dishes by ourselves. Daniel, Evan and Ford have lots of homework to do, and Hannah has lots of ironing to do, so they can't help us either.

Guthrie's quiet at first when we start washing, and I let him be. I'm sure he's thinking about Mike and I don't know how to talk to him about that. After a while though, he says, "I don't think I want to go tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I just don't want to."

"Did you tell Adam?"

"No."

"Well you should. I bet he'd let you stay home. I'll stay home with you if you want me to."

"I overheard him and Hannah talking and they said it would be good for me to go. Hannah said I might get closure."

"What does that mean?"

Guthrie doesn't answer. I guess he doesn't know either.

"Guthrie, when we're done washing dishes, do you want to play a game with me? We could play Sorry."

"I don't know...,"

"Just think about it."

Guthrie's quiet again and I can't stand it! After a couple minutes I ask, "how come you're so quiet?"

"I'm thinking."

"About what?" I ask, but I already know the answer. Except Guthrie doesn't answer. "Guthrie! Talk to me!"

"What?" He asks.

"**Talk..., to..., me!**" I yell right in his face.

"What! What do you want me to talk about?!"

Hannah comes in. "What's going on?" She asks.

"Heidi's bugging me," Guthrie says.

"He won't talk!" I yell. "He played with me earlier today and he was nice and he was like his normal self and now he's not like that anymore! He's staring into space again and not talking!"

Guthrie starts to cry and I don't know what to do. I feel bad and I look at Hannah.

She walks over to Guthrie and gives him a hug and he cries. He cries and cries and cries, and all I can do is stare at him. I feel like crying too. Hannah walks him over to the table and she sits in a chair and hugs him. Daniel walks in and calls my name.

I walk into the living room with him and he says, "you need to give them some space."

"Why do you keep telling me that? Why is Guthrie still like this?!"

"He just is. He needs time."

"Why?! Why can't he just be over it?! Why?!"

"You don't really get over someone dying," Daniel says.

"He's gonna be like this forever?!"

"No, that's not what I meant. He'll get better, but it will...,"

"It's taking too long! You guys keep saying he needs time! Time's up! I want Guthrie back like he was this morning!"

"I know you do, but..,"

I feel really angry right now. I just want to explode so that's what I do. "No! I'm tired of waiting!" I start to walk towards the kitchen, but Daniel holds me back. "Let go of me!" I yell.

"No, you can't go in there. Let Guthrie talk to Hannah. That's what he needs right now."

I try to break free. I'm so angry! "Let me go!"

Evan and Ford run downstairs to help Daniel except he doesn't really need any help. He's way stronger than I am.

"Please stop fighting me," Daniel says and he wraps me up in a big bear hug.

I stop trying to get away and let him hug me. I'm still mad, but I'm getting tired of struggling.

"I'll play a game with you Heidi," Ford says.

"I will too," Evan says.

"We all will," Daniel says.

"I want to play with Guthrie," I tell them.

"Guthrie can't play right now," Daniel says.

"Then I don't want to play." Now _I_ want to be by myself. "You can let me go. I won't go into the kitchen." Daniel lets go and I say, "you guys can go do your homework. I'm gonna go sit out on the porch. I want to be alone." I run to the front door, open it and slam it shut on my way out.

* * *

"What are you doing out here?" Adam asks and I ignore him. I'm still mad. If Guthrie doesn't have to talk then why should I? Instead of staring into space like Guthrie though, I'm 'glaring' into space. I've been sitting outside here on the bench for a while now.

"Hello? Earth to Heidi," Adam says as he waves his hand in front of my face.

"What's going on?" Crane asks. I guess they're all done checking on the herd.

"Just trying to talk to Heidi, but I think she's ignoring me," Adam says. "Heidi, we still need to talk."

"Go away."

"No, we need to talk," he says again.

"I'll go inside," Crane says.

"No, you stay and _I'll_ go!" I get up to leave but Adam pushes gently on my shoulders so I'm sitting back down again.

Crane goes inside the house and Adam asks me what's wrong.

"I'm mad!"

"I can see that. What are you mad about?"

"Nothing!"

"It sure looks like something."

"We'll it's not, so just go away!" I fold my arms across my chest and turn my head away from him.

"Did something happen while you were washing the dishes?"

"No!"

"Is it Guthrie?" He asks and I start to cry. "It is, isn't it?" He hugs me and I let him for a minute and then I push him away.

"Leave me alone! I'm mad at you too!"

"Why? What did I do?"

I don't know why I'm mad at him, I just know that I am. "You..., you were mean to me today!" I don't know why I said that, it just came out.

"Are you talking about our talk we had earlier today?"

I don't know. I don't know what I'm talking about. "I don't know! I'm just mad at you!"

"Well it'd be nice if you could tell me why you're mad at me so I can apologize for whatever it is I did."

"You can't! You can't apologize for what you did!"

"Ok." He's quiet and I can feel him staring at me. "If it's about our talk we had earlier today, you know I had to punish you."

"It's not about that!"

"Then what is it about?"

I feel like crying because I'm so mad and frustrated! Something's bothering me about Adam and I don't know what it is!

"Did something happen today?" He asks. "Did something happen with Brian, or Guthrie when I went into town?" When I don't say anything he asks, "did something happen with your brothers when they got home from school?"

I stare at him now. His eyes look, I don't know what yet, they're not mad, they're not disappointed, they're..., concerned I think. Then I know what I'm mad about. "You were gone!" I yell. "You left me!" I push on his chest.

He holds my hands and says, "whoa, what are you talking about?"

"You left me alone!" I yell again.

"I went to get Hannah. I go pick her up all the time. Why are you so mad I picked her up today?"

"You weren't here!"

"I know, but what's wrong with that? Why are you so upset about that?"

"I was scared!"

"Of what?" He's quiet for a minute and then he says, "oh, I know. The thunderstorm."

I nod my head and cry and he hugs me. "I'm sorry. I thought you would be with Brian."

"I wasn't! I was all by myself!"

"I'm sorry."

"I was scared! Guthrie sat with me, but I was still scared."

"I'm sorry."

"Adam, Guthrie was nice this morning and now he's not anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"He played with me this morning. We went on an adventure and he was normal! He came out to the barn and sat with me during the storm and he was nice! He's not normal now! He's quiet again and staring into space! I want him to stop it!"

"I know. We all do. Maybe tomorrow will be good for him."

"He doesn't want to go tomorrow!" I tell him.

"He doesn't?"

"No! He wants to stay home! He's crying now..., with Hannah!"

"Maybe I should go talk to him."

"No! Hannah is! You stay here with me!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know! I don't want you to leave!"

"I'm not leaving you, I'm just going inside."

"No! You can't!"

"Then come inside with me and we'll see how Guthrie's doing. Maybe he's better now."

"He's not! He's not better! He's never gonna be better!"

Adam hugs me and lifts me up. "He will be," he says quietly. "Come on, let's go see how he's doing."

Adam carries me inside. Hannah and Guthrie are sitting on the couch. Guthrie's not crying anymore, but he's staring into space again. Hannah is hugging him close to her and smoothing his hair back. Adam carries me to the coach and he sits next to Hannah and holds me.

"I hear you don't want to go tomorrow," Adam says to Guthrie.

Hannah says, "I was trying to explain to him how it would be good for him to go."

"I think it would be good for you too," Adam says. He says other stuff too, but I'm not listening. I don't think I want to go either. I lean back against Adam and take his arm and wrap it around me and hold it there. I wonder if Guthrie will ever be ok. What if he never is? I sigh and Adam says, "bedtime for you."

"What? It's still early."

"You're going to bed early tonight remember?"

I groan. I forgot. He pats me and says, "go get ready for bed and I'll be up in a minute to say goodnight."

"No, I don't want to."

"It's not a choice."

"No, I mean I don't want to go up there by myself. Will you go upstairs with me?"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just want you to go with me." I look up in his eyes. "Please?"

"Ok. Let's go." He starts to move me off his lap so he can stand up, but I don't let him. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tightly. He stops and rubs my back. "Ok, I'll carry you."

He gets up with me and carries me to the stairs. I don't know why, but I don't want him to let me go or put me down.

* * *

Once I'm ready for bed I climb in and Adam pulls the covers over me. "Goodnight," he says.

"Goodnight." When he gets up to leave I grab his hand.

"What?" He asks. "You know there's no story or song when you get sent to bed early."

"Don't leave me."

"I'll be right downstairs."

"No! Don't go!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know! I just don't want you to leave me!" I start to cry.

"Ok." He puts his hand on my forehead and smoothes my hair back. "I'll stay for a little while. We still need to talk about the library book, but we'll do that tomorrow. Why don't you close your eyes and I'll sing to you."

"Even though you're not supposed to?"

"Yes. I think you need it tonight." He smiles at me and I close my eyes. I love the song he sings. It makes me feel tired too. It's been a long day and I fall asleep before he finishes the song.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to go?" Adam asks Guthrie.

Guthrie nods his head and Brian says, "ok, it's settled then. Let's go."

Hannah must've talked Guthrie into going to the service today. We're all dressed up in our best church clothes. I don't even mind wearing the dress. Hannah made it for me a few months ago. It's white with little purple flowers all over it. Purple is my favorite color. She made a little sleeveless jean jacket to go with it too. But the best part about wearing the dress is, I get to wear my cowgirl boots.

"Heidi, you ride in the truck with Brian and Daniel. The rest of us will ride in the jeep," Adam says.

We all head outside. "Where's Crane?" I ask.

"He's with Isabella," Hannah says.

I pat the small pocket on my jean jacket. I have the purple flower Mike gave me in there. It's kind of dying and it's smashed a little, but I still want to give it to Isabella. I hope she likes it.

I climb into the truck and scoot to the middle. The church we're going to is in Sonora so it's going to be a long ride. Daniel gets in next to me and when Brian starts the truck he turns the radio on. We like the song that's playing so we all sing along with it. I hope listening to music and singing the songs will make the drive go by quicker.

* * *

When we arrive at the church there are no parking spots anywhere. Brian has to drive around to find a spot. There are lots of other people parking too. I can tell they're here for the service because they are dressed up like we are. Ladies are wearing dresses and the men are wearing ties. It looks like lots of families are coming to the service because there are lots of kids walking with the adults.

Brian finds a parking spot down the street from the church. When he has the truck parked I slide down and run down the street to where Adam is parking the jeep. I want to walk with Guthrie. When he gets out I stand next to him while we wait for everyone else to get out. I stare at him to see if he's ok, and it looks like he is. Then we all walk quietly to the church together along with everybody else.

The church is bigger than the church we go to in Murphys. As I walk up the steps and through the big double doors we're in an area that's not the main church.

"Where's the church?" I ask Hannah.

"This is the church," she tells me.

"No, I mean, where are the benches?"

"I think the sanctuary is through those two doors there." I look to where she's pointing and that's where everybody is walking into. "This is the foyer." We're in a line that's walking towards the big open doors and I try to see what it looks like inside, but there are too many people in the way. The line is stopped and I look around to see why. Ahead of us is a table with a book on it and people in line are stopping to write in it. I guess that's why the line is moving so slowly. When we reach the table Hannah picks up the pen.

"What's that?"

"It's a guest book. I'm signing our names in it."

"Why?"

"Everyone writes their names and a short message to the family if they want. After the service the family can look through it and see who came."

I watch Hannah sign our last name and on the next line she writes, "we are sorry for your loss."

I look up at Adam. "Do we have one of those from mom and dad's service?"

"I don't know. If we do, it's in a box somewhere."

"Why? Don't you like looking at it?"

"If we have one, I already looked at it. We packed all that kind of stuff up years ago."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Some cards and pictures and just some other stuff of mom and dads'."

"Can I look at it?"

"I guess so."

"When we get home today?"

"No, I have to find it in the attic. Maybe we can do that on Sunday."

We walk through the doors into the sanctuary and a lady hands us a bulletin. I know what those are because we get those at our church too. It tells what's going to happen in the service, only this bulletin has a picture of Mike on the front. He's smiling and looking at him makes me feel sad.

I look around the church when we walk in and it reminds me of the Catholic Church I got the holy water from. There are stained glass windows all over the place and a big cross hangs on the wall in the front of the room. There's someone playing the organ that's way up high in front.

The church is packed. There are only a few benches left in the back that are empty and my whole family takes up one of them.

"Looks like it's gong to be standing room only in a little bit," Brian says.

"Yes," Hannah says. "It's always so sad when a child dies."

Adam walks to the end of the bench towards the middle aisle and sits down. Hannah sits next to him and then I sit down and Brian sits next to me. I look down to the end to see where Guthrie is and he's in the middle of Daniel and Ford. Evan is at the end. I look straight ahead and all I can see is the backs of people's heads so I stand up and scoot by Hannah and then Adam so I can look down the middle aisle to the front.

The front of the church looks like our church except bigger. It's like a stage and there are steps leading up to it. There's a coffin on the stage. A small coffin.

"Is Mike in there?" I ask.

"Yes," Adam says.

Wow. That seems so strange to me. To the side of his coffin there's a big flower wreath full of white flowers resting on an easel, and next to that is a big picture of Mike resting on another easel. It looks like a school picture. It's the same picture that's on the front of the bulletin. He's smiling and I feel a little sad. I take the purple flower out of my pocket and look at it. It still looks pretty even though it's wilted. I hope Isabella likes it. I step out into the aisle and look around for her.

I see Crane first. He's sitting on a bench at the front of the church. The first bench. And sitting next to him is Isabella.

"Crane!" I shout. Lots of people, including Crane, turn around to look at me and Adam tells me to be quiet. I wave to Crane and he smiles and waves back. Isabella turns around too and she smiles and waves also. I think she's crying.

"Adam, can I go sit with Crane?"

"No. There isn't any room up there."

"Can I go see?"

"No, I think the service is about to start." He's right because the organ player stops playing and a man wearing a long white robe steps out onto the stage. He starts talking and Adam pulls me back in from the aisle and everyone scoots down so I can sit on the end.

"Welcome family and friends. We are...,"

That's all I hear because I'm busy looking for people I know. Daniel already told me and Guthrie that we probably wouldn't know anyone here and I think he's right, because I don't see anyone I know. But then I do see someone and I'm surprised.

"Why is Mr. Brick here?" I ask.

"Sh," Adam says.

"Sorry," I whisper. "But why is he here?"

"Because he works with Isabella," Adam whispers back.

"Why...," I was gonna ask what he means by that, but he holds his finger up to his lips to tell me to be quiet. I'll have to ask him later.

I look around to see if there's anyone else here I know, and I see a few teachers from my school, but it's hard to look around the people sitting in front of me unless I stand up, and Adam won't let me.

All of a sudden everyone stands up. Adam picks up the red book from the back of the pew in front of him and opens it up. I look around and everyone else is doing the same thing. The organ starts playing and Adam holds the book down for me to be able to read the words. Everyone sings. I think I've heard this song before but I don't know the words and I don't feel like singing so I don't. Instead I just listen. I sit back down and Adam shares his book with Hannah. I look down our bench and see Guthrie sitting down too. I think I'll go sit with him.

I squeeze past Adam, Hannah, Brian and Daniel and sit down next to Guthrie.

"Are you ok?" I ask him.

He nods his head and we sit together quietly until the song is over. When everyone sits down the minister calls someone's name to come up and I stand up to see who it is.

"Sit down," Daniel whispers.

"I can't see." I sit down though and I feel frustrated. The person talking sounds like someone I know so I stand back up and squeeze by my brothers and Hannah so I'm at the end of the aisle again. I poke my head out to see who's talking. It is someone I know!

"That's Laura!"

"Sh."

I whisper, "that's Laura!" I look down at Brian. "Do you see who it is Brian? It's Laura!"

"I know," he whispers back. "Be quiet so we can hear what she's saying."

I'm excited to hear what Laura has to say. I already missed the first part, so I listen closely.

"So when April was pregnant with her second child, Mike, we were so thrilled for her." Laura looks up from the paper she's reading and looks around. I think she stopped reading because she's going to cry. She looks at me and I wave to her. She smiles and then looks back down at the paper. "When Mike was a baby he...,"

I guess she knew Mike. I thought she lived in a different state her whole life. I wonder when she moved away. I wonder why she's moving back. I look at Brian and he's staring at her. The crowd laughs and I look back at Laura.

"What'd she say?" I whisper.

"You have to listen," Adam says.

I try to do that but it's too hard to after a while. There's so much to look at in the church. I look across the aisle and over at Mr. Brick. I wonder if the people he's sitting with are his family. A baby starts to cry behind me so I turn around to look. Lots of people are standing at the back of the church. There's nowhere for them to sit. I look straight ahead when everyone laughs again, only Laura's not talking on the stage anymore, a man is. He's telling a story about Mike too. It sounds like a fishing story. When he's done talking the minister walks back to the middle of the stage and says, "please rise while we sign hymn number two forty-six."

Everyone stands and I do too. I follow along in the hymnal this time, but I don't sing. I don't know this song. When it's over the minister prays and then he says, "the family would like you to join them at the gravesite and then back to their home for the reception."

I look behind me because I hear the doors open. Someone is putting the door stoppers down. I stand up to leave, but Adam tells me to sit back down. I look to the front of the church and watch four men walk up the steps to the coffin and pick it up. They carry the coffin down the steps and the middle aisle. I watch them walk by and I know two of the men. Mike's dad, Sam and Jeff junior's dad, Jeff. I hear a loud noise coming from the foyer so I turn to look. Someone is rolling something that looks like a stand to the center of the doorway and back against the wall. The men carry the coffin to it and set it on top. Then the person who was rolling the stand opens the coffin and I gasp. I see Mike! I look up at Adam, but he hasn't seen it yet because he's still looking forward. April and Ed are walking down the aisle now. Some older people are walking with them too. I wonder if they're the grandparents. Then Isabella and Crane follow and April's other sister, Kathy and Jeff walk with them.

All of them are smiling. April is wiping her eyes with a tissue, but she's still smiling. I wonder why. I'll have to ask about that later because right now I'm more interested in finding out what's going on behind me.

"Are we going now?" I ask and I step out into the aisle.

Adam pulls me back and says, "not yet. Do you see that man in the middle of the aisle?" I look up front again and nod my head. "He's directing people," Adam says. "He'll let us know when it's time to go. He starts with the front pews and works his way to the back."

I poke my head back out into the aisle. Only the first two benches are empty. "This is going to take forever." I really want to go into the foyer and look at the coffin. "I saw Mike."

"What do you mean?" Hannah asks.

"He's back there in the coffin," I tell her.

"Right, but what do you mean you saw him?"

"The man opened the coffin up."

Hannah looks at Adam and says, "I didn't know it was open casket, did you?"

"Crane didn't mention it," he says. They both look down at Guthrie.

"Can I go look?" I ask.

"We have to wait our turn," Adam says.

I squeeze by Adam and Hannah and around Brian and Daniel so I can stand next to Guthrie. "It's open casket," I tell him.

He looks at me. "What do you mean?"

"The coffin is open and you can see Mike," I tell him. I watch his face closely to see how that makes him feel.

"Are you talking about his ghost or something, because you know he's not really here."

"No, he's really here in the casket back there and they opened it. I saw him."

Evan says, "you saw who?"

"Mike," I tell him. "He's back there." I point to the back of the church. "His coffin is in there and a man opened it up."

"Really?" Ford asks.

"Yep. I saw it with my own eyes."

They look at Guthrie and Guthrie looks at them and says, "what? I'm ok if that's what you're worried about. I've already seen him dead once." He stares straight ahead now.

The way he says that kind of scares me, but I guess it's true. I look back at the line of people leading out of the church. I can hear some people crying. I wonder if it's because they're looking at Mike. The line of people leading back there has stopped. I think it's because people are stopping to look at the body. I hope I don't cry when I look at Mike.

I wonder if he'll look scary. I wonder if he'll look like a ghost. I heard people look white when they're dead. White as a sheet. I bet he'll be stiff too. My brothers can always tell if an animal has been dead for a while if it's stiff. I wonder if I can touch Mike to see if he's stiff. Probably not. The line in the aisle is taking forever to move so I sit down. Guthrie sits down too.

"Are you scared to look at Mike?" I ask him.

"No. I told you, I've already seen what he looks like dead."

"Do you think we can touch him? You know, to feel how stiff he is."

"I wouldn't do that," he says.

"I didn't think so either." We're quiet for a minute and then I ask, "do you think he's still wearing his swimsuit?"

"He was wearing shorts when he died," Guthrie says. "Blue shorts."

"Was he wearing a shirt?"

"No. He took that off before he jumped."

"Oh." Now we're quiet again. "What kind of shoes do you think he's wearing. Oh wait, he probably wasn't wearing any."

"No, he took those off too."

The line starts moving again, but only a little bit. It feels like forever until it's almost our turn to stand up. I watch the pew in front of us walk out into the aisle and then the man tells the people in the pew across from us to follow after them.

My stomach starts to feel nervous. What will it be like to see Mike dead? Will Guthrie cry? Will 'I' cry? Finally it's our turn to walk out into the aisle. Adam is first and Hannah follows him. Once she's in the aisle she turns to let Brian and Daniel walk by. She's waiting for me and Guthrie. She holds her hands out to us when we reach her and we each take one. Now my stomach really starts to hurt. The line is moving slowly, but it's finally almost our turn to see the coffin. I hear a lady in front of us say, "he was so young."

"Such a tragedy," another lady says.

Now it's our turn. As the people in front of us move out of the way, there he his. Right in front of us. He looks..., he looks like he's sleeping! His face isn't white, it looks like normal skin color. Why does it look like that. Why is he wearing dress pants and a dress shirt? He's wearing a tie too. Who dressed him? Did April do that? I look up at Hannah. "He looks like he's sleeping."

She lets go of my hand to wipe her eyes. "I know."

"Well wake him up!"

She looks at me kind of funny. "He's dead. He can't wake up."

"He doesn't look dead! Wake him up!" I look at Guthrie and he looks shocked. "Guthrie, is this what he looked like when he died?"

"No," he says quietly.

"See!" I tell Hannah. "Wake him up!"

Adam picks me up and I say, "he looks like he's sleeping. Poke him."

"No, he's dead." He carries me out of the church quickly and the rest of my family follows. When we're outside Adam asks Guthrie how he's doing.

"How do you think he's doing?! Mike's not dead!" I yell. Why won't Adam or Hannah go back to wake Mike up. How come nobody's doing that?

"Be quiet Heidi," Adam says. "You know he's dead, we've talked about this."

"But he doesn't _look_ dead! Why doesn't he look dead?" Adam is walking towards the jeep.

Hannah says, "because the mortician makes him look like that."

"The what?"

Hannah explains what she means but I don't understand. "Why do they dress him and make him look alive if he's dead?"

She explains that too, but I'm not listening. I'm thinking about something else.

"Adam, did our mom and dad look like that. Did someone dress them and put makeup on them?"

He's quiet so Brian answers. "We had to give them some clothes, but I don't know about the makeup part because we didn't have an open casket service.

"Why did they have one for Mike?"

"Some people want to," Hannah says.

"But why? He looks like he's still alive. Why do they want him to look like that?"

Adam puts me down when we get to the jeep. "You and Guthrie sit in back. Ford, you ride in the truck with Brian and Daniel."

"Where are we going now?" I ask.

"To the cemetery," Evan says.

"Why?"

"They're going to put him in the ground," Adam says.

"But he's all dressed up. Why...,"

"Heidi, will you be quiet," Guthrie says quietly.

I look at him and he looks sick. His face looks white. "What's wrong with Guthrie?!" I yell.

Hannah turns around from the front seat to look at him. "Are you ok?" She asks him. "Do you feel faint?"

"What's wrong with him?" I ask and I start to cry.

"He's ok Heidi," Adam says. "He's just a little shocked right now."

"But why? Guthrie, you said you'd be ok because you already saw him dead once. Are you ok?"

"He will be," Adam says.

"He'll be ok," Evan says.

"Evan, let me ride in back," Hannah says. She starts to climb in and she scoots by Guthrie so she can sit in the middle. Usually that's my spot. She sits down and puts her arms around us and hugs us to her. "He's going to be just fine, Heidi," Hannah tells me.

Adam starts the jeep and we drive the short way to the cemetery. I don't understand all of this. Why does Mike look alive? How can they bury him when he looks like that? I look over at Guthrie and he's wiping his eyes. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

* * *

We park in the parking lot at the cemetery. I look over at Guthrie and he looks better now. I climb down from the jeep and look around. The cemetery looks pretty. The grass is green and the oak trees look like they've been here forever. There are benches under each oak tree.

We follow a big group of people walking towards an area that has two flower wreaths set up on easels. Then I see the hole in the ground. As we get closer I can see it's a rectangular hole. I guess that's where Mike is going. That big hole in the ground. There's a tombstone that has Mike's name on it and some dates.

I look around at the people and that's when I see Crane. I run to him. "Crane!"

He turns to look at me and I run and jump up into his arms. "Hi," he says.

"Did you see Mike?" I ask him.

"Yes."

"Didn't he look like he was sleeping?"

"He did."

"Didn't you want to wake him up?"

He doesn't answer me because the rest of my family is here now. Crane puts me down and Brian pats him on the back and asks him how he's holding up. I look for Isabella. I find her over by a tree sitting on the bench underneath it talking to Laura, so I run over to them.

As soon as I reach them Isabella stands up to give me a hug. I hug her tightly and then Laura stands up and I hug her too.

"Laura, this is Crane's sister, Heidi," Isabella says.

"Oh I know who this girl is, don't I?" Laura smiles down at me and I smile back up at her. When we're done hugging they both sit down again.

"Do you want to sit with us?" Isabella asks.

"No, I came to give you something," I tell her.

"What?"

I pull the purple flower out of my pocket and hold it up for her to see.

"It's beautiful Heidi." She takes it from me and says thank you.

"It's from Mike," I tell her.

She looks sad. "What do you mean?"

"Mike picked it for me when I was sad." I tell her about the day I lost my shoes at the lake and how sad I was and Mike was trying to cheer me up. "He said when you were sad, his mom would pick flowers for you and you'd wear them in your hair."

She smiles and says, "yes, April would do that all the time."

"Mike picked it for me so I could wear it in my hair."

"He was always so sweet like that," Laura says and Isabella agrees.

"I want you to have it," I tell Isabella. "I think Mike would be happy if you wore it in your hair."

She smiles and says, "I think you're right." She tucks the flower behind her ear and it looks so pretty there.

"Thank you Heidi." She gives me another hug.

"You're welcome. I'd better go back over with my family," I tell her.

"You're coming to the house afterwards, right?" She asks.

I nod my head and Laura says, "good. Make sure you come find me so we can talk. I want to hear all about what you've been up to."

"Ok." I say goodbye and run over to where my family is.

Everyone is starting to gather around. I look around and see a long black station wagon car driving along the cemetery road. I know it's not a station wagon, but I don't remember what it's called. I just know it has Mike's coffin in back. A car pulls up in front of it and parks. April, Sam and Jeff, get out of the car.

The men that carried the coffin out of the church walk to the back of the black car. Brian takes my hand and we walk towards the gravesite. Isabella is standing with Crane and that's where Brian heads. April's other sister, Kathy, and her family are standing in front of us and there are other people standing in front of them. Older people. Probably grandparents, or old aunts and uncles, it's hard to tell because everyone is crowding around and soon I can't see anything except the people right in front of me.

I look up at the sky. It's cloudy now. I hope we don't have a thunderstorm. That's what the clouds look like though, thunderhead clouds. I know it's daytime now, but it feels like night. It's dark everywhere I look, black dresses, black shoes, black hats. It's almost like I didn't see how dark everyone was when we were inside the church. But out here, with the clouds getting darker, I can see all the black people are wearing.

The other thing I notice is people seem sadder out here than they were inside the church. People are standing around with tears falling down their cheeks. Some people are holding on to each other, or holding hands. Guthrie is next to me and I look closely at his face. I wonder what he's thinking. He's staring straight ahead looking where everyone else is looking, listening to what everyone else is listening to. The voice.

I can't see the man speaking, but I can hear him. I try to find him, but people block my view. I can only hear him, him and the people crying softly around me.

I look at the coffin now, sitting there next to the hole in the ground, with flowers all around it. I look at Guthrie again and he looks at me. The tears in his eyes make tears come to mine.

"I can't believe he's in there." He whispers.

I whisper back, "I want him to come back." I look back at the box, the big brown box. They're going to put him the ground, in that deep black hole. "Wake up," I whisper, "please just wake up."

Guthrie cries then, loud, and he can't stop. Brian is next to him and he kneels down and hugs Guthrie. He lets him cry on his shoulder. I turn to my other side where Crane is standing, and hug his leg. I cry like Guthrie is crying, I can't stop either. Crane picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck so I can cry on his shoulder. I don't understand this. I don't understand any of this.

I can see better from up here. I wipe my eyes and look around. The man talking is the minister from church only he's not wearing a robe now, he's wearing a black suit. He says a short prayer and then the coffin is lowered into the ground. I don't like that.

"Crane, how can they put him in the ground like that?" I whisper into his ear.

"That's just how it works," is all he says. He looks sad. So does Isabella.

When they stop lowering the coffin into the ground, April, Sam and Ed walk to the hole and they each throw a white flower down into it.

"Why'd they do that?" I ask.

Crane says, "it's just what you do."

I look at Crane. What does he mean by that? I don't think he heard me. "What are you thinking about?" I ask him.

"Mom and Dad," he says quietly.

"Did you throw a flower on them?"

"Yes."

I look over at Brian. He looks sad too. He's not hugging Guthrie anymore, Hannah is. He's done crying though. As soon as April, Sam and Ed leave, everyone else starts to leave too. That was quick. "Now where are we going?" I ask Crane.

"April and Sam's house." He puts me down so I can go with Adam while he walks off with Isabella. I feel sad as I watch him leave. I wish people never died.

Brian picks me up and we walk to the cars. "Are you sad too?" I ask him. "Crane's thinking about mom and dad. Are you?"

"I guess I am squirt."

"Are you sad?"

"Yes."

We're quiet the rest of the way to the cars. I ride in the truck this time. Crane gives directions to Brian and then he starts the truck and drives off. I turn around to watch all the people leaving. Everyone looks so sad. Why do people have to die? Why?

* * *

When we pull up to Mike's house we have to drive all the way to the end of the street to park. Adam parks the jeep right behind us and we all get out and walk to the house together.

It feels like months have past since Guthrie and I were here. It's hard to believe it's only been a week.

When we walk into the house there are people everywhere. They're sitting on the living room couch and chairs, and there are other chairs that look like dining room table chairs set up all around the room and people are sitting on those too. Hannah says she's going to take the cookies she brought into the kitchen and Isabella says she'll show her the way and introduce her to her sisters. I watch them leave and Crane walks over with Sam and introduces him to my brothers.

They all say hello and how sorry they are. I look around. I feel like being quiet and not talking to anyone. I find an empty chair near the fireplace and walk over to it and sit down. There's a drawing laying on the table next to me and I pick it up to look at it. It's a picture of a dog. There's writing on it too, but I can barely read it. It looks like little kid writing. "This is my dog Pup."

I look at the drawing. I turn it over and on the back is Mike's name and the date. September 1977. I wonder how old Mike was when he drew this. I put it back and look at a picture of Mike on the table. He looks little. He's probably in kindergarten. I look around and there are other drawings laying around that other people are looking at. I see a paper with writing on it and I pick it up. There's a sticker at the top of the page that says, "good job!"

I read. "My favorite pet is my dog Pup. Pup is a golden retriever." Wow, that's a hard word to spell. "Pup is three years old. Pup likes to play frisbee. Pup is my favorite pet."

This looks like the writing assignments I have to do in my class. Except I think this is from a younger grade than mine because there's not a lot of details. In fourth grade we have to write details when we write. That's hard for me to do, so Hannah helps me.

I put the paper down and look over into the kitchen. Laura's in there and she's talking to Brian. They're both smiling. Laura is pretty. She has long, light brown hair that's feathered today. When she worked on our ranch her hair was always pulled back into a ponytail, and hidden under her cowgirl hat. She's tall, not as tall as Brian or Adam, but taller than Hannah. She laughs at something Brian says and her face lights up. Her laugh is loud, but not in a bad way, in a good way. It's a laugh that makes me smile and feel happy inside. I wonder what they're talking about. I hope he asks her out on a date. If he doesn't, I think I'll ask her out for him. No, I'd better not do that. I got in trouble for doing that with Isabella and Crane. I watch them talk some more and then I look around for Guthrie. He's not in here so I get up to go find him.

* * *

"Sorry about your brother," I hear a boy say. I'm walking down the hallway when I hear that and I walk into Ed's room. There are a bunch of boys in here including Guthrie. They're all standing around in a circle. They look at me when I walk in and then they look back down at the ground. It's so quiet.

"Do you guys want to play video games?" Ed asks. He doesn't sound excited like he did when he asked me and Guthrie last week. He sounds sad. "We could play Frogger. I haven't played it since...,"

I think we all know what he was going to say. His cousin Jeff says, "do you want to play, Ed? We'll play if you want to, won't we guys?"

"Sure," most of the boys say. We follow Jeff down the hall and through the living room to the door that leads downstairs.

There are people downstairs. Evan, Ford and Daniel are down here. It looks like some other teenagers are down here too. Jeff starts getting the video game set up and everyone gathers around. Some sit on the couch and some pile on to the Lazy-boy chairs while the rest crowd around behind the couch to watch.

Everyone's quiet while we watch Ed play. He's good. He's fast and flies through the levels. It's fun to watch him play. Pretty soon everyone is cheering him on. Everyone is happy. It's almost like they've forgotten why we're here. Almost. I look over at Guthrie. He's smiling! He's watching Ed play and yelling at the tv like everyone else. I'm glad. Daniel, Evan and Ford look like they're having fun too. I guess I'll go find Laura and talk to her.

I run up the stairs and stop in the doorway. Brian is standing by the fireplace holding a paper cup of something to drink. He's looking into the kitchen and he doesn't look happy, or sad, the look on his face is mad! I look into the kitchen to see what he's looking at and it's Laura. Laura is laughing while she's talking to a man. The man is laughing too. I look back at Brian and he still looks mad. Very mad. I walk over to him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

"Then why do you look so mad?"

He crushes his cup with his hand and says, "I'm not mad kid." He hasn't taken his eyes off Laura.

"Who's Laura talking to?" I ask him.

"Some guy she knows from high school."

"Does she like him?"

"I don't know," he says and he sounds mad too.

"Cuz it looks like she likes him. She's laughing and smiling at him like she does when she talks to you. Do you want to come with me to talk to her?"

"I already talked to her. Leave her alone Heidi. She's busy."

"She wants to talk to me," I tell him. "She told me at the cemetery she wants to talk to me." I start to walk towards her and then I look back at Brian and say, "do you want me to tell her you want to talk to her? I can say something to get that man to go away."

"No," he says grumpily, "don't bother."

I shrug my shoulders and walk over to Laura.

"Hi!"

"Hi Heidi! Greg, this is my friend, Heidi. Heidi, Greg."

He holds out his hand for me to shake, so I do. "Howdy little lady," he says.

"Oh Greg, you should know, Heidi doesn't like to be called little."

"I'm sorry," he says.

"It's ok," I say quietly as I stare up at Greg. Wow! His eyes are sparkly green and he's tall. Tall like my brothers. He's so...,

Laura laughs and says, "I think you have an admirer, Greg."

He laughs too and says, "I'll see you later Laura." Then he looks down at me and says, "very nice to meet you Miss Heidi."

I smile at him and watch him leave. "Who was that?" I ask.

"He's an old friend from high school," Laura says.

"A boyfriend?" I ask her.

"We went out once or twice," she says.

"You're not going out now, are you?" I ask her. I hope not! That would not be good!

"No, I'm not going out with anyone right now. I'm just moving back."

"Why? Didn't you like the place where you lived?"

"Yes, but I missed home too much. My dad is having hip surgery so I'm moving back to help him. So tell me what you've been up to. What great adventurers have you and Guthrie been on lately? I want to hear all about them." She pulls out two of the chairs at the kitchen table and we both sit down.

"We haven't done much lately," I tell her, "but, yesterday we went looking for buried treasure." She listens while I tell her about that, but then I start to feel sad because I think about how much fun yesterday was with Guthrie, and we're probably never gonna have fun like that again.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

I tell her how different Guthrie's been and she listens to everything. She laughs when I tell her about giving Guthrie the exorcisms. Her laugh brings April over.

"What's so funny?" She asks. I stare at April. I don't know what to say. How do I tell her I thought Mike's ghost was inside Guthrie? I look at Laura.

"Heidi was just telling me a funny story about Guthrie," Laura tells her, and then she looks at me and winks. "Sit down April."

April sits down and I look at her. I don't know what to say to her until I remember what I've been hearing people say all day. "April? I'm sorry for your loss."

She smiles at me and says "thank you Heidi," very quietly. Her eyes look like they're starting to get watery and she looks like she's looking right through me. She looks a tiny bit sad when she says, "I always wanted a girl."

Laura puts her hand on April's arm and says, "I know you did."

"You could still have one," I tell April.

That seems to bring April out of her trance because she smiles and says, "oh, I don't know. It's been a long time since I've thought about having a baby."

"You're not _that_ old," I tell her. "What are you? Twenty? No wait, Isabella's twenty-three like Crane, so are you twenty-four or twenty-five? That's not too old to have a baby, is it?"

April laughs and so does Laura. "Heidi, you crack me up!" Laura says. "You're so funny all the time and the best thing about that is, you don't even know you're being funny!"

I stare at her and April says, "I don't think she knows what you're talking about Laura."

Isabella and Hannah come over and want to know what's so funny.

"Heidi," Laura says and then she stands up and says, "its good to see you again Hannah," and they hug.

"It's nice to see you too Laura," Hannah says. "I hear you're moving back to the area?"

April excuses herself to go say goodbye to someone that's leaving and Laura starts to tell Hannah all about her plans to move back home. I decide it's time to go see what Guthrie's doing. When I stand up, Hannah takes my seat and as I walk away I look back at the table at Isabella, Hannah and Laura. They're talking and laughing and they all three look so happy. I wonder if Hannah misses being around women since she lives in a house full of boys. I look at the three of them and smile. I bet they'd all have fun if they went on a double date, or I guess a triple date, with Adam, Brian and Crane.

"What are you smiling at?" Adam asks me.

I look up at him and say as I nod toward the kitchen, "them. Don't you think it'd be fun if you and Hannah went on a date with Crane and Isabella, and Brian and Laura?" When Adam doesn't answer I say, "you and Hannah should go out more. I bet she'd like that."

"I bet she would," Adam says.

"You should tell Brian to ask Laura out. I bet...,"

"Oh no you don't," Adam says. "You mind your own business and let the adults ask each other out."

"I didn't say _me_. I said _you_ should tell Brian to ask Laura out. And tell him to hurry up before that other cowboy asks her out."

"What cowboy?" Adam asks.

I point to the couch and say, "that cowboy." I look over at Greg. He's talking to an old lady sitting next to him on the couch. I stare at his sparkly eyes. He's smiling at the lady and he glances over at me and winks. I feel embarrassed so I look away.

"What's the matter with you?" Adam asks. "Are you feeling ok?"

I look up at him. "Yes. Why?"

He puts his hand on my forehead and says, "your mouth is open and your cheeks are pink." He puts his hand down and says, "you don't feel warm."

"I don't feel sick." I look back over at Greg and then back at Adam. "You'd better tell Brian to hurry up and ask Laura out because that man sitting over there on the couch, the cowboy named Greg, used to date Laura and I think he still likes her."

"Don't you worry about Brian."

"Ok, but Brian was pretty mad when he saw Greg talking to Laura. He even smashed his cup up."

"Brian can take care of himself Heidi."

"I know, but Laura's different."

"What do you mean?"

"She's different than the girls Brian goes out with. When you guys were in Reno and Brian was watching me and Guthrie I saw how Brian looked at Laura. He likes her a lot. He was really happy when she had dinner with us. She talked to me and Guthrie too. Usually Brian's dates ignore us. Laura didn't want to spend the night at our house either."

"What?" Adam asks.

"You know, like the other girls Brian had over. I asked her if she was spending the night like the other girls and she told me she doesn't do that."

"You asked her that?"

"Yep. Brian didn't ask her to spend the night though. I don't think he wanted her to."

"What makes you say that?"

"He looked at her differently than how he looks at other girls. I think he really liked her a lot. He smiled when she left and watched her drive away. All the way, like until he couldn't see her truck on the driveway anymore."

"If Brian wants to ask Laura out, he'll ask her out. In the meantime, don't worry about it."

"Ok, but he should really hurry up before Greg asks her out." I walk over to the stairs that lead downstairs and run down them. I stop on the second to the last step and look down at everyone. This is where all the kids and teenagers are. Everyone is happy down here. They're all watching a teenager play Space Invaders and cheering him on. I look for Guthrie and find him laying back in one of the Lazy-boy chairs. He's smiling and cheering too. When he sees me he calls me over.

I jump down the last few steps and run over to the chair. He scoots over to make room for me and I get on the chair and lean back too. I feel happy. This is the Guthrie I miss. The happy Guthrie that wants to do things with me. Maybe it was good for him to come here today.

I look around at all the kids down here. Maybe it's good for all of us. Maybe just for this moment it's ok to laugh and have fun and know that eventually everything's going to be ok. Everything will get back to normal. It will be a different kind of normal because Mike won't be there, but all of us will still have his memory with us. I smile as I think about Mike and how much fun I had here at his house with him. I can see his face in my mind as I remember him at the lake when he handed me the pretty purple flower.

I turn and look at Guthrie and smile. He looks at me and smiles back.

"Do you want to go adventuring with me tomorrow?" He asks.

"Yes! Where do you want to go?!"

"We could go bear hunting," he suggests.

"Ok!" But then I remember something and I feel sad. "I can't. I have to do all of Hannah's chores tomorrow to pay for the library book I ruined."

"I'll help you," he says.

"I don't think you're supposed to," I tell him sadly.

"We'll see. Maybe I could help you secretly!"

"You mean like being a secret spy? Only a spy that helps people instead of spying on them?"

"Yes!" He says. "When nobody's watching I could sweep or put the dishes away."

I laugh while I think about that. "Adam or whoever is going to supervise me could say, 'sweep that pile of dirt up in the living room Heidi,' and I could say, 'ok I'll do it', and you could be listening from behind a door or something and hear what he told me to do, and you could sweep up the dirt before we even come into the living room, so that when we walk in there's no more dirt. And I could say, 'see, I'm really good at sweeping.'"

Guthrie laughs and says, "that would be funny to see the look on Adam's face." Guthrie stares at me while he laughs and then he stops and smiles. "I missed you Heidi," he says.

"I missed you too Guthrie."

"Ok, let's think of a real plan for how I can help you do Hannah's chores without anyone knowing."

"Guthrie, what if Adam won't let me go exploring with you? What if he says I'm grounded for the whole day?"

"We'll come up with a plan for that too. Don't worry, we're good at coming up with plans."

"Ha!" I laugh because that's funny.

"I didn't say they were _good_ plans," he says.

There's a loud yell from the kids and Guthrie and I look at the tv screen. The screen is flashing, "game over!"

"You were so close!" Ford says.

"Yeah," Evan says. "You almost had it."

"It's your turn Guthrie," Ed says.

Guthrie looks at me and says, "do you want a turn?"

"No you take it. I'd rather watch you play, than for me play and lose in a few seconds."

Guthrie gets up to go sit on the floor in front of the tv where the game is. He picks up the controller and starts playing. I roll out of the chair and walk over to the couch where Daniel, Evan and Ford are sitting and sit with Daniel. He pulls me up onto his lap and we cheer Guthrie on as he plays the game. He's happy, and that makes me feel happy.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it even though most of it was sad. When I started writing this story there had been no deaths at our lakes and rivers or local swimming holes. But half way through the story there was one death and then a week or so later a teenager broke his neck diving into New Melones from the shore. It is always tragic when something like that happens. I don't place blame on the teenager, but instead feel sad that his life will be forever changed by this, and I hope his paralysis is only temporary as the doctors hope.**

**Another note about this story: when I was ten I went to my first (and as of today only) open casket service. It was for my best friend's twelve-year-old sister. I can still see her laying in her coffin, dressed in a fancy dress that she had never worn, looking like she was asleep. I remember having a hard time understanding how she looked like she was laying there asleep when she was really dead. I wanted to reach out and shake her to wake her up. The other part I could never understand as a child was, how could she died from the same flu all of us kids had? Why did we get better and she didn't? Hard stuff to deal with when you're a child.**

**Anyways, as always, thanks for reading. Thank you to those of you that leave reviews, I enjoy reading them and they help motivate me to write more.**


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